Is it wrong to judge my brother for starting a new family at 50 with a younger wife after a divorce? #FamilyDrama #BrotherIssues
### Background Story
– Danny’s wife left him after 25 years of marriage.
– Danny, now 50, remarried a 30-year-old and they are expecting a child.
### My Concern
– Is it weird for him to start a new family at his age?
– Should I have kept my thoughts to myself?
– How to navigate the family tension caused by my comments?
### The Fallout
– Danny’s wife wants me to stay away.
– Most of the family is siding with Danny.
– Worth biting my tongue to avoid being frozen out?
Let’s discuss – am I the jerk in this situation or just concerned for my brother’s well-being? #AITA #FamilyDynamics
I agree it’s a bit icky for him to have married someone his daughter is friends with, but she’s 30 and a functioning adult. It doesn’t sound like she or his kids have a problem with it. It’s totally ok if you find it weird but telling him he’s doing a dumb thing at the gender reveal is a bit out of line. So YTA for that.
YTA: “ I told him that he is too old to be doing such a dumb thing.” is a dumb thing to say. First off, it’s his life. The kid is already on the way, so what good is it to say it. And it may not be your idea of a good midlife, but that doesn’t mean he’s too old or that it’s a dumb thing.
YTA – You are the judgmental one, aren’t you? It is Danny’s life and in no way your business at all if he wants to raise another family at his age. He’s happy about it, his wife is happy about and no doubt the kid(s) will be happy about it. For you to rain on his parade here is just terrible. Yes, butt the Hell out.
YTA. Everybody else involved is happy except for you. Let them be happy. It’s not your place to approve or disapprove of your brother’s life choices when nobody is getting hurt. For what it’s worth, I also think your brother is TA for passing on your comments to his wife.
Everyone’s an adult here. Everyone else seems happy, prepared, and stable enough to handle this situation. The baby is coming – nothing is going to stop that. You’re basically fighting with the air at this point. It’s good that you apologized, but it would be better for everyone – and for yourself – if you work out your feelings about this matter quietly and on your own time. YTA if you keep bringing doubt and negativity to a situation that is going to happen whether you like it or not.
> Most of my family told me I should keep those thoughts to myself.
YTA – They are right. Not your life, not your decision. No one needs to hear what you think on this
Soft YTA, because I would also find it weird, but your brother went through something brutal and now he has found happiness.
If my brother had been through something that awful, I would want him to be happy again.
YTA. In what world is 55 retirement? Also, in what world is 50 near the end of our lives? You’re acting like he’s old, decrepit and ready for Shady Pines. You should absolutely keep your opinions to yourself on other people’s lives. There’s a reason everyone else is happy for him… They are behaving like adults. Instead of being happy another beautiful life is coming into the world… Making your brother happy… You’re only thinking of your opinion.
It’s a bit out of the norm to start a family at 50, but not unheard of. Also, none of your business really. He didn’t ask for your opinion. So best to mind your own business. They’re adults. They get to make their own decisions.
Yta. Literally everyone else involved is happy. The woman is an adult. She is 30 not 20. He’s 50 not 65 so yeah he will be an older dad when the kid is in high school. Yeah just sit this out cuz it really seems like it’s none of your business
YTA. At this juncture, what was the point in saying it? The baby’s coming either way and as long as the two of them are happy, why be bothered? His wife is 30, not a fresh adult, so she knows what she’s signing on with getting involved with a man twenty years older than her. His first wife already left him and now has a sibling who is judging his newfound happiness.
YTA. I mean, what else is there to say? Get over yourself.
Nobody asked you what you think. Nobody cares what you think.
If you had kept your mouth shut you wouldn’t have caused this ruckus. Enjoy having everybody upset at you- you earned it. YTA
Yes be happy for them and keep your thoughts to yourself
>He said that he is healthy, in great shape physically and financially,and in love. He said that if I can’t just be happy for him it would be best if we didn’t hang out so much in the future.
He sounds so reasonable. I wouldn’t have been so gracious had someone come to question my and my partner’s life choices like you did.
>I told him that I was only thinking about his future
Really? Because you didn’t sound worried here, you actually sounded very judgemental:
>That he married a bridesmaid from his daughter’s wedding was weird enough but that to have a kid at 50 was super strange.
YTA, OP. It’s not like he’s dating her daughter’s friend he knew from childhood, nor has he baby-trapped her, they’re both consenting adults happy to start this new project.
>Most of my family told me I should keep those thoughts to myself.
And they are right.
What did you think giving him your opinion was going to do? You told him after he was already married and she was already pregnant. Even if he agreed with you, he doesn’t, but if he did, voicing a negative opinion would do nothing to improve his situation. It just comes across as judgmental and condescending. His new wife would be right to cut you out. Odds are against them, they need support not derision. YTA.
YTA. Just keep your thoughts to yourself.
Looks like everyone here is also on his side, YTA
YTA. No, you really suck as a person. Why do you get to dictate at what age people have children? Why is it any of your business? They are healthy, happy, consenting adults who want to start a family. Let them be happy and leave your bitterness out of it.
What did you think would happen when you voiced your opinion? It really is none of your business. YTA. Please try to see the world from other’ s perspectives. Your brother is happy- be happy for him.
INFO: how long has he known his daughter’s friend? because I get that the age difference is unusual in regular world relationships, but it’s okay IF they met when she was a fully consenting adult. If he has known his daughter’s bridesmaid since she was a child/ teenager, it is definitely creepy.
How are you “only thinking about his future” if he already got married and his wife is already pregnant? There’s no undoing that. Unless you expect him to say “oh ok” and divorce his wife and make her abort, you aren’t giving any actionable advice. You are being rude and insulting for no reason other than it probably contrasts with your life and makes you feel even older. YTA.
Aren’t you old enough to realize if someone wanted your opinion they would have asked? YTA
YTA. Why do you resent your brother’s happiness? Mind your own life.
YTA and you are way too old to be saying something that stupid. Dumb thoughts should remain unspoken.
YTA. In the first place, it is none of your business. In the second place, he is happily married and they are already expecting a baby. What did you expect the reaction to be when you told him this? Surely you should have anticipated exactly the reaction you got? You very unnecessarily created bad feelings.
You are entitled to that opinion but YTA for saying it out loud.
YTA
Everyone is happy, healthy, and are consenting adults. You sound judgmental af.
YTA.
at no point in your own retelling of the story did you once seem concerned. you did, however, seem judgmental the entire time.
you are entitled to your opinions, but you definitely should have kept them to yourself. if i were his wife, or even him, i wouldn’t want you around either.
He finna be that dad at graduation who all her friends meet & go “aw is this your grandpa?”
YTA. Also wanted to share that I am the daughter of an older father; I was born when he was 53. His age never mattered to me, except when I was doing a survey in middle school and realized how much of an outlier he was in terms of age…and even then, not really. I am his sixth kid (he was married earlier in life and had 4 kids with his previous wife) of seven, and my older half siblings had a very different father than I had. When they were growing up he was building his medical practice and rarely home, when he was home he wasn’t that involved. For my two (full) siblings and I who were born 20+ years later, he had a well established medical practice and was much more involved. He would make us breakfast almost every morning, and take us and/or pick us up from school. As an older father, he was also much more seasoned and pragmatic about kids and their development. Sure, he was older and wasn’t the type of Dad to take us on hikes in the summer or skiing in the winter but we found friends who we could tag along for that. Luckily, my Dad is still with us today and a pretty active and healthy 91 year old. Some might even attribute his longevity to having kids later in life!
YTA for being a Judgey McJudgerson. Having a kid that age would be my idea of hell, but I’m not going to express that to anyone who is in that situation. Just be happy that your brother found love again, sheesh.
NTA. A lot of people would feel the same as you. You only said how you felt, you didn’t actively try to destroy his new marriage. He and the wife got upset, you apologized, and now you’re biting your tongue. What more do they want? You can be nice to her and accept the new baby, you inside you can feel how you feel. Your feelings may change! You could come to really like her! Or she might bail once she realizes she’s married to an old man and wants to live her life while she’s still young (like the first wife). No way to know. But no, you really did nothing wrong and apologized. There’s no reason to feel bad if you keep biting the tongue. (Save the feelings and hot goss chats for a friend who doesn’t know any of them and will never meet them.)
NAH – It is weird to marry your daughters bridesmaid, and she can be upset that someone pointed out an obviously stange 20 year age gap.
He’s gonna be a couple years from 70 when they graduate, he’ll be lucky to see them graduate college or get married unless it happens really quickly. A selfish decision but it’s like telling someone they have a shitty tattoo, it’s permanent so you might as well lie like everyone else.