#FriendshipAdvice #EatingHabits #ShoppingBuddy 🛍️🍴
Is it reasonable to ask a friend to eat before meeting up for a shopping trip, or to let you know in advance if they plan to eat? Let’s dive into this situation and discuss potential solutions to make both parties comfortable and happy.
Understanding Different Eating Habits
It’s important to remember that everyone has different eating habits, and what may seem like a minor inconvenience to one person could be a significant aspect of another person’s routine. In this case, your friend prefers to take her time with her meals and enjoys sitting down to eat and drink.
Empathy and Communication
When it comes to maintaining a healthy and respectful friendship, empathy and open communication are key. It’s essential to consider our friends’ preferences and find a middle ground. Here are some points to keep in mind when addressing this situation:
Empathy: Acknowledge and show understanding for your friend’s eating habits. Respect that everyone has their own pace when it comes to meals.
Open Communication: Express your feelings and concerns to your friend in a kind and non-confrontational manner. Let her know that you value the time you spend together and want to find a solution that works for both of you.
Considerate Solutions: Brainstorm together and explore considerate solutions that accommodate both of your needs during your hangout sessions. This could involve making adjustments to your meeting times or finding alternative activities to do together.
Setting Boundaries: It’s okay to set boundaries in friendships, as long as they are communicated respectfully and with understanding. Be open to hearing your friend’s perspective and finding a compromise that respects both of your needs.
Friendship and Compromise
The foundation of any successful friendship is compromise. It’s about finding a middle ground where both parties feel understood and valued. Here are some potential solutions and compromises to consider:
Pre-Planning Meals: Encourage open communication about meal plans beforehand, so you can schedule your meetups at times that work for both of your eating schedules. This could involve confirming if your friend plans to eat before meeting up or finding a mutually convenient time for a meal together.
Alternative Activities: Explore other enjoyable activities that you both can do together, such as visiting different types of shops, going for a walk in the park, or trying out new experiences that don’t revolve around food.
Respecting Individual Needs: Understand that everyone has unique needs and preferences. Respect your friend’s pace and approach to meals, while also communicating your own preferences and finding a balance that feels fair to both of you.
Considering Different Perspectives
It’s essential to approach this situation from a place of empathy and understanding. Here are some perspectives to consider:
Your Friend’s Perspective: Your friend values sitting down and savoring her meals, which is a significant aspect of her enjoyment and relaxation. Understanding and respecting her perspective is crucial in finding a solution that accommodates both of your preferences.
Your Perspective: Sitting and waiting for an extended period while your friend eats may feel dull or unproductive to you. It’s important to communicate your feelings honestly and openly, while also being considerate of your friend’s habits.
Finding Common Ground
Ultimately, the goal is to find common ground where both you and your friend feel comfortable and respected. Through open communication and understanding, it’s possible to navigate this situation and strengthen your friendship.
Finding a Solution: Work together to find a solution that respects both of your needs and preferences. This may involve making adjustments to your hangout routine, trying new activities, or finding a balance that feels fair to both of you.
Respecting Individual Differences: Embrace the diversity of your friendship and respect each other’s individuality. Your friend’s eating habits are a part of what makes her unique, and finding ways to navigate this while spending time together can lead to a stronger and more considerate friendship.
In Conclusion
It’s not about being “right” or “wrong” in this situation. It’s about understanding, communicating, and finding a middle ground where both you and your friend feel heard and cared for. By approaching this with empathy and openness, it’s possible to navigate your different eating habits and strengthen your bond as friends.
Remember, friendships thrive on understanding, compromise, and mutual respect. By approaching this situation with empathy and open communication, you can find a solution that works for both of you and enhances your friendship.
NTA
It was a reasonable request. It wasn’t rude.
Next time she wants to eat while you’re with her just say “okay, you go eat and I’m going to continue shopping” or whatever.
NTA
Of course your friend doesn’t think it’s a big deal because she’s the one eating. Heck, you’re not asking for much. Just a simple heads up as to whether she plans to get a bite to eat so that you can plan accordingly. You don’t have to be Nostradamus to know whether you plan to eat a meal before going shopping.
Try going somewhere you can have an adult beverage or two. It’ll make the time pass quicker. NTA
NTA
Your request is reasonable.
However, this seems to be a pattern; you know that she’s usually going to eat when the two of you are out.
Or, you can just know that’s she’s going to eat when the two of you go someplace and not eat before you go.
Good Luck
NTA. There is a difference between “Hey, let’s go shopping and maybe grab a quick bite” and “Let’s spend an hour plus having a small meal.” There is nothing wrong with saying you only have so much time to spend with her and you can either do so at a restaurant, or shopping, but you don’t have time for both.
NTA it seems reasonable to be able to plan when to eat, especially for someone [that takes so long to do so](https://youtu.be/fTK9RKLgvJQ?t=660).
Tell her you’re going to run errands while she picks at her food. If she’s going to be that inconsiderate then you should find something to do do to pass the time.
Lay a boundary with how long you will sit with her while she eats and then mean it. I would give her fifteen minutes and then get up and go do something else. She’s treating you like her dinner hostage.
NTA.
She is clearly someone who doesn’t respect other people’s time.
What you asked is completely valid. Either eat before, or let me know so I can eat with you.
No one wants to sit and watch someone else eat
NTA. In my culture it would actually be considered rude if you made people sit and wait while you were eating. It is not a big crime or anything, but something you would have to apologize for. And offer the other person something to eat.
Anyway, it would be practical to have an agreement about whether you are going to eat or not when you are out. Nicer if both are eating together in any case, I would have thought.
NTA. Sounds like she has no consideration for you at all and I agree with an above poster than she can be adult enough to plan her day to know if she’ll have eaten before!
Would recommend next time you suggest to meet say either: “do you fancy going shopping on (eg Tuesday) and grabbing lunch?” Or “do you fancy going shopping on (eg Tuesday) in the afternoon sometime, after lunch?”
That way you’re both on the same page and you’ve done it without making the focus on whether she’s eaten or not, more that you’re just establishing a time to meet
I don’t understand why it takes her that long to eat. Nta
NTA. You’re just trying to match her plans, you’re not even saying you don’t want to eat with her. It’s rude to make someone who’s already eaten sit there and wait for you while you eat.
>as she’s not always going to know if she’ll be eating before or after we meet up.
I dont understand this logic. Werent humans supposed to remember they eaten before or something?
“Can u eat before we go hiking?”
“No. Why should i? Its not big deal”
*cue friend sitting down out of energy later while u forced to wait*
NTA
NTA
Nope NTA.. im a very slow eater too. Not that slow..,but if I eat on our lunch hour, shopping is hindered. My group: Stephanie, no salad bar today,were goin shopping.Me: Fair enough.. We all laugh,cuz we know me..
If she’s your friend,she should know her eating hinders shopping. If the mission of the get together is shopping, she eats b4 the arrival time or after you’re done.
You’re not meeting up to have lunch…
If she gets butt-hurt , just be blunt..in a nice way hey, we’re tryin to shop here. You know you’re slow af, at a turtles pace.. we don’t have time to do both.. we either gettin together for lunch or we’re gettin together to shop. Time constraints & all..
NTA honestly it’s pretty rude on her end to constantly make you sit and watch her eat. It’s fine if it happens once in a while but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Also it’s normal to discuss eating arrangements for hanging out so that you can eat together or not.
I agree with those saying that if she doesn’t want to give you a heads up, then she should be fine with you going and doing other things while she’s eating.
If she wants to make plans with you, then she can plan ahead to make plans with you. If she wants to play things by ear, then she can play things by ear and it will be random chance whether you decided to eat with her or go do something else when she wants to eat. It is fine if she isn’t always sure whether she will have eaten before or not…but then it should also be fine with her for you to not be sure whether you will be able to hang out with her while she eats or not.
NTA – I am a slow eater. I blame all my missing chewing teeth. One day I will get around to getting implants. But seriously though I have always been a slow eater. My partner will wolf down his food and then sit there watching me eat for the next 20 mins. Its perfectly reasonable to ask if she has already eaten or plans to eat so you can also do so accordingly.
NTA. It’s normal for people to eat meals together vs one watching the other eat.
I guess my question is why do you feel you have to sit and watch her eat? go to another store or something.
NAH I have a close friend who is a super duper slow eater too. I guess if I was in a rush it might be annoying, but usually when I’m with her I’m just happy to be hanging out with her and I don’t care if she wants to spend a long time eating. But if you are trying to get things done in a limited amount of time, there’s no harm in asking her to eat first.
NTA it takes my friend 40 min to drink a glass of wine. Sometimes I’m like girl it’s time to go. Please do not order another
Good God, can you imagine sitting down to a hot meal and doing this? 20 minutes in the food would be ice cold and you’d still be eating it. NTA and if she wants to stop and eat, tell her you’ll continue on shopping and y’all can meet up after she’s done.
NTA
I’d be annoyed af
As a slow eater i think that’s a reasonable request. I know no one wants to sit and watch me slowly get through a meal lol
NAH. I think this is a communication issue. At least in my experience, walking around window shopping carries the expectation that it’s going to be a leisurely hangout where the point is just to enjoy each other’s company. Your friend probably assumed “coffee and conversation” was part of that. Just politely tell her you’d rather do your own thing while she eats and you can meet up afterwards.
Next time after she’s eaten.. spend about 20 minutes doing something and then you go sit down and have something to eat and make her wait.. She might get it
NTA. If she wants to eat, let her eat. Go do something else and meet up later. My bestie and I will do that. I have a kid and she doesn’t, so if I go into a kid centered store, she goes somewhere else. No big deal. We meet up later.
As someone who naturally takes forever to eat, NTA. I have no idea why I eat slowly, I just do, but I think it’s rude of her to expect you to wait that long or expect you to not want to just eat with her. I get teased for taking so long a lot 😂
Oh I get where you coming from, I can’t eat slow no matter how hard I try and my friend eats extremely slow always, no matter how hard she tries to eat faster. It’s just the way she is, so I don’t agree to bashing the girl for her eating habits.
Saying that, NTA, your request is respectful and valid, it’s a matter of making things work for both of you. It’s a pity she got offended and took it personal.
If it bothers you that much Just continue on after you’ve eaten and tell her you’ll swing by and meet up when she’s finished
NAH
NTA.
Eating slowly is fine but for the love of all that is pink and fluffy in this world, when someone is waiting on you, eat faster.
I can’t even imagine just sitting there for an hour.
Next time say “I’ve already eaten, but there is this great shop around the corner, while you eat, I’ll do some shopping”.
NTA. This friend sounds annoying as hell. Most people don’t want to sit there for an hour watching someone eat. It’s fine if she wants to sit down and eat slowly, but it’s ridiculous that she would get upset that you don’t want to sit there and watch her do it.
She doesn’t get it because for her eating is not about eating. It’s about sitting and talking. She’s taking so long because she’s spending more time talking than eating, right? Probably for her, that’s the whole point of the outing and the shopping is just icing.
So are you OK sitting and talking for an hour as long as you have food in front of you? You could order fries and pick at them. Or would you just rather not sit and talk for an hour? Then tell her you get antsy sitting down that long and would rather talk as you walk.
I have a friend like this, and it drove me nuts. I’d pick her up (she doesn’t have a car) and she wouldn’t be ready. I’d stand around for 45 minutes while she showered and put on make up, and then she’d tell me she hadn’t eaten. It was infuriating!
What I’ve learned is to make plans with her less frequently, but give her all my time when we get together. When I make plans with her, I just assume that a shopping trip that would take me an hour will take the two of us several hours. When I set aside a whole day for her, I don’t get irritated at all when a simple errand ends up taking all day. As a bonus, I’ve come to appreciate how very fun my friend is. Her spontaneity was less appealing when I was trying to force her to adjust to my timeline.
NTA- does she have a job? I get 2/30 min breaks and i barely have enough time to eat, and i consider myself a fast eater. I have to eat the remainder of my meal during my second break.
NTA, that’s just strange that she can’t plan a meal when you have shopping plans. When I make plans with friends we either include eating or we don’t. It’s not that hard! If a friend doesn’t want to eat sour of the moment while we are out I’ll grab something fast. She needs to be more considerate of your time
NTA think it’s wild how eating/not eating isn’t pre planned as a standard lol. With my closest people we just ask. With people I’m more distant with I’ll say something like can we do 7pm so I can have dinner before or something so I can kinda state I don’t want to eat with them lol
Eating times are like my favourite times though so maybe my perspective is a bit off on this subject lol
NTA, tbh.
If I wanted to have a meal or be with someone who’s having a meal, I’d have asked them to go to a restaurant or food court specifically. If I ask someone to go shopping, I’m expecting to spend most of that time in stores. If most of the time spent during the time you get to the shops until closing time/going home is spent eating, it’s kind of a waste of a shopping day.
NTA, I think your request is completely reasonable. I don’t know why she would not want to eat a meal with you. It’s so inconsiderate to make you wait on her while she eats.
It’s not a big deal TO HER that you are sitting and waiting. That’s really selfish of her. And why is it such a big deal that the two of you coordinate your eating? I’d have to ask that question straight up.
And going forward plan on giving her a 30 min meal break then you get up and say “well this is boring I’m going to do some shopping”.
My stepmom is a sloooooow eater. Always has been. It’s a whole thing for her, cutting her food, arranging it just so. Taking tiny bites. It’s just who she is. Nearly 74 and she has been like this her whole life.
Anyway, NTA and your friend could use some self awareness.
NTA I’m like your friend, whenever I eat with someone it takes 5x longer because I’m talking. I eat so quick when I’m alone, so tell her you’ll check out a shop while she eats. If it’s really not that big of a bother, she shouldn’t mind. If she does, that’s on her.
I know you say it’s not an eating disorder, but this honestly can be a sign of disordered eating. How long have you known her? Maybe she was hurt because it struck a cord.
But either way NTA, that would drive me bananas and you asked nicely.