#WorkWardrobe #DressCodeDilemma #Professionalism
Hey guys! 👋 So, I need some advice on a situation at my new job…
I’ve always prided myself on dressing professionally in the office, sticking to simple, clean, and comfortable outfits that I feel confident in. But recently, my boss mentioned that the owner wants me to dress “more girly” because the previous assistants were all dolled up every day. 🤔
Here’s where I’m at:
– I had to sell a lot of my clothes after college and I’m on a tight budget
– I believe professionalism is key, regardless of how “girly” my outfit is
– I work in a construction/remodeling company where I don’t interact with the general public
Do you think I should be concerned about this? Any tips or suggestions on how to navigate this situation?
Possible Solutions:
– Communicate with the owner about your current financial situation and ask for specific guidelines on what they would like to see
– Seek out affordable and versatile pieces that add a touch of femininity without breaking the bank
– Emphasize the importance of feeling comfortable and confident in your attire while still maintaining a professional appearance.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and advice! 🤗 #ProfessionalFashion #WomenInBusiness
Sounds pretty unpleasant. Are you sure you want to work there?
Gross.
The owner is a sexist, and likely sexually harassing, fuckhead. I would *absolutely* refuse to dress more “girly” — you are a grown woman, and as long as you are dressing appropriately for the workplace (which it sounds as though you are), *you* decide what you wear.
If they keep pushing, I’d push back (while continuing to actually do your work). If they fire you, file for unemployment.
Ask them to send you an email about it.
ask them to send you a request in writing, with specific examples. That is textbook sexual harassment and discrimination.
Also, get to job searching, immediately
You are ->
girl/woman + clothing =‘s girl/woman dressed
I had a manager at a previous job tell me I needed to reschedule my employee portrait (for the company website) because I didn’t look nice enough. I looked the same as everyone else — clean, groomed, professionally dressed. But I wasn’t wearing makeup. I never wear makeup. I never rescheduled the portrait, and I quit soon after.
Ask them for a copy of the dress code in the handbook.
You can ask me to dress up only if you will cover my double rate. 2k$ baby. And i’ll put on almost anything you’ll ask. Almost.
What you are describing is textbook discrimination based on gender. You cannot require employees to conform to a gender norm. Perhaps if you are in Russia, but in most places in America you can’t do this.
Definitely smile and just ask for an email specifying the request. Maybe even mention you need it because you’d like to write the clothes off as a work expense on taxes or, hell, “my parents are loaning me the money and I want to show them it’s for work”. Whatever it takes, just get it in writing.
Then let the games begin.
1) ask them to put it in writing so that you can “be very clear on the policy and get it right.”
2) continue not doing it
3) when they reprimand you, ask for that in writing
4) if they fire you, go to NLRB about it
4b) if they harass you about it, quit due to hostile* work environment and take it to NLRB.
This is illegal.
They don’t mean “girly” they mean “sexually/sexy”- which is all in the eye of the beholder btw. I would get out between this and the cameras.
“Could you or the owner email me directly, describing what is required? I just want to make sure I get this right…”
“This” being the sexual discrimination/harassment case.
While I am one of those “girly, wearing dresses etc” type office people, I do that bc it’s what I like. I’ve worked with every kind of woman and the only ones I’d ever have issue with are the ones who wear frumpy, wrinkly clothing, messy unkempt hair and bad hygiene. To me, THATS not professional. I worked with one lady who was in her 60s and wore clothing that was a bit outdated, but, it was ironed, neat and she was groomed nicely. Nails, hair and face were clean and tidy. To me, professional. My role is very up front in the public so I feel better dressing up because it’s what I like. But my husband had a secretary at his office (not his, just general) who had way too much self tanner, make up was terribly over done and thick- badly drawn on brows and lip liner, her clothes were girly but they were cheap and too tight and her hair was bleached poorly, but she curled it! Loads of gold jewelry too. Give me clean and tidy over that any day! Your boss is an idiot and needs to watch himself. How dumb.
This is sex discrimination because they don’t do this to make colleagues. You are not DECORATION, you are a PROFESSIONAL performing a role essential to the functioning of their company. If they don’t appreciate your MATERIAL CONTRIBUTION to their firm, you move on.
Did you ask them for the owner’s credit card to go on a shopping spree for new clothes? lmao. Fuck this place
Tell him that dressing more feminine detracts from your dick size. 😎
What in the 1940s BS is this! Ridiculous.
Usually in malls or some buildings there is a dress code that you have to follow, but this has to be in the contract, if there is nothing written there is no rule, no rule so fuck the boss
Ewwww that is straight-up gross of them to ask. Go to HR and look for another job.
Big sexual harrassment red flag IMO
What I’d recommend is to email your boss and recount what you heard verbatim, politely and matter-of-factly. And also indicate what you are willing to do (which may well be only what you are already doing e.g professional, clean attire and makeup or whatever).
IMPORTANT: Then you should forward that email plus any responses to a personal email you’d have access to if you were terminated.
If you are wrongfully terminated this would give you helpful documentation – even if the manager doesn’t respond it doesn’t look great. Hopefully, there was a miscommunication and they regret the words they used and will clear it right up. This gives them a chance to do the right thing as well.
Ask them what’s the amount you can expense for a new wardrobe… If this is a requirement, you should be given some allowance for this. I had a friend who worked in fashion. Make up and nails were part of the expectation but she would expense those. Send all the questions by e-mail. If your manager talks to you about it send a follow up e-mail on what transpired in the conversation. Keep a paper trail to protect yourself. Look for another job.
Does your job involve PR, Acting, Modeling, or Sex Work? No? Then that asshole can fuck right off.
Ask them if they can put that request in writing… you know, for a paper trail.
I’m a former HRD, and red flags are everywhere. Get away from this place as soon as you can.
Get that in writing and get a lawyer while you look for a new job
This is insane. You’re not there to be eye-candy for the owner, fuck that guy in particular.
Ask for a copy of the employee dress code. Alternatively, if you’re feeling particularly gutsy, ask for a company credit card. “I don’t currently have it in my budget to change my wardrobe. However, if appearance is this important to owner, I would be happy to purchase new attire on a company credit card.”
I know several folks have suggested you request the dress policy in writing. That is certainly a good idea.
You can take additional action as well. Please get yourself a little notebook or daily planner journal and document all the nonsense. Include date/time/location/who was there/who said what/who did what/your response/how it made you feel.
Making documentation in the moment over time will be useful in any legal proceedings whether they ever document their unlawful requests for you or not. Keeping it out of email doesn’t protect them from lawsuits.
Oooh that’s so sexist and gotta be illegal! Yikes!
Congratulations! You have an ironclad lawsuit if you can get some proof. I hope you make bank.
That’s literally sexual harassment. “Could you dress in a way I actually want to watch at work? Thanks”
You can ask to see where the guidelines are in the manual / policy too, and ask how come they’re not dressing more girly? Look down at their shoes and point out that they’re conventionally worn by men, and ask if they’re planning on guzzying up in some heels? Where are your pantyhose boss man? Is that a receding hairline I see? They’d better wig up then
Yeah that’s sexual harassment. And if he’s in the US you could get paid
Is it sales? They’re being ridiculous but if it’s sales then the attractiveness of their staff might make a difference. Still ridiculous either way. Just wondering if it’s a pragmatic jerk or just a creepy old man.
Red flags all over. It won’t stop with this. Find a new job.
Jordan Peele made a movie that I am now reminded of.
Do not stay in that job one second more than you need to.
this place sounds out of touch with modern times 🤯
do you think HR might support you with this?
As others have said… that was a highly inappropriate request. As another woman working in construction, I’d also start looking into other companies.. It isn’t just the norm for women in construction and you deserve to be treated the same way as your male co-workers! Unfortunately it can be a “good ol boys” club in certain circles. But you have options! I found a woman and minority owned contractor and it’s made a huge difference in how I’m treated at work.
Also, tell them you aren’t buying any new clothes! If they fire you, there is your wrongful termination lawsuit!!!!
Don’t just ask them to send it to you in an email, YOU write an email first (cc or bcc your personal email too) that recaps the conversation and asks for clarification and examples. That way you have a record of them making that request even if they realize their mistake and never send you an email in the first place. Because they COULD realize they fucked up, never send the email aka make a record, and then retaliate in other ways they could pretend are unrelated.
Do they have a written dress code? Ask them to put this request in writing, because they’re just begging for a sexual discrimination/harassment lawsuit.
I can’t describe how deeply I relate to this. I’ve encountered this in my life so many times, and I’ve had gender dysphoria my whole life because of it. You are NOT alone. There are so many of us who have had this same experience and we assume it’s our burden to bear bc it “comes with” being a woman. We’re supposed to just participate because “that’s just how it is” and if we speak up or fight it, we’re labeled as emotional or difficult. Do NOT compromise. Stay strong. You’ve fucking got this. We are all here with you. 👯♀️💪
They can purchase this clothing for You if they would like you to wear it. Ask them for additional budget for the clothing.
In addition to getting it in writing and starting a job search, this sounds like this is a great opportunity for some malicious compliance- especially if you can’t quit right away.
Start dressing like an old hippie grandma. Go to goodwill and pick up some nice, floor length floaty kaftans. Accessorize with lots of stacked bracelets full of mismatched semi-precious stones. Bonus points if you’re willing to wear aggressively red or pink lipstick that doesn’t match your skin tone. Even better if you also stop shaving.
Be super feminine without looking the least bit sexy. Make them call you out on it, then act like you don’t understand what the problem is, and keep asking them to explain.
Or you could just quit, but fucking with them sounds like a lot of fun.
I had a manager do this to me last year. He waited until it was just the two of us left in the office to mention how I’d changed dressing (from more feminine/dresses to more gender neutral but within code when I realized how relaxed the office dress code was) and then had the cheek to thank me again in private when I started wearing dresses again because I was freaked out and needed the job.
Start looking for a new job now because I can promise you if they’re doing this now it’s only going to get worse