#NamingControversy: AITA for being honest about disliking my nephew’s name? 🤷♀️
###The Background Story
In January, my sister welcomed her new baby boy into the world and named him Philip. While everyone around her seemed to love the name, I couldn’t bring myself to fake enthusiasm. My sister and I have always had a close bond built on honesty, so when she asked me point-blank if I liked the name, I couldn’t lie.
###The Honest Conversation
When my sister confronted me about my lack of enthusiasm for the name Philip, I decided to be honest with her. I expressed my feelings about the name while also reassuring her that my love for my nephew remained unchanged. We had a candid discussion where I even shared my thoughts on names I would choose for my own future children.
###Unexpected Backlash
Unfortunately, my honesty backfired when my sister’s husband made a sarcastic comment about the gift I bought for my nephew, insinuating that I shouldn’t have spent money on something with a name I disliked. He later cornered me and accused me of breaking my sister’s heart by disliking the name she chose for her son.
###Reflection and Apologies
After the confrontation with my sister’s husband, I spoke to my sister and apologized for unintentionally causing her distress. Despite her initial upset, she understood that my honesty came from a place of love and respect for our relationship. She even apologized for her husband’s behavior and reassured me that she knows me well enough to not take offense at my honesty.
###Judgment Call: Am I the A-hole?
In the midst of all this drama, the question arises – Am I the A-hole for being honest about disliking my nephew’s name? Here’s my take on the situation:
1. **Honesty is Key**: In any relationship, honesty should be valued above all else. If my sister and I have always prided ourselves on our open communication, why should discussing a name preference be any different?
2. **Respecting Boundaries**: While my sister’s husband may have felt my honesty was unwarranted, I stand by the fact that I answered a question she posed to me. I didn’t go out of my way to criticize the name unprovoked.
3. **Sparing Feelings vs. Being Truthful**: It’s a fine line between sparing someone’s feelings and being truthful. In this instance, I chose to prioritize our longstanding principle of honesty over potential hurt feelings.
4. **Family Dynamics**: Every family has its own unique dynamics and ways of communicating. For us, honesty has always been the cornerstone of our relationship, and I stand by that even in challenging situations.
###Final Verdict
In conclusion, while the situation may have caused some tension and hurt feelings, I firmly believe that being true to oneself and maintaining honesty in relationships is crucial. In this instance, I do not believe I am the A-hole for being honest about my feelings towards my nephew’s name. It’s all about open communication, mutual respect, and understanding within family dynamics.
So, what do you think? Was I in the wrong for being honest, or was I simply upholding our values of openness and authenticity? Let me know your thoughts! 🌟👪
NTA. Tell the BIL to quit attacking you about this. You apologized to your sister, and you love your nephew. Tell her because you love him you are growing to love the name. It won’t kill you to lie and quit the drama!
I’m going with NTA. Your sister kept asking questions and you gave calm, honest answers. Your sister is not upset with you but her husband seems to be determined to cause problems.
“Then he got me alone and told me I had made my sister cry when I told her I disliked my nephew’s name. He asked me how I would like it if she said that to me and I told him I would expect her to be honest if she did dislike the name I pick for my future kids and I asked her the question. I said we don’t lie to each other and it’s been that way since we were kids.”
This was between you and your sister.
“She apologized for her husband again and told me not to listen. But then her husband reached out again and told me my sister is trying to spare my feelings. ”
He is deliberately stirring the shit pot.
INFO: Have you asked you BIL why he keeps bringing this up? What exactly he wants you to do? Since you’ve already given your sister your opinion and if you try to take it back now she’ll know you are not being truthful? What outcome does he want?
NTA.
>She asked me what I thought of the name because I was the only one who didn’t comment about loving the name
>She asked some more questions
She didn’t have to do this.
>she should have known better than to ask the question, that I didn’t go out of my way to give feedback on the name
She understands this but her AH husband seems intent on causing problems.
NTA Her husband doesn’t seem to understand that the two of you prefer honesty with each other.
NTA, purely based on the dynamic of brutal honesty that you share between you. Had it been someone else then sure tell a little white lie to keep things sweet. But if you already had a mutual agreement set in stone that you would both be 100% honest and open prior to baby Phillip then you’ve upheld your end of the bargain. Maybe her husband just doesn’t understand this dynamic that you guys have and you’ve made it clear that you will love your nephew regardless of his name so i don’t see why it matters to him anyway.
I have no doubt the husband suggested that name, it’s why he’s so pissed
In situations like these, it’s important to balance honesty with empathy. While you and your sister value honesty, some topics, like the naming of a child, are especially sensitive. Apologizing for any unintended hurt was a caring response. Going forward, consider the emotional impact of your honesty, especially on significant personal matters. Your relationship’s strength lies in your mutual understanding and ability to communicate, even through disagreements
NTA, please continue the honest communication with your seven though her husband can’t take it she obviously can &keep giving your nephew the best gifts.
NTA your sister even said it herself, she shouldn’t have asked if she didn’t want the truth as that’s the relationship you have.
You are making an effort to embrace the name, and you’ve apologised for any hurt feelings. Her husband is being a major AH at this point, especially for going behind his wife’s back multiple times to attack you. My bet is it was his name suggestion and he’s personally hurt and attacking you for it.
If he tries to bring it up again I would immediately shut him down and say you’re not continuing this conversation with him, and if your sister has an issue she can bring it up herself.
NAH.
Important point I’d like to bring across: It’s okay to be upset by something someone has said. It’s okay to cry. And then you deal with the disappointment and continue your life.
Looks like your sister did that but her husband isn’t.
Your sister needs to accept (if she hasn’t already) that not everyone loves the name. And that’s okay.
You’ve shown you love your nephew and you’ve accepted the name (not that you need to) by giving that blanket. I really don’t see a problem…
Except…
BIL needs to get over it himself.
BIL needs to accept that sometimes stuff happens that upsets his wife. It’s his job to comfort her and help her deal with it, preferably without blaming others.
NTA – but she’s two months post-partum, a new parent, super hormonal, not sleeping and probably feeling attacked about everything like most new mothers do.
What exactly stopped you from just saying it’s not a name you’d have chosen for your own kid but that it’s a good name *(it objectively is)* and it suits him?
Unless you got bullied or cheated on by a Philip and your sister knew… YTA.
Are YTA? Kinda yes. Name choices are deeply personal things. And new parents are usually highly emotional. So extreme diplomacy is always needed.
New mom: “hey bro, you’ve been silent about it, what do you think about my baby’s name?”
Brother: “Sis, I love you and the new kid. I think he’s cute, and I will be his ride or die for life. But I’m kinda odd, and old fashioned names like dinglehopper don’t do it for me. I’m sure that your son will be the best dinglehopper ever born though and I look forward to being a huge part of his life.”
It’s all in the delivery. A rejection of the name can feel like a rejection of the kid.
I’m not saying you should have lied to her. That would be bad for the relationship you have with her. However a huge emphasis needed to be placed on your acceptance of your nephew no matter what name he has.
After all Shakespeare did ask “what’s in a name?”
NTA. I am not going to blame your sister for crying or talking to her husband either because she has Mummy hormones right now. The only AH I see here is her Husband. Beware of him. He is determined to make things bad between you sisters. But good thing that you talked to your sister and cleared it out. Do not let her husband cause miscommunication.
Well, you don’t have to like a name to respect the choice they made in naming your nephew Philip or loving him for that matter.
It seems like you’ve done both, I honestly don’t know what your BIL wants from you. It’s not like you are jumping up and down demanding they change his name.
Only AH in this whole thing is your BIL as he can’t seem to respect your opinion or move on from it.
NTA
This definitely sounds like this is more his problem than hers. Especially after the “sparing your feelings” comment, if your relationship is how you say it is, there would be no reason for her to do this. It sounds like he’s just pissed that you dislike the name, and is trying to stir the pot and make it sound like she’s more upset than she is, to make you feel bad.
I don’t think YTA. Actually, I don’t even understand why your sister is upset. Does it really matter if you don’t like the name? As long as she likes it, who cares?
Soft YTA. Yea honesty is good, but its not always necessary. The kid already has that name, it does literally no good for you to tell her you dont like it. You couldve just lied and said its a nice name and nobody would get their feelings hurt. Philip isnt even a weird name, theres no reason to express a dislike for it, especially since this wasnt a baby name discussion pre-birth, its his permanent name now.
The soft Yta because she did ask you, although you shouldve known better than to outright say you disliked it. Also honestly youre kind of an asshole for acting in a way that made her realise you didnt like the name. Its one thing to secretly thing a name is bad, its another to act weird and make the mother notice you dislike it.
I feel like there’s a deeper issue with the name between the sister and her husband. The fact that she kept asking OP if he liked the name implies (to me) that maybe the sister was even unsure of it. Maybe her husband picked that name and it wasn’t her first choice. The husband’s reaction to you not liking the name also implies this might be the case.
Either way, NTA. She asked and you were nice about how you responded. You didn’t come out unasked and state it was the worst name in the world or anything.
You’re nicer than me. If BIL kept asking I’d eventually snap and tell him to back off. Your opinion was asked and you honestly answered in a nice manner. You can’t go back in time and lie.
I’m going with yta. I think you are comfortable being brutally honest with your sister but she is not comfortable being honest with you. My reasoning for saying this is because instead of telling you how it made her feel she ended up dancing around the issue and then apologizing to you. Your viewpoint of “I’ve just always been an honest person to her” is an excuse for not having to come to terms with that you are just kinda a rude person with no regards to someone else’s feelings. Her husband has now spoken up for her twice bc she is too timid to do so bc she knows you won’t acknowledge her feelings, your response will just be “but I’ve always been honest with you”.
In many instances honesty is a lovely trait to have but in other instances it’s just plain socially awkward and rude. In this instance you were rude.
YTA It is great that you have relationship built on honesty but I also disagree that it is necesery to be honest about absolutely everything.
The name is completely normal so there isn’t a concern with strange spellings, bullying etc. They are super new first time parents so they are already more sensitive and stressed. So what good does it do to anyone that you have expressed your opinion here? While it seems your sister understands your dynamic it was just uneccesery to have this sour taste linger.
YTA. You’re probably going to be getting lots of N T A responses here because this website skews a bit younger, but you don’t insult a new parent’s baby, even if they ask your opinion, even if it’s just the name. This is not rocket science.
And it doesn’t matter that it’s your sister and you allegedly both value total honesty as the complete foundation of your relationship. I’m saying allegedly here because you admit in your OP that she’s more sensitive than you are and you know this; so I feel this total honesty even if it’s not particularly nice is more you-driven than her-driven. Your OP sounds very childish, but I’m guessing you’re an adult now, so it’s time to be an adult and forget the pinkie promises you made to each other when you were kids – adults don’t always say their honest truths if they judge that more damage will come from that than not, and this was one of those times.
You should apologise to both of them for being unnecessarily cruel.
YTA. The time to be honest was before she named the child, not after the baby was born and his name was on the birth certificate.
You are also old enough to know that there is honesty and there is cruelty. People are sensitive about personal things and there is nothing more personal that your feelings about your newborn. If she had asked, “Do you think my baby is ugly?” what would you have replied? “Yes!”
There are ways to be diplomatic without lying.