#AITA for not wanting to cook a steak on Mother’s Day?
So here’s the deal – Mother’s Day has always been a touchy subject in my household. My hubby is the type to say “you’re not my mom” and completely brush it off. This year, things reached a boiling point. On Mother’s Day, nobody except for our two older kids remembered to show some love. As the cook in the house, when my husband demanded I cook a steak for lunch, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I left the house, bought myself a pizza, and later air fried his steak when I got home – a move he wasn’t too thrilled about. His response? “You’re not my mother, you didn’t give birth to me.” Ouch. He spent the rest of the day sulking. He finally made a steak for himself (the size of a plate, mind you) and plopped it in front of me.
Now, here’s where I need your help – was I in the wrong for not wanting to cook that steak on Mother’s Day? After all, I’m not his mom. But as the mother of his children, a little recognition would be nice for once. So, what do you think – am I the jerk here? Hit me with your thoughts! 🍴✨ #MothersDayDrama #FamilyFeud #NeedValidation
Holy shit, sorry that your husband is a complete fucking asshole.
NTA.
NTA. Why the hell are you staying married to this asshole?? Good lord.
You deserve better. Don’t ’stay together for the kids’. All that does is show them it’s ok for him to treat you that way.
NTA. This isn’t about one day. This is about basic respect, concern and care. None of which your husband is showing.
I think you guys should get marriage counselling as he needs a wake up call.
I don’t buy that line “you’re not my mother”. It’s not a legally binding contract, it’s just a holiday to celebrate mothers. You’re NTA
My heart breaks for you, truly. What an absolute jerk. And the younger kids are following his lead not acknowledging your role.
I hope for Fathers Day you take yourself to the spa, telling him he’s not your father and childcare is all his for the day since his kids will be celebrating him. NTA at all.
NTA, and a man should cook his own steak, like WTF? no offence, but i would never let anyone cook or even touch my steak 😅
If you are not his mother, than why does he act like a toddler on a tantrum.
NTA. You may not have given birth to him, but he is still very much a child.
NTA. Your husband sounds like a real jerk.
He’s right that you aren’t his mother, but you’re the mother of his children. He should shown love, respect and appreciation every day, but especially mother’s day. He should have made sure the kids had things for you, and made it special. He should have made dinner or taken you out. My advice is do the same thing for Father’s Day.
Does he have a mother? He spent the day at home without her. His reasoning is… Not there. NTA
NTA, throw the entire husband out.
Well your NTA but he sure is. How many kids do you two have together?
Does your husband even like you? Holy shit! Why are you still in this relationship? I don’t even know you, but this internet stranger knows you deserve better. You deserve basic respect and consideration.
Why are you trying to act happy?
“Thank goodness I’m not your mom!”
“But I grew your freakin’ kids!!!!”
“you say every other day that I’m hurting your feelings…..”
Convicted himself.
You have several children. The oldest is *41. NTA
You’re NTA. Next time he demands you fix him a steak (or do anything else he could do for himself), you say: **I am not your mother! I did not give birth to you!**
Good grief, the one day of the year that was supposed about showing appreciation for you and get ignored then told it’s your fault your feelings are hurt.
NTA, he turns it into you’re the bad guy! Fuck him and get out.
Tell him his tantrum doesn’t count unless he holds his breath, too. Ffs, NTA.
Assuming this isn’t fake, thank GOD I’m not you
>I have told him many many times. He refuses to change or go to therapy/marriage councling. I just don’t know what else to do
Your post history reflects that you have had ongoing issues with this man. If you continue to throw more of your time and emotional investment into this project, then expect many more disappointing holidays.
NTA, but Internet strangers can’t fix this.
NTA – he’s a bully! I wish you a great day, that you did not get. Your husband, and kids, did you wrong.
Esh – OP I don’t disagree with you but after 21 years what do you expect? You chose to stay with this man year after year and have several kids with him. He clearly has a view – which I don’t agree with – but I feel like not everyone is 100% of what we desire and this seems to be the negative part of the deal you struck. Your two adults kids also surely could have made more of an effort. Clearly you want him to do it but after 21 years, well are you going to melt down every mothers’ day? I might sound harsh but I don’t know what to tell you – you took this for 2 decades and he sounds like he has strong views on this.
NTA.
I’m not sure why you’ve put up with this bullshit for more than two decades, but it’s clearly not going to change, so you need to make some hard decisions.
Accept your husband’s assholish behavior for what it is and realize this is your life or decide you’ve had enough and stop going along with his horrible treatment of you.
For a man who continually screams, “You aren’t his mother,” your husband sure acts more like he’s one of your kids than a spouse or partner.
NTA. As the father of your minor children it’s up to him to organize mothers day gifts and brunch or dinner on their behalf. Obviously 20 and 18 are on their own but he needs to take 5 shopping to pick out a gift, along with the others and either make brunch or dinner, help the kids make it or take you out for dinner. That’s his responsibility as father.
NTA. You’re not his mom so you don’t need to cook for him.
NTA—but you deserve better from him, and if he won’t give it, you deserve to be free of him
You’re NTA for wanting your partner in life to put some gd effort into the relationship, but, good lord are you an ah to yourself. It’s been 21 years of this. He’s not going to change in the next 21, I promise you. In fact, he’s just going to get worse. Stop using your kids as an excuse to stay in a relationship you know is bad for you. It would actually be more beneficial to your kids for you to leave this man and show them how their mom looks when she’s not being torn apart by a toxic relationship.
You are not only someone’s mother, you are the mother of HIS CHILDREN! Treat him the same on father’s day. Hope your kids notice how you were treated!
“You are right. I am not your mother. Grow TF up and cook your own ducking lunch.”
YTA for
Thinking so little of
Yourself and staying married to him. YTA for showing your kids that
This is ok treatment for you. Why do you think so little of
Yourself. Why do you feel you deserve so little? Let’s work on that and forget about Mother’s Day. You have bigger issues.
This is heartbreaking. Your husband is the AH, not you, OP. I hope for Father’s Day you gift him with divorce papers because the way he treated you is unacceptable. Leave and take the younger kids with you. Explain to your eldest kids what’s going on. But please take care of yourself and do yourself a favour by leaving
NTA. For someone who is so clear that you are not his mother, he sure does act like he is your child.
This isn’t even just about Mother’s Day, I have a feeling you just want to be appreciated for one day out of the year, and mothers day is the best day to use that excuse, but still you can’t even get that!
Mother’s Day is really just a made up day by Hallmark cards, but it’s the one day that you can appreciate your mother or the woman that you made a mother!
Why didn’t he buy gifts so the kids can give them to you?
It’s cos he really doesn’t care or appreciate you, because if he did he wouldn’t treat you that way on Mother’s Day or any other day. Sorry but that man does not care one little bit.
NTA. My sister has separated from her partner, and she has a little girl of preschool age. For Mothers Day, I bought her a present and a card which her daughter gave to her. I did it because I knew she would love to be celebrated. Your HUSBAND, the one whose children you bore, couldn’t even be arsed to take you for lunch and worse, punishes you for being sad about it. Says it all, really. It’s time to take a stand.
NTA. Divorce. He doesn’t care about you at all. Any decent husband would celebrate you on Mother’s Day as well as his own mother. Why? Because once you become a mom your kid is too young for a couple years there to do anything for you so the husband fills in. Doesn’t mean he’d have to stop. And regardless trying to act like you shouldn’t take a day off from cooking on a day that celebrates mothers of which you are one shows he doesn’t have any respect for you. Leave him. He doesn’t deserve you and you deserve leaps and bounds better.
>He wants me to act happy so I’ve been trying to but now it’s been two days and he’s still angry with me. He keeps sitting on the couch arms crossed refusing to speak or anything.
That’s emotional abuse. He’s trying to control how you feel and he’s punishing you with the silent treatment.
If you and he were both behaving like loving adults toward one another, he would have already apologized for making you upset on Mother’s Day and for yelling at you.
If I were in your shoes, the conversation would have gone like this:
Him: “I want steak for lunch. Cook me a steak.”
Me: “No. It’s Mother’s Day, and I don’t want to cook today. But you’re welcome to cook your own steak.”
Him: “But you’re not my mother!”
Me: “And I’m not your mother, either. Your a full grown adult. You can cook your own steak.”
Him: “But I want having steak to be something nice that we do together.”
Me: “Oh! That’s very sweet of you. Go ahead and cook it for both of us, then, and we’ll eat it together.”
Even if he can’t find a reason to make Mother’s Day nice for you, he can at least not make it any worse.
Hi OP.
NTA, and FYI you’re in an abusive marriage with a husband who doesn’t love you. He’s using you for a steak lunch on your day when he could make one himself, then cooking a steak and forcing you to eat it as punishment? You’re being abused, and you’re so far down the rabbit hole that you can’t even see it.
Why in the world did you have so many children with this asshole? They are watching him, learning how to be in relationship.( he bullies and manipulates you; what was that crap about enjoying the steak?) Your kids ( males I think) are watching you, learning how to be in relationship. Hubs is the asshole for his piggy behavior, but at some point it’s also on you for staying with him and not modeling better tools for relationships and respectful treatment. Come father’s day, dont forget hubs aincho daddy. Serve him a microwaved hot dog on white bread and leave him with the kids for the day. Next year just leave for Mother’s day and take care of you.
ESH.
Why people in relationships like this have the most possible kids is beyond me.