#FianceIssues #DogProblems #CommunicationBreakdown #FamilyStruggles #IncontinentPets
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Is Stella Really a Good Fit for Our Family? 🐾
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and at your wits’ end with the care of your fiance’s dog, you’re not alone. Many families struggle with introducing a new pet into their dynamic, especially when it comes with unexpected challenges like incontinence. Read on for some helpful advice and a different perspective on how to approach this tricky situation.
Understanding Your Responsibilities and Limitations
As a stay-at-home mom with two young children and three cats to take care of, it’s completely understandable that adding a dog with special needs into the mix can feel like too much to handle. It’s crucial to recognize that everyone has limits, and it’s okay to acknowledge when those limits have been reached.
Consider asking yourself these questions:
What are your current responsibilities and commitments?
How does adding care for Stella affect your mental and emotional well-being?
What are the practical limitations that prevent you from providing the care Stella needs?
How to Approach the Conversation with Your Fiance
Open and honest communication is essential in any relationship, especially when it comes to decisions that affect the entire family. When discussing the issue with your fiance, consider using “I” statements to express your feelings and concerns without causing defensiveness. For example, “I feel overwhelmed with taking care of Stella on top of everything else I manage during the day.”
Here are some helpful tips for approaching the conversation with your fiance:
Express your love and concern for Stella’s well-being.
Acknowledge the importance of a lifelong commitment to a pet.
Explain the impact of caring for Stella on your mental and emotional well-being.
Discuss potential solutions and compromises that could benefit both Stella and the family.
Looking for Solutions: Insights from the Bhagavad Gita
The Bhagavad Gita imparts timeless wisdom on navigating life’s challenges and conflicts. One of its key teachings is the concept of selfless action, or “karma yoga.” This principle encourages individuals to perform their duties with an unwavering focus on love and compassion, without attachment to the results or outcomes.
Here’s how you can apply the principles of karma yoga to your situation:
Perform your responsibilities with love and compassion, including your care for Stella.
Release attachment to the outcome of the conversation with your fiance.
Seek solutions that prioritize the well-being of Stella and the family as a whole.
It’s important to remember that making difficult decisions with a focus on love and compassion can lead to positive outcomes for everyone involved.
Final Thoughts: A Decision Rooted in Compassion
In the end, it’s essential to approach the situation with a sense of empathy and understanding for both your fiance and Stella. Making a decision that prioritizes the well-being of all family members, including pets, is an act of compassion and love.
Remember, it’s okay to seek support through open dialogue, seeking professional guidance, or exploring rehoming options that may better suit Stella’s needs.
Ultimately, approaching the situation with love, understanding, and a commitment to finding a solution that best serves everyone involved will guide you toward a resolution that aligns with your values and priorities.
We hope these insights provide valuable guidance as you navigate this challenging situation. Remember, you’re not alone, and seeking support and understanding is a vital part of finding the best outcome for your family.
You should get rid of that dog, not because it’s an inconvenience, but because it’s a danger to your kids. You were given the dog under false pretenses (being a service dog) and you got a pit bull which makes up over 50% of dog attacks and the majority of fatalities from dog attack. Those dogs were bred for dog fights. You’ve got a safety issue on your hands.
If your fiance wants a pet, he needs to step up and take care of her.
You aren’t superwoman. You can’t be expected to take care of everyone and everything.
Tell him he can stay home, and you’ll go to work. Then, he’ll see exactly how overworked, overwhelmed, and underappreciated you are.
Stop hinting at it.
Tell him.
“You agreed to take care of Stella when you adopted her, and you have been failing in that. If you cannot step up and properly take care of her, I will personally find a new home for her with someone who will.”
Emphasize that in your current situation it is simply not humanly possible to keep track of the house, your children, your cats, your studies, and the dog he adopted. Make him see that in this situation he is the one who is now being abusive or abandoning a pet. The most responsible thing is for him to take care of getting a new home with people who have the time and desire to take care of this specific pet. The saddest thing about this story is the pit bull
What is his argument when you bring this up?
Honestly sounds like your fiancé isn’t a good fit for your family either….
Your husband doesn’t want to take care of it. Then it goes. Put your foot down.
Sounds like you have already tried talking to him and it hasn’t worked, so you need to take action.
If dog pees in the rug or bedsheet, roll it up and leave it in his car. Tell him to clean it. Put it where he can’t avoid it.
Try rehoming the dog yourself.
Take the baby and go on a vacation for a few days.
Don’t do his laundry or cook for him anymore until he steps up.
Whatever you decide, take action. He’s already not listening to you. Don’t bother trying to find new ways to say the same thing you’ve been saying. He’s not listening. Take action.
Why don’t you just show him this post? I think you’ve articulated it very well and reasonably here.
He needs to take her to vet.
He needs to walk and feed her.
You need to keep her in a room that doesn’t have rugs and let him start cleaning up the mess.
It isn’t a question of the dog being good or bad. The issue is that no one in the household has the bandwidth to deal with another pet, particularly an incontient one. Your husband doesn’t and you don’t.
To create bandwidth there are the following options:
Rehome the children
Rehome the cats
Rehome yourself and the kids
Rehome husband and dog
Rehome dog
Husband quit job and be SAHP to the incontinent dog.
Maybe there are a few others you can list. But that is it. End of story – you have to pick something from this list. Continuing as it is now is not an option.
He has two days to decide and then you will do it for whatever option you choose. Find a no-kill shelter now and take the dog on day 3.
Unfortunately, incontinence is incredibly common in female dogs who have had a botched spay (more common than it should be) and who have got older. Diapers are a good solution for this either way.
You have too much on your plate, and this isn’t fair to you or the dog. I would agree with others that you should ask him why you can’t abandon a dog, but you can neglect it. You seem to understand that this is a living, feeling being who needs the bare minimum. He either doesn’t, doesn’t care, or doesn’t care about grossly over burdening you. This is a major respect issue whether you see it or not. If he wanted to he would applies here. I would also agree about showing him these comments.
I’d tell him it’s either the dog or me, choose. Your house sounds like a biohazard and you’ve got small kids. Not to mention everyone’s mental health. Please make the promise that if the dog is still here at the end of January either 1(, you and the kids will be gone until the apartment is clean and dog free or 2) You will rehome her yourself (worst case scenario, the pound).
This poor dog. Of course someone working 60 hours a week can’t do “most” of the care of a dog. Even if the dog was a service dog (who gives up a service dog that takes THOUSANDS to train) they would need walks and exercise daily. Bringing an abused dog into a home with 2 babies was incredibly dangerous.
I couldn’t be with a partner that willingly lets a dog be neglected. Find a new home for the dog. If your boyfriend ends the relationship over this it’s for the better.
You need to make it clear to your husband that this isn’t fair to the dog. Dogs can be time intensive and need a schedule. The fact that he “forgets” to take her outside and give her food and water is, frankly, abusive. If he wants to keep her, he needs to set reminders on his phone or whatever to step up and take care of her. If he’s not willing or able to do it, please find her a good home where she gets the care she deserves.
Never have a pitbull in you home with children. Their breed is more agressive by wide margins than anyother breed. Where I live last year the family dog (pit) took the face off a 2 year old, killed it. It is not isolated. dogbite dot org has valuable information. I would never have one, and have rescued a dog from the mouth of a pit. It took a half an hour, and a crowd, and tree branch before it let go. I live in the Southwest they are more common here.
Put your foot down on this issue.
You owe it to your two babies (and yourself)
No household with children should have a pit bull.
Let’s see if I can get as many downvotes as the number of children who were attacked by pit bulls last year.
While the dog may be a lifetime commitment – the person who adopted her didn’t keep her for Stella’s lifetime and dumped her on your hubby who is transferring her care to you
Honestly I would be incredibly worried about her temperament as to your very small kids! Especially if Stella has been abused!!! She’s a pit Bull, not a golden retriever. Great nothing bad has happened (yet) BUT…I would not be comfortable to have her loose in my house with my little kids (for context. I had a 3 or 4 yr old male Rottie when I first fostered my then 9 day old daughter. He was never anywhere near her…. He was trained but WHAT IF was too great to risk!)
Talk to your husband again that you hear how he feels and validate his feelings…then discuss your feelings
Has that dog even lived with children? If not I’d not risk any dog of any breed around living with kids full time.
Also that breed is a working dog that needs lots of space and stimulation
On top of a dog problem, you have a massive husband problem. Why is everything your responsibility to pick up?
Tell him: either Stella goes and lives somewhere else, or me and the kids go and live somewhere else (and the cats).
You don’t have a dog problem you have a fiance problem. He’s going to do this to you forever. Taking on responsibility then handing it over to you. He’s already done it withe kids and the cats. Do you think anything will change once you finish your degree and start a job? No. You’re going to be doing everything on top of working 40 hours per week. I don’t have advice other than take a good hard look at your fiance and decide if you really want a lifetime commitment to him.
Pitbull 💀
I would suggest that Stella go to Doggie Daycare. She can get her energy expended and they can deal with her issues.
Perhaps get some training.
I wouldn’t have a Pitbull with an unknown provenance near my cats or children. This strikes me as HIGHLY irresponsible.
I love pitties, they can be sweet, loving pups. But they have a high prey drive and unless they are well trained and kept tired, they can be unpredictable.
This situation is miserable for you, miserable for the dog and can turn dangerous.
I would advocate keeping Stella and working with your husband to outsource Stella’s needs until he can do as he promised.
Nope. My ex wanted a dog so badly, and made all kinds of promises that he would take it to work with him, so I didn’t have to take care of a newborn, a toddler, and a dog.
The dog essentially lived in the crate because I couldn’t do it all.
We rehomed her. When the kids were older we got another dog who stayed with us til she passed away after a wonderful life.
Tell your husband that he’s no better than her owner who abused her. Neglect like that can harm a dog as well, she needs that attention and time. No one has time for her, so she needs a family that does. Plus, he’s putting this burden on you when it was HIS idea to get her. You need to put your foot down and tell him he is not only being a shitty dog owner, he’s also being a shitty husband for not listening to your concerns without arguing about a living creature who finally needs a lovely home.
Do not have a pitbull around your young children and cats.
This is an accident waiting to happen and you need to put your foot down about it before this dog (who is being neglected btw, although not your fault) does something she shouldn’t.
Tell him it’s you and the kids or the dog. The sooner he understands he can’t dump responsibilities like this on you, the better.
It is not a good fit for you guys or the dog. She needs someone with more one on one. And honestly probably someone who has had experince with an animal that has been abused. Also has the dog ever been around kids before this?
Either way you have too much on your plate already. Honestly i dont know how or why you even considered adding a dog to the mix. This was a bad idea from the start.
Hi OP. I’ve worked in dog rescue and training for over 20 years. Your husband is being *absolutely unreasonable* and he is *neglecting* the dog. This dog deserves to be in a better situation than she is now. This is not at all a knock against *you*, I think you are doing everything you can to care for a full house.
Dear OP’s Husband:
You need to contact local rescue groups in your area and get this dog re-homed. You, her owner, are not a fit caretaker for her and she deserves a happy, full life. A life which you are unable (or refuse) to provide. It is unfair for Stella, and your wife, that YOU forget to feed and walk (ie Dog Ownership 101) her. Dogs need mental stimulation, exercise, and love. Please listen to a professional and get this dog adopted into a home that is able (and *wants* to) care for her!!!!
Put your foot down!
Why did you have another kid with him after 2 years of knowing he contributes nothing?
This guy won’t even look after his own kids never mind a high-needs dog. Your daughter will grow up learning to accept this mediocre treatment in a relationship and your son will grow up with the same misogyny and entitlement as his father. Think about that for a sec.
Your home is not suitable for a dog of this nature. That is a fact. It’s not a failure on your part it’s just a fact. Re-homing a dog that has been potentially abused is a massive thing to take on. Especially a breed like this that is already a high needs breed. Your fiancé is a dick for doing it in the first place. What he is doing is not fair to you or the dog. No more hinting, you need to tell him you do not have a time or capabilities to give this dog what it needs. If he wants to keep the dog he needs to work less and step up or else he does not get a say. Your fiancé is being unreasonable here and trying to manipulate you in to taking care of another animal on top of what you have already. If he won’t listen, tell him he can take the dog and move the fuck out.
This post is giving me anxiety the least of which is about who has time to care for her. A dog who has been abused needs extra care and love and training. An abused pit bull with small children is asking for trouble in my opinion. If she were to go for your children, you may not be able to get her off. She is likely a very sweet dog who would never hurt anyone, but I wouldn’t be willing to take that chance. She also needs exercise and training. Your fiancé sounds totally irresponsible and ignorant about dogs. Just because he works a lot doesn’t give him a free pass to get a dog and expect you to take care of it. Even if you didn’t have kids, you just don’t bring a dog home without your partner being 100% on board.
Don’t keep that dog near your children
Neglecting a dog is also abuse. You’re absolutely not wrong here. Poor Stella needs someone attentive and responsible and your fiancé is not showing he is either of those.
I’m so fucking tired of men thinking that since they bring home a paycheck, they have fulfilled their duties as a husband/partner or man. Newsflash, it’s not. He needs to uphold his end of the deal or the dog needs to go. And don’t let him make you feel guilty about it… HE FAILED so now the dog needs better accommodations since your finance FAILED.
Wait, you allowed a Pitbull, and a rehomed one that was abused at that, to come into your home with a 3 year old and a 10 month old. What the f… is wrong with both you and your fiance.
Do you not watch the news, read the paper, browse the web. Are you just completely oblivious to the way a Pitbulls jaw is constructed and the fact that your child’s face is at their eyeline. Do you even know the permanent life alter consequences of that dog just getting spooked for 2 seconds and locking on to your child’s head will cause.
I don’t care what all the Pitbull owners out their say about how wonderful their dog is and how they’d never harm a fly. Most insurance specifically excludes breeds like Pitbulls. They are considered mathematical uninsurable. Do you realise how much higher the propensity for aggression needs to be before the law allows you to discriminate based on breed.
Parents who bring Pitbulls into their home should be charged with criminally negligent homicide if it results in the death of a child – their’s or someone else’s visiting.
I’m sorry you let an fully grown pitbull move in with a 4 month and a 2-3yo child?!?!? are you insane?
I’d have reservations even if it was a 8 week old puppy and you had it grow up with kids.
Pitbulls are not a (kid)friendly breed. they were bred for a purpose and that purpose isn’t being a pet. Rehome it to someone responsible before it kills one of them.
Please read up on pitbulls. Also check your homeowners insurance situation or check with the landlord. Most insurance companies will not insure with this kind of dog in the house.
Insurance companies truly don’t care about pitbull propaganda. They don’t care about feelings. They only care if their own numbers tell them if anything is too high a risk.
This is actually a dangerous situation for you, your kids, especially your cats, and anyone else in your home. About the only pitbull “service” animals are fake emotional support dogs. Pitbulls are deemed too untrainable and unpredictable to be an official service dog, police dog, or law enforcement dog of any type.
You have no yard, this only increases the chances of that dog snapping. And it will likely show no signs. Unlike other dogs. One moment playing. The next your toddler is in it’s mouth.
of course the pitbull is named “stella.”
Nobody who works 60+ hours a week should have a dog. He stuck you with responsibilities you didn’t sign up for. Take the dog to a shelter, while he’s at work. It will be a big fight, but you’re already fighting about it, with no resolution
Your fiancé is correct…having a dog is a lifetime commitment. Unfortunately he is forgetting or accepting that it was his lifetime commitment and not yours.
He made the initial commitment. If the responsibility is falling on you and he’s failing at honoring the agreement he made to you, he should find the dog a good home.
As an animal lover, the dog needs to go. A baby and a toddler are hard enough. And this poor dog deserves to have her needs met. Your partner is neglecting this animal, even when you remind him. It’s really not fair to you, your children or the dog.