#RoommateCurfewDrama: Not Respecting Curfew – AITA?
Are you in a sticky situation with your roommate over respecting their curfew? 🤔 It can be tough navigating different lifestyles and schedules in a shared living environment, especially when it comes to conflicting sleep habits. Let’s break down the situation and explore some possible solutions to help you handle this roommate conflict like a pro.
Understanding Both Sides 🤝
Your roommate values their sleep and sets a curfew for when they prefer you to be back in the dorm. On the other hand, you enjoy staying up late and occasionally returning after the designated time. Finding common ground is key to resolving this issue amicably.
Tips for Handling Roommate Curfew Disputes 🌟
Here are some strategies to help you address the situation and potentially reach a compromise with your roommate:
1. Open Communication: Schedule a time to sit down with your roommate and have a calm, respectful conversation about your differing schedules and how they impact each other.
2. Set Boundaries: Clearly define what respectful behavior looks like for both of you. Agree on quiet hours, light usage, and any other considerations that can help maintain a harmonious living environment.
3. Compromise: While it’s essential to respect your roommate’s needs, it’s also crucial for them to understand that occasional late nights are a part of your lifestyle. Negotiate a compromise that works for both of you, such as a set number of late nights per week.
4. Consider Alternatives: If reaching a compromise seems challenging, explore alternate solutions such as noise-canceling headphones, sleep masks, or designated quiet hours in the dorm.
5. Seek Mediation: If discussions with your roommate prove challenging, involve your Resident Advisor (RA) or another neutral party to mediate the situation and offer impartial guidance.
Navigating Roommate Conflict with Grace 🕊️
Remember that conflicts with roommates are common in shared living situations, and it’s essential to handle them with patience, empathy, and open communication. While it may seem challenging now, addressing the issue proactively can lead to a more positive and respectful living environment for both of you.
In Conclusion 🌟
While it’s essential to respect your roommate’s preferences and curfew, it’s also crucial for you to advocate for your lifestyle and occasional late-night activities. Finding a middle ground through open communication, compromise, and understanding can help you navigate this roommate conflict successfully.
Remember, it’s not about assigning blame but finding solutions that work for both parties. Good luck with your roommate mediation, and may you both find common ground and mutual respect in your shared living space! 🏠🤝
NTA. From the sounds of it you’re not coming home at 2 am and making a lot of noise or fuss. If they’re that light of a sleeper then I suggest a white noise machine or ear plugs. youre being courteous and being roommates is about compromise on both parties which you’re already doing.
She’s definitely the asshole. Decent possibility of being an only child as well. Tell her that this isn’t HER room, its OUR room. She should think about finding a new roommate if she ain’t grateful for the compromise you provided.
edit: or bad parenting.
>I’m a freshman in college living in a dorm and got a randomly assigned roommate. We live very different lifestyles, I like to stay up late and sleep in late and she likes to go to bed early and wake up early…My roommate wants me back in our dorm by midnight every night and I think that as long as I am courteous and abide by that most nights I am not in the wrong.
🤣🤣🤣
Decidedly NTA. Your roommate is delusional. You are free to come and go as you please. You pay tuition, room and board just like your roommate does. If your roommate thinks they can control what anyone else does, they are as unrealistic as they are entitled.
NTA,
You’re not purposefully making a lot of noise when you return. Your roommate isn’t your mom, she can’t set a curfew for you.
Edit: “She”
NTA. She can get ear plugs and a sleep mask. Your locations aren’t her concern and you’re doing more than enough to accommodate her.
NTA. She isn’t your mother and can’t dictate how late you stay out. If she is an early riser, then she should have been up when you came in. As long as you are being respectful you can keep whatever hours you want and it’s none of her business. She needs to get some ear plugs and a sleep mask if she is that bothered. She sounds like a control freak that is pissed you aren’t jumping at her command.
NTA
The RA is going to be laughing about this with the other RA’s.
She cannot dictate when you can come home. If you stay out all night, it’s not her right to judge. You’re an adult, and you can do what you want. Obviously, flipping the lights on and being loud is not allowed because you do have to honor quiet time.
You’re being super courteous, and she’s being controlling. This isn’t home, she’s not your parent, and she needs to get used to others living their adult lives. Hopefully, you find a friend you can room with next year.
NTA, she is asking waaaay too much, I’d get the RA involved because I cannot imagine an RA agreeing that your rooommate has a right to give you a curfew. I had a roommate like this in college and a really similar situation, and it would have saved me so much stress and tension had we gotten the RA involved sooner rather than later.
Wish I could see the RA’s face when they hear this one… NTA, obviously: as others have said, your roommate is NOT your mother.
NTA. Your roommate can’t dictate a curfew to you.
NTA. If it’s that big of an issue for her, your roommates needs to request a room change and become someone else’s problem. But you shouldn’t be living under her tyranny any longer. As long as you’re being respectful when you come inside and aren’t being disruptive, you can come back whatever time you want. And you shouldn’t feel guilty for it at all. She’s being purposely unreasonable.
NTA. Could you imagine if you told her that you picked her bed time and she had to stay up as late as you? She’s not your mom and you aren’t 14, she doesn’t get to give you a curfew.
Maybe a change of roommates would be best.
Why haven’t the two of you talked with your RA and found a way to switch roommates? You cannot be the only mismatched pair in your class.
NTA but roomie is. She has no authority to try imposing any kind of curfew or “lights out.” If you were watching TV with the sound cranked up, she might have reason to complain. But if you’re being relatively quiet, there’s nothing she can do about it. On the plus side, you’re already about halfway through the semester. Then you’ll be free of her.
NTA. You’re not a child and she’s not your parent. You don’t have to follow ANY of her curfew or bedtime rules. Being quiet while she’s trying to sleep is all she can ask.
Try to switch roommates to one with a more compatible sleep-wake schedule.
NTA
You are being more courteous than most people would be.
NTA.
Dude. She is not your mother.
I’d say, “look. I am not dating you, married to you, and you are not my mum, so no. I will come home when I please.
I will always do my best to be quiet on my return but other than that, you live your life. I’ll live mine. I don’t fuss when you get up earlier than me because boy, do you make noise too!”
Give the RA a shrug.
Your roommate can’t give you a curfew lol
NTA. It’s your roommate and you’re an adult, not a 12 year old dealing with your mom. She’s WAY overplaying her hand here.
I’m gonna be completely honest. If I was in your position, I’d stop being quiet when I stayed up late. If she doesn’t show you any respect, why should you show her any.
NTA
NTA. Your roommate has no right to demand that you not get home later than midnight, or get home before 9am (or whatever) because poor poor her wakes up from a door opening. She knew she was signing up to live in a dorm, where many many noise factors aren’t able to be controlled by her. This is 100% a her problem. You’re being great in trying to accommodate her, but she’s not the boss of your life. I mean, who does she think she is to say that if you’re out studying or working on a project or out with friends that you HAVE to be back before she goes to sleep. She needs to get earplugs and / or a sleep mask and / or a white noise machine or something and not making her problem your problem.
Is your roommate your mother? NTA
You’re an adult. You can come back to your room at any given time. It’s college life. There will be noise in the campus. Is she going to enforce a curfew on everybody? Good luck doing that.
Better to find a new roommate.
Um, yeah, no!
I was going to tell you to get the RA involved, so she saved a step.
Nothing you have done is unreasonable; you’ve been more than accommodating. Your roommate is being totally unreasonable.
NTA
NTA
Don’t listen to her. Honestly, tell her that you’re an adult and she doesn’t get to decide that you have to follow a curfew. She can apply for a new roommate if it’s that much of a problem.
NTA you better enjoy your college years. And don’t let anyone shame you for doing so. Before you know it your body will give you a bedtime.
You have been more than accommodating and need to set some boundaries of your own. She does not pay your tuition and she is not your parent or guardian. She can’t give you a curfew. As long as you don’t come in loud and disruptive she better learn to get some ear plugs and an eye mask.
Kindly tell her and your RA that unless there is a new school enforced curfew you will continue to be respectful and quiet but you will enter and exit the room your parents/loans/you pay half for when you see fit. She is more than welcome to find other accommodations if necessary.
NTA Your roommate is about to get a reality check from an RA.
NTA.
She’s controlling. Respect goes both way, so when she expects you to respect her sleep schedule why shouldn’t she at least try to respect yours?
8:15 in the morning is not unreasonable hour to wake up especially if she goes to sleep as early as she does. She just wants to control you and when you sleep and when you are allowed to be in the room. The RA is going to laugh at this issue because no dorm rules were broken.
NTA and the closest to an AH is your roommate who is, based on your writing, making demands rather than asking a request. You shouldn’t have to change your entire lifestyle just to accommodate your roommate and, if they don’t like you staying out late, they should look into other housing arrangements – either requesting a room change or finding off-campus housing.
Nta
She is in the wrong.
Your roommate is in no place to give you curfews.
It sounds like you are already going out of your way to be considerate and she is compromising very little in return.
She is not your mother. You are not 12.
She can figure out how to handle it. You’ve been accommodating.
>she had scheduled a meeting with our RA to mediate
Doesn’t sound like a bad idea, to be honest.
It’s good to let roommates know what you expect, and what they can expect. But you both have to compromise. You don’t answer to her in a way where she dictates what your cohabitation looks like.
Tell her that her wake-up time is now 11 am because if she gets up earlier than that, it wakes you and disrupts your sleep.
Umm, she’s not your mum.
You can be respectful, but her demanding a curfew is WAY out of line.
I would drastically cut back the effort you’ve been making after her little tanty. Sounds like shared accomodation isn’t suitable for her, but thats a “her” problem, not a “you” problem.
Hold on, you came back at 8:15am and that was too early for her??? But she’s the early riser? Nah, she was just wanting a reason to cr@p on your life.
This is classic ‘give an inch, take a mile’.
This roommate doesn’t even realise how unbelievable lucky they were to be randomly assigned such a respectful, easygoing, accommodating and curtious roommate! You’ve gone over and above what anyone could reasonably expect but unfortunately, rather than recognising and appreciating you and how much you’ve done (put up with) they’ve taken it for granted and become even more entitled and demanding!
Go to RA for mediation!! Be clear about what you’ve been asked and how far you’ve gone to accommodate, the impact on your life and how it’s making you feel, this roommate NEEDS the reality check that is bound to ensue! OP is NTA!
NTA and return the favour; please stay up until 1:00 to accommodate my schedule.
I don’t know the rules of your dorm but they’re not set by your room mate.
If she’s in bed by 11 at the latest, complaining about you coming in at 8am is ridiculous. You can’t expect lights out 9pm-9am.
I would check with a dorm leader or whatever you may have to check you’re not breaking the rules but it sounds like you’re being as respectful as possible.
NTA
NTA. To be honest I’m amazed you’ve been as accomodating as you have, it sounds like you have been exceptionally considerate.
The world does not revolve around your roommate. If you were loud and drunk every night I could understand her perspective, but you’ve been abiding by her rule to be back by 12, even if it meant cutting study sessions short. Did she expect you’d be home with her every night and that you’d be going to bed at the same time with no life outside of her?
If you have proof of cutting study sessions short all the better to show it the RA.
NTA.
Your roommate is a controlling nutjob.
Ignore any curfews she has arbitrarily imposed, remain courteous, and carry on with your life.
Don’t block her texts, they can be used to support your case if she wants to escalate.
NTA – she cannot control what you do and has unreal expectations. Also, where is she compromising? Maybe say you’ll be on time Mon – Thu but come in when you like Fri – Sun.
NTA. You’re in college, you’re an adult, so is she. She doesn’t get to set your curfew and it sounds like you’re doing everything you can to respect her inability to sleep. She might want to invest in some earplugs and a sleep mask.
NTA she’s your roommate not your mum
NTA. What are they going to do if you don’t respect their curfew?
The real problem here is this weird US thing of having roommates in college dorms (and often other places, workshops etc). I’ve never known having to share a room with a stranger to be a thing in any other country I’ve lived in.