In households where there is only one room, it can indeed raise concerns and questions regarding privacy, including intimate activities like sex. While it may seem like an uncomfortable topic to discuss, it is important to approach it with an open mind and cultural sensitivity.
Firstly, it is essential to acknowledge that one-room housing has been a reality for many people throughout history and continues to be today in various parts of the world. Factors such as economic limitations, population density, and cultural practices contribute to this housing arrangement. Families often adapt and find ways to maintain privacy despite the lack of physical barriers.
It is crucial to recognize that assumptions about people’s behavior in one-room households should not be generalized. Just because individuals share a space does not automatically mean that they engage in intimate activities in the presence of their family members. In fact, many families find alternative solutions and establish boundaries to maintain privacy and respect.
In cultures where one-room housing is prevalent, families often develop a sense of shared understanding and respect for each other’s personal space and privacy. They may establish specific quiet times or employ other strategies to allow each member to have some privacy when needed. Additionally, families may have routines or practices that subtly communicate the need for private time, such as going for walks or finding temporary alternatives outside of the household.
Communication within families is key when it comes to addressing privacy concerns in one-room living situations. Family members learn to discuss their needs openly and respectfully, establishing guidelines to ensure everyone feels comfortable and respected. Parents, for instance, may set up a designated area or time for their intimate moments when children are asleep or occupied elsewhere.
Moreover, cultural norms play a significant role in shaping attitudes towards privacy and intimate matters. In some cultures, open conversations about sex and relationships are more common, while in others, they are considered private and discreet. It is crucial to refrain from judging other cultures based on personal values and beliefs, as this can promote cultural insensitivity and misunderstanding.
In more modern contexts, where privacy is highly valued, families living in one-room accommodations may face challenges in maintaining intimacy. In such cases, families may explore various strategies like using curtains, dividers, or temporary partitions to create separate spaces within the shared room. These physical barriers help establish individual privacy without the need for larger living spaces.
Additionally, families in one-room households can consider utilizing public spaces such as community centers, parks, or libraries as environments for individual solitude. Engaging in outdoor activities or finding alternative locations where family members can have personal time contributes to a balanced lifestyle in limited living arrangements.
It is important to remember that the dynamics of one-room living can vary widely depending on cultural, social, and economic contexts. Each family finds its own way to adapt and maintain a sense of privacy within their specific circumstances. As external observers, we should approach the topic with cultural sensitivity and avoid making assumptions or generalizations.
Ultimately, it is essential to foster understanding and respect for different living arrangements and cultural practices. Recognizing the challenges individuals and families may face in one-room households while refraining from judgment allows us to have a more empathetic perspective on this topic.
I’ve answered this before under my old handle writes AnnalsPornographie
They just had sex. Couples would have sex with their children or relatives in the bed, there wasn’t the sense of taboo or privacy around it that we have today.
I’m also going to choose to interpret this as “when did sex become private in Western Europe” and I will draw on a previous answer and a blog entry I just published on the topic, here. and from my book Annals Of Pornographie: How Porn Became Bad
The term you are looking for is called “the invention of privacy.”
The works and research in this field is somewhat obscure and highly complicated. The most important book, La Vie du privee–The History of Private Life–is nearly four volumes long. The other major (recent) work by McKeon is about 1000 pages and very difficult to read as a layman (or even as an expert…) and is called The Secret History of Domesticity
Prior to the sixteenth century in most of Europe, and well into the seventeenth century, there was no particular reaction, positive or negative about semipublic sex, nudity or sexual organs. These things were common, from what we know of surviving records in London, Paris, Florence, Venice, Milan, and other city records. For example, there were Cock and Hen bars in London, which would be equivalent to a singles bar today. In these clubs, what we would call nonpenatrative sex was on more or less public display, and indeed, it was common to see it in the streets as well.
Part of the reason for that is because there was no police force to enforce public decorum as we have today. And even if they were, they would not necessarily have had the authority to do anything about public lewdness, drunkenness, or other misbehavior as we would see it. In fact, it took nearly a half-century after the establishment of the Metropolitan Police in London for them to feel as if they had sufficient authority to punish morality offenders (see the numerous King and Queen declarations on this, esp. Victoria’s relation with the Police).
The larger part of it, however, had to do with ‘the invention of privacy.’ What I mean by that is that in the late middle ages and early renaissance, it was quite common for households to be one room, and in particular, to have one shared bed for the entire family. This meant that children would be in bed and in all probability witness or be aware of their parents making their siblings. Here’s Ian Moulton:
[Over the course of the seventeenth century] Bedchambers-and the beds themselves-slowly shifted from being common living areas (in lower-class homes) or sites for social gatherings (in upper-class ones) to being what they are today-private space for the single person or couple who sleep in them. Reading became dominantly private and silent rather than spoken and communal.
The shift happened because of two major reasons. The first is that building material became much cheaper and architectural knowledge became much more common, allowing the creation of multiple rooms, better heating, and what is termed ‘the creation of the upstairs.’
The second reason is a little more complicated, and stems, essentially, from the Protestant Revolution touched off by Martin Luther.
Back in the day people spent more time outside, there was still alone time.
>But that’s… kind of awful. Maybe I’m just spoiled by the privacy available in the modern world
Yes, you are.
I’ve always wondered the same thing, but for pioneers in the American West. Initially they built one-room log cabins or sod houses, and their families were huge! And would get bigger.
When did the parents have time or privacy for sex?
I have heard this somewhere: that if the first child start doing doggy poses too often(by seeing parents in the bedroom maybe), then second child is around the corner.
From what I can tell, you just wait until everybody else is asleep and then have at it. Speaking as a person who co slept with my baby until he was 9 months old: you just wait for them to sleep, and then quietly do the deed. As long as they’re asleep and you’re not rowdy, you can get the job done without much fuss.
I imagine it’s one of the ways that sexual norms were enforced back then. After all, if what you were doing was legal and normal, you wouldn’t need to sneak off for this “privacy” thing, right? Just a theory.
The family’s sharing one room can’t afford not to leave it
A couple wants to have sex but their 8 year old son named Timmy is in the house..
A couple wants to have sex but their 8 year old son named Timmy is in the house. To get him out of the house, they give him an ice pop and they tell him to sit on the front porch and shout out everything that he sees while they try to pull a quickie. Timmy starts to point everything out.
“Mailman stopped by.” Timmy says.
“The Andersons are getting new furniture” he calls out.
“Jacob got a new bike.”
“Oh look. Kevin’s parents are having sex.” Timmy says.
The dad shouts out from the bedroom, “how do you know they’re having sex?”
Timmy replies “he’s sitting out on the front porch with a popsicle.”
Kids go to school early and man goes to office little late once in a while for a reason, kids to birthday parties and man cones to home early for a reason, kids spent time in park playing with other kids from the street while the front door of their 1 room house is closed for a reason… do you think people who live in a house with 12 bedrooms are doing it whenever they want and screaming n moaning like animals all the time .. ??
Apparently sex only became properly taboo when houses with door were developed. Prior to this it was just…sort of ignored. I’m talking olden days obv. Pre Victorian.
“When I was growing up in Sicily, 4 in a bed meant half your family’s on vacation” – Sophia, Golden Girls.
Historically I think it was definitely a combination of just doing it when people aren’t around or just being quiet about it under the covers, dorm room rules. Kids are asleep and adults know to just ignore it.
Also I imagine people probably did/do the same thing people in multi-room houses still do, send the kids to their grandparents or a friends house for the night
I grew up in a very small house 6 of us in total, it was all one room and long maybe 600 square feet . We all slept in beds at one end, then had the kitchen at the other end and the wood stove for heat in the middle. The bathroom was just a curtained off area next to the beds. The shower was open to the bedroom area next to the bathroom. Needless to say there was zero privacy.
I never saw or noticed my parents having sex. But I believe they just went outside or to my dads workshop. We lived in the middle of 40 acres of forest so I guess they’d get creative, tho I’m sure they still did it in the house and I was just oblivious haha.
A couple factors were probably important to consider that I haven’t seen mentioned in addition to what other comments are saying:
1) I’ve heard the idea of having sex in a bed by default as being relatively new. People can have sex standing or in other places. Nothing is stopping a couple from sneaking off somewhere to have a quickie.
2) there are times during the day when everyone isn’t in the house. The idea that it would only happen or even primarily happen at night when children and extended families are present is perhaps not correct. Even in many impoverished countries kids receive public schooling during the day. And historically and in undeveloped countries children might be working or left unsupervised all day. And historically most people worked from their homes (farmers and artisans). So a couple might be alone in the house all day by themselves while their kids were off doing whatever (chores, entertaining themselves, work, etc)
3) this probably is often not the same kind of sex that we are used to thinking about. Its probably often was not a man and woman participating in loads of foreplay with multiple positions. Its possibly pretty quick and almost solely piv.
4) places that are less developed than modern first world countries are often very dark at night. So just not being in a lit area would give you relative privacy.
5) historically and in much of the world people lived in agrarian settings. Even during the day it could be quite easy to be alone without even trying.
Please remember that entire families used to share a single bed as well. Please search “bundling board” if you want to be even more appalled.
When I was little my dad used to throw 6 quarters into the yard and tell my sister and I there were 8 quarters in the yard for us to find.
If they’re Mormon, everybody else jumps on the bed to provide the friction.
I have a friend who has to share her room with her two kids. She and her partner do it multiple times a week. They just wait till the kiddos are asleep and try and be quite. they got a memory foam mattress, got rid of the base board and keep the bed a few inches from any walls so the bed doesn’t bang lololol
The book Angela’s Ashes, they all share a room and the author says him and his brother became used to listening to their parents and assumed it was a normal part of everyone’s lives
There’s a scene in Dances with wolves where the Native American couple decides to get it on in the teepee with a bunch of people sleeping around them (I think after the tatonka scene) Kevin Costner’s character turns to see what’s happening and gets caught watching 😂 But yeah, I guess that was the only option
I’ve always wondered the same thing about those van life families and other alternative “house” families. I assume they either do it when the kids are away playing or sleeping. Maybe the parents leave for a few hours to hookup in the woods or car
I dated a girl who grew up with her and her sister having to share a bed with their parents. Said “it was no big deal.” They would have sex with the kids there, and they would just roll over and go to sleep. Needless to say, she had issues. Especially in the area of intimacy. But, y’know… not a big deal. Some serious coping going on there.
I served in the peace corps in Thailand and lived in a rural village. My next door neighbors were a family of 5 – grandma, mom, dad, big sis, and little sis. They lived in a tiny one room house that was honestly more like a shack. I always wondered how/if the parents ever had sex.
I live in Mexico. Here it’s still common for poor families with multiple children to rent a single bedroom or live a partially constructed home without distinct rooms.
Parents try to wait until the kids fall asleep to get it on. Having sex with kids *in the same bed* happens although it’s frowned upon. I know people my age (20s) who remember waking up and seeing stuff and feeling scared by it. Nowadays there is a push to encourage parents to make their kids a separate cot on the floor and put up some kind of curtain if at all possible.
Families tend to live very close together so it’s also an option to send the kids over to grandma’s/an aunt’s house. I’ve personally witnessed my MIL offering to keep her grandson overnight so my SIL can have privacy with her husband.
I’m 45 and in the summer we were only allowed back in the house for meals and at bedtime. Unless it was raining or something
Now think about the fact that in Willy Wonka all 4 grandparents slept in the same bed.
No matter, how many rooms, you have available. With even just One kid, you gotta learn some tricks of the trade, for Any kind of naughty time. One of my more creative ones, cost me less than a buck. I’d buy penny rolls. Take one or two out, throw the rest out the back door. Then tell my daughter, there were 100 out there. She would look Forever. And my son, was easily distracted by video games lol. You just gotta know your target audience, and work from there
People assume inside a house in a bedroom and a bed are the only places people have sex. Always has been lots of places and times to get your freak on.