#HousingStruggles #RelationshipAdvice #FinancialPlanning #MovingOut #CommunicationSkills
Is your fiance expressing a need for a new space to cope with the demands of her new job? It’s important to address these concerns and find a solution that works for both of you. Here are some tips to navigate this situation and make a informed decision:
## Assessing the Financial Situation
– Take a close look at your current financial standing and evaluate what is feasible for both of you at this moment. Consider factors like pre-existing debts, upcoming wedding expenses, and savings that need to be allocated wisely.
– Remember, buying a house is a long-term commitment and should not be rushed into without careful consideration. It’s crucial to prioritize financial stability before making such a significant investment.
## Open Communication
– Sit down with your fiance and have an honest conversation about her concerns and your reservations. Understanding each other’s perspective is key to finding a compromise that works for both parties.
– Listen actively, express your thoughts clearly, and work together to come up with a practical solution that caters to both your needs and financial constraints.
## Bhagavad Gita Wisdom
– In the face of challenging decisions, it can be helpful to seek inspiration from timeless texts like the Bhagavad Gita. Reflect on the teachings of detachment and discernment to approach the situation with a clear mind and a peaceful heart.
– Remember, true wisdom lies in making informed decisions that align with your values and long-term goals, rather than succumbing to impulsive desires.
## Seeking Professional Advice
– Consider consulting a financial advisor to gain a better understanding of your financial situation and explore potential avenues for managing your expenses more effectively.
– A professional perspective can offer valuable insights and help you make informed decisions that align with your long-term goals and financial well-being.
In conclusion, handling such complex situations requires patience, communication, and a shared determination to find a solution that benefits both parties. By approaching this challenge with a calm and rational mindset, you can navigate through the uncertainties and emerge stronger as a couple. Remember, the journey to a new home should be one of shared decision-making and mutual understanding.
Why can’t you rent closer to her job? Also, you’re asking ways to convince her of your way. That’s not how relationships work.
Side note, why do you have car debt when you have savings?
Here’s a crazy idea. How about you don’t piss away TWENTY FOUR THOUSAND on a party.
That would pay off literally half your debts. That would move you closer to home ownership.
It’s kind of insane how ritualized it is to spend tens of thousands on what is essentially a party that lasts one day. I’d talk to her about finances and mention how if she wants to move to a better unit that’s closer she cannot also have an extravagant wedding at this point and time.
Getting a house together before you’re married isn’t the smartest idea, especially when you’re the one contributing most of the money and you’re already fighting.
If neither of you like your unit anyway, renting something closer to her work is also an option.
>Any advice on how I can talk her through this without starting a fight?
1. Validate her perspective about her work stress and commute, even if you disagree with the conclusion she’s drawn about housing.
2. Express your own perspective about your (and her) finances, but also express a willingness to work with her on a solution. The goal for steps 1 and 2 is for both of you to be able to recognize and respect each other’s perspectives.
3. Brainstorm different solutions until you can come up with one that you can both feel okay with. What would be the consequences of delaying certain financial goals?
Pay off the car loan. Find a place to rent closer to her work. Do not get married yet, you need to stabilize first.
If you are using your savings for the downpayment do that prior to marriage or make sure there is a prenup that protects you.
Cheap wedding when it happens. Have like a bit wedding/party at the five year anniversary mark or something. You are better off spending that money to remove debt and build investment. But even then, I would put more into the honeymoon (memories matter long term) more than the wedding.
But protect yourself my friend, protect yourself.
You and your fiance are not on the same page in regards to finances and you fight often on these items (based on your post and comment history).
You need to get on the same page and quickly. I can’t say whether or not you should hold off on the wedding due to this (finance issues are one of the top reasons people divorce), but you can’t be posting online about these financial issues and fights you are having about these things and also say you have a stable relationship.
Do what you can to support her. Maybe this means moving closer to her work, even if that is renting for a year or two. Maybe this means sitting down and going through your finances with a fine toothed comb to see if purchasing is actually viable for you. But this is something you both need to put work into to solve.
Have you planned on divorce as that tends to happen only once as well.
A great predictor of it happening is two people not on the same page financially, another is one or both partners being financially irresponsible.
I’m only giving you this advice because my divorce cost me 10x what my wedding did as i was fooled into believing my wife had learned that we could not spend more than we made.
She just hid it well until the ring went on then went loco
That’s the path i see you are currently on dude. Sensible partners do not expect someone to pull a new home out their ass when the money isn’t there, nor do they splash 25k on one day unless they make bank
If i was you there would be no move and no lavish wedding until those existing debts were sorted, if my parter still pushed for them there would be no wedding at all
You’re on the lucky side of this situation right now, you really don’t want to be married and have to deal with this or that 25k will be chump change when you realise she wants to spend anything that isn’t nailed down, it appears you are of the same mentality
Getting married right now with these costs, debts and expectations from her will be a disaster for you both.
Postpone the wedding or scale it way back. $24k is a ridiculous amount to spend on a wedding when you could use it to pay off debts and at least rent a place closer to her work. Her mental health is more important than a lavish wedding right now.
You understand where she is coming from so come up with a plan to move closer to her job.
If you have the money to pay off the car, pay off the car. You’re literally allowing them to add interest to barely boost your credit score? Are you insane?
It isn’t hard. Move closer and make some sacrifices or you’ll be paying 24K for a wedding and then splitting everything halfway in the divorce.
If you block people for telling you things you don’t want to hear, why come here?
You have no idea how to budget. It’s crazy to spend that much on a wedding when you already have debts. Housing is more important than a wedding.
Long time homeowner here….even if rent is the same price as a mortgage, your expenses with a house will be so, so much more. It’s a common misconception by people who haven’t owned before. Everything from basic utilities, to unexpected repairs, to general maintenance to tax changes that mistakenly don’t get rolled into escrow, to insurance claims, to homeowners insurance, etc. Also, $55k on a down payment probably won’t even be 20% in most areas which means you’ll need to keep PMI in mind for a few years until you’ve paid enough off on the mortgage. These interest rates are not it, my friend. I’d suggest waiting it out a few more years and paying down some of that debt before committing to purchasing a home.
Financials aside, purchasing a house in the midst of a wedding and work stress is not going to fix anything; it’s going to make everybody more stressed and spread thin.
Everyone is ripping you on the car loan without any context of the interest rate – I know a lot of people that got car loans back in the low interest days and are paying 1-2%. Just focus on paying down your higher interest debts first, whichever those are.
But your question is about moving now vs later: If you are renting, and your lease ends soon – move closer to her work. Or what’s your commute like?
You need to focus on collaborating to find ways to support reducing her stress load. Sit down and brainstorm together. It can be little stuff – meal-prepping lunches together? Finding audio books to make the commute more relaxing? Taking on more of the housework? Or it can be big stuff – making a budget and timeline to reduce debt and buy a house, simplifying the wedding to reduce planning stress and spend, communicating better about her worries and anxiety, finding mental health resources, making time to do yoga together each weekend, etc.
When you are married, you need to find ways to meet challenges together. It’s “Us vs. the Problem” instead of “Me vs. You”. Sit down and work through short-term and long-term solutions with that mindset, instead of the argument you are trapped in now.
What’s the interest rate on that car loan and how much is the interest on the savings? If the cad loan is costing more than the savings is earning then you should pay that off
Life only gets harder, she needs to learn how to manage stress.
During the weekend, when you are both relaxed, I would sit down and go over finances. Determine what is important. Definitely clear up credit car and the car loan, if possible. If her priority is a house, then cut back on the wedding costs. We eloped because we wanted our $ to go towards a house.
As for her commute, can she adjust her work hours to avoid the worst of traffic? Could she do four 10 hour days instead of 5 days per week? Is there anyone at her office that she could rideshare with? Is public transportation an option so then she could read or relax during her commute?
A long commute is awful. I have done it and will never do it again. It is a joy to live near work or work from home. It probably added years to my life.
You guys can get through this, but you need to prioritize what your really want. Also, look at programs for first time home buyers, look at HUD homes and foreclosures in order to save a bit of $. I think if you have a time frame when you will start looking for a house, it may help her realize the commute will not be forever.
Is there another way to cut down on her mental load? Hire a house cleaner so she can take a break from that. You take on cooking for the most part. That way when she does get home she can just relax. You say you live in the city, can you go for a hike on the weekends? Spending time in nature is great for mental health. Get her going to massages on the regular. Make her feel taken care of and don’t add to her load. Try doing this for 2-3 months. If nothing changes then ya I think it’s time to move or she needs a new job.
Why not get married in court and save up for a nice vow renewal in 5-10 years?
I kept telling my parter we needed to move. I begged, pleaded and cried over the course of two years because I could feel my sanity slipping.
He kept saying ‘No, let’s wait for a better time’.
And then I had a mental break. Followed by severe health problems and a life long disability.
Burnout is no joke and can literally cripple you, causing you to be unable to work.
We moved, but the damage was done.
Please listen to your partner.
And just what would she be putting down on this house?
Nothing? I’m going to guess nothing
Excuse me 24k , which is half your savings, on a wedding?
You CANNOT afford that.
Why are why spending 24k on a wedding with nearly 50k in debt?
That’s crazy