Struggling with criticism of your decade-old technique? Learn how to improve and adapt! 🔍💡
Are you facing criticism about your long-standing technique? Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us! It’s essential to welcome feedback and use it as a tool for growth and improvement. Here’s a guide to help you navigate through this situation:
Receiving Feedback:
– Listen actively and with an open mind
– Ask for specific examples or suggestions
– Thank the individual for their input
Self-Assessment:
– Reflect on your current technique objectively
– Identify areas that may need improvement
– Explore new methods or approaches
Seeking Help:
– Consult with a mentor or coach
– Take a class or workshop to refine your skills
– Practice consistently to implement changes
Embracing Growth:
– Understand that change is part of progress
– Be patient with yourself during the learning process
– Stay committed to honing your craft
Remember, feedback is a valuable tool for personal and professional development. Embrace the opportunity to enhance your technique and elevate your skills to new heights! 🚀 #TechniqueFeedback #SkillImprovement #ConstructiveCriticism #PersonalGrowth #ProfessionalDevelopment
Feels like she’s got other stuff going on and she’s taking it out in that situation tbh she needs to be communicative
First I know this can be devastating to have a revelation like this after a long time and I know this news can be tough to hear. I would encourage you to take this as an opportunity to learn about your partner and get her to TALK to you about her needs and desires, tell her you are committed to her and the relationship.
As you know things can change for all of us after a long term relationship, including you. Look at this as a positive and focus trying to adjust your approach. In my view, the key to long term relationships is falling in love over and over again with the same person. Good luck, I think you have this…
Do you think you can say to a girl “hey you suck dick wrong”? People are afraid to say their partner do things wrong. At some moment, the time becomes an additional reason to not say it. It can drag for years.
> It makes me feel terrible and like she doesn’t trust me or something
If you want to feel bad about it please do but I think you should be rather glad she told it.
It may be interesting why did she say it now but I wouldn’t dig too far. She may have read something.
Probably just recently, after 20(!) years of marriage did make some notes of how to please her better. I don’t really remember feeling anything about it.
Fail too see the issue. Finger fuck her too the moon. Clearly she is into it. Why not give it? Beside she is not totally wrong. Getting her wet by touching on the outside as little as possible just to fill her up when she is wet enough. Seems logical enough.
You were the one saying she isn’t the talkative type. And the first time she does it in a decade it ruins your world? Calm your tits. Maybe look up some tantra. Something tells me that is her thing. Or at least that’s how you make it sound.
Have fun!
feedback is a gift
It’s the worst when she won’t tell you what she really wants. My wife is very closed off sexually tell, tells me nothing. I have to guess.
I think another user on here is right and there’s other things going on in her head.
I had a relationship once where I was getting a lot of the same. “This is wrong, that doesn’t feel good, wrong spot, this isn’t working”. Now I know I didn’t forget how to do the sex practically overnight and we used to have hours of really great sex, so it was very concerning.
Turns out, after a lot of talking about it we had other issues under the surface that were getting in the way of her emotionally connecting with me, and therefore making it harder to be turned on by what we were doing. And guess what? The brain if sufficiently flooded with chemicals from being turned on can get off to just about anything. The opposite is also true.
So it’s probably either
1- your technique is fine, there’s a mental block for her. Answer: talk about it
2- your technique was never on point, but she was so turned on by being with you it didn’t mattner. Now that she’s got other things in her head or maybe things have gotten a little too repetitive what you’re doing isn’t cutting it. Answer: talk about it
I give that monster about tree fitty
There could be lot of reasons why it came now and not before. Her body can have changed, her mind, or maybe she just read a book or a friend told her to be more communicative. I would not be worried about that, it’s nice to get feedback now. Hope things will get better.
Now would be great time to put “fix it” mode away, and start listening way more. She has something on her mind that can’t quite get out. Could be fear, intimacy, not wanting to acknowledge something about herself- who that fuck knows. All that is known is there is something that needs to be talked about that she needs to lead on.
Listen. Reassure. Encourage. Anything to get her to open up. Then shut the fuck up and listen.
Well, let her show what she got. Give a benefit of doubt. Maybe she’s right or not. Always have an open mind.
My dude , where is the communication?
How do y’all go 10 years of not communicating exactly what each likes in the moment
To the women reading this, communicate with your partner. Tell them what works and what doesn’t, sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable for both people, not a chore. Guys, don’t be bashful about makes you feel good and constantly listen to the cues your partner gives. The horizontal tango isn’t a simple dance, it takes finesse and passion.
I just can’t believe y’all don’t have an actual conversation and she’s just throwing a tantrum without communicating anything specific.
She may have a guy on the side. She is telling you to do it the way he does and can “justify” anger to herself by saying you don’t do it like him. It also “proves” to her that you are the wrong guy and he is the right guy.
I have this same issue with my wife. Where in the middle of an act she’ll just tell me she doesn’t like it or it gives her “the ick.” Been doing this shit for 8 years and NOW you tell me. I’ve asked her so many times what she likes and doesn’t like.
Politely, calmly and respectfully have a conversation with her about this lack of communication.
You should try playing Cbat.
My guess? It was well and good at first and she enjoyed it, but if that’s your main move with no variety, she probably feels frustrated after ten years of it. She might feel like she already knows exactly what is going to happen before you even start having sex. She might want to feel surprised (though she does need to be more communicative of this).
When you’ve asked her to tell you what she wants in the past, was it while sex was happening, or was it during a neutral time? If it was during sex, there is nothing less sexy than trying to art direct your partner’s every move. I might try having a discussion during a relaxed time where sex is not on the table, and maybe start by asking something like “You know, I’ve been wanting to try new things with you in bed, but am not sure what you’d like. Do you have any fantasies or things you’d like to try? I want to make sure I introduce things you’ve comfortable with/would like.” Also share things you would like to try too!
If all else fails, you could also Google different moves/techniques. If there’s a “routine” you always do when you are initiating, change it up! You’ve never embraced her from behind and kissed her neck? You’ve never kissed her against a wall? Maybe try it! My husband and I have gotten fun stuff/positions/etc. from the Internet/Instagram (NOT from porn though).
Sometimes even just changing where you have sex can add something to it. It’s exciting to get ravaged on top of the dryer! It adds a sense of urgency/I need you now. She may have other stuff going on of course, but I suspect she may feel the same as you since you said that things have been lackluster lately.
I definitely would not take this as “she had never liked this and is just now telling me!” though!! Good luck!
ETA this is definitely something both of you have to address. I’m not trying to say this is all you, in case it came off that way! Hopefully opening up a line of communication can help both of you talk about it.
I’ve told my wife to use her words cuz I can’t read minds.
She’s clearly frustrated but not communicating. She’s expecting you to just “know,” and then getting mad that you aren’t reading her mind/body language.
She needs to talk, and you need to be more in tune with your wife.
That’s rough dude I’m sorry. Try talking outside of the situation with her about it. Ask why she hasn’t brought it up sooner. Sometimes hormones change and it’s like you are with a totally different partner.
Listen
It’s rarely to do with physical or the act itself.
You’re not stimulating her mentally. Be more flirtatious, make fun of her, tell her to go make you some dinner steaks .
Etc. date and court your woman again.
Pouting because you got some feedback isn’t smart. You’re just telling her that you can’t handle feedback and so the sex won’t improve
I assume she rolled over and shut it down after you got annoyed about the feedback
What a terrible attitude to have toward a partner that is trying to please you. She may have things going on in her mind, ok, but still does not excuse her behaving this poorly and still not apologizing days later.
This is the kind of attitude that drives guys to prefer porn, alone, no pressure and going at their own pace (no disappointment).
This isn’t entirely a you problem. Maybe your technique is off. Okay, fair enough. But there’s a sensitive and charitable way to bring that to your attention. And your wife seems to have pretty much no interest in being sensitive or charitable.
My experience has always been that when a woman is into me, she enjoys basically anything I do. In extreme cases, literally all I had to do was be in bed with her and she was already halfway to the finish line. I experienced this with two separate girls.
Conversely, when she’s losing interest in me, I can do no right, my technique sucks, I’m going too fast, too slow, too hard, too gentle, too this, too that, too whatever, nvm I’ve got a headache anyway.
Yes, her negative attitude impacted the relationship in a negative way. All I wanted to do was pleasure her and she turned into a pill about it. Because she was losing interest in me for whatever reason.
And what you’ve described sounds fairly similar to that.
It seems she could have found a better way to deliver the message. Maybe her tastes have changed. But if she’s been over there giving you positive feedback for ten years and then suddenly tells you it’s bad, that’s her problem, not yours.
I had an experience like this that went on for a few years turned out there was a major issue ( she was taken advantage of by a close friend while I was in jail then lied about it .we had always had an excellent sex life then if got to the point where we did not at all )that she had been keeping from me she finally broke down & told me about it . It was not fun . We did work through it . Still very happily married for 12 years now . Trust your gut . Be as understanding as possible everyone makes mistakes , myself included.
Edit to add what the issue was
I think u should eat that shit like dog food and give ur wife the finger she wants that’s the only way to save this relationship
She likes the way someone else is doing it better or she is thinking about that.
Accept that different people are different and you’re not a mind reader. Plenty of women appreciate external stimulus, there is nothing inherently wrong with your technique. It’s just wrong for your wife, but you would have no way of knowing that unless she told you, which she didn’t until just now.
Well she sort of brought this on her self…it’s the sort of thing you mention THE FIRST TIME not the 3000th time 🤦There was a time I would have been upset…but now I accept I can’t really take on the responsibility of things never expressed by the other party.
Also side note: playful, sexy and positive encouragement and direction is very positive in bed. Negative feedback and criticism not very sexy nor encouraging. In this case childish pouting…is just to much for me, sorry but she isn’t being reasonable at all. She may be frustrated but that doesn’t give her a free pass to be a “jerk”.
In this case I would like key ask myself if she has been seeing someone else on the side. Because it’s weird that it’s bubbling up after sooooooooooooooo long…why is she flying in just now?
So not only are you supposed to be a mind reader but it’s up to you to solve every problem in the bedroom, while she does what?
IMO it kinda sounds like an excuse
The worst part is that she cops attitude the first time you get direct feedback in 10-years. Fuck that. Tell her to take all the time she needs to build up the courage to express herself in a respectful way. Until then, give her space. Don’t wallk into another sucker punch.
Yea she definitely was failing to communicate for a long time and that is on her. Her reaction was not handled well either; like others said, she probably has other things going on emotionally that may not even be related to you.
That being said, I would just use it to your advantage now. It stings. No man wants to feel that. But you are not a mind reader. 10 other girls may have loved the way you were doing it. You probably do it that way because other girls DID honestly respond positively. (My girl sure likes fingers on the outside). Hell, your wife may have even liked it that way before.
She finally came clean about how she likes it now, though. Very understandable to have the feelings you do, but no point in dwelling on spilt milk. I’d have a conversation about how bad that made you feel and that you want to avoid that for both of you from now on. Spin it in a positive way that you never want either of you to withhold something like that and find ways to improve (her) communication.
This experience may have sucked but it could very well be a door that has opened to a whole new world of sexual bliss for you guys once she realizes she has an eager lover that will respond to her input when she finally gives it.
Depends, is that with the same woman… coz if not, all chicks are different you need to adjust to what works for each of them of you give even a remote bit of a shit about them. And tbh even if its the same chick just ask her what you need to do differently.
At the end of it all as long as you both have a good time what is the issue wirh making adjustments.
If youre having trouble being told your doing it wrong. You need to grow up and realize no one is the sex machine they claim to be.