#PetWeightLoss #CatCare #WeightManagement #FriendshipAdvice
Hey there! So the situation with my friend’s cat Juno has been a bit of a rollercoaster, to say the least. I’ll give you all the details and I’m open to any feedback or advice you might have.
The Dilemma: Helping Juno Lose Weight
So, my friend asked me to take care of her cat Juno while she was away on a year-long assignment in Europe. Juno has always been on the heavier side, to put it lightly. My friend insisted that she was perfectly healthy, but I could see the toll it was taking on Juno’s mobility and overall well-being.
The Feeding Plan: Free Feeding vs Controlled Portions
Before leaving, my friend instructed me to keep Juno’s feeder topped off with dry food so she could free-feed. I expressed my concerns about Juno’s weight and the negative impact of free feeding, but my friend was adamant about sticking to the plan.
My Intervention: Implementing a Weight Loss Regimen
After witnessing the struggles Juno faced due to her weight, I made the tough decision to change her feeding routine. I switched her to a controlled portion of wet food twice a day, and the results were remarkable. Juno lost weight, became more energetic, and her breathing improved.
The Fallout: Confrontation with My Friend
When my friend noticed Juno’s weight loss, she was furious that I went against her wishes. She demanded that I revert to free feeding, but I stood my ground, knowing that it wasn’t in Juno’s best interest.
The Aftermath: Strained Friendship and Moving Forward
My friend’s reaction to the situation has strained our friendship, and she plans to take Juno back as soon as she returns to the US. I understand her frustration, but I truly believe I did what was best for Juno.
So, what do you think? Was I in the wrong for making this decision? I’m open to hearing different perspectives and any advice you have to offer. Thanks for taking the time to read through this lengthy ordeal, and I appreciate any feedback you can provide! 🐱💔
NTA But I’d rethink the friendship. Do you really want to be friends with someone who would let her own cat suffer that way?
Info: Did you cold turkey go to the one can in the morning and one can in the evening or did you gradually taper down the cat’s food?
NTA
What your friend did to the cat is a form of abuse. You don’t have to agree to continue actions that are directly harmful to the cat. I think you need to take the cat to a vet and have someone with some “authority” make sure it’s healthy. And then I think you’d be well within your rights to not return the cat to the original owner.
Oh wow. This might end up being a hot take (although I hope not) but NTA.
Think of it this way, if she was skin and bones instead of overweight and you started feeding her more instead of less, would literally anyone call you the asshole? I bet not. It’s really the same thing, just two sides of the same coin. Starving a cat is abuse. Overfeeding a cat to obesity is abuse. And if she’s still 14 lbs after almost a year of weight loss, she must have been enormous.
The inevitable regain when she goes back to your friend is very sad, but at least you did right by her while you could.
NTA You saved her baby’s life, and she should be grateful. I hope you get to keep the now healthy kitty.
NTA.
And tell her to make the arrangements ASAP to take over since she is only using your friendship like a bargaining chip to look after the cat. Cutting a friendship off conveniently for putting an obese cat on diet…your friend isn’t your friend. Who puts a time limit on using a person …wtf
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Also I was a former cat owner. I didn’t even use a feeder.
NTA!
Your friend is basically abusing that poor kitty! She’s shortening the cat’s lifespan while also putting her at risk of heart disease, different cancers, joint pain, etc.
Is your friend simply lazy? I have 2 dogs that are fed thrice daily with limited treats. Feeding an animal is a basic responsibility and easy to do. She doesn’t deserve to have a cat.
Info: in all this time, has this cat ever been to a vet? If so, what did the vet say about its weight?
Normally I would say someone is TA for making a decision for someone’s pet or going against their wishes, but I feel differently about this one. You’d have had to neglect kitty to keep feeding her that way, like you said. You’d have been doing something wrong to her. So to me, totally NTA. I hope she sees how much healthier she is and rethinks how she fed her before.
NTA
Wowzer. 14 lbs and a standard regular cat is probably still a large cat. My cat is 12 lbs now and my vet would like her closer to 11 – and we think she has a bit of Maine Coon in her. You have done an amazing job of getting her weight down, and giving her better health and a better quality of life! You would be one if you intentionally caused harm to the cat by continuing the old regime, when you know that the cat can adapt.
I used to believe that cats would self regulate if you let them graze. That is a complete myth and they really don’t. I ended up with overweight cats! It came to a head, when one of our cats stopped eating (due to another undiagnosed health condition), and long story short, gave herself fatty lipidosis after 3 days of not eating. We had to tube feed her 5 times a day for months, until she was well enough that we could even start to diagnose and then deal with her main health condition. We could have lost her because of that, because we hadn’t kept her at a healthy weight. I get how it gets away from you slowly, especially if you have believed the myth (as maybe your friend had). So I can see how it happens, but there is no excuse for knowingly, and intentionally (as it would be if she put her back on the diet again), neglecting her by letting her get overweight again.
Has your friend ever taken the cat to the vet? Will they listen if the vet says anything? If your friend is now to be your ex-friend, how do you feel about putting the cat back in the old situation (as in, I know it would distress me, not that I’m trying to guilt you into anything).
NTA. I’m a cat owner myself and would generally be furious to hear someone disregarded an owner’s instructions, but if the cat is down to 14 pounds then she really needed the diet. The typical healthy weight for a house cat is 8-12 pounds so unless this was some very large breed you did her a favor.
I’m sure there was yowling but twice daily limited feedings are normal. Did your friend ever take her cat to a vet? I’d imagine a vet would have said something about the terrible joint and cardiovascular strain of too many extra pounds. Your friend has been an irresponsible pet owner and I kind of wish you didn’t have to return the cat (but you do). Maybe kitty won’t want to gorge again? I hope. Of maybe when when your friend sees in person how much more mobile and less wheezy kitty is she’ll change her mind.
INFO did you consult a veterinarian?
NTA it’s cruel to left pets get so fat it impacts their mobility
NTA and if the friendship is really over I might not actually give the cat back…..
Reading through the comments here… I understand your concern. It isn’t healthy to free feed dry food. It causes kidney problems and dehydration, not to mention the weight gain.
You just could’ve handled it better. It would’ve been far smarter to do a phone consultation with her vet (I’ve no doubt the vet has mentioned the weight problem — mine did!). A good vet who’s seen a cat before and already remarked on a problem would not have charged you for that.
Then you would’ve had the vet advice to back you up, and you could’ve said, “Well, I was concerned, so I talked to your vet and followed her advice.” Your friend might’ve been upset but not to this degree. And it would not have been as difficult for the kitty (you should not’ve faced any yowling).
Well. The kitty gets a healthy year with you, but it will be over when her owner gets back. NTA, but….
NTA-make sure you charge her for those months. Im afraid if the cat goes back to that weight, it may not survive long after. Weight changes like that could cause health issues. She needs to do what you have done. Not make the cat over weight again.
A tentative NTA. Other commenters please correct me if I’m wrong about this next part. I was under the impression it is bad for a cats teeth to only eat wet food? Am I mistaken?
Either way NTA but if I’m correct about wet food maybe add some dry food to its diet.
NTA. I don’t understand why your former friend wants the cat to eat all day long? Is your friend overweight? Why would someone be so adamant about over feeding a living thing?!
NTA. What your friend was doing categorises as animal abuse. Thank you for taking steps to intervene.
Absolutely not. What your friend is doing is animal abuse and I would absolutely report her to the SPCA. She should never have any pets if she can’t be bothered to care for them by ensuring a proper diet. She’s causing unnecessary health issues in the poor kitty. Please don’t give the cat back and report her to the SPCA for abuse.
I just had to put my 15 year old boy down around the new year because he had fatty liver syndrome, and was jaundicing so the vet recommended euthanasia because of the condition of life he would have if they were maybe able to extend it, but the chances of successful treatment, as invasive as they were, was still very low.
You’re doing her a favour, she just doesn’t realize it yet. Show her the thread. NTA
It would be a shame if right before she got back, the cat got out and is lost…
Nta , friend is probably lucky the cat is female bc males are prone to bladder problems in general and especially in this type of situation. Any vet I’ve ever had also recommends dry and wet food at best , the more wet food the better. Better for them and actually has the nutrients and calories to keep them feeling full longer. Friend is being a sh*t cat mom.
If someone put their child into your care and said “feed them at least 6 Big Macs a day and they can have whatever chips,fries, cookies, ice cream and snacks that they want when they want it”, would you actually do that?
Then why would you do it with an animal who is supposedly loved? OP says they tapered down and the cat is healthy. OP is NTA for not being complicit in animal abuse.
ESH, but leaning between NTA and ESH. You’re just a little bit the asshole.
I agree it sounds like this cat absolutely needed to go on a diet, but going from free feeding to a strict diet without a vet’s input was stressful to the cat, and possibly dangerous.
Also, you could have handled it better. My guess is your friend is just really worried about how stressful/painful it is for her cat to be hungry. Which is understandable, but you’re right that being SO overweight is way worse. Aside from being unhealthy, I’m sure it’s also incredibly boring to be a cat that can hardly move.
I’d suggest apologizing to your friend for keeping her out of the loop, explaining that you became attached to the cat and wanted the best, for them, and assure her that the cat has adjusted well, is not in pain, and is happier. Send her some videos of her kitty running around and playing.
You did the right thing for the cat in the long run, but there were better ways of going about it.
ESH except the cat
Your friend is the AH for allowing their cat to get to that point.
You are the AH because you need to be VERY careful with rapid weight loss with cats. It can be very dangerous for them to lose weight too quickly. You got lucky that something bad didn’t happen.
NTA you saved it’s life, it’s so unfortunate that it escaped through the open window.
NTA
Your friend is an animal abuser. Please, I really hope you can find some way to never give that poor cat back.
You should show your friend this post plus a vet’s recommendation. You can at rest easy that you did your part even if you can’t save this poor cat from its abusive owner.
NTA- I had the opposite problem. I had no choice but to leave my cat with my brother for a year. He came back so overweight, I was horrified. My cat literally had boobs!! His housemate had never had a cat before so would constantly feed him when my brother wasn’t home. I didn’t get angry at them though, I knew they were doing me a favour and my cat was very happy and safe with them. Got that weight back off fast too. At the end of the day- you were doing her a favour. You kept her cat alive and safe for the whole time. Weight is an important issue but at the end of the day its not as important as safety and being cared for.
NTA
This is 8 months so far (and a year, really) of being solely responsible for the cat’s care, health, safety, and wellbeing. You do *not* have to be a party to this neglect/abuse. You’ve brought this cat at least some period of relatively better health. Your friend doesn’t even care that you’ve probably bought time for kitty, because it’s more important to her that she not have to admit she’s done anything wrong. And she’s just going to go back to it.
Let the friendship be over.
Wow I can’t even begin to understand your friends point of view. Why would you want your cat overweight and at risk of all sort of illnesses and early death. NTA obvs.
Edit to add: you should send her this thread when it’s completed.
This is a hard one, but ultimately NTA if you weaned her down and researched first. A vet visit should have been step one, but I know you didn’t want to pay for it. Slightly assholish, but not enough to make you a complete asshole. I know she probably feels sick thinking her cat is suffering, but she can’t see her cat was already suffering being so obese. I free feed both my cats, one is 5.9 lb. and the other is 10.2, well within normal range, the smaller one is barely in the normal range even with free feeding and treats. Some animals stop eating themselves, some don’t. It really depends on the animal.
NTA. My cat was deemed fat by her vet and suggested 2 brands of kibbles. The kibbles I went with costs me $90 for a 3.5kg bag,the bag lasts 10wks. She gets a scoop in the mornings and a tin of wet food or a serving of cat meat at night. She has lost weight slowly and healthy over the last 18mths,and she zooms around a lot for being 8yrs old. She has her vet check in less than 2wks,so it will be interesting if she has reached or soon will reach the vets goal weight for her!
NTA but I would have taken the cat to the vet first so you could have pointed the finger at the medical professional first.
Nta. Cats should not be allowed to free feed, my neighbors allow it and their poor cat is so overweight it’s sad.
My boss thanked me for putting her cats on a diet when I noticed that the other cat sitters were over feeding them. I don’t even have to ask her, I just do it now. Bosses are snowbirds so I watch their house and cats 5 months of the year.
My cat is fat. 18 pounds. I have been trying measured out feedings to toys, etc. I’ll try the wet food experiment (more in the beginning, then taper down to just morning and pm).
NTA.
You have a kind heart. I’d rethink that friendship…your friend is so tied to “her way” that she’s going to abuse her cat by overfeeding the poor thing. You don’t want to be friends with an animal abuser. So the trash is taking themselves out. I feel bad for the cat.
I feel bad for my cat. He’s my baby. He can yowl like a pro too and it’s difficult to listen to. But I want him healthy. His life will be better.
Technically you agreed but this is a time where technically is the wrong kind of correct. She knows it’s bad for the cat or wouldn’t have been so specific. You did it because it was clear the cat was suffering. You are a way better human than she is.
It might be a good idea to take the cat to a vet and get official confirmation that the cat is much healthier now and how much it should eat. You could probably find a lower cost clinic.
There are cats who do great with free-feeding; my old girl was one who always had kibble and hated wet food. She was never overweight because she just didn’t care about food that much (I miss hearing her eat so loudly that she would wake me up two rooms away). My new girl, she gets two cans of wet food and sometimes cat broth for lunch, and I keep a small amount of kibble. She’s very food motivated, but has a short attention span. We just hit eight pounds this month and she’s over a year old. Your friend’s cat isn’t one of these cats; she eats like she’s been starved and it’s hurting her. You did right here. NTA
So your friend was slowly killing her cat and asked you to keep it up while she’s gone. You refused and now Juno’s health and quality of life are better.
I get your friend being defensive in the beginning, but to call around looking for someone to undo the progress you’ve made? If it’s possible, make her come inside to pick up Juno and show her how different she is with the weight off.
If she’s planning to deliberately overfeed Juno until she’s nearly immobile again.. I couldn’t hand her over. I know the laws and whatever, but I just couldn’t.
NTA.
YTA – I am not saying your a bad person or even the weight loss was a bad choice for the cat, But if it was so fat you thought it was a health issue then the weight loss should have been done under vet supervision. Also doing that to a cat 1 week into it’s owner being gone so already stressed from their life changing so much is kind of a jerk move. Could have given the poor thing some time to adjust.
I don’t disagree with what you did just how you went about it.
Maybe take the cat to the vet before she returns, show them pictures, get in writing what the cat’s weight should be to avoid diabetes, pancreatitis, arthritis and cardiovascular disease. There is a very slim chance that she might understand then.
NTA but……
I’m really glad the weight loss went well……
That being said you absolutely should have taken the cat into the vet before doing this. Cats can get this thing call hepatic lipidosis or fatty liver disease with sudden reduction to food. It means the liver eats itself and is deadly. Cat weight loss has to be done carefully. Your friend absolutely was not doing right by her cat but your method could have gone badly. You’re NTA but please work with a professional or do research before doing something like that again.
I’d suggest taking her to the vet to make sure she is ok and ask if this is the best way to reduce her weight. Kitties have very sensitive systems and don’t take to sudden change all that well. Make sure her kidneys are healthy! Not AH but not careful enough.
ESH. I’m having a hard time with this one. Yes, the cat absolutely needed to lose weight… but depending on the food, two cans a day is not enough calories for a cat. And unless you consulted with a vet, you potentially started her on a severe diet without seeming to know how much she weighed at the beginning.
Were you monitoring her to determine how quickly she was losing weight? Because losing weight too quickly is EXTREMELY dangerous for cats – and by that, I mean it can be lethal. One pound per month is a general guideline, but some cats need to lose it slower, which is why vet input is critical.
She’s right to be angry with you – without more info, you made a change that could have been extremely dangerous for her pet.