Is it important to ask for a rapid HIV test in a FWB relationship? Are there any risks involved? #HIVtest #FWB #relationshipadvice
Background:
In a recent argument with my FWB, she got upset when I requested a rapid HIV test. Despite the disagreement, she may be open to seeing me again.
Importance of HIV testing:
1. Why is it crucial to ask for an HIV test in a FWB relationship?
2. What are the benefits of rapid HIV testing?
3. Are there any risks associated with not getting tested?
Dealing with conflict:
1. How can you navigate disagreements in a casual relationship?
2. Is communication key to resolving conflicts in FWB setups?
3. What are some tips for addressing sensitive topics with a FWB partner?
Inquiring about an HIV test in a FWB relationship shows concern for both partners’ health. It is essential to address conflicts sensitively to maintain a healthy relationship. #healthymindset #communicationiskey #relationshipgoals
It’s very unusual. Why didn’t you mention it before you had her come over?
Why aren’t you practicing protected sex?
And if you’re worried about suffering an incurable disease, why just HIV? Why not other viral STDs? Hepatitis can cause liver failure. HPV can cause cancer. Herpes is just gross.
I think everyone should get tested before getting with new partners but you should’ve let her do it on her own time in the privacy of her own home. And yes, it’s strange how you just sprung it on her. It kinda feels like an ambush/trap. You discuss these things. You talk them out.
Yea, that’s weird on your part.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting her to get tested before doing anything, but the way you sprung it on her without warning was kind of crappy. It should have been discussed beforehand.
You owe an apology for how sudden it was, but it’s great you’re taking your precautions, just tell them earlier if they’re fine with it.
You owe an apology for how sudden it was, but it’s great you’re taking your precautions, just tell them earlier if they’re fine with it.
The way you did it would make me worry you were engaging in reckless sex so much so that you weren’t safe to sleep with.
Obviously this isn’t your first time. And it seems all other women didn’t mind it either since you are only asking about this particular woman’s reaction. I see nothing wrong with it. If they say no, or react like this woman did, then don’t waste your time and move on. You are just trying to be careful FFS.
Anybody who gets upset for being asked to take a STD is a red flag RUN
FYI those tests are not as reliable for people with acute, new, or well treated. Really those are only good for chronic and longstanding infections.
Edit: finger prick blood tests are much more accurate and can detect hiv infection in as few as 14 days after being infected. But it is better than nothing.
Most areas have free to cheap blood and urine std tests and probably a better andis more accurate way to go.
It’s extremely fair to get tested before having sex with somebody. I get tested between partners and if I’m going to be fucking someone regularly I confirm they test regularly too. However, if I showed up to someone’s house and they had an HIV test waiting for me I’d be super put off. How do I know how accurate those tests are? What about other STIs? Are you having so much unprotected sex that you need a big pack of these things? So where you went wrong is your approach. The best way to go about this kind of situation IMO is to check in with the person beforehand about the last time they’ve been tested and state your boundary that you don’t have sex with anyone who hasn’t been tested recently. That way everyone knows the score and anyone worth hooking up with will have been tested recently or will be happy to get tested now (ideally at a doctor’s office/Planned Parenthood/etc.)
Is it weird? Yes. It’s not commonly done though it probably should be.
Is it acceptable? That’s up to the people you’re dealing with.
It isn’t commonly done though so it can catch someone off guard. She said you should have mentioned it earlier in the date but I have a feeling there is no best time to bring it up. You’re just going to have to accept that some people will not respond the way you hope.
It’s great to be cautious and frequent testing is a good idea if you’re sleeping with multiple people, but I agree with her- you should’ve told her ahead of time it was something you wanted to do.
I think doing STI testing before you have sex with a new partner is always a good idea, but it should be discussed before you are heading over to hook up with them.
Sometime after the flirty banter where you decide you’re into each other and before you’re planning to do the deed you need to have some not-so-sexy real talk about STI testing and what forms of contraception we are using, and once you’re good there you can go back to a more fun, sex positive chat about boundaries, consent and what kind of stuff you’re into (and pull out some yes/no/maybe lists).
I don’t know man. That is a pressure situation with a new woman right there in your house. What if she freaks out and yells at you? What if hers is positive? That is a big mess to try and get out of your house w/ someone you dont know very well
Hey OP , your choice , just be honest and forthcoming.
By the way, have any of your partners ever came back positive?
You owe an apology for springing that on her! A simple call would have gone a long way and would have been well worth it!
Dude!? Block her!??? Seriously??? You have no self worth huh? Sweetheart she’s not a girlfriend it was for a hookup so she should have had no problem with doing it, in fact she should have thought that was great, because at least she will know that you are someone who is clean and wants to stay that way.
Truly she isn’t worth the trouble I promise she isn’t. Block her and leave her alone. There was no issue and shouldn’t have been. What’s the difference of her needing a heads up? Why would you need a heads up? Honestly she’s sketch and I don’t know why you didn’t block her when you dropped her off.
Don’t go to her place. Let her go and block her
While I’m all for testing before you sleep with someone new, I’m sorry but I’d bolt out of that door asap for all the reasons people have been listing here! 😭
While what you’re doing is smart and safe, it’s also very unexpected. I would feel quite thrown too if I went over to an FWB’s house for the first time, and without any warning, there were STI kits waiting for us both to do.
I’d be concerned about the frequency of casual sex you’re having, I’d be a little put off that perhaps it was something about me that bought this about, and It would for sure ruin the mood.
It costs you nothing to throw out a text of ‘hey just so you know yo make sure everyone is safe, I do expect the people I sleep with to take X test, I take one too and I just think is a safe thing to do for both of us’ and then she can decline if she doesn’t want to, and no one feels ambushed.
Maybe tell potential sexual partners beforehand in future, and no, you’re doing the right thing and protecting yourself. 👍
I’ve been asked abt my last test and results etc but if I rolled up and you wanted to stick smth in my mouth, I’m out
I get wanting to get tested but why only do an hiv test instead of testing for everything? Other stds are way more common than hiv.
In most western countries where chances for a woman having HIV is very low, it would absolutely not be socially acceptable to request an HIV test before sex, if its just an average woman who’s not selling sex or injecting drugs. I have had to get tested for HIV for visa purposes (going to Russia), which was a bit of a hassle because in many western countries they won’t normally test you if you’re not engaged in high risk activities like selling sex or injecting drugs/sharing needles.
Sounds to me however like you’re referring to prostitutes or escorts, and not FWBs. I don’t know the appropriate etiquette around that, but betting that some who are not super comfortable with selling sex might be offended, or that they might not be keen on sharing the testing experience with a random customer if contracting HIV is a fear for them.
If you are involved in high risk sexual activity like paying for sex without using condoms and are afraid of contracting HIV you should consider using PrEP instead.
Also.
*Q: What are the chances of a man being infected after condomless sex with a woman who has HIV?*
*In general, the risk of a man getting HIV from an HIV-positive woman during vaginal intercourse in the United States is low — probably less than 1 of 1,000 exposures will result in actual infection.*
https://www.hiv.va.gov/patient/faqs/risk-of-unprotected-sex-with-woman.asp