#RapeAccusation #RelationshipAdvice #Communication #AlcoholandConsent
Hey there! Dealing with an accusation as serious as r*pe is definitely a tough situation to navigate, especially when it involves someone you care about deeply. It’s important to approach this sensitive issue with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to communicate openly. Let’s break down a few steps on how you can work through this challenging time and hopefully help your girlfriend realize the truth of the situation.
**Seeking Clarity**
First and foremost, it’s crucial to have an honest and open conversation with your girlfriend. Listen to her perspective without judgement and try to understand her feelings and emotions. Asking for specific details of what transpired that night can also help bring more clarity to the situation. Remember, communication is key in any relationship, especially during difficult times.
**Recalling the Events**
Reflecting back on the events of that night can be challenging, especially when alcohol is involved. It’s possible that both of you were intoxicated and may have differing recollections of what took place. Take some time to piece together the events leading up to the incident and try to recall any details that may shed light on what truly happened.
**Seeking Support**
If you find yourself struggling to cope with the situation, don’t hesitate to seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or even a therapist. Talking through your emotions and concerns with someone you trust can provide you with valuable insights and perspective on how to move forward.
**Self-Reflection**
Engaging in some self-reflection can also be beneficial during this time. Consider your own intentions and actions that night – were you both equally consenting, was there any indication of discomfort from your girlfriend, and did you communicate openly throughout the evening? Understanding your own role in the situation can help you address any potential misunderstandings or miscommunications that may have occurred.
**Importance of Consent**
When alcohol is involved in a sexual encounter, it’s important to remember that consent must be freely given and enthusiastic. Consent cannot be obtained from someone who is incapacitated or unable to make informed decisions. Understanding and respecting the concept of consent is crucial in any intimate relationship.
**Applying Lessons from Bhagavad Gita**
In times of adversity and confusion, the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita can provide valuable insights on facing challenges with courage and wisdom. Remember the importance of truth, righteousness, and self-reflection in all your actions. Stay grounded in your moral values and principles, and trust that the truth will prevail in due time.
In conclusion, navigating through an accusation of r*pe requires patience, empathy, and open communication. By approaching the situation with a willingness to listen, understand, and seek resolution, you may be able to help your girlfriend realize the truth of the situation. Remember, seeking support, reflecting on your own actions, and respecting the concept of consent are key elements in addressing this delicate issue. Stay strong, stay true to yourself, and trust in the power of communication and understanding in resolving conflicts within a relationship.
Your “truth” vs her “truth” may not align.
I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong here. But obviously she feels differently.
It’s a big accusation.
You’re going to need a lot of hard conversations to sort this out.
Um, obviously that’s stupid but it’s her feelings of being violated that you need to focus on here rather than how irrational she is being. It’s not normal to feel that way in this situation. You don’t. Has she been assaulted previously? Has someone close to her been assaulted? Ask her why she’s feeling that way and what you can do to help.
Once you’ve helped her work through her feelings, if she’s a decent person, she would apologise because accusing someone of rape when that didn’t happen is an awful thing to do. If she doesn’t apologise I would reconsider the relationship.
This sounds incredibly weird. You have been together for 4 years, and you have never once done anything together after you two drank?
There is definitely something that she isn’t telling you.
Honestly. I would end a relationship after an accusation like that.
Don’t admit to anything. You should probably break up with her. I would never be able to trust her again. How did you rape her and she didn’t rape you if both of you were drunk and had sex with each other? The fact that you live together and have sex all the time is why you would presume it to be consensual. You were not trying to hurt her.
Maybe go stay with a friend for a while or ask her to stay somewhere else and consult laws in your area. Be careful.
If she accused you of rape in private I’d imagine she’d also do it in public. It’s time to save all those messages and record these conversations with her because she’s clearly got ulterior motives.
the problem is if she feels violated, then it is about consoling her.
Was there a certain act or position she has never wanted thst you did or did you think it was playful abd she felt it was rough and you hurt her?
It is hard to gauge consent when drunk and you may of well thought it was fun and equal but she doesn’t. You really.need to listen.
> When I asked her why does she think that I r@ped her she just said that it was non consensual because she was drunk.
But what did you DO that violated her expressed consent? Having sex with someone while they’re intoxicated isn’t rape, particularly when both people involved are intoxicated. If it were, then that means she raped you too.
So, specifically what action did you commit that violated her consent in that moment?
I would document EVERYTHING, man. If you can get her to text you instead of talking to her in person, it would be very helpful if it comes to a court of law–and it might.
Good luck.
You were both very drunk and both couldn’t consent. But the fact that after 4 whole years she could throw out a r*pe accusation without a hesitation makes me think this relationship is well over and doomed.
You staying with her “to smooth it out and so she doesn’t ruin your reputation” is in vain. This is a done deal. It’s over.
Unless you want a criminal record and your name dragged in the mud, Lawyer up and defend yourself. If she goes to the Police, you’ll regret not doing anything.
She’s toxic. Don’t stay in this relationship. A false rape accusation can destroy a man.
Either she is very mentally unstable or she is planning something sketchy
What the fuck? You were both drunk, she raped you just as much then. Idk about you, but I’d let someone go after an accusation like that when I know what happened.
Run bro
There is more to this story… something doesn’t add up here.
She’s been looking for a reason to break up with you, and she’s gonna find one, real or not.
She is looking for a way out
What are the legal standards of responsibility for drunken conduct in your locality? You may want to look into getting some legal assistance to deal with this.
For your own peace of mind, if she was an active participant, then she’s responsible for her own choices even while drunk — as much as you are. If she was displaying the same level of self-possession and coordination that would allow her to voluntarily get behind the wheel of a car and crash it, then she’s not incapacitated. No judge would find her not guilty of drunk driving by way of inability to consent to her own active participation.
If she was fading in and out of sleep/consciousness that would be a different matter. Under those conditions she is not an active participant but an unconscious victim.
The fact that she claims “she remembered everything from last night” tends to indicate it was the former. It’s also a pretty bold claim for someone to make who also wants to claim she was incapacitated. If all she is claiming here is “I was drunk and therefore couldn’t consent to anything” that’s at odds with that level of clear cognition.
“I’ve been thinking about things and I can understand your point of view – if a drunk person cannot consent to sex then yes, you raped me the other night and I am not willing to stay in a relationship with a rapist – this relationship must end and you must leave.”
If you raped her because she was drunk then she raped you right back
She is being ridiculous, but I would find a way out if I was you. You don’t want to be with someone who is going to cry rape about consensual drunken sex where both parties were smashed
tell her by her definition she raped you too then break up with her. This is lady is weird and over the top. This is a big accusation and if my baby brother were in this situation I’d tell him to leave the girl. Weird ass b is going to get you in trouble if you don’t leave her. You’re young you can find better
She sounds insane. Run my friend. Run
I guess that means she raped you too. Tell her that to her face, she needs to understand the end result of her logic.
Hate to say it, and normally I don’t. Just find a way to get out, peacefully. Some time in the future, I guarantee you’ll get in some fight, probably something stupid and this accusation will pop right back up.
You can talk about it first and go from there I guess but you’re being accused of something that can put you in prison for 20+ years if you survive it. If that’s in her head, I highly doubt it’s ever going to come out of it.
Dang ….well ive been repeatedly raped for 30 years? Oh my😯😂 Heck? Every second sexual encounter i had between 18 & 28 was rape it seems😯😂
Mate. Break up with her. Your relationship is over. If she has such little regard for you after 4 years?!? It’s definitely over.
Don’t enter into such bullshit.
Was she more drunk than you? Were you the one that initiated it? She feels like she was taken advantage of and you should try to find out why. In the future don’t have sex when you are both drunk unless you have discussed drunk sex being on the table while you are both sober.
Honestly, dude dump her. After 4 years, it’s a pity it has to end this way, but you got your whole life ahead.
Fighting any SA charges is the last thing you probably want to deal with. You also don’t want to be with someone who throws SA around so loosely.
Did you do anything that she would normally say “no” to if she was sober? Any boundaries you pushed?
INFO- Is her entire basis for thinking it was r*pe the fact that you were both drunk? Or is she alleging any additional acts of force or coercion?
Was it non consensual because she was drunk or was it non consensual because she told you to stop? Because the latter is rape, having drunk sex isn’t.
Also if you were so drunk as to not be able to judge your state of sobriety, you probably couldn’t tell she was drunk either. It still bad for you to find yourself in such a state but that alone doesn’t make you a rapist.
I know you’re freaking out right now, but this is one of those situations where both of you taking a deep breath and having some more deeper conversations vs lawyering up is something to consider.
If you’re able maybe sit her down and ask her to explain exactly what you did that made her feel like this was non consensual for her. And try and listen to understand instead of reacting. Tell her that you love her, and always want her to be healthy, happy and safe, and that you hate she’s feeling like this especially because of something that happened with you.
Be kind, and try and really listen to what she’s telling instead of just looking for where you can prove her wrong (even if it turns out she is wrong after all this is passed).
The reality is that you were both drunk, and you obviously both have different memories of the night. Either one of you is miss-remembering, or you miscommunicated something, maybe she said something you thought was a “yes” when she meant a no or maybe you said something playfully and she didn’t realize you were just playing, all kinds of miscommunications can happen when drunk, even when you know someone very well.
It may be that if you two can talk from the position of trying to hear each other instead of being on defense, you can find a way through this. Sometimes the best way to get through a conflict is to just sit and really listen and try to understand what the other person is trying to explain, and go from there.
I know this is really scary and upsetting, but realize this is scary and upsetting for her two, you both want to be heard and understood but you both need to do that for each other too. Otherwise neither of you will get that, and that will only escalate this conflict.
I hope you two can figure this out together.
Accuse her of the same thing. You were both greatly impaired.
Op made a comment how 3/4 rape accusations in his country are false which make me raise my eyebrows and wonder what he is leaving out of this story. Seems like some sort of bait post.
It sounds like you should begin documenting everything as honestly and truthfully as possible.
I would write down everything that you can remember, like who did what and when. Sorry this whole thing happened.
Faaaaaaake
Nice rage bait asshole.
Okay so you didn’t “force her” but is there any way that you pressured her or hinted repeatedly that you guys should have sex? It’s possible she felt coerced or pressured while drunk. It’s frustrating to me so many people jumping to one side and villainizing her immediately instead of needing more information, something is missing here and you shouldn’t just be worrying about covering your own skin but also having empathy that she seems like she went through something, I doubt someone would throw 4 years away in a good relationship if literally nothing happened. Was she alone at any point at your friends house while extremely intoxicated? Maybe something happened there.
Sick b8 m8
Sounds like you were raped. She took advantage of you while you were drunk. Stay away from this crazy girl. If she tries anything, report her for raping you.