#relationshipissues #partnerannoyance #communicationinrelationships
Are you feeling overwhelmed by your partner’s behavior? Do you find yourself constantly asking them to stop but feel like your requests are falling on deaf ears? You’re not alone. Many people experience similar frustrations in their relationships, and it’s important to address these concerns before they escalate further.
In your situation, it’s clear that your partner’s actions are causing you a great deal of distress. From tapping you on the backside repeatedly to disrupting your sleep and ignoring your boundaries, it’s understandable that you’re feeling frustrated and exhausted. It’s essential to set clear boundaries and communicate your needs effectively to ensure a healthy and respectful relationship.
Here are some steps you can take to address the situation with your partner:
1. Open and Honest Communication: Sit down with your partner when you’re both calm and express how their behavior is affecting you. Use “I” statements to share your feelings without placing blame. For example, “I feel overwhelmed and exhausted when you tap me on the backside repeatedly.”
2. Establish Boundaries: Clearly outline your boundaries and what behaviors are not acceptable to you. Let your partner know your limits and be firm in enforcing them. It’s important to respect each other’s boundaries in a relationship.
3. Seek Compromise: Find a middle ground where both of you can feel comfortable and respected. Perhaps your partner can find alternatives to winding you up that are mutually enjoyable.
4. Seek Counseling: If communication proves to be challenging, consider seeking the help of a couples therapist. A neutral third party can help facilitate conversations and offer insights into improving your relationship dynamics.
It’s crucial to remember that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, communication, and understanding. It’s not “over the top” to express your needs and set boundaries in a relationship. Your feelings and emotions are valid, and it’s essential to address them for the well-being of both partners.
In times of conflict and turmoil, the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita can offer valuable insights and guidance. The principle of treating others with respect and kindness, as outlined in the text, can serve as a guiding light in navigating challenging relationship dynamics. By embodying empathy and compassion towards your partner, you can cultivate a harmonious and fulfilling bond based on mutual understanding and love.
Remember, it’s okay to advocate for yourself and express your needs in a relationship. Your well-being is important, and addressing concerns early on can prevent further frustrations and tensions from arising. By taking proactive steps to address the situation with your partner, you can foster a healthier and more respectful relationship moving forward.
If you find yourself struggling to navigate these conversations, don’t hesitate to seek support from a therapist or counselor. Your emotions are valid, and you deserve to be in a relationship where your boundaries are respected and your needs are acknowledged. It’s never too late to address concerns and work towards a more positive and fulfilling partnership.
No you’re not over the top, he’s a terrible person and it sounds like gaslighting trying to make you feel crazy for perfectly normal requests. I’d say leave him tbh that he sounds kinda abusive and very selfish.
“belittling your partner and annoying someone to the point that they are in tears is how you behave. ”
Seriously leave
Your husband has a mean streak and does this stuff on purpose. Personally, I would be calling a lawyer and getting a divorce. You could try couples counseling, but it won’t help if your husband refuses to go or refuses to change.
This man is very, very thoroughly enjoying tormenting you, watching the big shouting reaction he gets, calling you crazy, and making your life an absolute misery.
This sounds intentional, and he actually enjoys getting a reaction from you. You should move out for a while, and let him deal with the fallout.
Tbh I know everyone jumps to divorce but what he’s doing isn’t normal, and you should probably try a trial separation
Get your own bed. Or better yet, divorce the guy who delights in torturing you.
So you are with a sadist. He is enjoying making you upset, and you want to show your kids that’s not acceptable behavior, but as long as you stay with him… well you are accepting the behavior.
If you can’t leave the relationship (you really should, IMo this is abusive), leave the room or the house when he does it. Do that every time, even if it’s inconvenient.
What do you think your options are? In five years if everything is exactly the same and he still wakes you up on purpose most nights and generally disrupts the peace in your home for his amusement and refuses to recognize the affect of his choices on his family, how will you feel? If you sat him down at the kitchen table and said “I want to stay married, but I’m worried I will have to leave you because your behavior is making me feel unloved and disrespected, and when I ask you to stop you mock me. Do you want to stay married?” what would he say?
He’s assulting you. Repeatedly touching a person who doesn’t want to be touched IS assult.
He is an abusive controlling pig. He knows you don’t liuke his behavior and he not only doesn’t care if it upsets you he activly enjoys it.
How have you not divorced him? Do you have a spare room? Get a lock and move out of his room. How could you ever consider having sex with him EVER AGAIN???
Your husband visibly delights in disrupting your sleep and tormenting you until you react poorly. Sleep deprivation’s such an abusive act that the Geneva Convention actually forbids it against prisoners of war. Your husband gets satisfaction from committing a literal war crime against you every night.
Covert narcissist. I’m guessing when you get mad he pouts and plays the victim. I was married to one for 17 years. I’m also guessing he acts different in public or to people he’s trying to impress.
I would agree with the other posts that this is not normal behavior. If you don’t go through with a separation or anything like that though, you should definitely consider getting locks on all the bedroom doors and sleeping in separate rooms so that your sleep and the sleep of your children is protected. As someone who works long hours and gets up early, I would not be able to deal with someone who treated me like this and the complete disregard for your wishes and boundaries is a problem. Maybe also sit your boys down and tell them it bothers you how much their father disregards your requests and feelings, and that this is something you need to work on? Idk, overall seems like a pretty terrible situation though and it’s definitely not you being irrational or overreacting. Hope you’re able to come to a solution, OP
He’s a child. You have two kids, so you know that when they were younger and wanted your attention but didn’t know how to get it, they would act out until they did.
He doesn’t have mature, adult social skills or the balls to tell you he is upset at you for something. So instead he hurts you, because he feels you hurt him in some way or he resents you, maybe because he’s jealous you’re the defacto head of the household. I’m not saying you did anything, just that this is how children act in this situation.
When did this start? Is it recently? Sometimes a person does this when trying to get out of a relationship or when something like losing a job happens. I’m not going to comment on the next steps, that’s your decision.
Sounds like an absolute prick, find solidarity and sanity with your lads and that should protect against the gaslighting.
What to do with the husband though, not a clue because what you described isn’t winding up that’s tormenting…
Don’t correct him while lying in bed. Put on your assertive hat. Imagine you are talking to an employee that’s having a behavior issue. You are mentoring them. Do not show any emotion.
Follow a script like this:
“Have a seat honey. I need to clear up something. You do this behavior. It needs to stop today. Right now. Do you understand? “
From here he should say I understand. If he does anything else don’t get upset or yell. Just reiterate that everything is going to stop until this is resolved. Sex. Events. Kisses. You aren’t going to be mean but you are breaking his will about this. If you get emotional he will world that like a hammer.
You are cold and calm.
He sounds very inconsiderate and self-centered. I doubt talking to him will get you anywhere,
Learn about personal boundaries and specific ways to enforce yours. For example, If he can’t let you sleep, he’s not allowed in the room where you’re sleeping (lock door).
Stop caring so much when he’s fussing about someone else annoying him. Let him he annoyed. Wear earplugs when you sleep so his grumbling won’t wake you.
A therapist or relationship coach can teach you wants to stand your ground that are less likely to lead to him getting aggressive. Could it be that you’re a little afraid to say “cut it out!” to him ? Has he ever been violent or threatening to you?
Why have you spent 20 years with someone who goes out of their way to completely ignore your clearly stated feelings about how much you dislike it when he intentionally annoys you and presses your buttons?
When you say, “I really don’t like this and don’t want you to do that to me.” He takes it as an invitation to violate your boundaries and deliberately do exactly what you don’t want him to, for what purpose, exactly? What is he getting out of doing that to you?
Why have you spent 20 years with someone who seemingly enjoys bullying and harassing you for their own enjoyment? What are *you* getting out of that? 🤔
My ex was like this. I used to get up at 5.30, so tried to get to bed at 10. He was very inconsiderate when coming to bed. In the mornings, I crept out and dressed in the bathroom.
Then, he enrolled on a course which meant he had to get up early on a Saturday (when I wanted a lie in!), lights on, doors and drawers slamming, thumping up and down the stairs.
So I started doing the same at 5.30 every morning. Lights, slamming, radio on, talking – it was great!
I suggest you do the same, prod him awake every day when you get up. Lights on, the works. Maybe he’ll learn not to be a jerk or maybe not. I’m thinking he might reconsider his choices.
Is this the kind of relationship and behavior that you want your children to learn and recreate in their relationships? You deserve to have your boundaries respected and your children need to know that you are worthy of respect.
Start your plan to leave. Hoard money, get support from friends and family, set up counseling, meet with an attorney. You deserve better! When you are having a bad day, reread the previous sentence. Say it until you believe it.
You deserve better!!
I have found with characters like this actions speak louder than words. Put locks on your kids doors. When he touches you to annoy you immediately leave and sleep elsewhere or take something he values and bin it. Basically do things that affect him negatively. Nothing callous. Maybe go on strike and don’t do some of the simple things he loves and just tell him you’re joking and he is overreacting. People like this have to get a taste of their own medicine. It shouldn’t be cruel, but it should plainly make the point, especially if as a family you can cooperate to send him the message.
It’s a behavior modification technique. Words and attempts at persuasion are pointless, act and let him reap the consequences.
I am sad that you allow this behavior to continue but even more concerned that you let this happen to your kids. There is something fundamentally wrong with your husband’s approach to family, he purposely torments and gaslights you. I really think you need to get some therapy and find the courage to leave this poor excuse for a partner and father.
This is abuse, you should not have to put up with it. Setting firm boundaries or leaving will teach your sons how they should treat women and what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, letting your husband get away with his behaviour will teach your sons that women are to be controlled. They’re being tormented too, they shouldn’t be forced to live with his behaviour either.
This sounds like it’s about control, as well as emotional abuse. Since you’ve explained your feelings about it. It’s like he has to touch and control every part of the environment including your comfort and your children’s comfort. I don’t suggest you stay with this person. Your kids have already seen this for however old they are and think it’s normal. This will take some undoing.
You are not being unreasonable in wanting autonomy or comfort or space. Those are normal human needs and he wants you to believe that they are not. You are underreacting. For real.
“This may seem really trivial … “
No. No it’s not. I’m not going to jump on the ‘leave him’ bandwagon but you somehow need to figure out a way for consequences if the behaviour continues. Your sons are definitely watching and learning.
He doesn’t like you or care about you. Why on earth are you still with him? He shows contempt for you everyday. Get up your gumption and kick that vile a hole to the curb.
The next time he awakens you when he comes to bed, be determined to not go to sleep before he does. Then, with him sleeping soundly, treat him exactly as he has treated you, so his sleep is rudely interrupted in the same manner you experienced. I’ll guarantee that this won’t be repeated for long, and he’ll finally get the message.
‘Nuff said.
If my husband did this, I knock the shit out of him. But I’m mean and very temperamental.
You’re tolerating this shit. Either stand up for yourself or kick his ass out. When he tries his “You’re overreacting” shtick, tell him to shut his lying mouth and get the fuck away from you. You’re teaching your kids this IS normal behavior.
I’d tell him you send one more pic of that mutt on my side of the bed, it’s going ro the pound. Then do it.