#AITA for playfully pointing out to my friend that her smoking may have contributed to her pets dying? 🐀💔
Hey there, so I found myself in a bit of a pickle recently and I need your input. Let me set the scene: my friend Lyla has a history of her pet rats passing away at a young age, mostly from respiratory infections. Fast forward to a recent sleepover at my place, where I casually mentioned to her that maybe her smoking habits could have been a factor in her pets getting sick so quickly.
Now, I’ll admit, I might have taken it a bit too far with a cheeky little joke afterward that didn’t sit well with her. She stormed out and now I’m left wondering – am I really the bad guy here?
So, what do you think? Was I out of line for connecting the dots between Lyla’s vaping and her pets’ health issues? Cast your vote and let’s hash this out together! 🤔🐁🚭 #FeelTheRatBurn #FriendshipDebate #SmokingPetProblems
We know you said what you said with good intentions about vaping and pets health, but all she heard was you accusing her of killing her pets. The delivery is really important and it’s a soft YTA.
NTA. I feel like 4 rats in a row dying at a relatively early age with the same COD like that has to be at least slightly attributed to a problem in their environment.
ESH. She shouldn’t have just vaped in your room without asking. But there is no particular reason to suspect her vaping caused the deaths of her rats, unhealthy though it almost certainly is. She is far from ‘clearly the direct cause’ and you were insensitive for joking about it.
ESH. Why would you joke about the death of her pets? If you really wanted to communicate that information to her for the sake of future pets, do it kindly. She sucks for smoking in your room without asking, for being a bad pet owner, and for going off on you.
ESH. Pet rats? They are filthy vermin.
I mean… yeah? Is that even a question? She is also an AH for not even asking if vaping is ok. But her being an AH doesnt justify YOU being an AH
ESH
ESH – they died within the normal range of pet rats, not early. Every resource I have ever read said 1.5 years to 3.
She shouldn’t vape without asking but you don’t know why they died and it’s pretty inconsiderate to say she killed them when they died within the normal range.
NTA
Does she not even research the care of rats?? They are very sensitive to smoking and vaping. It’s not hard to find that out.
People with pets should really research how to care for them and not do the things that are unhealthy for them or kill them. It’s common sense.
YTA. her vaping in the room is a very very unlikely reason to be killing her rats. Heck, people smoked 4 packs a day of regular cigarettes for decades and it didn’t kill their pets. Honestly, as someone who has kept rodents (and kept them well, thank you very much) their life span is entirely unpredictable. I did have 3 hamsters from the same breeder (not at the same time or in the same cage, obvs) who all died suddenly and prematurely. No reason, just I guess bad genetics.
But anyway, yes, YTA because you blamed your friend for killing her rats because she vaped. And then joked about it. And also said that she was the direct cause. WTF dude, that’s just assholery.
YTA. her vaping in the room is a very very unlikely reason to be killing her rats. Heck, people smoked 4 packs a day of regular cigarettes for decades and it didn’t kill their pets. Honestly, as someone who has kept rodents (and kept them well, thank you very much) their life span is entirely unpredictable. I did have 3 hamsters from the same breeder (not at the same time or in the same cage, obvs) who all died suddenly and prematurely. No reason, just I guess bad genetics.
But anyway, yes, YTA because you blamed your friend for killing her rats because she vaped. And then joked about it. And also said that she was the direct cause. WTF dude, that’s just assholery.
YTA unless you are a veterinarian who performed the necropsy on each of the rats. Animal life spans can be partially luck of the draw and partially due to the humans’ behaviors. You can be the best pet owner in the world and still have your pet die prematurely.
ESH. Your friend probably did kill her rats through poor care, so that was no lie or false accusation. And I personally don’t think you were an AH for pointing this out. (There were probably better ways of conveying that information, but that’s a topic for another time)
I do think you were an AH, though, for that last joke (?) about how she shouldn’t have been sad because she had killed them herself. Any chance you might have had to get her to take responsibility for her behavior with the rats was destroyed by that nasty, pointless, jab.
I’ve had 7 rats. The youngest to go was 3, the oldest a little over 5 and a half years old.
Proper care is crucial.
ESH. I’d have said nah had it not been for that piss poor taste joke.
NTA. Here’s why: I have kept pet rats before. One of their most common illnesses are respitory issues. To those people who have not had pet rats: they are HIGHLY sensitive to the bedding, to dust, and sometimes even just moving your cage to another room can cause them to have respiratory illnesses or issues.
As a responsible person, your friend should have looked up common illnesses especially for animals for such a short life time (compared to a dog/cat). You NEED to get informed and do what’s best for your pets. It’s freaking 2024, there’s forums and videos out there. IF she can’t do that, then just not keep pets because at this point if she keeps buying pet rats and smoke/vape in the same room, that is simply animal abuse.
It’s gut ranching and extremely sad, but true, and you were right to call her out.
The joke was terrible. ESH
ESH. Yes it was important to point out, for the sake of your pets and her future pets, that vaping near them is not ok. She is an AH for vaping in your living space without asking you, and endangering your pets through doing so.
That said, she obviously did not kill her pets on purpose. If she hadn’t grieved her pets she’d be a monster. Your “joke” was completely out of line and lacking in empathy. Can you not imagine how devastating it must have felt for her to realize her own actions could have hurt or even killed her beloved pets? This situation required tack that you are clearly lacking.
I breed pet rats as a hobby and have for many years. All pet rats have dormant mycoplasmosis which can flare up into active myco as a result of stress or lung irritation. Rat lungs are super sensitive. 100 percent what happened is the smoke irritated or weakened her pet rat lungs which caused a myco flare up. If she took them to a vet once she saw respiratory issues they would prescribe baytril and doxy meds AND would ask her about smoke or other strong potential lung irritants. 100 percent she killed her rats through lack of knowledge and medical neglect.
ESH. You are probably right. She did not mean them harm but her vaping did harm them. After your comments I don’t see how you two could be friends though. Worst way to let her know something so horrible.
How important is it for you to be right? In reality, it’s a theory, but not necessarily correct. You said they had short lives, maybe hers were a little older than yours. Did they come with birth certificates? Really you had a thought and made her feel bad for killing her pets. Right or wrong, is it really worth it? You could have said you opened the window so the rats would not breathe it in…. And she would have connected the dots on her own if she ever decided to get another one.
Bro are you a rat doctor? Because until you show us your rodentia MD, you can’t tell anyone what her rats died from.
What a gross way to judge someone you call a friend who has lost a pet
YTA
Yeah you really went over the line joking about it- that’s really rude and inappropriate. She probably didn’t have any idea (no excuse but it’s sadly very common with rodents) and she was obviously surprised and jumped to being defensive. You could have worded it way better, and left off the “joke” after she was already upset.
ESH because she should have done research and known that was unhealthy for her pets, you because you basically shamed her and then joked about her dead pets.
What the fuck was that joke? She was clearly unaware that her vaping could cause such issues for her rats. Pointing out that, NICELY, would be fine but that joke was disgusting and I’m genuinely shocked it left your mouth unless you just hate her, I guess. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA. Sure, she kinda sucks too, but that joke just crossed so many lines I’m speechless.
ESH. Yes she shouldn’t be smoking around her pets, however that is highly unlikely why they died. I’ve gotten 4 mice in a row from the pet store and all 4 died very quickly from various issues they came home with. As far as their age, you don’t actually know how old the rats were. If they were full sized they were at least 6 months or older, and if they made it a year and a half past that well, that’s two years, yes on the low end, but still within average life expectancy. Quite frankly, you sound like a bully, and you’re also not a vet and should not accuse people of abuse with pretty much no evidence.
NTA. But that’s alot of poor animals. Please consider reporting her to the SPCA for abuse. Those poor animals.
YTA. I have had dozens of pet rats over the years and I’ve rarely had one live past 2.5 years old. They almost always die of respiratory infections. There are so many factors that impact their little lifespans. Blaming your friend for killing her pets is needlessly cruel.
Esh i mean looking into a domestic rat im finding 1-3 years. So 1.5 isn’t too bad its right in the middle however your last ” joke” as you call it WAY out of line. I know its diffrent but if you got into a car accident and someone died how would you feel if someone said well you caused them to die so you shouldn’t be sad. Then be like just joking.. thats not a joking manner so you shouldn’t have made a “joke” about her feelings either
Iúk
ESH I was on your side until that last comment
YTA and I’d do some reflecting on why you seemed so excited to tell her something so cruel and hurtful not even fully knowing the cause
YTA. you’re making a mostly baseless assumption, around animals known for frequently dying young and at semi-random.
Slight YTA. I have had tones of pet rats and it is relatively common for them to get infections and cancer. It sucks. As long as she took them.to the vet and gave them the right meds that’s all you can ask
NTA She needed a reality check. It is quite irresponsible to have pets just to kill them.
Honestly I don’t understand the ESH comments, like seriously is making a ‘rude’ but much needed statement the same as being stupid and callous about your pets. I mean, is it because they’re rats? So obviously it doesn’t matter!
What if she killed kids – “oh well, how could she work out the pattern unless she killed 6 kids”
‘As a person who doesn’t use scented candles or incense sticks in their room strictly because of my rats, I was surprised she didn’t connect the dots sooner.’
You’re the same age, if you can be so responsible so can she.
NTA. Her feelings vs multiple deaths of living beings. She needs to get over herself and stop getting animals if she’s this reckless.
Do you really not see how you were the ah here? First of all, you’re talking out of your ass blaming her vaping on rat death. Rats get uris all the time. It’s not bc she vaped around them. They can be genetically prone to them. And you were horribly rude and insensitive. She may not have been the best pet parent, but it’s definitely not your place to say something. And definitely not the way you did it