#RelationshipIssues #BoyfriendBehavior #Intimacy #Communication #TrustIssues
Hey there! It sounds like you are in a really difficult situation right now, and I’m here to offer some insights and support. It’s understandable that you are feeling confused and hurt by your boyfriend’s actions, and it’s important to take some time to process your emotions and figure out the best course of action for yourself.
First of all, it’s important to acknowledge that what your boyfriend did is not okay. It’s a violation of your trust and boundaries, and it’s completely understandable that you are feeling confused and unsure of what to do next. I’m here to help you navigate through this tough situation.
Here are some insights and advice for you:
Understanding the situation:
– It’s important to recognize that what your boyfriend did is a breach of consent and a violation of your boundaries. It’s not okay for someone to engage in intimate activities with you while you are asleep and unable to give your consent.
Evaluating the relationship:
– Evaluate the overall dynamics of your relationship. Have there been other instances where your boundaries have been crossed or where your needs have not been respected? It’s important to take a step back and assess the bigger picture of your relationship.
Seeking support:
– It’s crucial to have someone to talk to about this, whether it’s a friend, family member, or a professional. Seeking support from someone you trust can help you process your emotions and gain clarity on the situation.
Consideration of future behavior:
– Reflect on whether this behavior could potentially escalate into more inappropriate actions in the future. It’s important to consider your safety and well-being in the relationship.
Now, I’m going to offer some insightful advice based on the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, a spiritual text that provides guidance on navigating through life’s challenges. The Bhagavad Gita emphasizes the importance of maintaining ethical conduct and treating others with respect and compassion. It encourages individuals to act in ways that uphold the dignity and well-being of others.
The Bhagavad Gita also teaches the significance of having open and honest communication in relationships. It’s important to have mutual respect and understanding for each other’s boundaries and needs.
Ultimately, the decision of what to do next is in your hands. It’s important to prioritize your well-being and make choices that align with your values and boundaries. Trust your intuition and seek the support you need to navigate through this difficult situation.
I hope this advice provides you with some insights and support as you navigate through this challenging time. Remember that you are not alone, and there are people who care about your well-being. Take care of yourself, and know that you deserve to be in a relationship where your boundaries and needs are respected.
This is called Sexual Assault. He did not have consent.
Let me correct you.
>He would wake up in the morning and ~~have sex with~~ **rape** me.
Having sex is a act involving two consenting parties. You did not consent, this was rape. Notice how once you mentioned having a conversation to give consent, he was suddenly no longer interested in it anymore?
You told him to talk to you about it beforehand. He disregarded that and forced you into having sex again. That’s rape.
Trust me, this is just the beginning. Break up and run.
This is not ok. You are not safe with this man, he needs to move out.
This is rape. Your boyfriend a rapist. You should break up with him before he rapes you again. I’m sorry this happened, OP.
Please don’t stay with this creep. The reason he said he probably wouldn’t do it again is because it’s not as sexy to him with consent, which is why he assulted you again after convincing you he wouldn’t.
This dude is a predator and you should not convince yourself that this is okay, this is sexual assault. Also at the end of the day, you set a boundary and he ignored it.. That is grounds to end any relationship.
He doesn’t respect your body or you’re boundaries. This is just rape
RUN. You deserve to have intimacy and good sex in a relationship. This man prefers you half asleep-invading your body without your consent. Some men feel like they own you and your body once you consent to sex once. It’s rape. He’s sexually assaulting you and he does not care about you AT ALL. You’re so young, you’ll be fine. I hate seeing these stories of these 20 something’s in these toxic relationships. There is so much more to life than this. Go live yours.
My ex raped me like this too.
Get out and RUN far far away from him. This is not a relationship, this is not love. Your boyfriend is point blank a rapist who clearly doesn’t care about you or what consent is. He’s getting off on this. Trust me.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Please speak to a therapist about this, this isn’t normal or acceptable behavior.
I’m 31 now and only just processing the all the trauma my ex also put me through. It’s tough.
>why would be he just initiate something during the day after I cried and pleaded for him to give me intimacy?
He cares about his pleasure and comfort, you’re a second thought. He has sex on his whims. He doesn’t care about compromising or explaining himself to you.
>Why would he say he finds it weird
He lied because his actions constitute sexual assault which he knows, while you don’t. He lied so that you don’t look too closely at what he did and find out exactly how horrid it is.
>and then do it again without doing what we agreed on?
He may enjoy doing it without your consent. That’s a dark fetish for some people. It’s non-consensual power play. Rape, without the violence. He clearly is confident that your forgiveness is always an apology away.
I don’t know how else to put it, other than, this guy would slit your throat in your sleep if he could get off to it. Stay with him at your own peril. He has no concept of consequences, morals, or integrity. He’s dangerous.
This is incredibly fucked up behavior. I’m about as down to try something new sexually as anyone, but this isn’t consensual sex, it’s rape.
•Do not stay with him.
•This will turn into violence in the future.
•You have voiced you didn’t want to have sex with him without prior consent and he disregarded it.
•If he is okay doing it to you he will be okay doing it to others so report his ass. Or get somewhere safe break up and block him on every thing.
This is sexual abuse. He Won’t be intimate with you for extended periods, you beg he continues to deny and you wake up with him on you doing something you have expressed you don’t like.
Please OP for your own safety break it off in whatever way is best for you. I know it sounds tough but it’s worth not being in a lifetime of discomfort. You set boundaries and he broke them.
The solution is pretty simple. Move out, never talk to him again. He has decided it is okay to rape you, and obviously it isn’t. This isn’t normal, you didn’t give consent, in fact you’ve even talked about how inappropriate it is.
If you stay, it will keep happening, and when he gets bored with it he could easily escalate to some other crime. Get out.
That’s rape…I hope you find better and he gets help.
Are we expecting too much of men by expecting them to be monogamous and unselfish lovers who are NORMAL with their sexual behaviors? Can they just NOT do that? Is it not possible? Please help me understand. I’m not trying to sound cynical by the way I ask these questions. I am really trying to understand!
Bros straight up raping you, a redder flag I’ve never seen
Sweetheart I am so sorry that you are in this situation. How secure do you feel with your bf in other areas of your relationship? Does he check in with you *during* sex to see if you like what he is doing? Does he ask *before* doing things outside of your usual repertoire?
Most importantly, how does he act during conversations about this when you are both fully awake? Do you feel like he is taking you seriously or does he minimize it? Does he take the time to listen to you or does it seem like he wants to get the conversation finished already? Does he reassure you and make you feel supported or do you feel more alone/confused after these conversations?
I had a relationship with strong physical chemistry where we would sometimes wake up in compromising positions without either of us remembering how we got there. Different bf who was a very sound sleeper would sometimes pull me into sloppy wet kisses and perfunctory gropes to 3rd base while dead asleep. Both were sheepish and apologetic when I told them the next day, and we laughed about it. What you’re describing sounds pretty different from that.
Break up with him and make it clear to him that you are ended it because of SEXUAL ASSAULT
You go to a domestic violence shelter and slap him with rape charges.
Yeah my ex got off on raping me in my sleep, too, hence why he’s my ex. You need to leave. You’re his victim and he’ll continue to rape you while you’re unconscious no matter how much talking you do.
I’m already worried for his next unsuspecting victim. OP, my abusive husband has done that. This is not a good person.
Run, don’t walk! This guy is a sociopath! Who would do this once, let alone four times! He really doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Find yourself another living situation as fast as you can. He’s all about getting what he wants, regardless of your feelings. I wish you peace and hope that you can get past this.
I don’t like this at all
Your boyfriend didn’t have intimacy with you. He didn’t have sex with you. He raped you. Do you understand that? He’s a rapist. That’s why he refuses to initiate sex when you’re awake. It’s why he turns you down. Because he wants to rape you instead. You’ve already told him you don’t consent unless you have a conversation the night prior. He didn’t have the conversation. He proceeded to rape you regardless. You feel this way, confused, hurt, everything else, because you have been repeatedly raped. Please leave this man immediately for your own safety. It will not get better. He will not change. He will continue to rape you as long as he can get away with it.
He doesn’t want intimacy he wants exert dominance, force and control over you when you can’t consent. He is raping you and he is enjoying it. My abusive ex used to do this. It does NOT get better. **You are in danger.**
If you can, please get out as soon as possible. Gather your important documents and valuable possessions, freeze your credit and joint finances if you have any, and get out of there. Try to stay with someone who can keep you safe, be it a relative or a DV shelter. Please do your best to look after yourself and leave if it is safe for you to do so.
I’m ngl. As a girl my mind would be racing. Bottom line though is, there is someone out there who will 100% without a doubt treat you better than that.
If I were you I’d be worried about him liking dead people. Only because if you cried to him and he still did it totally blatant. It seems impulsive. Scary thought tho. I’d leave him rn and tell someone you trust. You never truly know somebody. Be careful <3
I am so sorry this is happening to you, OP. Speaking from experience, it will only get worse and potentially more violent. I agree with other comments that yes, you should leave — however, you mentioned not having anyone to talk to about this. What does your support system look like? Do you have anyone, friends, family nearby that you trust? Leaving an abuser is hard even WITH a support system. Especially when your housing situation may be implicated. If you can safely get away and want to do so quickly, by all means I’m not trying to say you should stay out of fear. My point is that it could be dangerous and you’ll want an exit plan.
Secure any passwords to all accounts of yours he has access to. Banking, social media, all of it.
If you have a joint bank account, move your money to your personal account and change your password.
Is your name on the lease? Who pays for what? Would you be able to find & afford new housing should you need to? Can you stay with a trusted friend? Would your landlord let you out of the lease under these circumstances?
You’ve talked to him about this multiple times with no change in his behavior. I do not see any benefit in having more conversations about this, especially if you mention the potential end of your relationship. In my experience, the conversation always goes poorly and once has ended in violence. He sounds like the type where any kind of conversation you try to have with him about this will only upset him, and he may retaliate or escalate his behavior.
Your gut is telling you this is wrong, and you took a big step by seeking advice. You deserve so, so much better. Feeling safe in a relationship shouldn’t be up for debate. He doesn’t care about you or your boundaries or your safety. He gets off on abusing you. Please leave as safely as you can. Look up domestic violence shelters or women’s shelters, and make sure you delete your search history if he has access to your phone. Change that passcode, too.
My thoughts are with you, OP. 🖤
this is rape and i’m really sorry this happened to you. i would suggest leaving and going somewhere safe, blocking all contact and if you’re scared of him using other people to contact you, tell them as much as you’re comfortable with so they know not to give out numbers etc. go to the police if you’re feeling up to it, but there’s no shame if you aren’t.
i would suggest some therapy to help you get a better understanding of boundaries and consent. i don’t mean that in a condescending way, i’ve been there myself and lines can get blurred so easily in our relationships.
just one other thing, i might be reading into it a little tho- the sentence ‘whether this is grounds to leave’- why do you need grounds to leave? you don’t need permission. you’re a 22 year old adult who can do as they please and although people may make you feel like you have to, you actually don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. of course it’s good to be reasonable and explain yourself for the most part, but especially in a situation like this, it concerns me that you maybe feel like you have to be justified in leaving, or need permission
So he raped you. I’m so sorry OP, this is terrible. Please leave. If there is one thing that should always be an instant deal breaker, it’s sexual assault.
Some men rape women that they could have willing sex with because they enjoy the part that is strictly rape, not sex. The part when they take control away and degrade the woman – that turns them on, not just the act itself. So if he had sex with you when you asked, that would not fulfill that need to *force you, to violate you.*
Please get out and be safe. He is a very bad person.
Leave. You had the talk and he still didn’t change.
Leave asap, you gonna end up pregnant.
RUN! This is rape. You did not give consent and prior conversations eluded to by default that without the prior consent you are not ok with this.
He shut down and avoided you while you were awake and fully aware of your surroundings, emotions and actions.
Pack up your essential items the first time he isn’t there and then pack up whatever else you can. And you go stay with a friend or family member. Once you are there, you only go back to get the rest of your things when you have someone else with you. Don’t give him an opportunity to lash out at you or physically put hands on you.
This guy broke your trust and it is so much worse than cheating. And no matter what you do, don’t tell him where you’re going and tell friends/family to block him…up to you to tell anyone your story of what happened.
When you do talk to friends and family, it will be natural to feel embarrassed and ashamed and angry…but please don’t hold back. Talk it out
Sounds like rape and that he cannot get off fucking you when you’re awake and consenting. I am sorry OP 🙁
I’m wondering if he’s trying to act out a fantasy where he’s pretend your dead or drugged up 🫠 either either. He’s raping you and I am so sorry he isn’t listening to you.