#MarriageIssues #HouseholdResponsibilities #CommunicationSkills
Hey there! Dealing with household responsibilities can sometimes be a tricky situation in a relationship, especially when one partner feels like they are carrying most of the load. It seems like our fellow Reddit user is facing a similar dilemma with her husband regarding the trash duty. Let’s break down the situation and offer some advice on how to handle such disagreements in a relationship.
### The Situation:
– Both partners work from home
– Wife takes care of cleaning, dishes, and pet care
– Husband’s only duty is to take out the trash
– Trash was left in front of the door overnight
– Wife asked husband to take out the trash in the morning
– Husband was taking his time, wife insisted he do it immediately
– Husband got upset that wife was pushing him
### Advice:
1. **Open Communication:** It’s important to have open and honest communication in a relationship. Express how you feel and listen to your partner’s perspective as well. Avoid passive-aggressive behaviors and address issues directly.
2. **Respecting Responsibilities:** Both partners should respect and fulfill their assigned responsibilities in the household. If one partner is consistently neglecting their duties, it can lead to resentment and tension in the relationship.
3. **Setting Boundaries:** It’s essential to set boundaries and expectations regarding household chores. Discuss and agree on a fair division of labor to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts in the future.
4. **Taking Initiative:** If a task needs to be done urgently, take the initiative to do it yourself instead of waiting for your partner. This can prevent unnecessary arguments and ensure that things are taken care of in a timely manner.
5. **Understanding and Patience:** Understand that everyone has different approaches to chores and responsibilities. Practice patience and empathy towards your partner’s habits and behaviors.
### Bhagavad Gita Wisdom:
In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna teaches the importance of performing one’s duties without attachment to the results. By focusing on fulfilling our responsibilities with dedication and sincerity, we can maintain balance and harmony in our relationships and daily life.
In conclusion, finding a balance in sharing household responsibilities and effectively communicating with your partner is essential for a healthy and harmonious relationship. Remember to approach disagreements with understanding, empathy, and a willingness to find mutual solutions. Let’s strive to create a peaceful and supportive environment in our homes. 🏡💕
Do you have any advice or insights to share on this topic? Feel free to join the discussion and offer your thoughts! #RelationshipAdvice #HealthyCommunication
You aren’t making him start his morning like this, he decided to do it in the morning.
Is he saying he lied?
Why did he think if stopped being his responsibility?
Why are you doing 99% of the work? What’s up with that? He’s a parasite, what’s the actual point of him?
He’s trying weaponized incompetence; he thinks if he holds out long enough, you’ll do it for him.
Are you treating him like a toddler? Yes. But is he acting like one? YES!
That said, there are chores to be done, but there should be some flexibility in that they don’t necessarily need to be done right now. He had all day to take it out and “forgot.” There are consequences to our actions. He should have taken it out first thing and then he could have played on his phone.
I get it – he’s tired. Maybe he had a long week at work. Maybe you did, too. There was likely a better way to handle this – for both of you – I just don’t have the words to suggest.
Clearly there is more going on here than the one time he didn’t take out the trash.
https://captainawkward.com/2013/08/22/506-507-it-is-2fucking0fucking1fucking3-so-why-is-it-so-hard-to-divide-up-household-chores/
yes u did !!
jesus !! was really gonna matter if now or 1h or even 2h later
Why are you acting like his mother? Doing the housework and reminding him to do his chores and then having to stand over him while he does them? It’s too much
Wow. Don’t have kids with this man. You will do all the childcare. All he has to do is take out the trash. What’s ridiculous is he put the bags by the front door when the trashcan is a few more steps away. Well unless you live in an apartment complex and have to take it to a dumpster, but still.
What does this guy bring to the table that makes doing 99% of the household work and putting up with his weaponized incompetence seem worthwhile?
Shit like this is why women get called “nags”. We should not have to ask the people that supposedly love us to help us with shit over and over again. Grown ass men should not have to be asked to do the one chore they’re responsible for, either. They should just DO it. I think the reason you’re frustrated is because you ARE doing the bulk of the stuff around the house, and yet he can’t do his one chore without being told to do it. That’s honestly pretty pathetic. Could you have waited? Sure. But he could have also taken out the trash without having to be reminded over and over.
Y’all need to get this shit figured out because your husband is acting like a petulant child who is mad at Mom instead of, you know, a PARTNER who you can rely on to help you out with stuff.
This has to be rage bait, right? Like, this can’t be a real situation a human being would put up with?
Nobody wants to start their morning like this, that’s why you suggested it last night.
Tell him he’s in charge of garbage. Period. Not in charge of walking it from the door to the trash, it’s entirely his responsibility entirely, and you won’t say anything when it overflows or the pets get into it or you live in filth.
You’re not his mom and you’re not the department of sanitation.
Don’t nag him and don’t do it for him.
Wait, taking out the trash is his *only* household responsibility and he won’t even do it unless you ask 20 times? Girl. What are you doing?
You know what? Since you’re already doing everything else around the house, taking out the trash might as well be your responsibility too. You can start right now with your husband since he’s trash and seriously stinking up your life.
First problem-his only chore is taking out the trash? Seriously OP?
ESH
Both of you are lazy, by your own admission. So, this is the bar of excellence for your relationship. Of course, he’s going to feed into that because you’re doing the same thing.
Both of you need to develop a routine and then stick to that routine. Apart from that, you need to have an even distribution of labor between both of you.
Otherwise, you can come to expect more of this, which is simply sad for two adults. I can’t even imagine what your children are going to be like if you decide to raise a family with examples like the both of you.
He ruined your peaceful evening AND morning. He should clean and air out the house too since he wanted to wait.
No,no, get a divorce
You are raising a child. You’re not wrong here, but he needs to start being an adult, and doing his half of the chores. You’re reinforcing the way he was raised, and if you ever have a child with him, you’re going to grow resentful and end up burning out. Force him to grow up instead of just taking out the trash
He ruined your morning first. Touché.
As a guy, I would say you were not out of line at all. Enough is enough.
Not an over reaction.
First of all, don’t have children with this man. If you do you will end up:
– Working full time
– Doing 100% of childcare
– Doing 100% of household mental load (the PLANNING of things that need to be done around the house)
– Doing 99% of the physical chores that need to be done around the house.
You need to stop this nonsense now.
Share these articles with him (and please read them yourself):
[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288)
[https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/)
Even if you don’t have children with him, you still are responsible for 100% of the mental load, because you still have to tell him, check if it was done, remind him when he “forgets”, waiting, checking again, remind him again, waiting again, remind him again… all for him to tell you that you’re “nagging” and “overreacting”.
He’s seriously disrespecting you, your time, your effort, and taking you for granted. He should not be in charge only of taking out the trash, to begin with. 50/50 is not always realistic but what you’re doing is 99/1 effort with all the effort on your part, and this is not sustainable. Believe me, if he refuses to seriously address this, you will grow to hate him with all your heart and soul, it happened to me, I left him (he was all Pikachu face when I did) and now I’m married to a wonderful partner that is on my team and doesn’t treat me like a servant.
He sounds like my ex i wasted 12 years of my life on. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? Is he an abject pit of misery too that makes every outing or event miserable and late to every function?
My ex husband would act this way about the same small, routine tasks that were but a fraction of what it takes to run a household. Every week it was an imposition for him to clean the litter boxes and take out the trash. I still ‘had to’ remind him and he bitched about it every week. He pulled the weaponized incompetence bs and “I was gonna…” and “I forgot” crap so often I just did it myself. Never mind I was the one doing everything else. When a host of other issues snowballed and ended the marriage, I told him that by not participating in our relationship he showed me that I’d be just fine on my own, taking care of myself. Cue the shocked Pikachu face.
Now I am engaged to a real adult who understands that we both live here and we both take care of things and that I’m not his mommy. My partner cleans the bathroom, cleans all of the floors, takes out trash, and splits cooking and dish duty equally. We also split grocery shopping, meal prep, house maintenance, caring for our dog, and yard work. I handle dusting and laundry. Our house stays clean, I never have to get on him about tasks, and it’s one less thing to worry about.
DO NOT have kids with his useless ass. Why are you doing everything? This is an absolutely nuts and harmful dynamic. He’s not your child. This will kill your relationship.
It’s best not to procreate with children.
You’re dating a child… how do you fuck him? Seriously, I have the ick for you.
I’m talking to your edit.
This man receives your legitimate expectation that he clean up the space he lives in and makes messy as “you’re being like my mother” and that is STOPPING you?
Girl! What is going on in your marriage? Are you married to a grown man or a teenager? If you thought your edit made anything look better, I’m sorry but no. You now look even more like a doormat raising a permanent child.
You do all the cleaning, all the cooking, all the mental labor. You have to manage him to take out stinking garbage before cockroaches showed up in your hallway.
He’s not great. Buying groceries so he can eat food you cook, planning fun adventures, and being good around cute animals are not accomplishments worthy of praise, are you kidding me?!? That’s your defense list? GIRL!
If he wanted a peaceful morning, he could have just taken it out the night before. Which you reminded him of at the time. Twice.
Don’t reward weaponized incompetence. Call him on his bullshit each and every time.
why would you consider having kids when you already have one?
Are you doing the laundry and cooking too?
You didn’t ruin his peaceful morning he did.
I’ll let all the women in the comment section know a secret. It’s because you never take it out. That’s it. It’s never equal distribution of labor because you never think about the things that you don’t do, you only think about the things that you do
If he wanted a peaceful morning, he should have done it the night before. He needs to grow up, your husband is a child
Even after the update it’s very difficult not to see this man as a pathetic waste of space… I am so glad I’m single omg. I could never.
The bar isn’t just low, it’s in fucking hell. Jesus.
So if the roles where reversed. If you would do exactly what your husband is doing and he would do everything around the household and in your marriage you do; would you feel proud of yourself? Would you call yourself an amazing wife?
If not, why do you call him an amazing husband for not even doing the bare minimum?
I see a divorce in your future.
you let him leave it by the door all night? that is DISGUSTING unless you like roaches. why did you marry this fool? sounds like youre the maid. the update is just sad
girl your update saying everything he does 😭 you say he does groceries for 2 of them… the bar is so low