Are Parents AITA for Prioritizing Child Safety Over Nail Appointments?
Hey there, wondering if you think parents are in the wrong for setting boundaries when it comes to childcare priorities? Let’s dive into a situation where a mom had to make a tough call.
## Background
– Mom (43f) and dad are helping their daughter (24f) and son-in-law (23m) with their young kids and property issues.
– Property faced safety concerns leading to monthly inspections.
– Recent cleaning efforts were made to improve living conditions.
## Dilemma
– Daughter asked mom to babysit so she could get her nails done.
– Mom felt daughter’s request was unreasonable given recent property issues.
– Mom expressed frustration, emphasizing the need to prioritize children over personal grooming.
## Conclusion
– Daughter chose to cancel nail appointment following mom’s concerns.
– Mom stands by her decision, prioritizing child safety above all else.
– Family dynamics may be strained, but child safety remains paramount.
### Your Thoughts?
Do you think the mom went too far, or was she right to prioritize her grandchildren’s safety? Share your thoughts!
#Parenting #ChildcarePriorities #FamilyDynamics #ChildSafety #NailAppointments #ParentingBoundaries #SafetyConcerns #PersonalGrooming #Grandparenting #FamilySupport.
NTA and You are actually more mild than other parents would have been to their oblivious children.
And I wouldn’t worry about losing contact with your grandchildren because your daughter needs the free babysitting and the free help getting her crap in order. apparently her and a partner can’t do it alone.
She needs a wake up call and tough love or she will be out on the street and the kids will be in care and no one will be able to see anybody.
Not your problem if it costs her more money – just an excuse that will get her the end result she wants She should be using that money to hire a cleaning service. She has a husband? Where is he???
NTA! Hard, but truth are just that sometime. I would do the same. Her kids do not have a safe space to live but her nails are clearly the prio, which is crazy!
My mother would have been harder. She is not one to interfere in her children’s life but if her grandchildren would be in danger, I do not even want to think about it (no abuse)!
Edit: Spelling error
NTA
CPS could take their children, if the home is a fire safety hazard. If anyone else sees the condition of the home, they may call CPS. I grew up in a filthy house. That affected me as much as the rest of the abuse.
Mommies who don’t do the bare minimum by providing decent housing, do not deserve gel nails. She shouldn’t have them on now anyway; she has some serious cleaning to do.
You are being perfectly reasonable, imo, and I am a mom. Maybe you will only care for the children when she is cleaning. You are helping with that and that should be her priority.
She can paint her own nails. Expensive nail polish is far less than gel nails, every two weeks.
NTA. Your daughter needed a wake up call or she’s going to lose her home and possibly her children. Either by the state or by some tragedy caused by living in a filthy unsafe environment. You laid it out plain and simple and said what she needs to hear.Â
INFO: Do you think your daughter is struggling with her mental health?
I’m not saying your honesty was off-base. I can’t help but wonder if she needs professional help to address underlying issues so things don’t get this bad in the future.
What’s wrong with your husband that he makes decisions based on fear of getting cut off?
Anyone who would be willing to just cut me off like that is someone I want gone.
NTA. She needed to hear some plain talk.
NTA the couple needs to grow up and quit relying on others to pick up the slack related to their lifestyle choices.
NTA, but your husband is probably right unfortunately
No u r correct, she is a irresponsible mother she needs to get shit together. If they can’t get their housing act together not your fault
Definitely NTA
OP, she has to pay for the nail appointment either way, so you aren’t costing her more money. That’s just her way of manipulating you.
NTA.
NTA. She needed to hear this.
NTA But you will probably have to raise the children when Child Protective Services take them away from her.
You’re not TAH in this scenario. Daughter is failing fire safety inspections? She does need to get her priorities straight. Her Childs safety needs to be her first priority, and her primary priority. Is this bad enough that CPS would be taking them away from their parents?
NTA. And it sound like your husband is the type to make excuses for her, and he may actually be part of the reason she feels so entitled.
NTA.Â
NTA. Your husband needs to get a grip before CPS takes those babies and you end up with them full time.
Next time let her burn her money with cancellation fees.
NTA. If the property was in such poor shape that the landlord is doing monthly visits to make sure it’s at least approaching an acceptable condition, then priority #1 for your daughter and her husband needs to be fixing that.
NTA. Mentally ill and disabled she may be, but your daughter has responsibilities towards the two and a half small, helpless humans she and her husband created. Their needs come before her wants *always*, no matter if she feels crappy or depressed. That requires a willingness to seek actual help, which by your account, she refuses to do, even as she demands your time.Â
Do whatever you can and are willing to do for your grandchildren, but don’t give in to your daughter.Â
NTA. Women with jobs (by which I mean women who either work outside the home OR work as SAHM) don’t need Fu Manchu claws anyway.
Truth is, if she continues in that state, she’ll lose the children.
NTA but keep pushing. I’m getting the impression that daughter and SIL have a hoarding situation happening, please do what you can to get them into therapy now that the problem is known. Hoarding isn’t a condition you just get over on your own they need counseling of some sort.
I grew up in a similar situation and it’s no way for a child to live. It makes any real social life difficult to impossible to maintain and tanks your self esteem. It’s so hard living with the fact that your parents choose trash over you every day… Those kids deserve better.
NTA. Do they get that their home being deemed a fire hazard make them unfit parents? As in the British equivalent of the CPS might take their kids from them?
If not, it needs to be said! And Your daughter *and* your son-in-law needs to get their heads out their asses and make a safe home for their kids. What they’re not doing is tantamount to neglect and its unacceptable!
NTA
The kids will be in your care. Are you ready for that?
“…because she broke one of her gels whilst cleaning.**”**
“Apparently she made the appointment weeks ago and if she cancels with such short notice she will still have to pay…”
She’s flat out lying here. NTA.
So they’re hoarders and the kids are living in filth? Stop bailing her out, call CPS.
You going to clean it next time too? And the time after that?
NTA
If she had the appointment booked for weeks then she should have made childcare arrangements weeks ago.Â
She is failing her children. The landlord honestly should have called child protective services if the property is that unsafe.Â
That said – if you are close enough to see your grandkids regularly then why did you not know about the home’s condition?!?Â
If your daughter and SIL don’t get their shit together they are going to lose custody of their children. If it’s at the point of hoarding then they need therapy.Â
Now that you know your grandchild are living in a neglectful environment… you need to ensure they are safe. Even if that means checking in on the house once a week, or calling protective services yourself.Â
Nta
Family will be the first person they will reach out to for care of children if they are taken. So be prepared. And if it is as bad as you say here, that may happen. I wish luck, they don’t have priorities straight