#ParentingStruggles #SpecialNeeds #SchoolIssues
Hey everyone! So, I’m navigating something pretty intense here and would love your thoughts. My son has just started kindergarten. He’s five, on the spectrum, and while he can talk, he mainly repeats what he hears. To add a layer of stress, he’s the youngest of my five kids. You can imagine how much I worry about him, especially since we lost my first daughter due to a negligence incident with a family member. 😞
Here’s the situation:
- On his second day of school, when his bus arrived, he wasn’t on it.
- After a frantic search, I learned he had gotten on the wrong bus. 😳
- When I arrived, the office staff was laughing it off like it was no big deal. But to me, it felt huge.
- My heart dropped when I saw my son disembarking, soaking in sweat from a non-air-conditioned bus, and his water bottle was bone dry. Plus, he was supposed to have a harness because he’s known to get restless.
Ultimately, it turned out that a teacher’s aide had put him on the wrong bus, and I never got a clear answer about why his IEP wasn’t followed.
So now I’m faced with a dilemma:
- Do I address this seriously with the school?
- Am I overreacting by wanting to raise a fuss?
- Would I come off as an unreasonable parent?
Here’s why I think this situation is critical:
- Safety Concerns: Kids, especially those with special needs, rely heavily on protocols.
- Communication Gaps: It appears that there may be a lack of training or awareness regarding IEPs.
- Emotional Toll: As a parent, it’s terrifying to think about your child’s safety and their ability to communicate distress.
Possible Solutions:
- Open a Dialogue: I could schedule a meeting with the school administration to express my concerns.
- Request Better Training: Advocate for more comprehensive training for staff on handling special needs students.
- Stay Informed: Join parent-teacher association meetings to stay in the loop about school policies.
What do you all think? Should I go a more assertive route or give them a pass for now? Have any of you dealt with similar situations? What worked for you? Let’s share our stories and tips! 💬
NTA. The aid losing their job isn’t your problem. They didn’t follow his IEP. Something bad happened. Your child wasn’t taken care off. I would go nuclear with a formal complaint
NTA.
You need to take them to town on this. People that cant correctly look after kids, shouldn’t be looking after kids.
What if it happens again to your own or someone elses child? What if something much worse happens and you could have prevented it by making a complaint?
Take them down and don’t feel guilty about it. It’s your duty as a parent.
**YWNBTA.**
I’m neurodivergent, and I’ve struggled a lot without any such concern from my parents. So this really hits home.
>My knee-jerk reaction is to chew everyone out, call the school board of education
…
do I give them another chance or go scorched earth?
Your points about the effects on the school make a lot of sense, and of course, I don’t have an answer for you here. All I’ll say is I urge you to consider the implications of going scorched earth, and if you could end up making some enemies out of these people who could hurt you later. (I’m speaking from my on experiences with poor inhibitory control :P) I don’t know anything about the relevant school or the school system, but one thing I do know is that in every system, people talk and jerks support jerks—especially when it’s a small system. So if possible, I’d suggest trying to not piss people off, despite how much they might deserve it, while still ensuring the best outcome for your son.
>When my son got off the bus his hair was soaked in sweat. It’s 106° F outside, the bus had no air conditioning, his water bottle had not a drop in it, and they did not have a harness
This was not easy for me to read. That situation probably was a sensory nightmare for him. I hope he’s better or gets better soon!
>while laughing like it was a silly thing that happened
$^@&^$#&
NTA. Make it so they’d never dare make a mistake like this again. Getting on the wrong bus would be easy even for a neurotypical 5 year old, especially if a teacher put them on to it. Leaving a child without water in scorching heat, knowing he cannot communicate is appalling.
NTA Just do it. They will probably just settle rather than fight it in court since they were clearly in the wrong. As a (relatively new) teacher I’ve been told that it’s basically the schools responsibility to prove they followed the IEP not your (the parents) responsibility to prove they didn’t so very unlikely they even try to take it to court.
NTA. The IEP wasn’t followed and a student unable to communicate his needs was put in a situation adults lost track of him. You should trust the school to follow the IEP, but instead it failed at some point whether it wasn’t communicated to the aide or the aide was informed but failed to act on it. The office lady definitely lacked compassion or tact, she’d have seen how you were and realised light heartedness was entirely the wrong way to go, resolving the immediate concern was the priority.
My toddler is non-verbal and this speaks to every fear I have about his future. You are absolutely not wrong. I am so, so sorry your son went through that, that you and he were let down by those you are both supposed to be able to trust.
They cannot be allowed to laugh this off or dismiss it. This time, thank the stars, it did not end in tragedy. It could another time, either with your son or another kid.
NTA – Chew them out. They need to follow in place procedures at all times. This is how horrible tragedies happen. Someone ignores policy, that gets ignored, more policies get ignored, catastrophe. This is factually how every after negligence catastrophe analysis goes. People making small mistakes not being held to the policy standards.
A detail a lot of people seem to be weirdly dismissive of, another child of OP was subject to neglectful care and *literally fucking died*
No, this wasn’t an “oops sorry haha” mistake , this was a non verbal child whose accomodations were clearly communicated and ignored, I would totally go scorched earth on this or you may end up burying another kid
The situation definitely needs addressing, but please consider how your reaction will impact your son’s future. Students have IEP’s for a reason, and they should be followed. Everyone involved, including the office lady, need to understand the seriousness of the situation and the potential outcomes that *might* have happened. If you address the matter in a considered and structured way, you may actually help build a community that can better support your child. But the matter DEFINITELY needs to be addressed, and you can then assess whether or not the people involved will be more diligent and respectful in future. I found that writing down the issues, along with solutions, and any positive features you like about the school, assist in keeping a cool head when it comes to addressing the situation and getting the most co-operation and support from people. It is your choice as to whether you think it is best to go scorched earth, or handle the matter differently … but regardless of what you choose, you are NTA.
I adjudicated on a case like this some years ago. A non verbal child was not cared for properly at the end of the day and it was some hours before they were found, hiding in the back of the bus.
The driver faced losing his job, although the safeguarding failure was down to the school. We decided it wasn’t the driver’s fault and I insisted on a complaint being put in about the school staff who didn’t keep track of the child. They thoroughly deserved to be sacked and I wouldn’t hesitate to complain to the local authorities in charge of schools, in your area. It is utterly disgraceful and should be a never-happen event.
NTA. You need to make those complaints – especially about the failure to follow the IEP. This is a very big deal.
NTA
you are not overreacting by wanting to address these serious issues. It’s important to approach this calmly but assertively, focusing on ensuring the school improves its procedures and safeguards for all students, especially those with special needs.
My school has bus tags that every kid gets so there is no mix up. If your school doesn’t have that I would make something to put on his backpack with his information. Does he ride a special ed bus?
I wouldn’t go scorched earth. In my experience it back fires and the child just suffers as a result. Is there any kind of mediation available in your area? I would not let this drop and would take this much further but if there’s any external mediation services available I’d get them to support you along the way.
NTA Your child did not choose what bus he got onto. Mistakes do happen, especially the first week of school, but it sounds like your son’s health was at-risk as a result. I work in a massive school with a large population of children in self-contained classes. The drivers for those buses have a list of every child that should be riding with them, and do not leave our school without verifying that each student is accounted for (on the bus/absent/went home early/going home a different way). While I do agree that a calm, but firm conversation is warranted, do not back down on the fact that this could have been prevented. I’m glad your son is ok.
NTA go scorched earth, but do it calmly in writing, maybe with a bit of legal input. If there was any helpline you could ring to find out what the legal position would have been in the event of the worst happening.
I’d spell it out for them, what their actions could have led to, in terms of their legal consequence.
If there were consequences that they could stare in the face, on paper, legally, it might sharpen them up a bit to take more care next time.
I’m so sorry for what you have been through.
Don’t go scorched earth.
Do demand scrutiny and explanations for every single thing that went wrong and a written confirmation that they understand how badly they screwed up + plan for how this is never, ever going to happen again.
Losing a five-year-old should be a ‘never’ event under all circumstances.
Losing a five-year-old who can’t communicate or advocate for themselves in physically challenging weather is…off the charts.
I totally understand how under your circumstances, you want to go HULK SMASH and I totally sympathise. You would be NTA. You should be able to without it prejudicing your credibility or your son’s treatment. Of course you should. But the world is terrible and you can’t.
Be icily calm and precise. Get documentation of absolutely everything. Make it awkward. Make them squirm. Make them spell out the consequences that could have happened. It has its own kind of satisfaction.
I would definitely raise the issue with school administrators and look up news articles where a kid on the spectrum has eloped and show them how detrimental that is to their safety, ESPECIALLY when they can’t ask for help. I had to do this for my son (also on the spectrum and was non verbal at 5). His before school care program didn’t watch him like they should have and we found him wandering the parking just minutes after drop off.
Raise the issue but like others have said, don’t scorch the earth yet. You’ll have to interact with these people constantly and they take care of your child when you’re not there. This is one of those get more flies with honey situations. If the IEP isn’t met, you can look into IEP resources to help you (if you want to pm me, my state has a whole special needs parent education website to help and I’ll give you it; you can pm me with questions too- I’ve been doing the IEP thing for 7 years now).
Ok clearly you know you would not be out of line taking this matter further up the chain.
Do everything you can do to them. And I mean everything that is lawful. But try to keep it about facts and structure, cause this is high emotional situation. But don’t push it aside. They need to know the gravity of this situation and if people get fired, maybe you prevented some other child’s terrible destiny.
NTA. You should absolutely be livid, and switch your son to a different school. I also highly recommend that you have a way of tracking your son’s location, such as buying an apple airtag for his backpack.
NTA.
I would first bring it up to the principal. If IEP protocols are not being followed and students are being put in danger, they should want yo make sure that under no circumstances, autistic child or not, does this ever happen again.
If the principal tries to defend that teacher’s mistake and dismiss your concerns, then definitely go higher up.
This is why the short bus has always been a differential, and has always been for special students.
Edit;
Downvote me all you want, but a specific bus for the needy students would eliminate this entire issue.
This is the first in a long line of the school, staff and teachers not following your son’s IEP. Be ready for the complete disregard you will face. After experiencing it for my son for years, I can tell you that you need to watch them and be prepared.
NTA. Time to amend the IEP and demand private transportation. School district like to play the “least restrictive environment” card, but as your son is completely nonverbal and cannot advocate for himself, they need to have a better transportation plan in place. The district massively failed and knows they are liable. Go scorched earth and yell at everyone all the way to the top. Attend the IEP amendment meeting with an advocate or attorney.
I’m curious about what exact part of the IEP wasn’t followed?
I don’t think YTA, but I do want some more information to give better input for you. Also, it seems like the school got it right on the 1st day, correct?
You should hit the red nuclear button on the superintendent and the principal of the school.
Then get on the agenda for the next board meeting and let the fallout wash over them.
But, you probably won’t get much more than, “we’ll review the process we have in place,” and there’s almost no chance they will admit fault.
There is now a law in my state over something that happened to my daughter and several of her friends that the school system bungled fantastically. And they are the reason the law was passed. We never got so much as an apology.
Hanging people’s asses over your fireplace is likely the only satisfaction you’re going to get.
Are there any educational consultants/ advocates where you are? In my experience they know best how to navigate and document all of this. Take this opportunity to make sure the school knows you won’t tolerate this and will hold them accountable.
NTA. I taught HS so it’s somewhat different but we had students like your son. ALL protocols are followed to the letter.
You have the right to expect this school trains their staff and know how to do their jobs. That’s what you need to make sure is happening. This is an admin failure.
I’d complain to all of them. But chewing them out won’t help your case. You’ll just be seen as a parent that can’t keep it together. As much as you want to tear them a new one, you are gonna have to be calm and collected if you want to be taken seriously.
NTA and the fact that they made it out to be a funny occurrence tells you all you need to know.
100% NTA. This is your baby, it is their responsibility to follow the protocols put in place for him. No wiggle room on this.
While you wouldn’t be the AH, it’s worth pausing to think about what you want in the bigger picture.
If this school is generally good & supportive, and a single mistake was made by one person (“only” a teacher’s aide) – then is it in your child’s interest to move him to a lesser school over this one incident.
You are absolutely right to be upset, but you will get the best long term outcome by “being curious” (as my therapist generally advised) and going into the conversations with the school with an open mind.
Because there’s a chance that the leadership will be equally horrified & willing to put things in place to fix this. In which case, you want to befriend & work with them.
So im gunna give some credit. Its the second day, everyone’s figuring shit out still. Your son might be 1 of 15 with an IEP and the details of the plan might not fit the nuances of each situation. I think changing schools is a bit extreme, even though you have this experience going FAR worse in the past.
Meet with the superintendent, the principal, and a lawyer to figure out what went wrong, explain your experience in the past, and why this is going to be the last time this happens. Review the IEP and see if something needs an adjustment or to be elaborated on and then document the change.
If this was consistent or later in the year i would go scorched earth, but its day 2 with new staff and sometimes things slip through the cracks.
Does your child’s backpack have a clearly visible tag with their name/bus#, drop off spot etc? Just to provide some perspective the person in the office and possibly the aide that put them on the bus have no idea what is in your child’s IEP. Also, at some point there will be a sub bus driver who doesn’t know your child.
The first days of school are always chaotic and the aide may have just started and not have even known your child. I would ask pointed questions of the admin at your school and ask what they are doing so this doesn’t happen again. Who at the school is walking your child to the bus everyday? Please please make friends with your child’s regular bus driver, they will be a huge resource in terms of making sure your kid is well taken care of.
NTA. Isn’t your child riding specialized transportation with a monitor because of his high needs? When I was a para and loaded busses with we had to sign them on and the bus monitor signed they were present on the bus as well. The monitor would again sign the student off the bus upon drop off with their adult. I understand getting mixed up on the first day, it’s hectic (I’ve been there), but it is also something that should have been caught right away.
You need to take more control and stop relying on others if he’s to young go pick him up yourself ffs take accountability your son’s on the spectrum. They have so many kids mistakes happen here want going to die on the wrong bus.
Definitely talk to the school but try to build a bridge so you can work together. It should never have happened. However, your child will benefit from an atmosphere that has everyone on the same side. get a lanyard with name, bus, address, on it And attach it to your child’s coat
NTA. Having worked in schools, I can see how it happened, but it shouldn’t have. For anyone who hasn’t observed dismissal in an elementary school, it’s absolute hell. None, and I mean NONE of the kids 3rd grade and under know what they are doing or where they are going. Parents will tell their kids that morning that they are getting picked up, not call the school, and staff won’t be notified until 2 minutes before busses pull out. A kindergartener can’t remember their name, let alone a bus number. All kids will get their bus number zip tied to their backpack at the beginning of the year, but then they never bring that back pack back or it falls off. There’s a bus list but it’ll change so many times by the end of the first week it’ll be hard to follow. It’s like a herd of sheep busting out of a fenced pasture every day and the adults are the sheep dogs.
With that being said, IEPs are legal and transportation needs are documented in those plans for safety reasons. I see a kid, who’s mom home schooled him because the bus driver let him off the bus at the wrong drop off, he walked down a major road way alone, and he’s autistic. Your kid could have died.
I don’t think I’d put my non verbal five year old on a bus. I think I would find a way to have him taken and picked up by myself or trusted relatives/friends.
NTA for making a fuss, I think this would have scared me enough to say the bus isn’t a feasible option at the moment.