Are you the a-hole for refusing to provide daycare for $25/day for your brother’s son? Should family members expect free or discounted services from one another? What are the implications of mixing family relationships with business arrangements? #DaycareDrama #FamilyBusiness #SiblingDispute #ChildcareChallenges
NTA. That’s a lot of very aggressive arguing for someone who has “no problem” going back to a more expensive daycare. He’s trying to take advantage of you, he knows it, and he’s angry you know it too.
NTA he simply wants a reduced rate for daycare, at your expense.
NTA
You are doing him a favour not the other way around. I love that he’s tried to flip that on you.
Here I’ll do you a favour look after my child in lieu of a kid who pays the full amount and relish the time he’s ever so graciously allowing you with your nephew.
Well bugger that. You did the right thing.
If he has soooo much money then he can pay the full amount for daycare. I don’t know why he fails to realise whether it’s in your home or not. You are running a daycare.
He made his bed. Now he can lie in it.
NTA. You’re running a business, not a family babysitting service. ALL clients pay the same fee.
NTA. Fucking ignore that entitled brat. Every point he made was garbage.
1. Who cares what he supposedly was going to do when he didn’t do it? And if he was going to give you a pay cut, then why not give you a pay raise now?
2. Again, why is he underpaying you for some hypothetical thing that never happened. And btw, if he paid other daycares “hundreds of dollars,” he’s already getting a discount!
3. How fucking insulting! He’s not “making up” for anything. He’s paying the amount everyone else pays.
4. I absolutely hate parents who guilt and gaslight you via your kids. So manipulative. To be honest, the kid’s 10 months old. They’re not going to remember sh*t, so do not base your decision on “building a relationship with your nephew.”.
5. Hypocrite. He’s the little piss-piss boy who wants special treatment. Tell him to fuck off and go change your nephew’s diapers himself, along with his own. I don’t know why family expects you to pay less compared to strangers. Frankly, you should pay more because it’s family and they want to support you.
Fuck this guy. You should honestly refuse him, and if he comes running back, demand $100+ an hour. Don’t be a doormat and let this guy walk all over you.
” If you want the money every month to see your nephew then you need to check yourself”
Not only would I say no to baby sitting for your brother, I’d go low/no contact for a while for your own sanity after this BS statement. This is a service. A service where you charge $60. You’re already giving him a $30/day family discount.
NTA, he can kick rocks.
NTA. You’ve got bills to pay, and you’ve been more than generous. If he has so much money, why hasn’t he been paying you all this time already? And you don’t owe him for some hypothetical real estate kindness he made up in his head. He’s full of it. You were right to part ways on this.
NTA. Set whatever rate you think is fair, and refuse to be manipulated with guilt trips or pressure.
If I’m understanding correctly, you’re saying that you ordinarily charge $60/day but you’re giving him a cut rate, and he’s complaining that it’s not cut enough? I agree that sounds entitled and disrespectful. If he is not going to appreciate a cut rate, let him find day care elsewhere.
NTA you’re offering a 50% discount. I get that in home may be more reliable, but it’s f*cked to act like you’re flush with cash but only willing to pay strangers the wage they ask. If he just paid you what you asked he would still come out on top. His son is taking up a spot that could be filled by someone paying the full amount. He’s using his nephews relationship as a weapon and that’s pretty abusive. He needs to grow up.
NTA. Given his reason #2, I would suggest that he should go ahead and find a different provider so you don’t end up inconveniencing him if someone gets sick.
NTA, he sounds very entitled and manipulative.
NTA. It’s only going to get worse. Not worth it even if he was paying full price. Best to avoid all business transactions with him.
Do what you want to do for free for him and ask nothing in return or expect to have to pay it back 10 fold.
Oooftt NTA and I would be rescinding the offer of child care. That isn’t okay at all.
NTA. Your brother is the entitlrd and twisted one. You did the right 5h8ng. If anything ever happened to nephew while in your care, you brother would most likely sue you.
NTA. Mixing family and business is usually not a good practice.
Let’s put it that way: if you are using that time to build a relationship with your nephew, you are giving him special treatment, which is not good for the paying clients. If you treat your nephew like every other kid, how much relationship building is there? Is your brother still in contact with his pre-K teacher?
Seriously, your brother is an entitled asshole, he seems to think that hanging out with a 10-month baby is some sort of a privilege.
Bro is entitled and disrespectful, Best not to do business with him. NTA
Just tell him you want to be petty for $0. NTA
NTA . There might be argument for “but it’s just $5” – but that response from him? Um, no. I barely got to #2 when I was already thinking “don’t mix business with family” and that you should just say “no”. Glad to see you did.
With this attitude of his, I think he would become more and more of a problem. He claims to have paid hundreds before and can do it again, but he hasn’t paid you yet and owes you? Interesting.
Yeah – don’t watch your nephew. It will only cause more issues. And at this point, dont’ get into it with him anymore – just say “It’s best that we keep business and family separate from here on out”. He spouts off more? “I understand. It’s best that we keep business and family separate from here on out”. He ends up coming back and saying “O.k – look, I decided to do you a favor (because you know that’s how he’ll spin it) and pay the $30 a day”. Response is “I appreciate that, but it’s best that we keep business and family separate from here on out”.
Over and over and over.
I pay $25 a day for my pet. For about 15 minutes work. Not my business but I would expect to pay more for a whole human being to be cared for for 4-7 hours!
Your business, but clients who can’t respect you maybe should find somewhere else for their child to be.
As family he should respect you enough to pay you full price not be trying to cheat you.
NTA.
So you normally charge $60 a day and would only charge your brother $30 a day and he’s still being a jerk, I think you would be better off just not watching him at all, sounds like there would be constant problems.
Yuck. Your brother sounds like an absolute asshat. You made the right call. NTA.
NTA. Tell him to go back to paying for “expensive day care” tomorrow!
1) Brother is unhappy with a 50% discount.
2) Brother fails to see that his child will be taken care of by family not strangers.
3) Brother acts like he’s doing you a favor by dropping off his kid and paying you anything.
Tomorrow, that’s the day he needs go pay strangers a ton of money to watch his kid.
$25 a day is way bellow min wage ! He is delusional and entitled
Tell him to find a new daycare. He is taking advantage of the family connection. The idea that you provide almost FREE day care for a 10 month old (lot of care needed) is ridiculous. Tell him no ‘back and forth – find a new day care by next week. HE is the entitled one and obviously accustomed to tell YOU what to do. What a jerk your brother is – holding ‘seeing your nephew’ over your head in exchange for cheap day care. Don’t let him bully you into this. HE is TA.
I wonder why your brother is getting divorced– don’t women love petty, cheap, disrespectful men with serious anger issues?
NTA
He is absolutely manipulating you into getting a massive discount on daycare to serve his own selfish needs.
all you need to do is simply tell him the arrangement isnt working for you and he will need to find another situation for his son by next week.
His son is not your responsibility
I like, and am NOT surprised, at this little contradiction:
>…if it’s a problem already, just say so and I’ll gladly make other arrangements.
and
>My brother says I’m “entitled,” my mindset is “twisted,” and I should “say less.”
That doesn’t seem very ‘gladly’ to me!
NTA.
I don’t know if the term ‘gaslighting’ applies here, but he’s attempting to rewrite the narrative away from him doing him a service.
I’d go LC to NC with him for awhile until he appreciates what you were trying to do for him.
NTA – anytime you doing work for somebody else is “a benefit to you” you are dealing with a delusional person. Kindly decline the time with your nephew and his petty pay. He can pay much larger sum of money to a facility that will provide a fraction of the attention and love he would’ve gotten with you.
However, make sure you get the retroactive pay from him since that was discussed. I mean he isn’t strapped for cash (yet) so it shouldn’t be a problem
Number 3 is extra insane. It’s not my responsibility to pay exactly as much as everyone else does for the same service! Who is he to calculate how much a daycare SHOULD charge and why doesn’t he take this compelling argument to other daycares? NTA.
NTA. At all. No is a complete sentence. He is super entitled and clearly looking to take advantage of you even more. You offered him an extremely generous discount- that’s enough already.
Edited to add: 60/ day is still a great deal and it’s often what drives parents on strict budgets to home daycares: lower costs. If he’s ungrateful maybe give his spot to someone who really needs it.
NTA.
He’s trying to bully you into letting him take advantage of you.
“Brother, you know that I have a limit to the number of children I can have in my daycare. It’s for safety reasons, and if I go over, I can be shut down. If I keep your son for pennies a day, that means I have to turn away a client who can pay my full rate. I’m offering you a discount, but $25 is way too low. You aren’t helping me by letting me keep him, you are causing me to lose money. If you are unwilling to pay a fair rate, then you will have to find someone else to watch your child so I can take the next client on the waiting list.”
What is he on about with the nephew not counting towards the kid count?! Your OWN children count towards your kid count (I suppose laws could be different where you are, but where I am it’s HIGHLY REGULATED) So your nephew being there actually cuts into your income. That’s a spot you can’t fill with another child. So really… YOU would be losing income watching him. 50% of the price you ask is both of you making a concession to be respectful to each other. If he can’t respect that it hurts your very legitimate business, drop him like a bad habit.
NTA
My dogs daycare is $30 a day…
To answer some common questions:
-My ex-husband and I never seriously considered selling the house. I floated the idea of using my brother as realtor for a hypothetical sale, but we decided not to sell long before there were ever any discussions on the matter. Commission was never discussed.
-I currently have the lowest permit for childcare in my state (Listed Family Home). With that permit my cap is 3 unrelated children, where family children like my nephew actually don’t count toward that cap. But I am working hard to get my daycare fully licensed and expand to 12 spots so I can actually make a living. As soon as I get the next level of permit (intermediate step on my way to full license), my nephew would then count toward the cap as many have pointed out. I am on track to be fully licensed a little more than 6 months from now.
-I opened the daycare in 2022 in the middle of a hotly contested divorce/custody battle. When Nephew was born we suggested they use our daycare, but it didn’t work out at the time because they lived too far away. Brother and his wife recently moved closer, and Nephew’s mom also recently expressed desire to consider our daycare again because Nephew wasn’t happy at the daycare center they had been using. Of course we said we’d be delighted to have him and did express that we wanted to see Nephew more (perhaps not in quite the begging manner as he portrayed). We should have discussed price before the transition, and that’s on me.