#ThaiCulture #MarriageDowry #CrossCulturalRelationships #LoveAndMoney
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the person you love comes with a hefty price tag attached? Well, for one Reddit user, this scenario became a reality when his Thai girlfriend’s mother demanded a staggering 17000$ dowry for their marriage. Is this fair, you may ask? Let’s dive into the complexities of this cross-cultural relationship dilemma and explore the various aspects at play.
## The Situation Explained 🤔
Recently, a Reddit user shared his perplexing predicament of being asked to pay a substantial amount of money by his Thai girlfriend’s mother as a precondition for marrying her. This demand has raised questions about fairness, cultural norms, and the dynamics of love and money in relationships.
1. **Cultural Expectations**: In Thai culture, the concept of a dowry is not uncommon. It is seen as a symbol of respect for the bride’s family and a way to ensure the groom’s commitment and ability to provide for the bride.
2. **Financial Burden**: While the average dowry amount for a Thai bride ranges from 2000$ to 3000$, the requested sum of 17000$ seems exorbitant. The implications of such a significant financial commitment can strain the relationship and raise concerns about mutual trust and expectations.
3. **Loyalty Test**: The girlfriend’s mother’s rationale for requesting such a high dowry includes using it as a loyalty test to ensure the Reddit user’s genuine love and commitment. This adds a layer of complexity to the situation, as trust becomes a key factor in the relationship.
## Seeking Clarity and Perspective 🧐
In navigating this challenging situation, it is essential to consider various perspectives and seek advice that can shed light on the cultural nuances at play. Drawing from timeless wisdom and principles, such as those found in the Bhagavad Gita, can offer valuable guidance in times of confusion and doubt.
1. **Selflessness and Love**: The Bhagavad Gita emphasizes the importance of selfless actions and unconditional love. By approaching the situation with compassion, understanding, and a genuine desire to build a harmonious relationship, one can navigate the complexities of cultural differences and financial expectations.
2. **Communication and Understanding**: Open and honest communication is key to resolving conflicts and addressing misunderstandings. By engaging in respectful dialogue with all parties involved, including the girlfriend, her mother, and other family members, clarity can be achieved, and mutual respect can be fostered.
3. **Mutual Respect and Empathy**: Building a strong foundation of mutual respect, empathy, and trust is essential in any relationship. By acknowledging and appreciating each other’s perspectives, values, and cultural backgrounds, a deeper connection can be established, transcending differences and forging a path towards mutual understanding and growth.
## Conclusion 🌟
In conclusion, the Reddit user’s dilemma of being asked to pay a significant dowry by his Thai girlfriend’s mother raises thought-provoking questions about love, money, cultural expectations, and trust in relationships. By approaching the situation with empathy, communication, and a willingness to understand and respect each other’s values and perspectives, a harmonious resolution can be achieved.
Ultimately, the path to a successful and fulfilling relationship lies in embracing love as the guiding force, transcending material concerns, and building a strong foundation of trust, respect, and understanding. As the complexities of cross-cultural relationships continue to shape our experiences and interactions, may we find guidance in timeless wisdom and principles that illuminate the path towards harmony, unity, and love.
Run bro run.
Are you serious? Lol 😆
Her sinsod (dowry in Thai) should be zero. The mother, with your girl’s help, is trying to screw you over. Probably the money would pay for granny to look after your girl’s kids from a deadbeat Thai father. Because chances are she DOES have kids.
You already escaped back to Japan. That is step one. Step two is stop sending money. IF she doesn’t pitch a fit or threaten dire consequences, I would be shocked.
It’s an old and popular scam in Thailand.
No. Big scam
You have security and resources. Go find someone that values you and doesn’t play games.
Stop sending her money.
You sound like a sugar daddy, not someone dating her.
You sound gross, pay the money or leave this family alone. You basically don’t know this woman, and effectively have picked up a mail order bride. This woman likely supports her family and without her contribution they’re destitute.
Run, this doesn’t end well bro
A 2 month relationship and they want $17K, run now!
Tell her you’ll pay for the wedding, and put the rest in escrow and if you are still married in a year she can have it.
Either she thinks a lot of her daughter and is trying to protect her, or this is a scam.
Stop thinking with your cock. You’re getting played.
She’s not interested in you, she doesn’t like you, they just want to take your money.
Stop being a passport creep, work on yourself and find someone who isn’t from a poor country.
lol this can’t be real…I refuse to believe people are this gullible…
I was with you until you said that her mother should thank you for marrying her 35 yo daughter who worked in a weed shop. That’s so gross.
wtf are you doing bro
Dowry is a heinous punishable crime in many countries. You should offer to pay for any wedding expenses (and your bride should also contribute in her capacity). You should not offer any other money. I am sure there are laws in Japan that will take care of the rest of money arrangements once you are married.
In my personal opinion, coming from a poor country myself, I think the mother is trying to milk you. It is a prevalent culture in Thailand to aspire for a rich foreigner and get married. The girls struggle so much to feed their family and the ultimate goal is to marry a rich guy and fix everything. This is a generalisation and only applies to 90% of the cases, but be careful that you don’t marry a person who has intentions to get married for the sake of money.
If you want a perspective of a girl from a third world country (I’m from the Philippines, working a stable
job) currently engaged to a white guy, here you go.
1. These are all stereotype, it’s just that kind of judgement from the get-go that we’re after the money and a better life. It’s not fair, sure, but it’s more of a reason to reassure you of what’s really the catch. While this is NOT the case for all, I personally made it clear and made sure my guy never had to worry or doubt that I’m after the money. Have she done anything to atleast stop her parents from their crazy demands? or does she just agree with them that you must pay to get married?
2. Does she give back all the ‘help’ you’ve given her? Not just financially but other aspects of the relationship (other than sex). I mean seems to me if she feels entitled that she’s worth $17K to marry, what about you? How much would you cost for her? 🤷🏽♀️
3. Isn’t it alarming that she was fine working away from the family, earning and sustaining her own, UNTIL someone is willing to financially support her? (There’s nothing wrong with providing and helping her out, but atleast don’t be blinded about it)
4. $17K to marry a girl, it doesn’t matter where she’s from, it doesn’t matter what kind of circumstances really. It just doesn’t make sense. She’s a FULL GROWN adult and she can make her own decisions. If she’s part of the decision to scam you $17K, is that really love tho?
5. If she’s agreeing to her parents now, what makes you think it’ll be different once you two are married? The demands will be crazier istg.
6. I’m from a poor country, I swear families here (mostly, not all) just assume a foreigner = good money and if the same principle resonates with her, it will always be like that.
If you want a mail-order bride, then yes, you need to pay for her.
i honestly think the timeline of meeting her is concerning. only spending two months together isn’t a lot of time to know a person. my advice is to try and step outside the rose colored glasses because you are in the honeymoon stage.
your relationship with her is a leap of faith, and by your responses i do believe you want to be with her. i just hope you have all the answers that you’re choosing the right partner for yourself. ask yourself these questions: do you know her past? has she had previous relationships? how do you guys communicate? do you trust her, and does she trust you? is there jealousy? do you feel controlled? can you guys compromise?
as for the dowry.. don’t get walked over. set the standard as to what you’re bringing to the table. which is financially supporting their daughter for a better life. 17,000 usd is beyond ridiculous, if their culture is tied into using you for their generational gain you should run. it is not a loyalty check to send that much money because the loyalty check is vowing to be with that person for the rest of your life.
$300 is beyond generous and i applaud you for taking that on for your partner that you care about. if that isn’t appreciated and doesn’t show where your loyalty is i think you should really give yourself some time to think if this is what you really want. to add to that please think about the argument you had about the dowry. if there is no compromise or boundaries it won’t matter how much money you’ll make. hypotheticals and all.. what happens when your future wife asks for more money for her family because they know you’ll always provide. don’t let her guilt trip you into opening your bank account because it’s a testament to your relationship.
anywayss.. food for thought. best of luck, truly! 🙂
This is a scam at best, human trafficking at worst (as in her mom is trying to sell her daughter to you).
Disengage and never contact them again.
> “she presented me with her parents by videocall and after we had a brief talk, with my girlfriend translating, her mother said me that for her was difficult to let her only daughter leave for Japan.”
It’s a classic emotional manipulation, ain’t it? Using guilt and a sob story to set the stage for a big ask. How does it feel to be primed like that?
> “my girlfriend told me that her mother would have asked 17000 USD fee to allow me marry her.”
Holy fuck, that’s a massive amount of cash! You sure it’s not a scam? Is love really about draining your bank account?
> “I knew in Thailand they have this kind of dowry fee and doing some research I discovered that the average for a normal girl is 2-3000 USD.”
So, you’re being asked to pay over five times the average dowry? Doesn’t that smell like bullshit to you?
> “my girlfriend is already 35 (same my age btw), and she is belonging to a modest family in countryside.”
Then why the hell are they charging you like she’s a damn royal princess? Does this make any logical sense to you?
> “the money is intended to be used for marriage celebration and so on, adding that that money would be also a loyalty check to make sure I really love her.”
A “loyalty check”? That’s the biggest load of horseshit I’ve heard! Since when does true love require a financial litmus test?
> “I am constantly sending her 300 dollars a month.”
And you’re already financially supporting her! Why the fuck aren’t they grateful for that?
> “I strongly believe her mother should thanks me for my will to marry a already 35 yo women working for a weed shop!!”
Exactly, you’re not dealing with high Thai society here. Why should you be treated like an ATM?
Don’t you think it’s time to step back and ask yourself: Is this relationship built on love or on financial transactions? What does your gut tell you about this whole damn situation?
I would have stopped communicating and waited for the number to drop. But then, I wouldn’t be considering marrying this person in the first place.
So let’s reiterate this. You came to Thailand, spent two months with a girl, popped the question, and now you’re acting surprised that marriage comes with strings attached.
First off, you seem to think that because the girl is 35, you’re doing her a huge favor by considering marriage. Newsflash, you’re not. Also, the $300 you’re sending her isn’t as generous as you think. You’d easily spend that on dates monthly if you were dating an American girl.
I don’t see any problem with the mom wanting to ensure you’re serious about her daughter by asking for a hefty dowry. Presumably, you want to whisk her away from her culture to the US, leaving her dependent on you until she can find her footing in a foreign land. The mom’s being savvy; she’s making sure her daughter is taken care of, just in case things don’t work out. And if you refuse to pay the dowry, well, you’re only proving to everyone involved that you don’t truly value her as much as you claim.
It’s your call, dude.
Fair? HELL NO! Scam, YES!! Stop sending money and stop this whole relationship! They’re scamming you and using you. BOTH!
Umm.
If you look down on her already, why marry her? Are you a passport husband to be, looking for a submissive wife from a poor country? Disgusting. We need a truck-kun for people like you.
Check if Thailand has a dowry system, if you don’t like it, leave.
Your gf most likely have a 18 year old daughter buy her for 10 k
The women that are divorcing after marrying the farang, are (not all) the one’s that reached what they wanted: citizenship, good job, money ect.
And this is not specific for asians, it happened all over the world.
Your gf’s tamily is greedy and I would rethink the marriage or giving them the money.
its a typical Thai Girl Scam. Look up Youtube.. quite a lot of examples. Search “Thai Girl Scam”
You are welcome.
As a Thai person, I want to tell you that Sinsod (Downry) is very outdate now. People will do it as tradition, usually the groom family pay the bride family whatever both parties agree upon, it is negotiation. However, nowadays we do it as formality, some families will give all that back to the groom and bride, some will just give back to groom family.
For your situation it is too much, their family probably see you as rich foreigner and want your money. They will keep asking for more and more in the future from the girl and she will probably ask you for more to send back to the family because as Thai tradition the children will look after their family if they have money even if they have to sacrifice some of their happiness.
Why would you choose To propose to someone you barely know? You’ve promised her marriage and a new life in a different country without knowing anything about her culture. And you’re now annoyed about their ‘rules’….
Let her go, apologise and move on
I agree but I find it REALLY weird for you to say « she should be grateful that I marry her daughter » lmao didn’t you just say that you’re the same age ???? A really weird and disturbing way of thinking
Hahaha, wow bud, you’re not smart, huh?
Based on your responses, you clearly have no desire to leave this girl.
Just send the money already and do your marriage.
Hi, I’m Thai/Lao. You’re getting scammed. Ever heard of passport bros? That’s who you are to them. While this is how “things are done” in the culture. They are upping the ante to extort you. And it’s working.
All parties involved sound like they have their issues to work on. You shouldn’t have to pay for your relationship but there is also a clear power imbalance which I feel like you’re not fully addressing and no, her mom does not have to be „grateful“ for you „willing“ to marry someone your own age with a job you look down upon. Do you actually love this woman? Why do you think so lowly of her?