“Should I Attend My DIL’s Abstract Art Show Despite Disliking Her Style?”
#DIL #AbstractArt #FamilyEvent #ContemporaryArt #Opinions
Background
– DIL (daughter-in-law) invited family to her art show
– Tickets: $30, art style is abstract and not personally liked
Conversation
– Declined due to personal preference
– DIL urged attendance, claiming obligation
– Argument ensued, revealing honest opinion: art style dislike
Question
– AITA (Am I the A**hole) for sharing honest opinion on DIL’s art?
Engage with this question and weigh in with your thoughts and experiences regarding family obligations, personal preferences, and honesty in relationships.
I’m going to go with ESH. She should have just accepted your “no,” because you could have actually had plans for all she knew. But your response was mean. She’s part of your family now, and spending $30 to show support at her art show shouldn’t be such a difficulty for you, or something you call a waste of money to her face.
IN.FO – is your relationship with your DIL good otherwise? This seems like an incredibly easy way to show support to someone in your family and calling it a waste of money is shitty.
I was really prepared to say you were that AH here, but after reading to the end, your DIL brought this on herself. You said you had plans and couldn’t go. That was a nice way to get out of it. She pushed and pushed – “she told me I have to go“ – and you snapped. This is on her. NTA. Enjoy your Friday!
>The tickets to get in are 30 dollars. Personally I would rather spend that money on other thing
Yeah, welcome to having family. Sometimes you pay to go to shitty art openings. And shitty concerts. And shitty plays. And shitty sporting events. And sometimes, if you’re the least bit open-minded, you discover that your family members are actually pretty good at these things! Not necessarily, mind you, but sometimes! And most of all, it makes them feel good when you show up.
I actually changed my answer while typing lol
I mean, you’re an ah for not going. I was going to say not the ah for being honest.
But as i was writing in I realized You don’t go to those things because you love it, you go to them because you love your family.
So 1st, you said you had plans … lie, then you said nah really I don’t like the art… which is true but not why I think you’re not going…its that you really don’t care enough about her to spend a couple of hours supporting her
YTA
Artists get invited to these things partly based on their ability to bring their own audience and followers.
ESH. You are not obligated to go to anything, and your DIL was FAR out of line to insist on it… that was really inappropriate of her and she should have just let it go. But, you do come across as strangely closed-minded and judgmental on this topic. Probably she’d already picked up on prior signs you don’t appreciate her art and she was being hypersensitive as a result.
You seem really like rigid and victim-y. Even if it’s not your cup-of-tea, is it really so awful to shell out $30 to support a loved one? You weren’t going to have to ‘spend a full day bullshitting’ – it would probably be a few hours tops, and no one is forced to rave about the art at an art show! You could easily have a few neutral statements like “It’s so colorful / vibrant” and “I don’t always pick up on the meanings behind abstract art but I’m still enjoying the viewing” or “This piece is by my DIL, she’s so talented” or WHATEVER. Surely there would be some non-abstract art you could enjoy while there. It was shitty of her to confront you on it, but this post is giving vibes like you’re generally really unsupportive so to me that makes you TA too.
NTA. Why are you calling someone who didn’t want to go? No one is obligated to support anything you do.
NTA
She should’ve left it and I don’t quite get why it was a mandatory event. At first I thought yea go, be supportive … but it sounds like you realized honesty was not allowed. You did the next best thing by bowing out. “She accused” you of not liking her art?! WTH! Is she like 12?
NTA. I wouldn’t pay 30 anything to look at art I didn’t like. Not even for inlaws. DIL should have accepted the first no.
NTA and let’s be for real, DIL probably wasn’t trying to bond with OP being that they aren’t close and she doesn’t show up to OP’s stuff she’s invited to. She more likely needed to sell a certain amount of tickets or was afraid no one would show up and she’d look like a loser.
NTA
Simply because she pushed it hoping for a reaction and she´s angry that it wasn´t one she liked
Nta for not wanting to go. I agree with some commenters that some things you just do for family because they’re family, and I’ve said so myself in other comments recently. Mostly for my own husband though, not other family.
But i do think there is a limit and it depends on the specific family dynamic. My own family is not entirely participatory and we don’t ask/ do much of this sort of thing for each other. It wouldn’t even occur to me to ask my in- laws. They’re nice people but we’re not close, even if they didn’t live in another state. Mostly I just feel awkward around them.
And in your case, you said you had plans and she got pushy and said you “had” to. That would have teed me off, personally.
No way do I agree with the comments saying that you should have gone, etc. 30 dollars is a lot of money for an amateur art show. And art is not your thing. She was very aggressive with you and harassed you, all for an art show. LOL NTA but she sure is… Just because she is your DIL does not mean you have to be a cheerleader for her. She asked, you said no, discussion over.
ESH….. I’ve gone to these to support a friend….. it’s not a real show… they make money from artists they force to sell a certain number of tickets or they have to.cover the unsold costs.
NTA. She pushed you to tell her the truth when you were trying to spare her feelings.
Considering she’s declined other invites it’s weird she’d feel as though she would get to dictate your attendance.
NAH.
This sounds like scam. My local art gallery is free/by donation. The admission for the National Art Gallery of Canada is only 20$. Even a world class gallery like MOMA or the Louvre is around $40. The price for this amateur show is insane.
I can kinda understand your DIL’s point of view…I’m an artist and I would be super excited to display my work and I would want my family to come. But if her art isn’t your thing and the cost is that ridiculous, I don’t blame you for not going.
NTA. She is an adult, not you 5 year old at Sports Day. She pushed you, and this is on her.
As an artist myself, art is subjective, and not everyone likes the same thing artistically, so she needs to learn people can say they don’t like her art, and that is valid.
Obviously y’all’s relationship isn’t good but the super selfish tone of this post makes it seem like you are the problem here. Can’t even get hyped for an accomplishment like this for your family member. Thinks supporting her is a waste of $30.
Maybe this would be justified if there was a good reason for the strain on your relationship but from your posts and comments it seems like she is reaching out and trying while you are making no effort to make her feel like family
NTA. you were polite by declining originally saying sorry I have other plans when she pushed and said it was mandatory that’s when she became the asshole. She pushed you into admitting you didn’t like the art.
NTA – Why does everyone think you have to do stuff “for the family” You tried to refuse tactfully and she pressed the issue.
you sound like a pretty mean person to me – adults sometimes act graciously even when it’s not their first choice – you haven’t provided any context that might explain why you feel it necessary to be deliberately disrespectful to dil – maybe there are reasons but you didn’t present them – how about this little thing i heard once to help you
“kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear”
get it? oh and yes YTA
I might get downvoted, but YTA. Sometimes we show support to the people in our lives by showing up, even if we don’t understand or particularly like their hobby.
kid concerts and events are free, not paying $30 for art for a adult
NTA
You tried to spare her feelings by inventing a previous appointment. She rudely pressed you to cancel and come.
An invitation to any event is strictly voluntary. There is no requirement to attend.
If you don’t want to hear the truth, then you shouldn’t ask questions. Your DIL is old enough to know this. She needs to act her age. There is only so much nagging a person can take. You lasted longer than I probably would have before snapping.
NTA. $30 isn’t nothing to me so I can understand not wanting to spend that on something you don’t enjoy. You tried to do the polite thing and snapped when she pushed you. That’s on her, she ought to have accepted your refusal and left it alone. You do sound a touch judgy about the art itself but I’m chalking that up to how irritated you must have been while typing this.
I’m with OP. I’m a terrible liar, and having to lie over and over again about how awesome all the art is would be so uncomfortable, I would surely snap at the wrong time.
Then, imagine the pressure to buy some of the art you thought was an eyesore.
NTA. So.e people just need to learn that “no, thank you” means “no, thank you.”
NTA. You tried to be polite, but your DIL forced you to be rude. There is no such thing as having to go to an event – at best she could have stressed the importance of the event.
NTA. DIL can’t expect you to attend her event, no matter what but not do the same for your events. You were polite until she acted pushy and entitled.
Nta. You only gave her back the same energy she gives to you.
Don’t be surprised when DIL and spouse stop coming over and spending time with you because “well it’s just not worth the money”
I’m going to go NTA. I’m an artist, I do the whole gallery thing and get invited to receptions. I love my art and what I create, but its not for everyone.
I make my spouse go, and I let my family know about them in case they are interested, but I dont ever expect them to attend. I it’s my art, not theirs, and I’m an adult. If you’re not into that style, the receptions can be wicked boring (sometimes even if you are, lol). She should have accepted you having plans and let it go before you had to snap at her.
NTA – an invitation is not a summons. DIL can be disappointed, DIL can re-evaluate how close they are with OP, DIL can say that their feelings are hurt. But DIL is not entitled to have OP attend her event and is TA for trying to demand that OP invest time and money into something she doesn’t want to do. I’m trying to imagine strong arming my MIL into paying to attend an event that was important to me that I knew she would hate. Or my wife doing the same to my mom. Nope, that’s not cool
i wish you would have given more context on the art show, getting into a show can be pretty hard and if its expensive it might be a pretty big thing, i think its something worth celebrating and its normal for your dil to try and show her achievements (as annoying as it may be).
its okay if you dont want to go, but youre incredibly mean and dismissive, it clearly means a lot to your dil, and considering how artists are treated these days her wanting to share this achievement is completely valid, you lying to her at first in order to make an excuse not to go also doesnt help you.
YTA, you dont have to be close to someone to be supportive, its really easy to be honest and tell her that its not your cup of tea but still wish her well. also imo as an artist, calling something as personal as someones art bad when you clearly just dont get it is awful, i hope you apologize to her.
NTA – I would only pay 30 bucks to go see art done by cats, and then only if I get to see the cats too.
NTA, you tried to let her down with a white lie she pushed and upset herself with the truth. Sometimes, the truth is hurtful. That’s not your fault. You tried to let her down easy
Ah…another post where the MIL is automatically wrong just because she’s the MIL.
OP, like the rest of us, does not have to spend money to go to an event just because someone wants her to.
If anything DIL is the AH for not accepting no in the first place. Then her fee fees wouldn’t have been hurt.
YTA, it is important to support people in their endeavors even if it’s not your cup of tea.
YTA.
If 30 bucks is make or break, I could understand. But it pretty obviously isn’t. You just don’t like your DIL, don’t like her art, and can’t even be half-assed to show up to a show she got into.
I’ve been to places and done things I don’t like to support the people I care about. Even if you don’t care about her, you should care enough about your spouse.
Your contempt is DRIPPING off of this post and it’s pretty obvious.
YTA.
Not for telling her the truth about why you didn’t want to go. YTA for refusing to go for those reasons.
Go to the art show to be supportive to your family member. You don’t have to like her work or want to be there. Just be a decent person.
I can literally FEEL the contempt for your DIL through the screen. Poor lady.
ESH. She should’ve have taken no for an answer. No is a complete sentence. You shouldn’t have snapped and yelled. If she is being accepted in art shows, it’s obvious that she has talent – and it wouldn’t kill you to support.
YTA. You could have supported her and even admitted to “not understanding the art but wanting to support her interest.” As for her begging to hear your real reason, that’s on her, you tried to keep your opinion to yourself. Next time just support your family member. I bet she sits through exhausting conversations of your interests as well so liven up and be a team player.
YTA, you should be proud you have an artist in your extended family, and it was clearly important to her that you show up and support her. I hope she disowns you.