Considering divorce? Should I leave my husband? #RelationshipAdvice #MarriageTrouble #DivorceDilemma
Thinking About Leaving My Husband: Should I Stay or Go?
Are you a 30-year-old woman contemplating the idea of leaving your 37-year-old husband? Whether it’s due to irreconcilable differences, lack of communication, or other issues, this decision is a major one that requires careful consideration. Here are some factors to consider:
Communication Breakdown
– Do you feel heard and understood in your marriage?
– Have you attempted couples therapy or counseling without success?
– Is there a pattern of unresolved conflicts or misunderstandings?
Emotional Connection
– Do you still feel emotionally connected to your husband?
– Have you grown apart over time?
– Is there a lack of intimacy or affection in your relationship?
Red Flags
– Are there any signs of abuse or toxic behavior in your marriage?
– Have you tried setting boundaries and seen no improvement?
– Are you putting your mental or physical well-being at risk by staying?
Ultimately, the decision to leave your husband is a deeply personal one that only you can make. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate this challenging time. Remember, your happiness and well-being are paramount in any decision you make. #SelfCare #MarriageCounseling #RelationshipHelp
Oof, so you’ve been dealing with this for 2 years or is his behavior a recent development?
I’d do my best to get out of this hole you’re in with him, get a job, have your MIL take care of the baby, save up some money for your baby, your child is only going to get more expensive and it’s going to need financial support the older your child gets, your husband is funneling your finances selfishly, it sucks but utilize what you have to pay off your rent, and start building a safety fund, also hide it from your husband as I guarantee he’ll probably spend it all
On what planet did you think you could stay home with your baby while your husband only brings home $2000/mo?! That seems very low for a trucker.
Yes, you can divorce, but then you would have to work full time and pay for full time childcare. So can you afford childcare and living expenses on your salary? You are not going to get much child support from your husband as he barely makes enough to live and sounds like an idiot. If you can afford to divorce him, go for it. What is your financial plan for how you will extract yourself from this marriage?
Unfortunately, you are broke and you are trapped. You do 100% of everything already and he is gone most of the time, so you don’t have to deal with him expect for a few days per month. Is it better to just stay together so you can live more affordably, or can you afford to be a single parent?
If your husband isn’t paying taxes, he 100% won’t be paying child support if you do leave him.
The math just ain’t mathing! He works that many days and he only brings home less than $2 grand a month? Nope. Even with his piggish entitlement to eat out for every meal, there are still serious doubts about where his salary is really going (living on the road is a perfectly common and normal lifestyle, and resourceful truckers know how to prepare meals on the go…they don’t all gorge on diner food 3X a day).
This guy is a lazy, lying A-hole who’s just fine with spending 6 hundred bucks a month on food (I feed a family of 4 for a month, for less), while you’re living on ramen noodles, ffs! He’s doing absolutely nothing around the house. This is unacceptable.
Find out where the money is going. Has his paycheck amount gotten lower lately, or has he made the same amount all along? Have you seen his paycheck stubs? Is it possible that he has an ex and a kid who he’s paying support for?
This sketchy situation is untenable.
Find a job, save money, and leave this man.
…check w a tax pro about injured spouse relief. And leave the loser!
https://www.irs.gov/individuals/injured-spouse-relief
Trucking and logistics has completely fallen apart in the last 6 months. Just so you know. We are making %60 less this year than 2018.
Hard to see what it is you love about this guy.
Giant red flags abound. This guy sounds like a pathological liar and you need to do the work to get the truth, no matter how much it’s going to hurt you and him.
First off: NO ONE “QUITS” THE MILITARY. That’s not a thing. You are either discharged at the end of your time or kicked out. You don’t get the choice to voluntarily leave just cause you want to. That sign on bonus doesn’t get paid out until after a certain amount of time on active duty. You need to get his DD214. Don’t trust him to give it to you. You’d probably get a doctored one. Something at that dollar amount screams other than honorable, or a dishonorable discharge.
Good news is you can file paperwork stating you aren’t responsible for his debt to get your taxes back. I think it’s called injured spouse.
The pay also doesn’t add up to the amount you are receiving, the taxes, etc. and his whole “I just haven’t filed since my 20s” is also a whole lot of bullshit.
You’ve got his social security number, you can legally run a background check on him without his permission. I highly encourage you to do so. I also highly encourage you to file paperwork to get a copy of his DD214. This guy has lied to you at every single turn. Do not trust him. Do not let him manipulate you further.
Also get an STI panel. Cause people who lie and hide don’t have a moral line where that stops.
I dont know any truck driver that make that little when they work 20+ days a month. Unfortunately he may be allowing some lot lizards into his life. Have you gotten a std panel since all this started happening? Also I’d personally be thinking of an exit strategy and maybe looking into turning him in to the IRS. Sometimes you get a reward for helping them find the stupid ones might help you get on your feet. Perfectly justified in my opinion as a pilot who is away often when I’m home my wife and family is everything, they are why I work and coming home to them is a treat.
I’m so sorry you are here. I’m assuming you’ve had a frank conversation with him about how you need help and you aren’t getting the help you need?
If you’ve tried solving it with him then the only other thing you can do is solve it without him.
He should turn over control of the finances to you. Plain and simple he is either hiding cash or has a gambling/drug/alcohol addiction that he is spending all this extra cash on.
And if it’s not that, then he needs to get out that business and make more money to help support his family. And you need to get a job to help make ends meet.
Could he have a secret gambling problem?
He’s making less than 2k a month and spending $600 on eating out when you can’t even make rent?! wtf. He needs a different job. He sounds like complete deadweight. I would kick him to the curb. What a useless husband and father.
There’s some shady shit going on here. That’s a giant drop in pay. Sounds like he’s getting paid the rest under the table. You need to leave him before he makes you and your baby homeless.
Did you have relationship issues before having a baby..? Why do some many women had kids with deadweight men..
Absolutely leave him! Also, I think it’s highly suspicious about his pay for how much he supposedly works. You need to divorce this man and get out of this mess. Also, look up injured spouse to get part of your refund returned to you.
So leave him.
But be smart and make a plan.
Get a job and bank all the money you can.
See a lawyer.
When you have a nest egg, start looking for an apartment and daycare that take babies
Investigate social services for any programs you might be eligible for.
Leave him.
You can file an injured spouse tax form 8379.
You can write off his on the road food expenses to lower your tax liability.
The rest, he just sucks.
If you leave your husband, you will still be doing everything yourself.
I urge you to couples counseling. I believe everyone should at least try therapy before splitting. It behooves you to at least try before splitting.
If he won’t go, go alone.
Good luck.
If this is the US and he is a long haul driver there is no way his checks are that low
He is hiding money from you or not actually working
He isn’t holding up to his part of the deal of being a spouse. Leave him and put him on child support immediately
My boyfriend just started his trucking gig and he’s only gone like 3 days and his checks are almost 2k weekly. ( first trucking gig) Idk what kind of job he has but he has to be lying.
are his paychecks being garnished bc of the back-taxes he owes?
bringing home $1000 every other week translates to $12.50 hourly if he’s working full-time.
I’m not sure what kind of truck driving your hubby does or what state you’re in but [the average hourly wage for a Heavy Truck Driver II in the United States is $26 as of March 26, 2024, but the range typically falls between $23 and $30.](https://www.salary.com/research/salary/benchmark/heavy-truck-driver-ii-hourly-wages)
He is literally bringing home less than half of what he should be. something is majorly up.
save and hide as much money as you can for you and your baby.
consider asking to see his paystubs or w2. point out the missing money and ask where it is. be careful tho. you don’t want to corner someone with an ugly secret. at best he’s financially illiterate and at worst he’s got a second fam or a money devouring habit like gambling or drugs.
seek out what social services are available to mothers and babies in the community if you do decide to leave.
You can file for your half of the taxes. You should be able to request your half, or amend the return so he is filing married but filing separately and you get your half back. It’ll take forever, but you should get it.
And yes, leave his ass. Does he bring anything positive, at all, to the relationship? If he had been honest and up front you could have filed separately. Why is he working so much and getting so little? Why is he eating out so much? You’d be better off alone, bc then you wouldn’t be saddled with him and all of his debt. You’re already doing everything else alone. And that’s not a marriage or partnership.
This is absolutely terrifying, I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, and I know I may sound a little harsh, but it’s time you put it into high gear and get yourself and your child out of this. Even if it’s a little at a time and you can’t get out immediately. Have your MIL watch the baby so you can work, and start putting money away into a separate account so you can eventually get out of there. Try not to think about it day to day, but LONG TERM.
I think your husband and his boss are doing some illegal stuff (from your comments about his paystubs), and you need to find a way out. I know it’s hard, your SAHM mom dreams are up in smoke and your hubby isn’t living up to his end of the bargain. It’s time to put yourself and your baby FIRST, because your hubby sure as sh*t isn’t
I’m wondering why his paychecks ain’t matching his hours. I would do some digging. Is he in trucking school? Training?
Divorce him at least then you’ll get child support right now you’re barely getting anything. So he makes only $2,000 a month and $1,300 is sucked up in your rent/mortgage and his food so that leaves you $700 if you even see any of that to buy food for yourself and your child, and of course all your other bills utilities, clothing, stuff for the baby Etc so I’m assuming you have nothing left over every month. You’re not current with your bills. I really hope it’s just rent and not a mortgage because if it’s a mortgage it’s getting foreclosed on. Go see a lawyer and get out cuz then at least then you’ll be able to have the baby with you file that they’re your dependent or some sure your husband will also file that they’re there dependent but make sure you do your taxes first and you will get the refund because you will be divorced and they won’t be taking the money from you they’ll take it from him. If you have family go to them but go see a lawyer first, see if you can get a free consult and get out.
He either has a really crappy job or he’s holding money back. I mean truckers minimum make $50,000 a year especially since he’s doing over the road. So if he was making $50,000 a year he should be getting a paycheck of about $1,800 every 2 weeks so $3,600 a month. I mean who the heck does he work for that he gets paid peanuts they need truckers these days they are making a lot of money. There is something very fishy going on there. Are his wages being garnished for that tax bill as well?
*** I just went through your comments he’s being paid under the table obviously. 6,000 a year and he gives you $2,000 a month. Yeah I’ve asked him to explain that math to you. If he’s making enough he should be able to get you current on all the bills tell him you have to get current or you’re going to lose the house cuz you are. Tell him you need more money to pay all the bills and he needs to start coughing it up otherwise you’re taking the kid and leaving. Talk to a lawyer first though he probably won’t care I presume he doesn’t want this child since he started acting like this when you had the baby or I assume when you first got pregnant or as someone suggested he has a girlfriend. But I really hope you have some friends or family that can help you out tell them what’s going on and how bad it is and hopefully someone will give you a helping hand cuz you definitely need some support.
Have you seen his check stubs? His take home pay seems to be way under what it should be. Does he have garnishments or something?
Your husband has very bad financial habits. It sounds like you want to stay so if I were in your shoes (and I have been with men who were financial disasters), I would say that I want a divorce, but we don’t have to break up. The divorce protects your financial future so he doesnt drag you and your credit down, and it allows you to get some money in the form of child support before he can spend it. Take over the finances, take his debit & credit cards away and give him an allowance for the road. Absolutely no more Ramen while he’s eating out daily!
I do think his comment about you not feeling appreciated is just him hearing catch phrases and figuring it seems like a close enough answer. So be explicit, don’t let him blame it on some foolish like appreciation, emotions or hormones. Make sure he knows this is about financial stability, hidden debts and fulfilling responsibilities. He will drag you and your financial future into the toilet until you force a change.
If nothing changes, you already got the divorce and can leave.
Do NOT feel guilty for financial stability being a deal breaker. It should be a deal breaker for everyone, EVERYONE. Children should not grow up fighting for every scrap because their parent is a financial disaster.
Oof. Marrying a deserter is a whole kettle of fish.
Talk to his family about what’s going on. They may know more than you do about him.
I read the first paragraph and started responding lol. Divorce him. Create a plan and escape this man. He tried to trap you with a baby. A lot of men love the optics of being a father and husband but really just went a bang maid. Don’t go to his family for support since their loyalty would lie with him. If you don’t have family to go back to or lean on or friends of your own, I’d suggest calling the domestic abuse hotline or a women’s shelter to help you leave. Regardless of whether or not he’ll pay, put him on child support once you leave, any pay he gets from his job or taxes (if he ever files 🙄) will be sent to you. He’ll just be on the hook forever. (My dad is almost 70 and still owes my mom and brother child support and he’s in his mid 30s lol—I was an adult when they divorced otherwise he’d owe me money too.) You can use a public defender of your local county courthouse with filing divorce and for child support. Speak to a lawyer. But one thing I do know is the us wants their money and will definitely lock you up for evading taxes and you don’t want to be linked to him when that shit hits the fan. Motherhood also becomes easier when you’re truly single and have the deadweight of a useless man gone. Good luck op.