#Parenting #ChildBehavior #TrainRide
Dealing with disruptive behavior from children can be challenging, especially in a public setting like a train ride. It’s natural to feel frustrated when a child’s behavior is affecting your experience. In this situation, you called out a mom for her kids’ behavior and now you’re wondering if you were in the wrong. Let’s dig into this and explore the different perspectives.
Understanding the Situation
As you described, the toddler’s behavior was disruptive and affecting your train ride experience. The mom’s reaction seemed ineffective, and it’s understandable that you felt compelled to speak up. However, before jumping to conclusions, it’s important to consider a few factors:
👦🚂 Children can act out in new or unfamiliar environments, such as a train ride. They may struggle to contain their energy and emotions, leading to disruptive behavior.
👩👧👦 Parenting is a tough job, and managing a toddler and a young child in a public setting can be overwhelming. The mom may have been doing her best to handle the situation.
🚂🔊 Train rides can be noisy and stressful for young children, making it even more challenging for the mom to control her kids’ behavior.
Considering these factors can provide a more nuanced understanding of the situation and help guide your perspective on whether you were in the wrong for calling out the mom.
Empathy and Understanding
In moments of frustration, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. While the disruptive behavior may have tested your patience, it’s important to consider the following:
🧠 Toddlers are still learning to regulate their emotions and behavior. They may not fully understand the impact of their actions on others.
🧾 Parenting in public comes with added pressure and scrutiny. The mom may have felt embarrassed and overwhelmed by the situation.
🤝 Effective communication and support can go a long way in diffusing tense situations and offering help to a struggling parent.
Reflecting on Your Actions
Now, let’s address the question of whether you were in the wrong for calling out the mom. It’s important to consider the following aspects:
🛤️ Public Etiquette: While disruptive behavior can be frustrating, calling out a parent in a public setting should be approached with caution. Consider whether there were alternative ways to address the situation without causing further distress to the mom.
🚼 Parenting Support: Offering a helping hand or a gesture of understanding can sometimes be more effective in diffusing a difficult situation. Reflect on whether there were opportunities to offer support to the mom, considering the challenges she may have been facing.
🤔 Personal Boundaries: It’s natural to be affected by disruptive behavior, and addressing the situation politely and respectfully is important. Reflect on whether there were ways to express your concerns without causing undue stress to the mom.
Moving Forward
In hindsight, it’s important to reflect on the situation and consider how it could have been handled differently. Here are a few key takeaways to guide your approach in similar scenarios in the future:
1. Empathy: Approach challenging situations with empathy and understanding, recognizing the difficulties of parenting in public settings.
2. Support: Consider offering support or assistance to a struggling parent, whether it’s helping to distract a restless child or providing a word of encouragement.
3. Respectful Communication: When addressing disruptive behavior, maintain a respectful and empathetic tone to avoid causing undue distress to the parent.
By considering these aspects and reflecting on the situation, you can approach similar scenarios with a more empathetic and understanding perspective in the future. Remember, parenting comes with its own set of challenges, and offering support and understanding can make a significant difference in diffusing tense situations.
NTA. Somebody has to teach them that that’s not how you behave in public, and if the mom doesn’t do it, someone else has to. People don’t pay attention to their surroundings nowadays and think stuff like this is none of their business, but I think intervening when somebody’s attacking someone or something, no matter how old they are, should be the norm. It’s not like you kicked the kid or something, you just talked to the mom. I would’ve probably done the same.
NTA why is it so hard for parents to actually parent these days? I’m from the “sit down and shut up” generation, my sister and I would not have survived our childhood behaving like that!😂
YTA for how you did it. Honestly if she yelled at him or held him so he couldn’t get up and do that stuff it likely would have turned into a full on tantrum which is much worse on a train full of people. It really sounds like she was trying to mitigate it without triggering it getting worse.
Toddlers are notoriously difficult, and you can’t yell or berate them into behaving, it has the opposite effect so I’m not sure what you were thinking she should do.
YTA. Kids that age are tough and parenting them is frustrating and exhausting. Some of them are just downright insane and, if you happen to get one of those, you will doubt yourself regularly. Put on some headphones, give the lady a break and chill the f out.
YTA – She was likely super stressed already. It’s hard enough to have to be in a contained space like that with a young child misbehaving, now imagine someone criticizing you for something you’re trying to control without causing a huge scene.
What was she supposed to do? Shout at the kid? Spank him?
At least she wasn’t ignoring what the child was doing entirely.
Mind your own business or move next time. She’s probably been scolded by others for telling her kid off in the past.
NTA Teacher here….simple decency and common sense is that you teach your child not to kick things. Old enough to learn. Maybe the mom was having a bad day, but had she spent the time and effort to reign her child in, her day would have improved. Letting this behavior slide is why teachers are leaving the profession. Imagine 30 of those in a room and you’re trying to teach on top of it. Parenting is hard. It’s easier to correct the behavior now, than when they’re 15!!!
NTA
YTA – Cut people some slack. No one is perfect. You have *literally* no idea what is going on in their lives. This is such a small annoyance – put on headphones.
NTA. All I would have said was, “Shall I call an employee to help you? I can get someone to respond quickly?”
NTA. I hate parents who think that they don’t need to parents their kids in public and others should suffer the consequence of their miseducation . I give them some slack if they are at least trying but the mother did like litterally nothing. I’m sorry but the kid is kicking the side of the train. He not only disturbs the other passengers of the train but damages public property and all the mother does is saying “oh that’s not nice”/”the driver will be upset” (the hell ?) …what the actual fuck ? How is it parenting ? I don’t care if she feels embarrassed because that’s exactely how she should feel.
Don’t listen to people calling you an asshole, they might as well raise entitled kids. The kind that becomes bullies at school because they get so used to disrespect everything and eveeyone without consequences.
NTA it needed to be said, and perhaps it will make her consider her and her children’s behaviour in the future.
Was it necessary to snap right out of the gate? You couldn’t have tried a nicer approach?
NTA
I hate parents like this and even have some in my family. As one of the oldest relatives I was always stuck parenting the rest of the children at big family events and it was terrible because some of the kids were behaving like little monsters. After a couple of hours of yelling at them and actually holding them accountable for their behaviour they would finally quiet down but after returning home with their parents who don’t discipline them, they are back at it.
I actually remember a moment when one of my relatives’ kid stole something from some people at the restaurant we were at, broke glasses, climbed the table and his mom was looking at him and quietly saying “no, baby, don’t do that”, “oh, you, stop that”, but in suck a way that was not “scolding” him because “scolding kids traumatizes them”.
Teach. Your. Kids. How. To. Behave.
NTA it’s okay to tell parents to mind the public spaces they’re in. It’s not that they’re not allowed in public, and i’m not a seen but not heard person, but it’s really okay to ask someone to rein their kids in.
You chased off a woman and her two children for being bored kids on a train and you want to know if you’re the asshole? Really?
NTA. She wasn’t properly handling her child’s behavior. I don’t think it’s that difficult. I work as a visitation supervisor & transport a 2 year old twice a week. The first time I had him in my car he kicked the back of the passenger seat & the side of the car. I told him to not do that & explained that it hurts my car & my feelings. Then I gave him something else to hold. Guess what? He hasn’t kicked since
NTA parents that say “oh the (driver, cashier, nice employee, etc.) will be mad at you” are passoff people in my experience and that statement is usually followed by “wait till your dad hears about how you acted”. She was embarrassed cause you called her out for not actually doing something about the kid’s behavior.
The whole shifting of consequential reactivity into an employee of a business or whatever is gross and disgusting; and as a former retail employee who had subpar moms try to weaponize me to get their fuckass kids to behave, GOOD ON YOU! I used to tell kids whose parents tried to pull that I wasn’t upset with them while maintaining eye contact with the mom. Cause why is it that it’s mainly moms trying to pull that shit!?? (And I realize the child rearing and shopping and all usually falls on the mother but come the fuck on)
NTA
I’m a parent. Once on a work trip at the airport I saw something similar. I cleared my throat so the kid looked over and shook my head no and gave a stern look.
As the mom opened her mouth to say something combative I smiled like, friendly and sort of conspiratorially and went “hey, I know. It takes a village. Don’t worry about it”
She was confused that I seemed to be on her side despite parenting her kid lol
YTA that mom was solo with 2 kids, you have no idea what her day was like, or how many tantrums she had already dealt with. She may have been at the end of her rope and you humiliated her to protect the train? Get off your high horse and have some empathy.
NTA. My kid is autistic and never behaved like that or threw fits in public. We had a great system for communication if she was feeling overstimulated or just needed a quiet space before she exploded.
NTA I have a 3 year old we know not to touch things or hit property. I also would not have my other child stand. I’ve learned to have a variety of activities and stay engaging. For a train ride we are in the window counting everything if possible. Counting the colors and people. I get it it’s hard and she probably was embarrassed but at some point someone would say something.
NTA
Her strategy to deal with this situation clearly wasn’t working, but instead of switching it up, she just kept trying the same method.
Parenting is hard, toddlers are a nightmare on public transport for both the parents and other passengers, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try to prevent them from throwing tantrums.
You have to be firm with your kids when they are causing a scene in public or being a disturbance to other people, and if you’re not going to do that, your kid will not learn how to behave appropriately. Someone has to step up and tell you the uncomfortable reality of things sometimes.
NTA. These oblivious/disconnected parents will continue like this until they’re embarrassed. Thank you for calling her out.
NTA. Let your kid be an unruly nightmare in your house all you like. In public you should be teaching them how to properly behave or your going to be sending your kid to school with no ability to self-regulate any emotion.
NTA. Free-range parenting (aka ‘not really bothering a lot in public’) is super, super annoying (and going to result in AH adults in the future).
NTA. I was on a flight where a parent let his son jump up and down on the seat, fiddle with the lights, air, and seat back. I got the child’s attention and told him to SIT DOWN NOW! He slowly slid down. The father looked across the aisle at me, I looked right back. If his kid got tossed to the front of the aircraft he’d be suing immediately. I’ll manage the behaviour of a child of the parent won’t. Sometimes it just takes a look.
I also carry the little happy meal toys just in case it’s a matter of boredom.
ESH. Show some fucking compassion for a struggling mother. Yeah she’s not doing the best but the fact that you almost made her cry means you were way harsher than you lead on or she is really struggling and you almost pushed her over the edge.
I pity the oldest kid the most. Because he just had to leave his seat and stand there bc his brother wanted to do tantrum, and mommy dearest gof course let it, because little angel could do no wrong. 🤦🏼♀️That’s just dumb.
NTA
Im used to bus rides and sometimes little kids would kick the front seat. I initially would just clear my throat and if they get the signal they actually tell the child no, but if not then I actually had to ask the parents to tell their kid to stop since its giving me a bit of motion sickness.
YTA. It’s incredibly hard to parent in public when people are watching. Especially with toddlers. If you’re stern, you get people looking over at you like you’re an abusive parent and hear things like “oh they’re just excited to be on a train” or “ you’ll miss this when they’re big” so you try to be as quiet and kind as you can with your kids. Then you have people like you, judging because she’s not being a tough enough parent. There is literally no way to win. Either people judge you for being too harsh or not harsh enough. Two young kids on a train is hard enough. You don’t know what kind of morning they had, or if the child had learning disabilities or autism. The correct thing to do is not to get involved with something that’s none of your business. It’s public transportation. Everyone has a right to be there. Your comfort level is not more important than theirs. That poor mom probably went home and cried over that. Being a parent is HARD. We are all just trying to do our best. None of us know what struggles she was already going through. What if she was visiting a dying relative? On her way to a custody battle? On the way to take the kid to a hospital appointment for cancer treatment? You don’t know. Keep your mouth shut, and find something else to do.
Was in a store where 2 toddlers were running in & out of the clothing racks and I almost knocked one over. Saw their mother nearby and said she needed to keep a better eye on the kids or they or someone else could get hurt like knocking over a display or running into an elderly person. Her response? “I seen worse”. smh
These comments are fascinating. What’s the common denominator between all the people saying NTA and how do they differ from the ones saying YTA? Is it parents v. non-parents?
I think it’s people who always consider themselves the main character in any situation, and people who don’t. If you think you’re the main character, any inconvenience to you is an insult that you can get indignant about. How dare this child act like a child in your proximity, and how dare this mother allow that to happen? So disrespectful to you, the main character.
In this situation, I would see the mom as the main character. She’s the one taking on the challenge of transporting two small, active children and all the chaos that entails. My job as the supporting character in this situation would be to bolster her, give her smiles and encouragement, maybe distract the kids. Head to the snack bar and say can I get you anything. If it was too disruptive for me, or if I had a headache, I would move.
So yeah, I’m in the YTA camp.
NTA but I see how people think YTA. This is like talking about money, politics and religion. Usually it’s a no go. People don’t take kindly to others interfering with their parenting styles.
I have kids and kids acting up around that age is normal, but the kid kicking things wasn’t tolerated in my household. Whining, constantly moving, etc are all normal. Being destructive (regardless of if they caused damage) isn’t cool.
To me, letting your kid kick anything and act a fool when they’re bored or upset is just asking for trouble and when they get older society has to pay the price for the parents not stepping up.
The mom should have been prepared and brought something to entertain the kid. She knows her child what will keep his attention and what won’t.
I dunno I personally wouldn’t have said anything, but I would have been glaring at the mom like ah, you going to control your kid?
As a parent you can’t take a day off esp when you’re out in public. It sucks yes, but it is what it is. It’s hard and grueling. You can parent and stop your kids bad behavior w/o yoking them up or yelling.
Damn, OP. Way to make that woman cry, hope you feel better. It’s not as if she was completely ignoring the toddler’s behavior, she was trying to correct it, even if her method wasn’t really working. Would you have preferred she scream at the kid? Could the mom have done better, maybe by distracting the kid or being a bit more firm with him? Sure. Did she need you snapping at her when it sounds like this woman may have already been stressed traveling alone with two young children? Absolutely not. So I’m going with ESH, but especially you.
>told her to actually parent her kid
It sounds like she was though? She repeatedly corrected him and even let him pick his seat to avoid the brewing meltdown. I’m all for calling out parents who just abandon their child to wander and cause problems, or put in their personal soundproof headphones and leave the rest of us to deal with the noise, but she was watching and trying to manage him. Maybe not the way you wanted her to, but she wasn’t disengaged or uncaring that his behavior was annoying others. Sure in theory the kid should “know better” but for whatever reason he was choosing to be obstinate. What else did you want her to do in that moment?
This seems less like a bad parent unleashing their spawn on the public and more like a person having a really tough day where the kid is just not cooperating. It would’ve been ok to move seats or make a polite request that she step in and stop him again, but you didn’t need to snap.
YTA
YTA. I’d understand if the child was kicking YOU but aside from that it was none of your business. She was probably stressed out enough without your 2 cents. What you said was inflammatory not helpful.
YTA I wish people were as quick to offer help as they are to offer judgement. Get some perspective, you sound like a toddler yourself
YTA
How do you know that she wasn’t trying? How do you know if maybe she’s just having an off day. What would you have suggested she do besides the generic “parent your child” bit?
The NTA people seem to think that their kids are absolutely perfect 100% of the time or don’t have kids at all.
I guess I’m in the minority. I think YTA.
Perhaps the mom is not parenting well. It doesn’t matter, it’s not your business and nothing the kid is doing affects you. I would just mind my own business and shake my head in silence at an annoying kid.
You have no idea what is going on in this lady’s life, or her family’s. Maybe someone died and she’s struggling to deal with it. Maybe her kid has a disease. There are a myriad of possibilities. She attempted to tell the kid to stop and it didn’t work. Hopefully she will figure out a better way to parent, but it’s not your job to be the backseat driver in her parenting when you’ve never met her and have no insight into her situation.
The amount of people that think OP is in the right for scolding a random lady for poor parenting when it has nothing to do with them is wild.
YTA sounds like you met a toddler for the first time
YTA. I don’t think you were wrong in your thinking, or for being annoyed, but I think your approach was. There are kinder ways to go about it if you really feel like you *must* say something. Since the mom had enough sense to look a bit embarrassed or ashamed and didn’t snap back like her *preshus baby* can do no wrong, I think it stands to reason she’s just a regular mom struggling with the day to day stuff a lot of us do.