#Refusingtocallmycousinsonbyhisname #Babynamecompetition #Familyrivalry
Hey there! So, I recently found myself in a bit of a sticky situation with my cousin and her new baby boy. I feel like I might be overreacting, but I can’t shake off this feeling of annoyance. I’d really appreciate your insight on whether I’m in the wrong for refusing to call my cousin’s son by his name. Here’s the whole story:
### The Name Game
It all started when my cousin announced she was pregnant with a baby boy. She and her husband decided to keep the name a secret, which I didn’t think much of at first. But when they finally revealed his name after the birth, I was shocked to find out that they had chosen the same name as my one-year-old son.
### Mixed Emotions
I have to admit, I felt a mix of emotions when I realized they had given their son the same name as mine. I wasn’t so much angry that they chose the same name, but more so that they had kept it a secret from me. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t at least give me a heads up about it. I’ve been calling my son by the same name for a year now, and not knowing that my cousin’s son would share the name has made things pretty awkward.
### Am I Overreacting?
My mom seems to think I’m overreacting and that it’s not a big deal. But I can’t help but feel a bit upset about the whole situation. I haven’t been able to bring myself to call my cousin’s son by his name, and instead, I’ve been using terms like “the baby” or “the little one” when referring to him. I know it’s not fair to the kid, but I just can’t seem to say the name without thinking of my son.
### Seeking Insight
I’ve been doing my best to process my feelings and figure out if I’m in the wrong here. I can’t help but wonder if my past rivalry with my cousin is clouding my judgment. So, I’m reaching out for some insight. Am I in the wrong for making a big deal out of this?
### Considerations
Before you jump in with your feedback, I wanted to address a few things that have been brought up in the comments:
1. The kids don’t have middle names, which is not common in my cultural background.
2. They have different last names, so it’s not a matter of being mistaken for one another.
3. The name in question is not as common as names like David or John, but it’s not exactly unique either. It’s a name that holds personal significance for me, and I even reached out to someone with the same name before naming my son.
### Final Thoughts
In the end, I’ve come to realize that I’m not just bothered by the fact that my cousin chose the same name, but also by the way they kept it a secret. It’s been helpful to hear different perspectives on this, and I appreciate all the feedback so far. I’m still processing everything, but I’m open to hearing more thoughts on the matter.
So, what do you think? Am I in the wrong for refusing to call my cousin’s son by his name? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Feel free to share your insights and any advice you might have. Thanks for taking the time to read my story! 🤔✨
YTA. They don’t owe you any explanation as to why they kept the name secret. A lot of people do it that way (including myself). Get over yourself.
NTA but not not an asshole. You’ll have to say the babys name eventually he won’t be a baby forever. Do they have different middle names or last names. Can you make a nickname for one of them? It’s annoying to have the same first name, but me and my neice had the same names picked out for our kids we just got lucky and talked about it before hand and had agreed.
YTA for your attitude about what is a non-issue. You barely see this cousin twice a year and I doubt her baby comes up in every conversation you have with other people.
As much as you insist you “couldn’t care less” and you’re “not angry” about this cousin and her life, you obviously do care. A lot.
Start referring to your son, (let’s just call him “Bob”, just for this comment)… Your child is “Bob, First Of His Name”.
But you know, what is going to happen in the day to day is your son will end up being “Big Bob” or “Elder Bob”, or “Bob, last name initial” in general family conversation.
And I feel sorry for “Baby Bob” or “Bob the younger” or “Lil Bob”.
Your cousins kid may start going by his middle name, at some point. Won’t that annoy your competitive cousin, lol.
But, no, OP. NTA for not liking your cousins choice of names for her kid. What *is* her problem, anyway.
But don’t punish the kid by calling him “Scooter” or “Buddy” or anything. Just use his legal name, all this isn’t his fault. Call him “Bob” when he is actually old enough to *know* his name, respond when addressed, and have an opinion of his own.
You call him (Cousin’s name)’s John and your baby is my John, or (your name)’s John.
It happened my my uncles married two women with the same name. It happens a lot and families name children after their grandparents all the time.
I have a cousin and an aunt named for my grandmother.
YTA. You should care less. You don’t own a name; there are lots of good reasons that people keep a name secret (I don’t think this sub goes a week without someone doing that because family is trying to pressure them to name the kid after a dead grandparent or something); this will have zero impact on your child’s life unless you make a big deal about it.
NTA. You could embrace it by telling her you’re so happy she loved your son enough to name hers after him. Smother her with kindness.
YTA. The reason they probably kept the name a secret is because they didn’t want to invite conversation or suggestions. Many couples choose to keep names a secret because they just don’t want to invite opinions. It really seems like you’re the one hanging on to the childhood issues.
NTA. But start calling her kid “Little XYZ” and, should she or other relatives take offense, simply say it’s to avoid the inevitable confusion.
You are still mad at the childhood competition.
ESH
Your cousin is pathetically copying you but your reaction to this by not referring to this child by name doesn’t show more maturity than she displays.
NTA. This is the latest in a long string of annoyances from your cousin and I can see how you would be fed up. Instead of acting upset about it, I would smirk every time it got mentioned or maybe mention what a shame it is she can’t come up with an original idea. You obviously live in her head rent-free, but that’s no reason to keep her in yours.
How do I go back a year and search “AITA” for “my cousin just named her new baby son the name I’ve been planning forever to use for my first born son”?
YTA for making this about you and being a walking contradiction. You say you know you have no claim to this name and it is a common name etc. Then you say your pissed at her for using it. Which is it?
Is what she did weird? Yes. But you don’t get to gatekeep who uses the same name you picked out. And you should call the baby by their given name.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Just move on and enjoy your baby
NTA..
To be honest had she not made such a big deal about keeping the name secret it would have not bothered you that much as u are sensible enough to agree that ‘the name’ is a common one.
It’s obvious that the complete name is gonna be different as I think both your & your cousin’s spouse won’t be having the same last name. But her whole secrecy drama got you to this point that you exploded..
It’s ok.. You needed to have your reaction and i agree with multiple commenters, that u start calling your baby boy with the name ‘XYZ senior’ it will surely piss her off, as it would look like a tribute to your baby.
So thus my friend, revenge will be served cold or to say served with name honours.
YTA
LMAO you named your child something you yourself admit is common and then you sit there with a surprised pikachu face about someone else having the same name. You don’t own a name. What happens when that innocent kid gets older and he starts to comprehend your resent for him, and it actually starts to hurt when you call him by his name?” What if your son brings home a friend with the same name? Are you gonna call him “that kid.” Get over yourself.
YTA, I mean the hell cares! I have two cousins of nearly the same age with the same name, no they didnt need to ask permission and no I wouldnt even consider checking with someone. Grow up and get over it, do you want her to ask before painting a room too, make sure its not the same color you painted?
YTA. Call the child by his name. It’s not going to be a big deal. We have something like six Johns in our family (not even kidding). Three guys called James. Several Marys. We manage. It’s not a big deal.
This is normal in my family. My grandma and her sister named their kids the same name, too. I don’t see a big deal. We use nicknames because we have 4 people with the same name within close family 😅🙈
Anyway, your cousin seems AHish to me for keeping up this stupid competition with you.
But as you said, the kid is not at fault here so you shouldn’t punish the kid by not saying his name. Be the better person and just say cousin’s son or Son Jr. You got this 😉
P.S.: I’d be pissed too 🙃
Irish Catholics laughing in Michael, John, Luke, Matthew
Yta for not calling the child by his name, whatever you think of his parents. Granted he’s a baby, but what about the occasion (however rare) you see him as he gets older? It’s just rude to not address someone by their name.
And it’s bizarre to think you’d ask a colleague or a neighbor about sharing the same name.
I have 4 uncles that have the same name. My grandma and her sister named their sons this name. Never had any issues. My grandpas sister also named her son the same (as her siblings’ son). My aunt married a man with the same name.
>Again, couldn’t care less, I was just happy she is not at the same school so I don’t have to put up with this nonsense anymore.
**NARRATOR**: “Sadly, OP was incorrect in two important ways. She does, indeed, care and there was, in fact, more nonsense.”
**YTA** for 1) lying to yourself about not caring; and 2) caring about the name of a kid you may see once or twice a year.
Your cousin is deranged.
NTA As it sounds like your cousin wanted to push your buttons, with all the secrecy, and sadly until now it sounds like she succeeded. The solution could be to refer to your child as the fire born as big Harry (or whatever the name is) and your cousins kid as little Harry. It’s what my family did. It also may have the bonus of annoying your cousin as to her insecure mind the ‘big’ designation would somehow make your child seem better than hers.
Who has time for this type of pettiness?
YTA
How obscure is this name that you reached out to a childhood friend to ask if you could use it? That’s weird.
>would have even asked my colleague or a neighbor, not just a friend or family, if I was about to name my kid the same name they named theirs.
No, no, you would NOT be going around “asking” your colleagues and neighbors. What a bizarre idea that you would stop Sally at the mailboxes or Bob from Accounting to “ask” them if it was chill that you named your child the same name as theirs. I would back away slowly from you that you even know my kid’s name.
>I myself know one person with the name from my childhood (and btw I reached out to him before my son was born and said I wanted to use the name).
You did WHAT? You reached out to someone you were acquainted with TWENTY years ago to ask permission to name your child his name?
You need hobbies. Possibly therapy. And no one cares where you went to university…10 years later. Can I suggest the book, *Getting Over Unimportant Things from the Past, You Flipping Stalker?*