I completely understand how frustrating it can be when you and your partner have different interests or hobbies. It can feel like you’re being constantly dragged into something you don’t enjoy, which can create tension in the relationship. However, it’s important to find a balance and compromise that works for both of you. In this case, it seems like your wife’s love for hiking is causing some conflict.
Firstly, it’s crucial to have open and honest communication with your wife about how you truly feel. Expressing your feelings is essential for both of you to understand each other’s perspectives. However, it’s important to approach the conversation in a respectful and considerate manner. Instead of focusing on how much you hate hiking, try to emphasize how much it affects your comfort and enjoyment during those activities.
It may also be helpful to have a calm and rational discussion about the reasons why your wife enjoys hiking so much. Try to understand what about it brings her joy, and see if there are any underlying reasons or benefits that you might not have considered. This can help both of you gain a deeper understanding of each other’s viewpoints and potentially find a middle ground.
One possible solution could be to find alternative activities that you both enjoy. While your wife may be passionate about hiking, there might be other outdoor activities that you could try together. For example, you could suggest going for leisurely walks in scenic areas that don’t involve intense hiking. This way, you can still spend quality time together outside without it being too physically demanding or uncomfortable for you.
Another idea is to compromise by dedicating specific days or weekends for hiking and alternating those with activities that align with your interests. This way, your wife can satisfy her hiking passion on those designated days while giving you ample time to pursue other hobbies or interests on the alternate days. This compromise allows both of you to have your own space while also finding common ground.
Additionally, consider exploring individual hobbies or activities that you both enjoy separately. Providing each other with space to pursue individual interests can help reduce the pressure and frustration that come from constantly participating in activities that one person dislikes. By doing so, you can focus on nurturing your own passions and finding satisfaction independently.
Ultimately, relationships require compromise and understanding. It’s important to remember that no one person can fully enjoy or appreciate everything that their partner does. However, finding ways to accommodate each other’s interests is a crucial aspect of a healthy and fulfilling partnership. By open and honest communication, seeking compromise, and actively exploring alternative activities, you can work towards finding a balance that benefits both you and your wife.
I am laughing so hard 😂 I feel your pain
Stop going.
Start doing something you like. Not everything must be shared in a marriage.
Nowhere else to go? How about nowhere? Order room service, watch some tv. Speak up for yourself. Try to find another hobby that you BOTH can enjoy. Tell her you’re done hiking, ffs. I get it – I also hate it, camping too. I did plenty of all that during my stint in the US Marines. **Marriott** for me, at the minimum, or I’m staying home lol
You do have a choice. Don’t go. She got the message. She wants to get her way. You are not depriving her. She can join a group. Stop making yourself miserable.
Don’t. Go.
Just….. Don’t.
Last time I went hiking I ended up on crutches all to see a contaminated waterfall in Hawaii so my hiking days are over. Screw that.
Find a comfy spot at the trailhead lay out a blanket and settle in with a book until they’re done.
I recommend sitting her down at a neutral time and tell her, “I love you with all my heart, but hiking makes me utterly miserable and I’m not willing to do it anymore/will only do it X times per year. I have no problem with you going on hiking trips without me, but I can no longer be your hiking partner.”
That said, I’ve gone hiking on US East coast and hated it for all the reasons you listed. I find the PNW much more bearable due to cooler weather and lack of bugs.
Don’t complain about going just because you have nowhere to go. You’re an individual with their own free will. Just say you’re not interested and do something else. Good grief.
A spouse is not meant to be a magic bullet who will meet and fulfill every single one of your needs. You get the message across by saying “I don’t enjoy hiking, I’m happy that it’s something you enjoy but you need to find other people to go with from now on”. You both need to have independent hobbies and friendships. If you feel that’s something you can’t say or if your wife reacts badly to that, then you have bigger issues with communication that need to be solved. If you want to ease the blow a little bit maybe you can try out a new outdoor activity that you both enjoy together (I hate hiking too and my partner enjoys it, but we both like camping together)- or maybe offer to have a nice hearty meal ready for her when she gets back from a long hike as a treat or something.
🤣 So here’s what I think and take it like a grain of salt:
– Tell her exactly why you loathe hiking
– Come up with an excuse not to go > there is a cocktail on the hotel’s drink menu I have got to try
– Once in a blue moon, go with her on a hike (Why? Because I’m sure there are things she does for you that she loathes yet suffers through it)
I swear on everything I find sacred, I would rather get divorced than go on any fucking forced hikes on a regular basis, fuck that shit. Not saying you should but like, don’t go. Stop giving in to her hobby. Stop doing shit that you hate, it will only make you resent her and resentment is a relationship killer. And she needs to stop trying to force you, that’s an AH move, you have told her she hates it, why would she want you to do something you hate? Does she think you’ll eventually “come to your senses”? That’s just shitty of her. Anyway, just stop going.
What? Just don’t go. “Nah honey, you know I hate hiking. I won’t be coming with you. But have fun, see you later!”
Meh- I do not think you are doing anything wrong here. But if she loves hiking so much, why can she not do it without you ?
You know you don’t have to do everything together, nobody’s partner is exactly like them in terms of hobbies and likes and dislikes unless they’re codependent and/or full of shit
Well me (39 f) and my partner (41 m) are just like you. But he just doesn’t go anymore, and I’m fine with it. Don’t need to drag him somewhere he hates while I have plenty of friends who will apreciate it tons more. So I generally go hiking with a friend. Just make sure that you do other actvities with her, and initiate also sometimes.
You could just stop going. You do have a choice. Drop your wife and mom off at their hiking spot and find something else to do in the meantime.
My dad loves hiking, tried taking me and my sister when we were little. I HATE IT. If I were you I would just stop going with her. Don’t let her talk you into it.
Don’t go. Treat it as alone time.
As someone who LOVES hiking and has also been guilty of pressuring partners to like it as much as i do…. We would love it if you come along sometimes, on a milder walk perhaps? But we also should love it when you are yourself and if that means no hiking it should be respected. There are boundaries in what you can/will do for partners and you obviously crossed yours! It might be a little painful when you haven’t been good about keeping boundaries or it hasn’t come up like this in the past but in the end it’s better. Good luck!
I love hiking. But I hate hiking with people who don’t enjoy it. Just do something else.
Bring a book or some other activity you prefer and just do that. Post up in a coffee shop or something and tell her to come and find you when she’s done.
>> I’ve been very vocal about how much I dislike hiking, but she keeps finding ways to make me go anyway.
How exactly does she do that? What do you mean by “she won’t accept that”? You just say “honey, I love you, but I hate hiking. Go have fun and we’ll have dinner together once you’re back. Enjoy the hike!” End of conversation.
>> I have no choice but to tag along because I have nowhere else to go
That’s the part I don’t get either. I can think of a hundred ways to spend time (for free, too!) if I have several hours to kill and none of the activities would be hiking. What do you enjoy doing? Do you have any hobbies or pass times?
At the end of the day it’s about boundaries and compromise. You don’t go hiking, period. If she adds hiking to another trip like with the wedding, you two should both decide how much time she can spend so that both of you make it home at a reasonable time.
I have the same problem. We have come to a compromise. I drop her at the trail head, and she goes off for her days hike. We agree a collect point, and I pick her up at the end of the day. That gives the whole day to potter about and do my own stuff. She averages about two and half miles per hour, so with a bit of google maps I know what time to be there.
This is how you get it across- “ok have a great time, stay safe, send pictures/ring me!” Then do your own thing.
That last one though – sounds like you’re the one who invited yourself on that last hike because in your own words you had “nowhere else to go”. So why’d you still go?
I love hiking. My husband is unable to hike distances now, but even before he didn’t love it. So I go solo most of the time, which I love, or once in awhile bring a friend or my son. I would never insist my husband do something physical that he hated, even if he was capable of doing so.
Your wife should not be forcing you to do an activity she knows you don’t enjoy all the time. I do believe that partners should sometimes do things the other one likes (both going to the ballet when only one likes it, both going to a game when only one is into it), but those should be occasional, and pre-planned.
You are NTA, and you just have to stop going. It was selfish for her to plan a hike that would have left you stranded if you didn’t go. In the future, just tell her you are not going. You tell her what you told us- that you despise everything about it, you don’t appreciate the views, and that you do not enjoy her company while hiking. Be blunt and stand up for yourself.
Just don’t go anymore. You’re an adult. She can’t force you if you don’t want too. Find something else to do whilst she goes with her mum. Read a book in the car.
Just don’t go? She’s not moving your legs for you. If you actively dislike it then just actively not go. You can literally choose just to go nowhere, you know that, right?? If you’re choosing to go and complain because you can’t be bothered to do nothing or make other plans on your own, that’s your fault entirely.
Youre a grown ass man, tell her no.
You do know there are plenty of hiking groups on Meet-up and elsewhere. Let her join one of those to get her fix. Yes, occasionally you should go – just to show support.
What things do you plan for you to do together? Take turns planning activities. Maybe you will find a common passion.
Just because she planned a hike with her mom after check out doesn’t mean you have to go. You chose to go. Sit in the car and read a book. Find something to do nearby. You have options, you just aren’t taking them.
lol how does she “doesn’t accept”?
does she put a gun on your head and make you go?
next time she says she planned a hiking for you two, say you won’t go
I feel like you’d enjoy [this](https://youtu.be/ot8vbGKsea4?si=FCi80SkI_df0d06E).
EDIT: Hey, maybe try downhill skiing with her. She’ll get the views and nature, you’ll get to go fast and the chairlift will do most of the work. Also, no bugs.
I feel like there’s some sort of middle ground here. As someone whose love language is quality time, this may be her way of feeling connected to you and making memories for herself with you. She may also feel safer knowing you’re around. I would absolutely not go on every hike, every time, but definitely make an effort to go at least a few times in the year to show that you want to support her love of hiking and that you love her enough to “suffer” for something she loves. She shouldn’t expect you to go every time or to even love it, but I feel like she also shouldn’t just be “abandoned to the wolves” so to speak because you don’t want to go.
I hate golf. I do not play it with my partner. He manages to find people to play with and once a year or so, I play to make him happy.
He hates camping- but every now and then he comes with me. About as often as I play golf with him. I hike with female friends, I joined a search and rescue and volunteer teaching kids navigation. He is not there to entertain me.
Literally don’t go, what the hell
Stay in the hotel lobby scrolling your phone and drinking coffee. Go have brunch. Whatever.
Stop being bullied!
I’m with you on this, I can’t imagine anything enjoyable about hiking, bugs love me and I would look like a human lab experiment after a hike.
You’ve told her how you feel and it appears she doesn’t care so next time be firm, “I know you love hiking and I love that you have something you love doing but for me, I don’t enjoy it at all so from here on out im sitting hikes out” and if she persists or flies off the handle leave the conversation/house and go do something you enjoy .
How did you not have a choice? All you had to do was pick something else to do. “Call me when you’re done.”
I love hiking. My husband most decidedly does NOT. Before we had kids, I would take the dogs or go with friends. Now we have kids, and one hates hiking unless it leads to a swimming hole, so she stays home with dad while I take the rest of them.
Your wife needs to look at alternatives if she doesn’t want to go alone. You’re in a rough spot, because I was the one who liked hiking, but could also understand that my husband doesn’t and be okay doing this separately. Best bet would probably be having this discussion separate from any trip, and explain that you love her, but won’t be joining her on any more hikes. Maybe you could still be supportive, like dropping her off and picking her up afterwards? I hate driving after hiking when my feet are all sore lol.
Your descriptive hatred of hiking is so in-depth and funny that it almost has me convinced I hate hiking!
Dude, *stop going*. “Honey, I’ve said this a million times and I’m so serious right now–i do not like hiking and I do not want to go.”
You’re allowed to tell your life partner you don’t like something they love.
Start planning things for yourself. Like: we are going to the wedding. She will go hiking, for sure. What will I do? Oh, she checked us out? I will go and talk to receptionist – where can I stay, and will rent a room if needed. Because I said that I’m not going. And I’m not going.
>I’ve been very vocal about how much I dislike hiking, but she keeps finding ways to make me go anyway. This weekend we had a wedding to go to and she planned a hike with her mom after we checked out of the hotel so I have no choice but to go along because I have nowhere else to go. I’ve told her very consistently how much I dislike hiking and that she can go with he mom, her sisters, a local hiking group, or anyone that isn’t me, but she won’t accept that. How do I get it across that this is just not something I am willing to do.
“Have a nice time, I am going to hang out in the lobby/coffee shop/at the park/by the car and read my book/find a sports bar and watch the game/go to a local attraction.”
If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. “No” is a complete sentence. “No, thank you” if you want to be polite about it.