#RelationshipAdvice #RentConflict #FinancialResponsibility
Are You the Asshole?
Dating for 2 years, you and your girlfriend have encountered a common relationship roadblock – finances. Your girlfriend, who is starting residency with a hefty $290k debt and an annual income of $0, is feeling the financial pressure. On the other hand, you have recently landed a higher-paying job that significantly boosts your income. The two of you are planning to move across the country for her program, and that’s where the conflict arises.
Understanding Her Perspective
It’s important to empathize with your girlfriend’s financial situation. With a massive student loan burden of $290k at a staggering 7% interest rate, her stress is understandable. As she embarks on her journey as a resident, the financial burden she carries can feel overwhelming. It’s crucial to acknowledge her struggles and fears about the future.
Expressing Your Concerns
On the other hand, your recent career advancement has led to a significant increase in your salary from $55k to $180k per year. With this newfound financial stability, it’s only natural for you to suggest a rent-sharing arrangement that reflects your respective incomes. You proposed that she pays $500 of the $3000 monthly rent, while you cover the remaining $2500. However, your girlfriend believes that you should foot the entire bill as a gesture of commitment and financial support.
Finding Common Ground
In addressing this dilemma, open and honest communication is key. It’s essential to have a calm and respectful conversation with your girlfriend about your financial expectations and concerns. Express your willingness to explore alternative rent-sharing arrangements that consider both of your financial situations.
Practical Solutions
1. **Financial Transparency**: Share your financial details openly and discuss how you can both contribute to shared expenses.
2. **Budget Planning**: Create a budget together that outlines your expected expenses and individual contributions towards rent and other essentials.
3. **Compromise**: Explore compromise options that take into account both of your financial capacities and aspirations.
4. **Long-Term Financial Goals**: Discuss your long-term financial goals as a couple and how different rent-sharing arrangements can align with them.
In Conclusion
Navigating financial conflicts in a relationship requires empathy, understanding, and compromise. While it’s natural to have differing perspectives on financial matters, it’s essential to communicate openly and find common ground. By approaching this situation with respect and a willingness to compromise, you can work towards a mutually satisfactory arrangement that reflects both of your financial realities.
Remember, you’re not the only couple facing such challenges. Your willingness to address the issue and seek solutions speaks volumes about your commitment to the relationship. As you navigate this rough patch, keep the lines of communication open and approach the situation with empathy and understanding. You’ve got this! 💪🏼🌟
NTA
> Dating for 2 years.
> I should pay the entire rent in an effort to “woo” her.
Lol, it’s about two years too late for that.
> She thinks it’s a sign that I’m not willing to commit to her / provide for her financially.
Pssh, why would you? You two are both professionals.
This is some tradwife bullshit.
Your money is our money, and my money is my money.
Beware.
I would not be surprised once she finishes her residency, she dumps you.
Want to see if she is committed? Ask her to marry you with a long engagement.
NTA.
NTA
She wants you to, in effect, pay to “woo” her?
Demands like that are very likely to get bigger and more ridiculous.
You might want to consider whether your relationship is romantic or business.
NTA. You’re already moving across the country for her…yet she needs more from you? Giving you crap about wooing and commitment…again…moving cross country over here lady!! Might want to rethink that. She sounds like she’s using you as a comfort thing since she’s also moving cross country and to support her as long as she needs it. Then, she may ditch you. You’re not wrong for expecting some contributions. Ask her once she’s a doctor and debt paid off, she’ll totally start paying you back right? No, she won’t. Ask her where else in the WORLD does she think she can live comfortably for 500 a month. Tell her if she thinks that’s a lot, hold onto your hat…what would she do if you don’t go at all? Cue meltdown and more name calling
NTA. She’s a mooch. This is a sign that…she’s a mooch.
Nta the ‘woo’ part after 2 years of dating is ironic. You said you found a new job but now moving the states for her, will you work online? Or look for a new job again?
NTA and you should run.
You’re already uprooting your life to move for her, and she’s not such a great prize that she deserves bonus financial wooing on top of it.
Make her pay. I was in a similar situation about 15 years ago and she dumped me the second she became a doctor so she could “upgrade”
NTA
Bro run. You got a great paying job. You don’t need to stick around someone like that.
NTA. You don’t have to move. If she doesn’t like the $500 idea tell her to have fun across the country.
NTA.
Also, I’m dying to know what job took you from 55k to 180k.
NTA.
You are being very generous only having her pay for like a sixth of the rent. I would have done 50/50 or bust.
This isn’t paying for a date, this is living together. She needs to make a financial commitment if she wants to share her life with you.
Maintain your stance and say that if she doesn’t contribute to rent then you will simply keep loving by yourself.
NTA from my first read of this situation. Aren’t the loans used for her living expenses while she goes to school? And don’t you get paid a bit of salary during residency as well? 500 a month is really not that much for rent, especially for the kind of place that goes for 3000. And she’ll be making more than enough after she finishes residency to pay the loan off. Unless you guys have a deal where she does all the domestic work and cooking, which I doubt since medical students have insane workloads, I feel like she’s acting really entitled, especially considering that you’re moving across the country for her.
NTA
She’s a future doctor with a Tiktok relationship mentality.
Man to man. She’s not the one bro. Get out.
Don’t move with her, she can move there herself and pay the rent all by her lonesom. She’s using you for your money. Dump her and find someone else who wants a real psrtnership; not a sugar daddy.
NTA… the biggest reason is that you are not married and I’m guessing you have separate accounts.
If you were married and your accounts were joined – then only it might be OK to pool your money into one pot and create a budget that you both follow for the benefit of your family.
However even marriages fall apart – and maybe all you have done with your savings is to pay off her debts.
It is better she pay off her debts while contributing something towards your joint expenses. Your offer was very generous.
Time to move on. It won’t get better. If she was a partner then it would have been a conversation about other arrangements due to her upcoming commitments. She called you an asshole and said you should woo her. There’s your truth.
I think she should get her own place.
Ask her what she’s doing to woo you.
I used to have a girlfriend like that. Big disparity in income and much entitlement on her end. In the same situation now financially, but with a girl who pulls her part for house and food bills. In the end this makes me more generous towards her because she isn’t trying to milk me for every penny. I hope you will end up with a similar outcome. Life is just better this way.
NTA. It sounds like she’s using you to have a nice home. Assuming she’s also not paying for food, utilities, entertainment? You’re moving across the country for her and she still thinks you’re not committed?
If you figure this out and do get married, insist on a prenup so she’s responsible for her loans.
You’re NTA.
>She says I’m an asshole, and I should pay the entire rent in an effort to “woo” her.
… the heck????
>She thinks it’s a sign that I’m not willing to commit to her / provide for her financially.
So moving across the country to suit her means nothing? She sounds rather difficult to please.
NTA
Dude, this is a massive red flag.
As others have said, you are already moving across the country for her. Paying for everything to ‘woo’ her even more is just insane, and is a big ask.
I would honestly have a talk with her about this, because this is the kind of mindset that I personally would break up with someone over.
You’re already doing quite a bit, and she wants more.
What happens if it doesn’t work out, and you basically pay her way to live through her residency and dumps you after for someone else?
I’ve seen it happen too many times with friends dating those in school. They support them during school, and then they end up breaking up.
I would take a second and re-evaluate everything.
This girl is dumping you after her degree
NTA
“ woo her “ ??? What ? You guys are at the stage where you’re living together. I would assume you already wooed her in the beginning?
Seems like a weird backhanded and semi manipulative way to convince you to pay everything.
I think 500$ is beyond reasonable. I make less than my fiancé but I still pay rent in full, because he takes care of everything else. A relationship in theory, should be 50/50.
Now this doesn’t mean everything needs to be split financially down the middle, however i believe it to mean it should be 50/50 in effort put In, as in; She should be at least willing to put some effort into contributing to the household. The fact she believes she should be paying 0 is kind of troubling and potentially foretelling of future issues that may arrise due to her having this mindset.
Also. Name calling? Wtf? I get we all get angry. But this wasn’t even an “argument.” , it was you proposing an idea that would help support your living arrangement. For her to fly off the handle like that is honestly….. kinda scary. As I said before seems manipulative.
I could be reading this wrong. But yeah this just seems like a red flag 🚩