#Manipulation #RelationshipAdvice #Gaslighting #EmotionalAbuse #HealthyRelationships
Is it manipulative for my girlfriend to push my buttons until I react and then record my reactions to use against me? Let’s break it down.
##Understanding Manipulation and Gaslighting
Manipulation and gaslighting are serious forms of emotional abuse that can have a lasting impact on the mental and emotional well-being of the person being targeted. It’s essential to recognize the signs and understand the impact of such behavior on the relationship.
###Manipulation in Relationships
Manipulation in relationships can take many forms, from subtle tactics to overt control. It often involves one partner exerting power and influence over the other to achieve their own desired outcome or to maintain superiority in the relationship.
###Gaslighting and Emotional Abuse
Gaslighting is a specific form of manipulation that involves distorting the truth or denying reality to make the victim question their perception, memory, or sanity. It can lead to feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and a diminished sense of reality.
##Analyzing the Situation
From the context provided, it’s evident that the behavior of the girlfriend raises serious concerns about manipulation and emotional abuse. Let’s break down the key points to gain a better understanding of the situation:
1. **Provoking Reactions**: The girlfriend’s deliberate actions to push the boyfriend’s buttons until he reacts indicate a pattern of behavior aimed at eliciting a specific response.
2. **Recording Reactions**: The act of recording the boyfriend’s reactions, especially in moments of distress or vulnerability, is a clear violation of trust and an attempt to use the recorded evidence against him in the future.
3. **Blaming and Gaslighting**: After the boyfriend’s reaction, the girlfriend sends him the recorded videos and blames him for the entire interaction, creating a false narrative and attempting to manipulate his perception of reality.
4. **Pattern of Behavior**: It’s important to consider whether this is an isolated incident or part of a recurring pattern in the relationship. Consistent behavior of this nature can indicate deeper issues of control and manipulation.
##Seeking Support and Guidance
It’s essential for the boyfriend to seek support from trusted individuals, such as friends, family, or mental health professionals, to gain perspective and validate his experiences. Additionally, seeking advice from diverse sources can offer valuable insights into the dynamics of the relationship.
###Bhagavad Gita’s Wisdom
The Bhagavad Gita, an ancient spiritual text, offers profound wisdom on navigating challenges and maintaining inner peace. Its teachings on understanding one’s dharma (duty) and upholding righteousness in the face of adversity can provide valuable guidance in interpersonal relationships.
1. **Maintaining Equanimity**: The Bhagavad Gita emphasizes the importance of maintaining equanimity and composure in the face of provocation and adversity. It encourages individuals to act with clarity and resilience, even when faced with challenging situations.
2. **Seeking Righteous Action**: The concept of dharma in the Bhagavad Gita underscores the significance of acting in accordance with ethical principles and upholding one’s duty while maintaining compassion and understanding.
3. **Self-Reflection and Growth**: The Bhagavad Gita’s teachings on self-reflection and inner growth can empower individuals to evaluate their experiences and relationships, fostering a deeper understanding of their roles and responsibilities.
##Final Thoughts
In conclusion, the described behavior of the girlfriend exhibits clear signs of manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse. It’s crucial for the boyfriend to prioritize his mental and emotional well-being, seek support from trusted individuals, and consider professional guidance to address the dynamics of the relationship.
It’s important to remember that a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding, and does not involve coercion, manipulation, or emotional harm. Recognizing and addressing such behavior is an essential step towards fostering a positive and supportive relationship.
It’s our responsibility to create an environment that is conducive to growth, empathy, and understanding, both for ourselves and for those around us. The wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita can serve as a guiding light in navigating the complexities of relationships and fostering a harmonious, compassionate, and respectful bond.
Bro leave now
pushing your triggers and gaslighting you once you do explode; run buddy, run.
yes
This is the definition of toxic.
You need to record her while she is doing this
This certainly doesn’t sound healthy, and I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who behaves like this. Good luck OP.
Yes, you must leave her at once
>I asked so many people about this and they say that this a form of gaslighting and manipulation.
Listen to these people and break up with this woman, man.
You know this woman is toxic. Time to kick her to the curb. Next time don’t move in with someone so quickly.Â
She sounds like a narcissistic asshole who’s trying to spin you as the bad guy to make herself feel better. Please run, OP. As someone with anxiety this made the secondhand stress go through the roof, I can’t imagine what it was like to live through it. Holy shit. Yes, this is gaslighting, yes this is manipulation, no it is not acceptable. You sound like you were trying your absolute best and didn’t deserve any of that mind-fuckery from her.
That’s abuse.
Why are you with her
If you are aware she is doing this, how could you ever feel safe in this relationship? Come on, man. Get out before something really insane happens. It’s headed in that direction and I think part of you knows it.
You are definitely being manipulated and taken advantage of. She’s 28, why are you the only one who works? You’ve only been together a year, why are you subsidizing her life?
Her demands when you got back from your work trip seem extreme. Why couldn’t she feed the dog? It’s not like she’s busy with a job…
I’d reconsider the entire relationship to be honest.
The two of you are toxic together. You’re not well and she’s being abusive. You need to break up and get away from her. Pack at least a short-term kit while she’s not home.
Yes she is manipulative.
Yes, intentionally provoking you until you have a reaction and then immediately recording that reaction is very very manipulative. Trying to blame you for the entire interaction later based on the videos she only took of your reaction to her provocations is also very very manipulative.Â
This is not a healthy relationship, you are definitely being manipulated into thinking your reactions are somehow wrong, when anyone would probably eventually snap after prolonged provocation by someone who knows your triggers and refuses to let off, because they want to film you when you’re upset, so they can frame you as crazy and unreasonable later on.
> And when things are good, they’re great. But when they are bad, they get really bad.
That’s all I had to see. End it right away.
This is actually a form of emotional abuse! Get a bunch of your friends to come over and pack your stuff up and leave! Or go stay with one of them and file eviction on her…. Whatever makes more sense, but get out and ALWAYS have a witness! You are NOT SAFE alone with her!Â
She is straight up evil and honestly dangerous (because she would absolutely lie to police to get you arrested in order to have more to hold over you.Â
Never be alone with her again.Â
Ensure all communication is either written, recorded, or witnessed.Â
Find out what is needed to separate living situations (it’ll depend on whose name(s) is/are on the lease and where you live). Even if you have to borrow money to get out of the lease or evict her, it’s worth it.Â
If you need to leave the premises for 30 days or so to give her time to move out, make sure someone is with you when you pack up essentials, make sure you get all important documents (especially anything with your social security number), take photos and video of what everything looks like (in case she steals or damages anything), and stay with family or friends until she is out. Don’t return alone without having the locks changed.Â
She is seriously insane and very likely to hurt you and/or accuse you of hurting her when you tell her it’s over. Absolutely NEVER be alone with her again.Â
This is called reactive abuse.
This is not just “manipulation” this is far worse. It’s called reactive abuse. She’s doing things to PURPOSELY cause a reaction then spinning it to seem like you’re the problem.
Get out now before she makes false claims against you and uses the videos for proof. Start recording her to protect yourself until you can get out.
It’s called reactive abuse.
Does she poop in your bed too?Â
Tell her to get out but make sure you record it or have a witness with you.
She is extremely emotionally manipulative and probably fueling your anxiety disorder. Not to mention taking advantage of you supporting her financially… you have only been dating for over a year, why are you the only one working and paying bills? What does she do? Is she in school?
Yes, on top of the other red flags like you’re already living together and taking care of all the money at just over a year?
There is no healthy explanation for a partner pulling a phone and recording a reaction – from what you’ve said it sounds like she is building up a narrative where she is the victim. I’m also going to bet that your current anxiety and difficulty managing emotions is in part due to this relationship.
đź’Ż. It is called REACTIVE ABUSE.
Here is a.nice little copy/paste from an article about it on thrive works.com:
What Is Reactive Abuse?
Reactive abuse is specifically defined as a manipulation tactic used by perpetrators of abuse to convince both the victim of abuse and others that they are the ones being abused. It occurs when the person being abused reacts strongly to the abuse they’re suffering, perhaps choosing to argue back or physically defend themselves from the person abusing them. Once they do this, the person abusing them uses it as an example or “proof” that they are actually being abused, and that the person being abused is actually to blame.
They can then use this scenario later as a threat to win arguments, keep the person they’re abusing at bay, or as a bid to maintain their power. If it happens enough, the gaslighting can be so harmful that it starts to convince the person being abused that they really are to blame and that they are a bad person.
How Does Reactive Abuse Work? How to Identify If You’re a Victim of Reactive Abuse
Reactive abuse can sometimes be used to bait others into acting out against them so that they have some kind of proof to hang over their head and manipulate them into doing what they want, even going so far as to take their claims to the police. They can also claim that their partner and themselves are committing “mutual abuse,” which would mean both parties are just as guilty of abuse as the other, while in reality the person committing abuse is the only guilty party.
Perpetrators of abuse turn a person’s valid anger and frustration at the abuse they’re facing into a weapon to use against them at any time to inflict psychological and emotional damage. Reactive abuse will often involve someone gaslighting others by claiming that they are the one that’s “crazy” and “needs help,” the abuser being gracious enough to stick around and “put up with them.” It can be extremely detrimental to one’s self-esteem, making it harder to see oneself as a good person deserving of better treatment.
This tactic is used specifically to condition and manipulate people using guilt and shame so that they become easy to control. The longer it happens, the more the guilt and shame can influence someone’s perception, causing them to believe that they are not only being abusive themselves, but also perhaps responsible for any outbursts by the person abusing them.
If these kinds of arguments or confrontations sound familiar to you, or these claims make you feel extremely uncomfortable and defensive, it may be a sign that you could be experiencing a level of reactive abuse. It’s important to find professional help immediately, either by contacting a therapist or through online resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
What Are the 3 Signs of Emotional Abuse?
If you are unsure whether this description of reactive abuse applies to you, there are specific patterns to look for. Not all of these red flags will be present during situations of reactive abuse, but they are types of emotional abuse and common red flags to look for in perpetrators of abuse:
   1. Intentionally provoking you, in private or in public.Â
Many perpetrators of abuse try to antagonize and bait their partners until they snap and lash out. There are many ways they can do this, such as name-calling, gaslighting, threatening to walk out, being condescending, and taking digs at their partner to lower their self-esteem. Doing this in public also helps feed their agenda of proving that they’re in the right and that their partner is the one with issues.
   2. Collecting “proof.”Â
This tactic is one that fits in with reactive abuse. When an abused person finally reaches a breaking point and fights back or lashes out at the person abusing them, the abuser can use that as evidence of misbehavior or “abuse.” Those abusing others will use this evidence to gain sympathy for themselves, justify their own abuse, or blackmail the person they’re abusing to keep control of them, perhaps threatening to tell people about what happened.
   3. Claiming that they are being abused.Â
Like with reactive abuse, this involves a perpetrator of abuse using the “evidence” they’ve collected to show that they are in fact the victim of abuse. The abuser calls the actions of the person they’re abusing “abusive” or “crazy,” and tries to prove that their own actions are justified, since they are being caused by their partner’s action.
These tactics can be extremely effective at isolating victims of abuse from any support, either convincing them that they are actually in the wrong, or that no one will believe them if they try to share what’s happening to them.
That’s straight out of the narc playbook.
Hit the eject button. Block her in everything and just ghost out.
It’s called reactive abuse. There’s a video of a girl losing her mind cause she wanted to go to the lake and her husband is recording her but if you listen to what is being said, it’s a clear case of reactive abuse. She was dressed for the lake, the plan all week was to go the lake. They’re in the truck and then he says that they can’t go to the lake at all cause the truck needs an oil change (those take maybe 30 minutes). It’s clear that this was a pattern in the relationship. She reacted and he was ready to record with the camera.
Some times it’s hard to see especially if you’ve never been in it. They push and push and when you explode, they’re calm and “collecting evidence”. When you finally wake up and leave, she WILL show people those videos. Get out now before she takes this too far with a call to the cops for “fear for her life”. Don’t get twisted up anymore in it
This is called reactive abuse. An abuser will push their victim until they can’t help but explode and then use their “negative” reaction to make the victim look crazy or abusive