#birth #husband #delivery #motherhood #support #communication
When it comes to the birth of your child, it is completely natural to want the support and presence of your husband. However, considering the circumstances you have shared, it is important to prioritize your own well-being and comfort during this significant moment. Here are some tips on how to broach the subject of not having your husband in the room when you deliver, and how to navigate this sensitive conversation.
## Assess Your Feelings and Needs
First and foremost, take a moment to reflect on your feelings and needs regarding having your husband present during the delivery. Consider the level of support and comfort you anticipate needing, and how his presence may impact your overall experience.
## Communicate Openly and Honestly
Approaching this topic with your husband requires open and honest communication. Find a quiet and calm moment to express your thoughts and concerns. Use “I” statements to convey your feelings without placing blame. For example, you could say, “I feel anxious about giving birth with others in the room, and I believe I would be more comfortable if it were just the medical staff present.”
## Seek Support from Trusted Individuals
If you are hesitant about having your husband or mother in the delivery room, consider seeking support from other trusted individuals. This could be a close friend, a doula, or a healthcare provider who can offer emotional and physical support during labor.
## Set Boundaries
It is important to establish boundaries and prioritize your own well-being during this time. If you feel uncomfortable with certain individuals being present during the delivery, it is well within your rights to communicate this and set clear boundaries.
## Find Inner Strength and Resilience
In times of uncertainty and fear, it can be helpful to draw upon inner strength and resilience. Reflect on the teachings of Bhagavad Gita, which emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, courage, and faith in navigating life’s challenges. Trust in your own instincts and inner wisdom as you make decisions that align with your well-being.
## Embrace Self-Care and Positivity
Prioritize self-care and positivity as you prepare for the delivery of your child. Surround yourself with supportive and loving individuals, engage in relaxation techniques, and practice self-compassion. Remember that you are strong and capable, and that you deserve to experience this transformative moment with a sense of empowerment and peace.
In conclusion, it is entirely appropriate to express your wishes and boundaries regarding who is present during the delivery of your child. Approach the conversation with your husband with empathy and understanding, while prioritizing your own comfort and well-being. Trust in your own intuition and inner strength as you navigate this significant milestone in your life.
So sorry you’re having to deal with this. At first I was like what? Then I read your post and I think it’s completely acceptable to ask him not to be in the room.
It will be hard being alone, that’s for sure.
Sounds like your husband doesn’t want anything to do with you or your family. That’s a whole other issue you might need to think about and prioritize more. For someone who has told you to literally get rid of this baby, has no interests in appts or YOU, why would he want to be in the delivery room with you? You assume he wants to be there
As for your specific question about birth, you do realize your mom has seen you naked before? She brought you in to the world naked, she bathed you and cleaned you everyday until you could do it alone. She’s your mom, she’ll always be your mom and won’t think “ew my daughter is naked”, she’s going to want to support you any way you need it and not make the moment about her. I think it would be more awkward for a friend to see you naked.
Of course it’s appropriate – the focus is making you feel as comfortable as possible and supported, and if there is anyone not only not contributing to that but actively preventing that, they don’t belong there.
However, it sounds like that’s actually the least of your issues, and not really even the problem at hand here… what are your plans with this guy *after* the birth, given what’s been going on?
You’re asking the wrong question here.
The question should be, “how do I tell my husband that I’m divorcing him because he is a disrespectful, unfaithful asshole who acts like he hates me?” That inherently solves the delivery room issue because you can just tell him that he lost his husband privileges when he broke his vows.
I assume you’re staying together “for the kids,” and I’m here to tell you that doing that causes WAY more damage to children than a divorce. If your daughter’s future husband was treating her the way your husband treats you, would you be happy for her or concerned for her?
Not letting him into the room for this delivery should be the least of your worries, OP. It’s time serve this man with divorce papers.
I think you should be divorcing this asshole cheater. Sadly is just sounds like he wants nothing to do either you guys. As far as the question. Just tell him straight up. You don’t want him in the room because he doesn’t want this kid, is being super unsupportive of a child he helped create, and he’s hurting you. UPDATEME
What makes you think he’d want to be there?
Divorce him. Jesus.
I believe you can get a birthing Doula to come into the room with you and your doctor. She might be able to support and coach you more than your mother can but it might still be just as awkward.
Why are you staying he’s a cheater he’s not putting any effort into the relationship he’s not a good dad
You don’t have a husband. He checked out long ago. If anything, once the baby arrives, he’ll push for a divorce. If he can’t handle you with one kid, he’ll most definitely call it quits with 2 kids. I’m sorry, but you need to wake up.
You’d be better off giving birth alone than having an unsupportive person there. There are plenty of horror stories on the web if you need convincing.
You could hire the services of a doula, or if you have your mom present the nurses could put up a privacy curtain (they did for my sisters c section) so with her by your head she can’t see past your waist. I’d ask the hospital you plan to give birth at what accommodations they can make.
Unfortunately he’s behaving this way because he didn’t want this baby and very clearly voiced that. I’m not saying that he’s right or wrong, but for that reason it seems that he’s barely involved this time and isn’t supportive.
I feel like this child and the birth will destroy what’s left of the relationship, likely due to resentment. It might be worth bringing everything up with your husband. But it seems like he’s checked out.
Having a baby you know you can’t afford after your husband has repeatedly told you he doesn’t want and can’t afford another baby is a very very dumb thing to do, it’s not going to fix your broken relationship
Are you sure he’ll even want to be there because from the sounds of it, I don’t think you have to worry about it.
It would be good to have your mom there to speak for you if you can’t. At least in the waiting room.
It sounds like you need to think about life as a single mom after this. You’re practically living that way as it is.
What makes you think he wants to be in the delivery room. He has checked out of your marriage. Who is with you in the delivery room isn’t the issue. The issue is why are you pretending this is a marriage that is going forward ?
I realize that pregnancy hormones tend to screw with our heads. But you have a pretty short window of opportunity here to make sure your and your kids lives, post pregnancy is what you want it to be.
Jeez. OK, 1: Even if your relationship is perfect, the person giving birth has absolute power over who is and who is not in the room for it. That’s not the question
But 2: I get that giving birth is obviously a lōrg deal but from the wider perspective it just isn’t the problem. Your husband has made clear he doesn’t want a second child, and from how he’s acting he’s not very interested in the first kid or in you any more either. This dude openly resents you, and that’s not fair but you have to accept it. Only you can make this decision, but if I were you I’d be initiating divorce. It sounds like you’re going to be a single mom anyway, no need to also be looking after a whole adult too just because you once thought he’d be a husband and father he’s chosen not to be
You are 100% in charge of who can be in the room with you during your delivery. Delivery room nurses are amazing. You just need to let them know who is welcome and who isn’t, and they will take care of it.
Your mom can absolutely be in the room with you and *not* see you naked. She can stand by your head, hold your hand, comfort you, and not see anything you don’t want her to see. Again, just let the nurses know that this is your preference.
Your husband sounds like a selfish walnut, and you should kick him to the curb.
Maybe the bigger question to ask is whether you want to stay with your husband. If you don’t want him in the room, seems like a sign that you don’t want him in your life.
Speaking as a parent, your mom would more than likely feel honored to be there while you give birth. Think about all the things you do for your daughter and how you would want to be there for her in this same situation. You may feel uncomfortable because you’re grown now, but you will always be her baby
Basically, the thought of having her there might be weird now, but having your mom to hold your hand, naked or not, will be so much better than going through all this alone
You’re not only having a kid with a guy who doesn’t like you, but you’re fine with remaining married? What am I missing? Is he a millionaire?
I would recommend having this discussion with your doctor or a long-term nurse at the OB-GYN practice. They may know of someone who could be your coach and help during delivery. Same advice if you are using a doula. There have to be women who take on this role for moms who don’t have a partner. You absolutely need a detailed birth plan – what do and don’t want.
Personally, I don’t think he should be there. I fear he would upset you and not be your advocate. If you think seeing this baby arrive will soften his heart….maybe…but he sounds steadfast that he isn’t interested in this innocent baby. I agree with the others that you really need to make other living arrangements and prepare to be a single mom. This baby deserves all of the love in the world and not the neglect of a AH father. It will crush his/her spirit. You gotta stand up for your kids and yourself.
Everyone else is already talking about divorce and things like that, so I’ll skip that lecture. For now, this is what I suggest.
1. Reconnect with your doula and see if she will be your birth partner and advocate. You already know her, and she will be able to stand up for you.
2. Put together your birth plan that outlines who will be with you, who is allowed to be in the room, etc. Indicate that your husband will care for your daughter while you are in labor and in the hospital. Share this with your doctor, the doula, and the hospital.
3. Provide a copy to your husband as you get closer and let him know that you’ve arranged for someone else to be with you while you’re in labor and you’d like him to stay home and “care for our toddler.”
You can do this. You know that you don’t want him there, but you’re close to falling back on him because he’s comfortable and safe. Don’t do it because he’s not worth it. You can do this! 💗
Why are you still with him?
He doesn’t want to be in the delivery room. This is grounds for an immediate divorce. Can you have your mom, an aunt, friend, or doula in the room with you for support?
He doesn’t want the baby why would he want to be in the delivery room? You need to divorce him to save your self, toddler and baby. He will only resent that baby more every day!!! Is that what you want? Having to protect your child from a resentful and uncaring parent?!?
You don’t have to give birth naked. You can wear one or two hospital gowns (one on backwards to cover your backside when you’re walking). They unsnap at the shoulders, so there is no risk in an emergency. And, you can request that the hospital/birthing center use drapings (at your knees). Your mom can stand upwards of any drapings the hospital uses. She’s there for moral support, not a below-the-waist view. You can task your husband with staying home with the toddler. Good luck.
I’d rather be alone giving birth than have a cheating unsupportive husband who couldn’t care less about me or my baby.
When it gets closer just say he can look after your daughter while you give birth and he’s not needed.
Why are you even with this guy? Go live with your mom and get divorced. He cheated, lied, treats you like shit etc. him being in the delivery room is the least of your issues.
Something tells me it won’t be a problem.
Well, the likelihood is he wouldn’t want to be there anyway. Just tell him now. Ask your mom to be there with you. Your mum has seen you naked by the way lol, she’s given birth to you, changed your diapers, bathed you, etc. Plus it’s better to have someone more supportive than someone whose one feet out the door. I think he’s hanging on either he is not ready yet to move out (no $$) or he’ll wait until you give birth. Believe me, your ‘partner’ here sounds like a person who will serve you with a divorce paper when you’re in the hospital room in the middle of giving birth.
So far, based on what you wrote, he has acted very abominably against you, and you’re pregnant with his child. So yea, I don’t see him being caring/care to be there in the room.
I’m just sad reading this. I don’t understand why you guys do not split already. My guess is he’s not in love with you anymore and he’s likely going to mistreat or ignore (hopefully just ignore–if that’s an option for his future neglect) his second child. It’s always better to just coparent than living such an unhappy miserable married life like this.
At this point, what’s the point if having him in your life?
You don’t have to broach anything. You can tell your hospital staff you don’t feel comfortable with him in the room but that you don’t want him to know it’s your wish. They will make up a medical reason to keep him out. The number one priority during the delivery is momma and baby.
OP, in light of everything, do you really think your STBX even wants to be in the delivery room? If you do, I think you’re fooling yourself.
Your husband probably doesn’t want to be in the room. I wouldn’t even bring it up since he’s shown so much disregard for your pregnancy so far.
baby it’s appropriate for you to file for a divorce. that man does not love you, nor his family.
So what was his excuse for cheating?
I am almost *always* in the camp of fighting for the father to be in the room, and think it’s imperative for them to witness the birth of their child.
Not this time, though. He can kick rocks.
To fix your alone issue, maybe designate a midwife you trust.
You do NOT have to give birth alone. Find a doula who has a sliding scale fee or a student doula who needs observation hours. Use DoulaMatch or DONA
Don’t make babies with someone you don’t want in the delivery room, girl.