AITA: Road Trip Dilemma with Daughter’s Friend
Hey there! 🚗 Let’s dive into a tricky situation involving a summer road trip with your kids and their friends.
Context and Background
You (36M) have been taking your kids (16F & 14M) on a summer road trip for the past few years, creating wonderful memories and bonding experiences. Last year, you allowed each child to bring a friend along, and you plan to do the same this year. However, a wrench has been thrown into your plans as your daughter’s friend sustained injuries and may not be able to fully participate in the trip due to limited mobility.
The Dilemma
Your daughter insists on still having her injured friend accompany your family on the trip, despite the challenges she may face. After discussing your concerns with the friend’s parents, they agree that it might not be the best idea for her to come along. Your daughter is upset and refuses to go on the trip if her friend isn’t allowed to join.
Actionable Steps
Here are some steps you can take to navigate this situation:
- Communicate openly: Sit down with your daughter and have a heart-to-heart conversation about the reasons behind your decision. Help her understand the limitations her friend might face and the impact it could have on the overall trip experience.
- Explore alternatives: Encourage your daughter to consider inviting a different friend who could fully participate in the activities planned for the trip. Brainstorm together to find a solution that works for everyone involved.
- Empathize: Acknowledge your daughter’s feelings and validate her disappointment. Let her know that you understand her desire to have her friend by her side, but emphasize the importance of considering everyone’s comfort and enjoyment during the trip.
- Seek compromise: See if there are any adjustments you can make to the itinerary that would accommodate your daughter’s injured friend without compromising the overall experience for the group.
- Stay firm but flexible: Stand by your decision, but remain open to discussing potential solutions with your daughter. Reassure her that you have her best interests at heart and are committed to finding a resolution that works for everyone.
Final Thoughts
Navigating family dynamics and teenage emotions can be challenging, especially when juggling multiple perspectives and preferences. While it’s important to consider your daughter’s feelings, prioritizing the overall well-being and enjoyment of everyone involved is key. Stay communicative, empathetic, and open to finding a compromise that works for all parties.
Remember, summer road trips are about creating lasting memories and bonding with loved ones. With thoughtful communication and a collaborative approach, you can navigate this situation with grace and understanding. 🌟 Happy travels!
NTA , The parents agree that it isn’t okay for their daughter to go, u didn’t ”went behind her back”, as a parent It’s ur job to intervene when u think ur kid is being irresponsible. And no, It’s not ur job to do whatever it takes to get her onboard with the trip, this is how we raise entitled kids. I’m sorry for ur kid but in this case she must take the L.
Nta, as the adult, you would be responsible for the kid, and the last thing you want is for something to go wrong when you’re out in the middle of nowhere. Her attempting to join you guys on activities/camping could easily aggrevate her injuries and cause permanent issues.
NTA. Sometimes being a good parent means being the bad guy. It is unfortunate for your daughter and friend, but totally changing the nature of the trip is unreasonable.
Well I mean, at the end of the day, you could’ve made some changes and had your daughter and her friend come along (it sounds like her parents were turned off by the activities, not a trip in general) or you could do what you did and have your daughter not go at all.
Hard to know if You are TA but what you got is a result for sure.
I’ll say NTA
but the main AH in this story is a teenager who i sympathize with. your 16 year old is going to have a terrible time on a road trip with her dad and brother and brother’s friend. i don’t really think that’s her fault, or your fault, but the dynamics of the group are really unfortunate for her and it will not be fun.
NAH
Do you want to go hiking, or do you want to spend time with your daughter? Most teen girls go through a few years of being less outdoorsy. They’re dealing with periods, extra skin care for acne, more into social media etc. you probably would be dealing with changes regardless of the friend.
You can do what you like for this trip, but your daughter can choose not to go on it, so you’re just going to have to figure out your priorities. Do you want to do a boys trip now and a second daughters trip later?
NTA – your daughter lied and manipulated this other girl’s parents into agreeing to something they wouldn’t have supported. Actions have consequences and your daughter is being unreasonable. Threatening to not come, unless you give in is a tantrum tactic and your daughter is trying to emotionally manipulate you.
Could you postpone the trip, to a later date in the summer when the friend could more easily come along or is she out of commission for the whole summer.
If the point is to have bonding time with your kids, and they can bring a friend, I’m not sure why you *wouldn’t* be interested in changing plans to accommodate who they bring along. Especially as you know she doesn’t have many friends at all to begin with, and clearly non she’d rather invite along.
Would you not accommodate her friend if they were disabled in some way?
It sounds like you’re more set on the events you planned rather than what the actual experience will be for your daughter.
That’s up to you to decide what’s important.
NAH.
NAH
But, it doesn’t sound like you did anything to try to accommodate what the daughter wanted.
Your call of course.
I get it if you couldn’t change any activities or timing of the trip, but if you aren’t able to show your daughter why you couldn’t make any changes she is unlikely to think you’re not the ass in this situation.
NTA: Speaking to her friend’s parents was 100% the right move.
You owe them the ability to give informed consent about whether their child goes. You owe them information about the potential risks of the trip. You are supposed to be mindful of the child’s safety and well-being. That is what you did by contacting them.
It doesn’t look like accommodations are realistic. How can you still have a family road trip with someone who can’t sit in a cramped car for long periods? It is not a minor accommodation, it is a completely different trip.
If the poor girl is in a cast,she will undoubtedly be miserable. Leg & collar bone? I can’t think of any way she’d be comfortable in a car, a tent, sitting in a restaurant, on a hike … whatever you’ve planned, she’ll feel bad, & your wind up leaving her & daughter at the hotel while you & son go out. And what happens if she falls while trying to do what you guys will do? NTA. Teens don’t have great decision making skills & are ignoring these possibilities.
NTA.
This is a great time to explain to your daughter that you didn’t “sneak behind her back” any more than she and her friend did with the friend’s parents. They weren’t honest with the friend’s parents about the nature of the trip’s activities, so they were sneaky themselves. And that would put the friend at risk for reinjuring themselves on top of it, which would make YOU responsible. You don’t want to sign up for that risk, which is perfectly acceptable. And your daughter needs to learn that.
Your ex should be in agreement with you on this as well, based on your daughter not being truthful with her friend’s parents.
NTA
Two broken bones and a road trip is just not realistic. Obv the girls don’t get this
NTA.
You should definitely try to mend things and have an open conversation about everything taking place here, you definitely need to explain to her that what she did was a bit manipulative. Getting the other girl’s parents to agree without knowing what they are agreeing to is pretty messed up and she should face consequences for that.
I definitely don’t think you should try to accommodate for the girl, it’s best for everyone that she sit this one out.
NTA. I think you were right to speak directly to the friend’s parents, so that they could make an informed decision. And I agree that a trip like this with multiple healing injuries wouldn’t be fun.
Could you do an alternative long weekend with your daughter and her friend later in the summer, when the friend is out of her cast?
NTA- You’re not the asshole in this situation. You acted responsibly by expressing your concerns to your daughter’s friend’s parents and making a decision that prioritized the safety and enjoyment of everyone on the trip. While your daughter may be upset, it’s important for her to understand that sometimes plans have to change due to unforeseen circumstances. Reassure her that you value her friendship and the special bond you share, and consider planning a separate outing with her and her friend once her friend has recovered.
Bringing an injured kid with compromised mobility to a long trip could be dangerous for the kid and hold you responsible for any damage in her recovery.
Offer to take them and the kid’s parents to something else, friendlier to the friend’s current health state.
NTA
NTA. You didn’t go behind anyone’s back 🙄 It’s your JOB to have these conversations with the other parents.
NTA you didn’t mess up by calling her parents. That’s what we do. The adults coordinate and make decisions. You’re definitely not wrong here.
Wow. A broken wrist would be one thing, but a broken leg and a broke collarbone are wholly another. I can’t imagine any doctor who would recommend she do a road trip with those injuries.
I imagine your daughter is unhappy but sometimes it’s necessary that parents be adults, even when our kids are angry about the results.
>” I’m also worried that this will be the last year this sort of trip happens because summers get busy for teenagers.”
This is a realistic concern.
The original intent of the trip was to make good memories during the all-too-brief summers with *YOUR* children. Perhaps it is time to go back to the original set up: just the three of you. You tried to make the companions thing work this year but it didn’t. It only works if both children have a companion.
Make the most of the trip for just the *three* of you. Perhaps offer a guys’ weekend trip and a different girls’ weekend trip later in the summer for their companions.
The clock is ticking. You don’t have them much during the school year; don’t miss a chance to spend quality time with both of them while you can.
Good luck, OP.
NTA unless you forge forward with only your son and his buddy. **Your son’s buddy should not be more important to you than your daughter.** What kind of father are you?
Info: How did you decide on a camping trip? Does your daughter enjoy camping?
While I don’t want to assume your daughter’s introversion means she’s averse to spending time outdoors it does seem like the trip you planned caters primarily to your son’s interests.
NTA BUT…..
This friendship is clearly really really important to your daughter. You said yourself she doesn’t have many friends, chances are her friend doesn’t either. I appreciate you want this to be bonding experience for you and your kids, but perhaps that bond should be how you care about their relationships and empathy for others?
No AH at all. Kids aren’t always rational so her response shouldn’t be taken personally. You do need to keep in mind that it’s a trip for all of you and not just things you want to do. I wouldn’t derail the trip but I would be flexible or your daughter may skip it all together.
NTA. As you will be saving money by not having your daughter and her friend, maybe you could tell them you can do a trip after she’s better, at the next holiday or extended weekend? With it just being the three of you and maybe picking stuff very specific to their likes it could make everyone happy. Maybe Labor Day or Columbus Day.
A couple weeks ago she broke her leg and collarbone. Is she even able to bathe without help yet? I would not take responsibility for someone else’s kid in that condition. NTA
NTA. But the easiest solution is to not include any friends on the trip.
NAH but what is the purpose of the trip? The activities or bonding with your kids? Your daughter is likely going to skip it, and is pretty unlikely to forget it.
This is going to have the opposite effect of bonding, and for an introvert could lead to her shutting you out.
I’d be less concerned about if someone is the AH, and more concerned about what this will do to your relationship.
Maybe you don’t care that much? The way you write suggests you like your son more, and I notice you are willing to adjust for his sports activities, but won’t make any concessions for your daughter.
NTA, but with the caveat that I was also an introvert, and it sounds to me like your daughter wants to go, but doesn’t want to be the only girl. If she doesn’t have many close friends she probably felt a bit of panic when she and her friend painted the story for the other set of parents.
If I were her and my one true friend couldn’t go, the trip would be a misery, and yet I would be sad to miss out on time with my dad and a fun trip. She’s a kid and is stuck—and maybe a bit embarrassed at having only a few or one close friend. I for sure kept that kind of info from my parents.
As you said, you don’t have many summers left of a teen actually wanting a road trip with her dad and brother. She clearly wants to go or she wouldn’t have made it seem so easy for her friend participate. As the adult, you need to find some type of compromise here for your daughter. Maybe a trip with just you and her later? A trip with her bringing a friend later? This trip but alternate things she and her friend can do on their own while the guys do the tougher stuff? Once she’s grown it’s the things you didn’t do that a parent looks back on with regret.
I don’t think it counts as “going behind their back” when it comes to talking to your underage kids friends parents. That’s just parenthood. Of course you want to communicate fully with the other family.
If I was your daughter I’d be miserable on a trip with just my 14 year old brother and his friend. I don’t at all blame her for not wanting to go. Maybe you could do a shorter road trip with your son and his pal, and something else special with her? Or do a different activity later in the year when her friend is more healed?
NAH
NAH. This is just classic teen behavior, she and her friend want to go on the trip together so they tried to rig the situation and it didn’t work. She’s not an AH for that, nor is she one for not wanting to go without her best friend. I feel like the people saying she’s being manipulative have forgotten what it’s like to be a teenager with a family trip being offered—if you don’t think you’re going to enjoy yourself, you’re obviously going to want to do what you can to get the situation in your favor. She’s 16, not a criminal mastermind. With that said, you’re definitely not an AH for being responsible about the physical limitations of her friend, or for sticking to the schedule that’s available to you and not postponing the trip.
Ultimately you have to let your daughter decide if she wants to come without her friend or not. If she chooses not to, could you organize a few weekends of activities that you can do with her and her friend later in the year when her friend is recovered? Theme park, museum, cottage weekend, anything that would sort of even the playing field as she’s missing this trip?
NAH. Your concerns are totally reasonable. I think it’s also understandable that your daughter is upset, especially as you’ve mentioned she doesn’t have many close friends. She hasn’t approached it in the best way, but she’s 16, I wouldn’t necessarily expect her to have a measured response.
Unfortunately, I think this is kind of a no-win situation for you. This wasn’t anyone’s fault, sometimes what you want doesn’t work out. Your daughter is not able to see that right now, so in her eyes you’re the bad guy.
Only potential mild AH is your ex, because I don’t think she’s necessarily improving the situation by weighing in and expecting you to shift Heaven and Earth to accommodate the friend. That’s awfully easy for her to say since she’s not the one stuck trying to please everyone.
Sorry, OP, this sucks. I hope your daughter has the maturity to eventually see that you’re not against her- shit just happens sometimes.
Even with accommodations it’s in the best interest of the injured teen to heal at home and not on any type of vacation. This dad does not need to take care of that girl. If a parent of hers wanted to tag along sure. But that’s a lot to expect on this dad. This is a serious injury
ESH, if you want to bond with your kids, adjust the travel a bit so the injured friend can come along. Or maybe so she can be there for half of it.
So I don’t necessarily know if YTA but (right or wrong) your daughter will remember you as TA. This post comes across as if you’re more concerned with preserving fun for your son & working around his sports schedule then trying to think of ways it could work with daughter and her friend. While I’m an adult now, my parents divorced when I was a child so my heart always bleeds for the children who have to deal with divorce fallout for the rest of their childhoods (and lives). If you can not think of some creative way so that daughter will want to go, please try to arrange some sort of trip for daughter and friend later on in the summer, even if it’s just a weekend. She’ll remember when you went the extra mile and when you could have tried harder.
NTA, but if you’re really wanting to have a positive bonding time with your daughter, your best bet is to find a compromise. Maybe you could do a second trip to a hotel with a spa or some place near you that 16yo girls would find enjoyable so your daughter and her friend can have some fun time together this summer while allowing her friend to heal. Or, you work with your ex so you can take each kid on a separate trip this year.
From an outsiders perspective, it seems like you really connect with your son and understand and honor his commitment to sports. And you mention he has tons of friends but your daughter
>is very much an introvert and only has a few friends that I know of.
To me, a former competitive athlete who also is outgoing, this tells me you haven’t spent as much time getting to know your daughter. Your son gets accolades mentioned but her? She’s quiet with no friends. That’s not a great way for a daughter to feel her dad thinks about her.
I could be reading this wrong. I **hope** I’m reading it wrong and details just got left out in the name of post length.
INFO: how did she take the trip last year with the addition of the friends? Was she overwhelmed by not just one but two outgoing boys (and one she doesn’t really know)? Has she shown interest or eagerness for this year’s trip after that?
How about you see if her friend’s parents would be willing to have her over at their house while you take your son and his friend on the trip as planned? That way she can spend the time with her friend as she says she prefers, without risking her friend or severely limiting the trip.
Then you should plan a one-on-one event with her later to be sure she knows you’re not just favoring your sporty and gregarious son.
I won’t call you an asshole but you’re letting logic and practicality get in the way of the true mission of the trip. Its not about the activities themselves. You’re the Dad (I’m one too). You gotta do it all.
NAH. At 16 I’d rather have been shot than spend a vacation with my little brother and his friend.
How long is this trip? I can’t understand why the friend’s parents would be OK with their (I assume) 16 year old daughter go on a trip without taking to the adult in charge of the trip first. Now, add in the fact that your daughter has a brien leg and collarbone that will be no where close to be healed….
…
YTA. Do you even like your daughter? If she says she is not going to come she is either not going to come or she will not interact with you at all. And she will not go on another vacation with you. If you want to have a healthy loving relationship with your daughter make the changes so her friend can come. What would you do if your daughter had broken her leg and collarbone. Just do that.