#CoParentingDrama: Am I the a**hole for not trying harder to co-parent with my child’s father? π€ Let’s break it down for you. So, here’s the tea β: my son’s dad didn’t even want his last name, didn’t sign the birth certificate, and thought he’d magically avoid child support by not showing up at the hospital. Fast forward to now, he only FaceTimes occasionally, with strings attached, or when he wants a ride somewhere. π And he’s only brought a pair of Jordans and some diapers in almost 2 years. π§ He blames me for not seeing his son and their strained relationship. But hey, if I don’t make the effort, nothing happens β and that’s fine by me. But am I really the bad guy here? π€·ββοΈDrop your thoughts below! #CoParentingDrama #DeadbeatDad #ParentingStruggles.
A question. Does he have a job?
Correct me if Iβm wrong but if he didnβt sign the birth certificate doesnβt that mean that he isnβt even legally the childβs father?
NTA. Co-parenting requires effort from both sides, and it’s reasonable to set boundaries when efforts are not reciprocated. You’re focusing on providing a stable environment for your son, which is most important.
You *have* made an effort to co-parent. Your ex is the one who isn’t making an effort. He can’t even be bothered to make sure he’s available for FaceTime calls? I do that for my *cousin’s* kid…I literally can’t imagine not doing that for my own.
NTA. Anyone giving you a hard time should be told, “How kind of you to want to give Ex a ride so he can visit more easily. I hope you and he can come up with a mutually agreeable schedule so he can see his child more regularly.”
NTA as it requires both to work together. Despite him not signing the birth certificate, check your state to see if you can still claim child support. You should still be able to claim something, he can fight it, court can order a DNA test and that will prove he is the father, then the court will do what it believes in the best interest of the child.
So long as you kept records of all of this, it should show a pattern if he wants to complain you don’t allow him to see your son.
NTA
That’s not what coparenting is. You are making all the effort and he is giving nothing. Drop the rope. If he wants to see his kid, he will. You are not responsible for making his life easier nor doing extra stuff for him. He doesn’t even care enough to make visitation happen. Think about that. You already have one child. You don’t need 2. This is dismal.
Why aren’t you getting child support?
NTA. Sounds like BD is a loser. Sorry you got pregnant by him.
NTA. Your son doesn’t need someone in his life who has to be incentivized to spend time with him.
Iβm sorry- he bought $70 Jordans for a 2 year old when he doesnβt have a job?
NTA. This man is showing less than the bare minimum as a father, or even as a decent human. It’s okay to drop the rope, sis.
NTA- this guy is going to blame you no matter what so he doesnβt have to take accountability.
This man has refused to sign the birth certificate, won’t pay child support, won’t do anything or provide anything to support you and your son and he won’t even do the bare minimum to visit.
He wants more time, fine – he can go through the courts to arrange custody. He won’t, because then he’d have to pay child support.
Don’t teach your son that this is acceptable behaviour. Stop putting in all the effort. Your child is better off without this man in his life.
NTA
NTA
You HAVE made the effort.
Now get a paternity claim and have him pay childsupport. If you don’t need that money right away save it for when you do, and maybe later it can be a college-fund.
NTA. I mean he literally isn’t offering anything, financial or any parenting. I wouldn’t bother chasing him to ‘co-parent’, it seems like it is a complete waste of your time. You are spending more of your time to gain his, AND doing favours for him to gain this non-benefit. Don’t make it difficult for him, but don’t help him to fulfil his responsibilities as a father either.
Whether you register him for child support or not is your call. Courts can enforce this with a paternity test even if not on the birth certificate. I doubt you would ever get a cent if you did, but I’m petty and would probably do just that so everyone knows where they stand (that he owes you).
No you are not, the older your son gets, the more heβll realize that his father really doesnβt care about him, you donβt want that for your son, itβd be better to have your son grow closer to the male figures who want to be in his life.
NTA. You have a choice to make:
1) Cut this guy out completely, which you have the ability to do since he’s refused to take responsibility for your child.
2) Force him to step-up – take a paternity test, pay child support and be a dad to your child.
The situation now is clearly not working for anyone, especially your child.
NTA
You have made plenty of effort. My mom always said that if my biological father wanted to be my dad, he had to put in the effort to stick around. Otherwise, thereβs the door. He chose the door. With an addict, they can only be helped if they want help. You canβt really force sobriety to stick around. Theyβll do good and then relapse as soon as they get back out. I view situations like this sort of like that. You canβt force somebody to be a dad. I mean, you can, but theyβll resent the kid and you for it. Some people mature well under pressure. Others never do, and thatβs sad for them, but itβs not on you. You canβt force a horse to drink, even when youβre bringing the bucket of water to it instead of the horse to the lake. Even if itβs purified and double distilled. Or sparkling water. Itβs just going to knock the bucket over.
Iβve spoken to mine about medical concerns and history in the last year, because I had a medical issue that may have been genetic, and thatβs it. I never felt like I was missing something. I grew up with a strong male role model in my grandfather. I think Iβd be worse off if heβd stuck around. It was never a matter of βwill he leave for good this time?β Because he already had. There was no uncertainty, which would be the worst part of having him in and out. Mom made sure I knew I deserved a dad who wanted me all the time and that I couldnβt have one, but I didnβt need a dad at all. I honestly forgot the manβs name at one point, and he has 2 other kids my age who donβt have anything to do with him either.
so if you think youβll be better off not chasing him down, then donβt bother. A man will be there for his family if he wants to be.
tldr; NTA. he will be there if he wants to be. he doesnβt. donβt waste your time.
NTA. I’m curious if this guy just has perfected a free Uber service of baby mamas taking him everywhere around town at the cost of a box of pampers?
Co-parenting? Dude isnβt on the birth certificate and sounds like a bum. If he wants to be a dad he can go through the process to get his name added and pay child support
NTA. I had TLC No Scrubs in my head reading this
Take him to court and get child support. He’s a deadbeat. NTA
Info: what about the father makes him a positive male role model?
I would cut this man from your child’s life before he gets too attached. Go and find someone who will treat you well and love your son as his own. Alarm bells should have been ringing from the moment your son was born. No hospital visit, no birth certificate stating he is the child’s father because he does not want to pay child support. This man is a loser and probably will only want your son as some sort of status symbol amongst his friends. He may use your son to gain money and favours from you later.
What made you want to have children with a man like thisΒ