#NewDadProblems #ParentingChallenges #Fatherhood #BabyCare101 #SupportForNewMoms
👶 As a new mom, it can be daunting to realize that your partner knows very little about taking care of your baby. It’s important to address these challenges and find solutions that work for both of you. Here’s a closer look at the situation and some advice on how to handle it.
## Understanding the Situation
When it comes to taking care of a baby, there can be a steep learning curve for both parents. It’s not uncommon for one partner to take on the majority of the caregiving responsibilities, especially if one parent stays at home while the other works. However, it’s essential for both parents to be actively involved in caring for their child.
### The Role of Stay-at-Home Moms
As a stay-at-home mom, it’s natural for you to take on the primary caregiving role for your baby. You spend the most time with your child and are responsible for meeting her needs on a daily basis. However, it’s also important to ensure that your partner is equipped to handle caregiving responsibilities when necessary.
### Communicating Expectations
It’s crucial to have open and honest conversations with your partner about your expectations for caregiving. This includes discussing your baby’s schedule, feeding and sleeping routines, and any specific needs or preferences. Clear communication can help your partner feel more confident and competent in caring for your baby.
## Addressing the Challenge
When it becomes evident that your partner lacks essential knowledge about baby care, it’s time to take proactive steps to address the situation. Here are some ways to navigate this challenge and support your partner in becoming more capable in caregiving.
### Providing Hands-On Training
Take the time to demonstrate and teach your partner the ins and outs of baby care. This can include showing him how to prepare bottles, change diapers, swaddle the baby, and recognize different cues for feeding, burping, and comforting. Patience and repetition are key as your partner learns these new skills.
### Encouraging Participation
Encourage your partner to be more involved in caregiving tasks on a daily basis. This can include taking turns with feeding, bathing, and putting the baby to sleep. By actively participating in these activities, your partner will gain more confidence and competence in caring for your baby.
### Seeking External Support
Don’t hesitate to seek support from family members, friends, or professionals who can offer guidance and assistance. This can include having relatives or friends provide occasional help with childcare, enrolling in parenting classes together, or seeking advice from pediatricians or childcare experts.
## Finding Balance and Support
Finding the right balance in caregiving responsibilities is crucial for both parents. It’s also important to seek support from sources that can provide guidance and encouragement along the way.
### Embracing Teamwork
Parenting is a team effort, and both partners should work together to share the responsibilities of caring for their child. By dividing tasks and supporting each other, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling parenting experience.
### Seeking Spiritual Guidance
The Bhagavad Gita offers timeless wisdom on the principles of duty, responsibility, and selfless action. Applying these teachings to your parenting journey can help you and your partner find a sense of purpose and harmony in caring for your baby. Reflect on these principles and discuss how they can be applied in your everyday lives as parents.
### Seeking Professional Help
If the challenge persists and becomes a source of ongoing stress or conflict, consider seeking professional counseling or therapy. A trained therapist can help you and your partner navigate the challenges of parenting and develop effective communication and problem-solving strategies.
## Conclusion
It’s not uncommon for new dads to feel overwhelmed and inexperienced when it comes to baby care. However, it’s important for both parents to actively engage in caregiving and support each other in the journey of parenthood. By addressing the challenge with patience, understanding, and practical solutions, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling parenting dynamic for your family. Remember, you’re in this together, and with time and effort, your partner can become a confident and capable caregiver for your baby.
Its sad, but I can wrap my head around it.
It doesn’t sound like he is unwilling to participate. He’s present, just has zero clue what to do.
I know to you a lot of this may seem like common sense on how to execute, but if you have never dealt with a baby before… It can be overwhelming.
You may have to take a patient approach, explain to him:
>Hey, I need to you hold your own here. When I give you instructions, I need those to be done.
Meanwhile teaching him how to burb, entrain baby, feed, etc… Demonstrating each of those instructions in detail and letting him try to get the hang of it.
He seems present from what I can tell, just has no clue wtf to do when he is left alone with your child.
You have far more experience and time with the baby… He doesn’t.
It is male incompetence and pathetic… I get it, I have those moments too. But, he appears to be trying, which is a good thing to go on.
He’s trying love. Be patient.
Could you walk into his job and just figure it out? Nope. This has been your primary job and it sounds like he is willing to learn, but it can be intimidating. Relax. Give him some more responsibilities and he will meet them.
It’s his first baby and up til now you’ve done most of it. Give him time to learn, but make him learn. It’s better for all of you if he’s competent on his own. Congrats on your daughter!
If you have the patience to teach the childless sisters how to take care of a baby you can do it for him. People aren’t born knowing how to do this and if you’re honest with yourself you’ll admit that you’re still learning too. But also recognize that at 11 weeks postpartum you’re still a bundle of battling hormones. So don’t let your moods overwhelm you. Everything feels way worse now than it really is but it will get easier. Childbirth is no joke.
This comment section is so wild? If he’s capable of working a high-powered, high-income job, he’s capable of reading a baby book. He has had three months to learn how to do stuff and doesn’t know how to change a diaper? Sounds like he needs more solo time to work on his parenting skills. Seriously, what if something happened and he needed to solo parent for 3-5 days? I recognize you’re a SAHM, but parenting during non-business hours should still be a joint effort, right? When do you get a day off?
My husband and I took a newborn care class together before our first was born. I’m the oldest of 4 and babysat all the neighborhood kids growing up, so I knew a lot of it, but my husband had uh never held a baby before, so it was all new to him. Today he’s a pro at diaper changes and soothing and swaddling and washing bottles. Could you look into a class like that for you and your husband? Your hospital might offer them, or you can Google “newborn care class near me” or “baby parenting class near me.”
people don’t know what they don’t know and men in general are not raised to know things about babies. they are capable of fixing that tho! he needs to watch videos, buy a book, go to a parenting class, something. he needs someone who is not you to learn these things from.
you might also need to step back a little? so he can react first and do it with a little supervision. you’re not there to teach him everything, but allowing him to learn and maybe screw up in front of you will eventually build attachment and confidence in his own parenting skills.
He seems willing to help but overwhelmed by lack of experience.
Help him learn what he needs to know by asking him to change diapers and manage bottles and feeding while you are together. Get him to bathe and dress her. When he realizes he can do it without breaking the baby he should be more helpful.
A lot of women and men who have no baby experience are terrified they will do something wrong or hurt the child somehow. Experience is learned.
Men seem to have this odd idea that women just know what to do to take care of a baby. We don’t. We had to learn.
They have to learn, too. And they also think we’re naturally calmer with them, but it’s not surprising they might be a little scared.
Just give him time. He’ll learn. You teach him.
I have 6 daughters and I learned quickly how to safely handle babies. They’re very fragile but both parents need to do their part and he isn’t pulling his weight.
We went to newborn classes before the baby was born. It gave us both much needed information
Did both of you not do prenatal classes or read baby books?
I think you need to sit down and have a conversation. Tell him the baby is 3 months old and he doesn’t know how to look after her for a few hours, which is a problem, so obv that has to change.
Ask him what his plan is to change that. If he doesn’t have an immediate answer, say well come back together in an hour and he can give you his plan then. (he needs to take the initiative there)
His plan should include reading some baby books, watching some YouTube vids., take a class.Increased responsibility in the evenings. Anything that isn’t breastfeeding he needs to start doing so he learns how to do it and do it well.
To start with obv you’ll be around and can answer questions, but them you need to step back, go for a walk so they are alone (20 min, 30, mins) run an errand, go out without her.
Eg. Do 1 bath together, then he does the next bath with you in a different room, then the next one other side of the house. Then he does all baths for the next 2/3 weeks after that you can split them 50/50.
Every diaper when he is in the house (maybe not the middle of the night) for 2 weeks then every other one.
Consider getting an app that tracks all baby tasks. Then you can both input info. As the babies schedule changes, you can update it.
He can spend a few weeks with sole responsibility for the tasks then switch to 50/50 outside work hours.
Also some of the learning is ongoing so he needs to read about upcoming stages so he’s ready when they happen.
This is completely normal for a first-time parent. This is something that most new parents worry about and go through. He is going to be slower to learn than you are since you are the primary caregiver, but it sounds like he is willing and interested in learning. It sounds like you have a fantastic husband who will be an amazing father.
For 11 weeks postpartum, you’re doing great! I imagine, though, watching you handle it all and doing an amazing job could be making your husband feel a little intimidated. He works a pretty high level job where he feels secure in his knowledge and competency. And then comes home and, to him, it looks as if knowing how to take care of your daughter came with your daughter. Maybe he’s wondering why he doesn’t seem to have that? Maybe he looks at this tiny, perfect human and is just scared he’ll mess something up or hurt her and he just doesn’t do anything? Maybe I’m totally wrong!?
New baby hormones are NO joke, so be gentle with yourself and with him. He’s going to have to get comfortable doing the things to take care of her so you can feel comfortable leaving. Which means you’re going to feel uncomfortable watching him learn. But the pay off is worth it! Show him how she likes to be burped or fed and pair it with “I’ve found she really likes it when she’s held this way.” That could make it feel less like you’re having to teach him to parent and more like showing him what his daughter likes best. Because you’re going to be the one that will know her preferences best for awhile.
I say this gently, I completely understand not wanting to take your baby with you to your parents, but his first time flying solo would have been better with a shorter period of time, like a grocery trip. He loves his daughter and wants to be with her. I have no doubt that he’ll be rocking daughter and dad time soon.
The way the title says my baby and not our baby…
He had 9 months to learn how to change a diaper. Why is this just now a problem?
Lack of exposure does that. As he’s forced to take care of her more, he’ll learn. It will help him acclimate faster if you give him some tips and get him into a parenting class. Does that sound possible?
My father was the same way. the breadwinner, caring, good husband and a great father. but he was also clueless with me and my sister during his late 20s. Then when my parents adopted my two sisters he was also clueless in his late 40s.
When my son was born, my dad carried his grandson the same way he carried me and my sisters, afraid like he was going to drop us.
I love my father greatly but I knew when it was my turn to be a father I didn’t want to be that clueless. Fast forward as we were preparing for the arrival of my son, me and the wife at the time took new born baby classes. I was the first to change his diaper and since He didn’t take to the breastfeeding, I did a lot of the bottle feeding. Laundry, bathing, burping, rinse, dry and repeat. My ex wife was forced to go through an emergency c-section so she wasn’t in prime shape to do what needed to be done . so i took the child care head on with my mom on speed dial as she was a retired pediatric nurse which helped.
teach your husband but he needs to show and take initiative.
Do not fall for the weaponised incompetence play. Just don’t. He’s a human. He has average to above average IQ.
You didn’t know how to look after a baby 11 weeks ago either.. did you??
He will learn. Humams dont just let babies die as a general rule! He loves her.
Do not keep babying him too.
In the evenings? My hb used to feed and bath amd play woth babt whilst i cooked dinner & showered andsometimes just went for a walk for some time out.
Hechanged nappies from Day 1. Dont fall for that “I cant” nonsense.
I never left him with instructions. He worked it out.
Stop giving him all the instructions. Hes a grown adult intelligent person.
Means you gotta be away more often. Don’t stop him for learning and really create situations so he is alone and responsible for her more often. Encourage and compliment when he does things mildly right.vYpu don’t want tolose your patience toteach him, dominate every aspect of her care and then complain he does nothing when you really need it for some reason
I will add. I never gave my hb any option. Probably because my family never had that “traditional” dynamic.
My grandfather looked after his own kids in the 1920s! People thought he was nuts. But he loved his kids and Grandma liked to get out and socialise & play tennis 😀
Dad same. 6 of us and he did it all from birth.
My 3 brothers? Same.
So it didn’t occur to me that we wouldn’t be 50/50 and he wouldn’t be just as capable as me.
11 weeks is still very young. My husband didn’t really come online until 6 months or so. Though he has always been good about diapers, that one is pretty straightforward lol
If you have been doing everything, it is not surprising that he doesn’t know how to. He sounds like a good guy, trying hard. I would show him how to do things, ask him to burp her, change her etc if he is around when it needs doing.
Honestly, throwing him in it is great, internet had all the info, give him family/friends number. He will learn
Sounds like he had to learn by doing it. You leaving him with the baby was the best thing you could’ve done. I truly think men think women have an instinct for childcare, even dumb shit like washing bottles.
Both of you need to re-evaluate the way you both count the working hours involved.
His is say 50 hours a week including commutes, and his work maybe requires him to have a decent night’s sleep.
Yours (baby and housework) should also come to no more than 50 hours a week, and any overnight work time should depend on whether you get a chance to nap during the day and sleep in on weekends.
At a bare minimum on the weekends he should be doing all the baby care and half the housework.
Stop undervaluing your work and time.
You’ve had a baby nearly three months and your husband couldn’t even figure out how to change a diaper by himself? That is deeply concerning to me. And honestly the fact you’re talking like it might not be a huge deal is even more concerning. If you got hit by a bus and dropped dead tomorrow, he would have to figure out how to keep her alive all on his own. There’s a non-zero chance that you will not always be around to give him detailed instructions. So what exactly is the plan if that happens? It’s frankly irresponsible on both your parts that he has no idea how to care for her yet. It’s been 11 weeks and from what you’ve written he’s barely even comfortable holding her. Emergencies happen and you’re setting your daughter up to be neglected when one happens to you
You shouldn’t decrease the value of your contribution by saying you don’t work
>Which is fine because again, he works and I don’t.
This is not fine. You do work 24/7 taking care of your kid. And while your husband gets time off work at night and on weekends you don’t.
A really healthy way to approach this situation is to treat your caretaker role like a 9 to 5 job. When your husband is at work, you take care of the baby 100%. When he’s off work you split everything 50-50%. Why should he get time off but not you?
Parenting is a responsibility you both share. You’re not a maid or a nanny, you’re the mother and he is the father. He should step up and learn to be one.