#marriageadvice #infidelity #rebuildingtrust #healingprocess
I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Infidelity can be extremely challenging and trying to rebuild a marriage after such a betrayal is no easy task. It’s natural for doubts and insecurities to arise, especially when you discover that your husband has been looking up the woman he cheated with online and lurking on her socials. Let’s delve into whether this behavior is part of the healing process or not and explore some advice on how to navigate this situation.
## Is Lurking on the Woman He Cheated with Part of the Healing Process?
1. **Curiosity vs. Obsession**: It’s important to distinguish between healthy curiosity and obsessive behavior. While it’s natural to wonder about the person your husband cheated with, excessive monitoring of her social media activity can indicate unresolved feelings or a lack of closure.
2. **Boundary Crossing**: Lurking on the woman’s socials may be a violation of the boundaries set in your marriage. It’s crucial to have open and honest communication with your husband about what behavior is acceptable during the healing process.
3. **Emotional Triggers**: The fact that your husband is consistently checking her profiles could be triggering feelings of insecurity and mistrust in you. It’s essential to address these emotions in therapy and discuss the impact of his actions on your healing process.
4. **Attention Shift**: If your husband is spending a significant amount of time engaging with the other woman’s content, it could be a sign that his focus is not fully on repairing your relationship. It’s crucial to address these concerns and realign your priorities in counseling.
## Advice on Navigating This Situation
1. **Open Dialogue**: Initiate an honest conversation with your husband about your concerns regarding his online behavior. Express how it makes you feel and discuss the boundaries that need to be respected to rebuild trust.
2. **Professional Guidance**: Lean on your marriage counselor for support and guidance through this challenging time. They can help facilitate communication and provide strategies for addressing conflict constructively.
3. **Self-Care**: Take care of yourself during this process. Focus on your emotional well-being and engage in activities that bring you joy and comfort. Self-care is essential in maintaining your mental and emotional health.
4. **Patience and Forgiveness**: Healing from infidelity is a journey that takes time and patience. Practice forgiveness, both towards your husband and yourself, as you navigate the complexities of rebuilding trust and intimacy.
### Drawing Inspiration from Ancient Wisdom
In times of turmoil and confusion, seeking guidance from ancient texts like the Bhagavad Gita can offer profound insights. The Bhagavad Gita teaches us about the importance of detachment from outcomes, the power of self-awareness, and the path to spiritual enlightenment.
As you navigate the complexities of rebuilding your marriage, remember that healing is a multifaceted process that requires patience, compassion, and self-reflection. By addressing your concerns with honesty and openness, you can work towards rebuilding trust and strengthening your bond with your husband.
Stay strong and remember that you are not alone in this journey towards healing and reconciliation. Have faith in the resilience of your relationship and trust in the power of love to conquer all obstacles. 🕊️💖
In conclusion, while your husband’s behavior may be concerning, it’s essential to approach this situation with understanding and empathy. By addressing these issues in therapy and fostering open communication, you can work towards healing the wounds of infidelity and rebuilding a stronger, more resilient marriage. Remember to prioritize your well-being and seek guidance from trusted sources as you navigate this challenging chapter in your relationship.
He wanted to leave you for her, and is still checking her socials daily… He cheated for two years, maybe longer. Healing definitely isn’t linear, but what exactly is HE healing from? The heartbreak of losing this person? You’re being way too forgiving IMO.
No. It is not part of the healing process. It is part of the cheating process.
He is still emotionally cheating on you with the memories of the affair. That would be the only reason. To keep looking her up
HEALING PROCESS? From his own cheating?
If he was truly committed to you and his family, he would not be lurking in his ex-AP’s socials and visiting her family member’s profiles. He has not let her go and seems to be figuring out how and when to reconnect with her.
“We are now trying to rebuild our marriage.” No, YOU are. He’s stalking, thinking about, and missing his mistress.” Instead of spending time with you, he is following her.
BTW, NC also means NOT following the AP or her family.
Sis, he fully intended to leave you for her, but MAY have been guilted into staying. If she will take him back, he will leave you. Get an exit plan together and consult with a lawyer, just to know your options.
He is pining for her. Him constantly looking her up is not part of any healing process. It will just make him want her more.
This reads like a title to a shittyadvice post. I hope you’re not seriously going to stay with him. How sad for you
I wouldn’t bother rebuilding anything with a person who’s keeping up his rotten antics. He’s trash.
If they cheat, it’s over. NO exceptions. You can never trust him again. The fact he was on the mistresses socials proves it. Don’t be a doormat op. Take his cheating ass to the cleaners, heal, then move on and find happiness!
No, it’s not and your husband is still clearly into the woman. You need to stop living in denial.
Get out of this asap!!!! And f him eww let his butt end up alone and miserable he deserves it!
He is with you because of the kids. That’s it.
He may love you as the mother of his children, but he isn’t in love with you.
He’s in love with her.
If he didn’t feel obligated to stay for the kids, he would be with her right now.
Do you really want to throw away your chances of finding love and happiness on a man who is wishing you were someone else? Who pretends it’s her he’s having sex with every time he touches you?
Do you really not see that you, and your children, deserve more than to be an obligation?
Enough with the moral compass and virtu signaling nonsense, forget the cheating… he’s IN LOVE with someone else and doesn’t have the heart to tell u & end his family; and it was an emotional attachment to begin with; your best case scenario, divorce on good terms and co parent; Would be even better if u guys we’re actually friends after
As for u, find love elsewhere u deserve to be happy & loved on too
>But about two weeks ago, I discovered that he has been visiting her socials and quite frequently, like a good few times a day, everyday. and he’s been visiting her family members profiles and reengaging with their content. He is still NC however.
That isn’t NC. Him interacting with mutuals sends a very clear message to her. He has no reason at all to be involved with them outside the reality she will notice it. It’s just morse code at that point.
That isn’t healing, it’s the opposite. It’s him slowly inching back into it, one bad choice at a time. The first time he cheated outright wasn’t a spur of the moment thing, it was weeks and months of bad choices and slowly eroding boundaries. He has started that process again, he couldn’t even last 6 months.
Don’t be passive about this. Call it out. Ask why he can’t stop playing with fire, what this all really means to him. Because right now he’s just torturing himself, wasting your time and likely the kids have noticed anyway.
Bring it up in therapy sessions. He is not NC if he is engaging in her familiy’s social media.
Seriously? Part of the healing process? I guess if by “healing” you mean “trying to get back together so he can stick his pee pee in her again,” sure.
I don’t think it sounds like he is ready to let her go, and is certainly not committed to rebuilding your marriage.
I’m sorry, OP. I don’t think he’s in there with you.
> Both of us are committed to rebuilding our relationship.
> But about two weeks ago, I discovered that he has been visiting her socials and quite frequently, like a good few times a day, everyday. and he’s been visiting her family members profiles and reengaging with their content.
*You* are committed.
He is on a very slippery slope.
No it’s not healing your relationship at all.
You know he’s going to cheat on you again. If you’re not going to leave him, why don’t you let them be in a relationship openly
Or, on the other hand, his memory of her and the things they did together haunt his memory like a cat stalking a mouse.
You should by all means face this development with him during a counseling session, and let the counselor run with it. The two of you are married, so there’s no expectation of privacy between you. I’m thinking that he’ll admit the motive that caused him to shadow her social media.
‘Nuff said.
> Is this part of the healing process?
No, it’s actually part of the “Let’s get divorced” process.
all the keyboard warriors are probably going to tell you to leave him, but you understand your family and your desire to keep a sound environment for your kids better than any of these disconnected folks. i would say, talk to him about why he’s doing that—maybe it is, like you said, a process of rebuilding. there is a threshold though—and that’s re-engaging with her.
I went through this more than once with my ex husband. He always had a way to get back to them. It’s more about the attention than the woman herself.
Unless he seriously fixes himself, like DEEP DOWN his mother didn’t validate him or give him affection, he will continue in this pattern. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of sadness by staying.
For the record, there IS so much better out there. My partner (took me years to find him!) is the most open, loyal, and honest person I have ever met. When he tells me he is done with something or someone, he means it. You don’t have to settle for someone who is dragging you along with his unsolved shit.
❤️❤️
He didn’t “confess” – he told you because he wanted to leave you for her.
He stayed for the children- not for you.
It’s been ONLY two months and he’s already creeping back. I’ll bet he didn’t disclose this during your marriage counseling
You keep couching your words to soften the severity of the situation.
I hate to say it but he’s not in the marriage for you. Until he is, the other woman is going to be on his mind.