#MarriageIssues #HusbandToldClassmateHeWantedToDate #RelationshipAdvice #MarriageCounseling #EmbarrassedWife #InappropriateBehavior
🔍 Are you wondering how to handle a situation where your husband tells an old classmate he wanted to date her? It’s definitely a sticky situation, and you’re not alone in feeling embarrassed, angry, and unsure of how to move forward. Let’s break it down and explore some ways to navigate this tricky territory.
## Understanding Your Feelings
First and foremost, it’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid. It’s completely normal to feel a range of emotions in response to your husband’s inappropriate behavior. Here are a few key points to consider as you process what’s happened:
1. **Embarrassment**: Feeling embarrassed about your husband’s actions is natural. You may worry about how others perceive you and your marriage, which can be a heavy burden to carry.
2. **Anger**: Finding out that your husband shared such personal feelings with another woman is likely to stir up feelings of anger and betrayal.
3. **Uncertainty**: You may be unsure about whether or not to address the situation with your husband. Fear of confrontation and the potential fallout can make it difficult to decide what to do next.
## How to Move Forward
### Communication is Key
In any relationship, open and honest communication is essential. While it’s understandable that you’re hesitant to bring up the issue with your husband, addressing it head-on is the only way to move forward. Here’s where some timeless advice from the Bhagavad Gita can come in handy:
– Seek the truth, but do so with compassion and understanding. Approach the conversation with your husband from a place of love and concern.
– Remember that the goal of communication is not necessarily to assign blame, but rather to understand each other’s perspectives and find a path toward resolution.
### Seek Support
Dealing with a situation like this can be overwhelming on your own. Consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional counselor for support and guidance. Processing your emotions and seeking outside perspective can help you gain clarity and confidence as you navigate this challenging time.
### Self-Care and Reflection
As you work through your feelings and consider how to move forward, prioritize self-care. Take time for yourself to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Reflect on your own thoughts and feelings, and consider seeking guidance from the Bhagavad Gita, which emphasizes the importance of inner reflection and self-awareness.
## Conclusion
In conclusion, navigating the aftermath of your husband’s inappropriate communication with an old classmate can be incredibly challenging. It’s okay to feel embarrassed, angry, and uncertain about how to address the situation. However, with open communication, support, and self-care, you can work through these feelings and determine the best path forward for your relationship. Remember the timeless wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita as you seek truth, compassion, and understanding in your journey toward resolution.
I would absolutely be embarrassed too, but he is the embarrassing one, not you.
This is highly inappropriate and you need to address it. Don’t worry so much about the other mom, it seems like she handled it as best she could, and she may end up telling you and needs more time to process it/ speak to her partner.
There is no reason for him to message somebody and say he had a crush, like, what are we, still *in* high school? You need to talk to your husband.
By not addressing his comment about dating her, she effectively shut him down. Let’s hope he takes the hint.
he had a crush when they were in highschool and wanted to date back than. He wasnt asking her out on a date.
He was trying to cheat on you.
Girl he gave me the ick. I’m sorry he sucks so bad. I’m pretty sure he has done this before because you snooped and it sounds like there’s issues already.
I’m so sorry you are going through that… I would be hurt. I find that disrespectful, but I also would never do that to someone. I wouldn’t risk my significant other’s feelings just so I can flirt a little, I mean, what’s the point? If he doesn’t want it to lead anywhere, he just really needed to get it off his chest? And that was more important than honoring your feelings and the boundaries of the relationship?
People can give their opinions and slice this many different ways, but you know best. Are you happy? Do you want to be with him or arr you their due to obligation? How much are you putting into this marriage, and how much are you getting back? If you still love him and genuinely want to be with him, you two will need to have some difficult discussions. Maybe with a counselor if you’re worried about fighting.
I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer at all, just the most honest one. The one that you feel you can live with. Anyway, that’s all easier said than done. I wish you a lot of luck and I feel for you.💜
I would be embarrassed, too, but I would be proactive about it. When you see this lady again, you can laugh and say, “Isn’t it wild that my husband used to have a crush on you? Small world.”
Then, I would crucify my husband.
If his actions were questionable, I feel there is nothing wrong with going through his phone he is giving you a reason to question it and obviously you was correct.
I will speak with him, I would be embarrassed also so I understand how you feel.
Wow… I would be so embarrassed. How disrespectful….
Bring it up to your husband, OP
Time to have a serious conversation. Even if you start it by saying that she told you. Tell him she found it inappropriate. She knows you through kids. He can’t defend that – unless he directly asks her.
If this is a first and only time he’s screwed up then it’s a coin toss. If he’s apologetic and admits he messed up- then you have a decision to make mc or attorney.
That sounds like a person who tried to open the door to an affair and got the door slammed in his face.
He confessed that he had a crush 20 years ago. He shouldn’t have done that. It doesn’t sound like a big deal though and the other mother handled it appropriately. You on the other hand snooped on his phone. You have made yourself unhappy by invading his privacy. That is a serious issue. I hope you don’t do it again.
Your husband shot his shot at this mom and was turned down. I would burn it all to the ground. Let him know you snooped. Do you really want to stay with a cheater?
Yes bring it uo
And Yes, OP, snooping on phone is fine, dont listen to those who say Snooping or Invasion of privacy is bad.
“Dont let your wife stop you from finding the love your life”
-Your husband
Hell yes I’d be embarrassed. I’d be embarrassed for myself and embarrassed that my husband is such an idiot and I’d be embarrassed for my child that her father doesn’t respect his family unit.
I’d absolutely call him out on this.
Why would he do this? Why isn’t he happy? Obviously he’s a moron. Did we just learn that today?
Are you SURE it’s not a misunderstanding? Because none of this makes sense.
He’s so gross
My ex-husband, with whom I shared three very young children, did the same thing. Broke my heart. He was constantly accusing faithful-me of cheating, yet he was the one trolling.
We divorced. There was no other way.
Yes you bring it up to him , he was totally disrespectful to you and her husband and he needs to know you know what dick move that was
What a creep
He told a very pregnant married woman he wanted to date her?
Tell him she told you….
Your husband is the one who should be embarrassed. I don’t know what response he hoped she’d give but I doubt that was it. Perhaps seeing her just brought back memories and it was an innocent comment he just didn’t think of saying earlier. You noticed this when you grabbed his phone my mistake right? 😉 Focusing on you snooping on his phone is just smoke and mirrors to distract from what’s behind the curtain. If you do bring it up, don’t let him turn it around on you. Maybe ask to see his phone to find your phone or because yours is dead. Deplete your battery. If he’s shady about letting you see it, that right there is a reason to ask to see it.
It was will bother you if you don’t.
I highly doubt your husband was trying to cheat on you with a pregnant woman with 3 kids. He might have been just saying that to her cause (1) it was true and (2) it’s something nice to hear when you are very pregnant. I mean the tone of the message is important here. If he said something like “I can’t stop thinking about you since I saw you today. Can we meet up later? Please don’t tell your husband.” Then, yeah, maybe that should ring some alarm bells, but as you described it, he didn’t. If I ran into my high school crush out of the blue years later I would for sure tell him about it. Like who gives a crap, we all have had crushes. It really means pretty much nothing.
Sounds like you are expecting him to gaslight you, because you’ve experienced this before?
Yes it is normal to feel embarrassed, your husband is disrespecting your marriage and being disrespectful to this other woman. He is a walking ick and if he hasn’t cheated before, he is certainly looking to.
You can address these issues in counselling if you want or you can separate. Dont let him gaslight you, there are clearly bigger issues at play
Before you tell him, you need to do a deep dive into his phone and all devices.
This was too smooth of him to be a one off thing.
Telling her he had a crush on her in high school does not mean he wants a relationship now. People sometimes laugh about high school memories. But he did it behind your back, which is the concerning part.
If he’s the type to shame you when you bring up a concern about him, that’s something you need to discuss as a separate issue because he’s using it as a way to control you so you don’t ever rock the boat. I suggest bringing it up without judging his intention, which is really easy to do. You could give him the benefit of the doubt and say, “I’m not saying you were trying to start something with her, but what you did made me really uncomfortable and embarrassed because it could be interpreted as a come-on.”
Not judging his intentions doesn’t mean you don’t hold him accountable, and it doesn’t mean you don’t keep an eye on him to see if this becomes a repeat pattern.
I don’t care if they were “past” feelings. The point is WHY would he send that message, late at night, knowing they were all still in the same place? What did he expect?! The lady would be so excited and turned on that they’d sneak off somewhere?! It’s just so uncalled for.
Your instincts had you go take a look for a reason.
I find it interesting how relationships where there is a lot of trust, the couples don’t care if their partners get on their phones.
It’s only snooping accusations when there is something to hide.
Loads of body language experts and relationship therapists talk about sharing passwords as normal trust building, and keeping, exercises in this modern world.
Your husband got shot down over whatever he imagined her response would be. An ego boost or an affair, we don’t know.
Doesn’t matter. He was incredibly out of line.
The more upset he gets trying to flip it back to you will show how guilty he really is, or if he was just being an oblivious idiot. I doubt the idiot part.
In any case, he is the one that has given you enough reasons to not trust him, already, that you went to look at his phone.
The trust that was already tenuous, has been fully snapped with this message.
Proceed as you intend to continue the rest of your life.