#Relationships #Cheating #Communication #Trust
Hey everyone, I’m in a bit of a dilemma, and I’d love to get your thoughts on it. So, here’s the deal: I’m a 31-year-old guy, and my girlfriend, who’s 29, came back from a family visit and dropped a comment that got me really thinking.
She mentioned that her cousin’s partner, ‘Tim,’ cheated on her cousin, ‘Kate.’ Then she said something that totally threw me off: “I understand him though, ’cause they haven’t had sex in ages.” 🤔
I was taken aback and asked, “So, if we hadn’t had sex in a while, would that make it okay for either of us to cheat?” And that’s when things got a little heated!
- Silence followed. It felt like a loaded question that caught her off guard.
- She finally said, “Well, I guess we’d have to talk about it first.” 🤷♂️
- She also mentioned something like, “it’s just sex,” and I couldn’t help but feel uneasy about that.
This discussion turned into a bit of an argument, and now we’re both still annoyed with each other. I can’t shake the feeling that excusing cheating puts us on shaky ground regarding trust and respect.
Here’s where it gets tricky:
- 🤔 **Pain Point:** When one partner rationalizes infidelity, it can lead to feelings of insecurity in the relationship.
- 🚩 **Red Flag Alert:** Does this indicate a deeper mismatch in our values regarding commitment and open communication?
- 🗣️ **Communication Breakdown:** Not being on the same page can lead to misunderstandings that spiral out of control.
What do you think? Am I overreacting, or should I take this seriously as a red flag in our relationship? Here are some possible solutions:
- 🗨️ **Open Dialogue:** It might help to have a candid conversation about what fidelity means to both of us.
- 💭 **Seek Clarity:** Understanding her perspective could lead to a resolution and deeper connection.
- 🔄 **Set Boundaries:** Discussing boundaries can help us navigate any future challenges.
Has anyone else faced a similar situation? How did you handle it? I’m eager to hear about your experiences and any tips you might have! 🤝
If you guys aren’t having sex why do you care if she sleeps with someone else?
Ya the way she is saying its just sex is concerning. I suggest u have a talk with her when she comes back and ask if she had done something behind ur back or if she is okay with concept of cheating if its just sex . I would re-evaluate the whole relationship as her values are weird and concerning. Dont come of too strong as she may feel ur accusing her of something and ik its toxic maybe snoop through her phone as u don’t want to find out she cheated on u after a long time when ur married with kids .
So she’s cheating on you because you haven’t had sex in a while then.
Yes, it’s a red flag. She may already be cheating on you.
As a woman,let me tell you that those who justify cheating are the one who have more chances to do it soon or later! Never minimize what someone say or do ,it tell a lot of their true nature.
It’s a red flag. Defending a cheater and then her silence/reply? Not good.
You have just found out that you two have incompatible values around fidelity.
Now you get to decide if that’s a deal breaker for you.
she`s cheating Dude!
time to snoop,,,
oh and a mono relationship that “opens” later that is many times under emotional pressure that’s done, by either being either “stunned” by the implication of the question or fear of loosing the other
a red flag ? its the worlds biggest red flag with blaring alarms tanks and cannon boats
Red flag. You discuss the lack of sex with your partner, you don’t go have it elsewhere.
Dude it’s so red it’s NEON
You trolling right?
Red flag?..
Hell yeah
She just told you without telling you, that she is cheating on you cause lack of Sex. Then doubles down with “it’s just Sex”… Big Ole yikers
Seems you need to start communicating about your lack of sex life.
I sincerely regret letting these clear incompatibilities go early on with my ex-fiancee. You have to process what she means (you are interpreting this correctly) and decide whether you accept it. It seems you definitely should not.
You cannot let this slide. It will make things so much worse when you discover what she’s been doing, and that she feels no guilt over it. Mine accepted no accountability at all, and blamed me. And we did not have a dead bedroom. These people are broken.
At best, your gf has been thinking about cheating on you and how she’d justify it in her mind and possibly to you if you ever found out.
That’s the best case scenario, brother.
It’s salvageable at that point, but you need to find out if she cheated or if she thinks she has leave to cheat.
Get a new woman.
You’re obviously not in the wrong here, and it’s concerning that your wife feels the need to excuse abhorrent behavior regardless of the reasons. If I were in your shoes, the trust would be broken, and it would be up to her to fix it.
You know if she *is* cheating on you, you’re never going to get a straight answer from her right? Not to mention you could hire a private investigator for the next year, get access to her phone records and credit card statements, and do everything in your power to try and find out if she’s cheated on you, and *still* end up empty handed without proving her innocence. If she’s not actively cheating on you right now, the PI won’t find anything. That doesn’t mean she didn’t cheat on you in the past, and if she decided to start cheating on you again 3 months after you release the PI then what good did it do you? She could have also used a burner phone and only paid for things in cash, leaving no trails to follow.
To be clear, I’m not saying don’t dig into it because it’s pointless. I’m just warning you that just because you don’t find anything doesn’t mean there’s nothing there. Listen to your gut.
At this point, hope for the best… But expect the worst…
Uhhh, I think you married the wrong cousin. Clearly, you guys do not align on issues of ethics.
I think she is sus.
Do you not want to have sex? Does she?
Because if she does and you don’t, you’re neglecting her. Relationships don’t work without sex if one person wants it.
If you’re not getting sex from a partner, some people will get it from someone else.
And then the person being cheated on will be shocked. But is it really THAT shocking?
I asked, “Well, we haven’t had sex in ages, does that make it okay for either of us to sleep with someone else?”
***silence***
That silence of her’s after such a direct and easy to answer question speaks VOLUMES. I wouldn’t be surprised that she’s already cheated on you.
edit: typo
Time for a serious discussion about relationships, sex, communications and expectations. The fact she excuses cheating is a huge red flag and something that would have me reconsidering my relationship with her.
Flat out ask her if she has had sex with anyone else since it’s clearly okay in her mind to cheat in a relationship.
Make it clear it’s not an excuse and you’ll be gone the moment you can’t trust her and right now your trust in her is damaged.
Why would you invest so much time and effort into someone who is showing you how untrustworthy they actually are?
It’s a red flag, and her response to your question makes me think she may have done something if you guys haven’t done in a while but that’s my opinion.
If anything, her declarative statements about sex and relationships are truly skewed and should in itself be a red flag and should be truly troubling to you if you’re looking for a permanent partner in life..
Just curious, but is there any particular reason yall haven’t had sex in awhile?
You’re not exaggerating nor being overdramatic. Your partner is showing a lack of commitment and loyalty, and it’s not something you should ignore, IMO. If someone is showing you who they are, believe them.
There is no excuse for cheating. Not even “it was just sex”, “it was just physical because our bedroom was dry”. If you lack something in your relationship, you talk and work on it. If you’re looking for it outside the relationship, it’s a lost case.
Bro you know it’s a red flag and don’t need anyone here to tell you that. How did she even justify sneaking behind your partners back and cheating?
Huge red flag.
This is a huge red flag and I am guessing your wife has some secrets of her own. She seems so not bothered with the topic like it’s just picking do you want whole wheat or white bread. This is already giving me vibes that she either has or will cheat without giving you a second thought, she will just as easily justify it.
Updateme
She already cheated. Sorry. Start accepting the truth or leave her and find someone who shares the same values as you.
CHEATING IS DEFINITELY A BIG DEAL!!!
Soviet-sized red flag on the spot…
It’s a red flag.
In the middle of my wife’s emotional affair, we went to see a play about a woman in an unhappy marriage who has an affair. My wife left the theater justifying the woman’s actions, whereas in 20 prior years of conversation she had always said cheating was the worst, was never justified, etc.
It was just one more red flag for me that I had a problem.
This subject always seems cut and dry, and it is to a point. First, I do not condone cheating in any way. I can sympathize with people in unhappy situations, though. There are ways out of those situations that don’t include cheating. If your partner has sympathy for her friend who is in a bad relationship, I can get behind that. If your partner outright excuses cheating as the fix to that problem, I can not get behind that. Cheating is just despicable
Massive red flag. I’d be out.
Sounds like she already cheated