#FamilyDrama #RenovationIssues #GrandchildNursery #ParentingDilemmas
Are you facing a dilemma over renovating your son’s room into a nursery for your grandchild? 🤔 Do you feel torn between making space for the new addition to your family and holding onto sentimental value? 🏡 Let’s dive into the complex situation and explore possible solutions to this family conflict.
##Understanding the Problem:
As a caring mother and grandmother, you find yourself in a tricky situation where you have to balance the needs of your children and the upcoming grandchild. Your son, Brad, feels hurt and left out upon hearing about the plan to turn his old room into a nursery. He sees it as erasing his presence from the family and devaluing the sentimental attachment to his childhood space.
##Empathizing with All Parties Involved:
It’s essential to empathize with Brad’s feelings of nostalgia and attachment to his childhood room. After all, it holds a special place in his memories and identity. On the other hand, your daughter Emma is in a vulnerable position, expecting a baby and needing support both emotionally and financially. It’s crucial to consider her well-being and the practicalities of creating a safe and comfortable space for the newborn.
##Finding a Middle Ground:
While the situation may seem challenging, there are practical solutions that can address everyone’s needs and concerns. Here are some suggestions:
1. **Communication is Key**: Initiate an open and honest conversation with Brad to understand his perspective and feelings. Clarify that the decision to transform his room is not meant to disregard his importance but to accommodate the changing dynamics of the family.
2. **Compromise**: Consider compromising by keeping elements of Brad’s room intact while incorporating new elements for the nursery. This way, you honor the past while embracing the future.
3. **Temporary Arrangements**: Since Brad visits infrequently, explore the possibility of temporary sleeping arrangements for him during his stay. This could involve a sofa bed in a shared space or using Emma’s room during his visits.
4. **Creating New Memories**: Encourage Brad to participate in the renovation process and share ideas for the nursery. By involving him in the transition, you create new memories and connections that bridge the gap between past and present.
##Resolving the Conflict:
Ultimately, it’s essential to prioritize understanding, empathy, and compromise in resolving the conflict. By listening to each family member’s perspective and finding creative solutions that cater to everyone’s needs, you can foster harmony and unity in your household. Remember, family dynamics evolve over time, and adapting to change with compassion and flexibility is key to maintaining strong relationships. 💕
In conclusion, you are not the only one facing this challenging situation. By approaching it with sensitivity and understanding, you can navigate the complexities of family dynamics and create a harmonious environment where everyone feels valued and heard. 💖 #FamilyLove #Acceptance #NewBeginnings
NTA at all. You will have a child in the house who needs that space. It makes no sense to cram Emma and her child into one bedroom when there’s a spare room that’s mostly unused. You sound like a kind and loving mother, welcoming your daughter home. Many parents wouldn’t do that. Childhood bedrooms can be sentimental, sure, but it sounds like your son’s room needed to be renovated anyway. Parents are not expected to keep their grown children’s childhood rooms intact. Some turn them into guest rooms, gyms, hobby rooms. Some people even move. Brad needs to get over it.
NTA – I have difficulty imagining a grown man thinking his childhood room still belongs to him in perpetuity, let alone throwing a fit about it.
It’s not your responsibility to baby an adult.
Is this a joke? He’s 32! 32 year olds don’t have childhood bedrooms. Cut the cord.
NTA
That ain’t Brad’s room and hasn’t been for quite a while now
> He feels I’m trying to erase him from the family
NTA
1. Seems like an overly strong reaction
2. You’re using his room for good reason not deleting, burning or otherwise obliviating every mention of him
3. It’s your house not Brad’s
4. He should have more understanding of his sisters situation
5. He moved out and he has no reason to use it….
He’s 32! I’m assuming he has his own place to live whether that is owned or he is renting. Regardless, it isn’t his room. It’s your room in your house and he moved out years ago!
NTA
NTA My brother moved into my room while we were pulling out of the driveway on my way to move into the dorm for my first year of university.
>I was telling Brad about the plans to renovate his room into a nursery and he freaked out. He said I should have asked him, not told him. He feels I’m trying to erase him from the family and that I’d rather have the baby than him. He said he’s not going to visit anymore or come home for holidays because he won’t feel welcome.
Has your son always been this dramatic? He’s 32 years old, he’s too old for temper tantrums.
NTA. Brad is 32 years old and hasn’t lived there for years.
Is this real? This an absurd thing for a 32 yo man to freak out about. If he wants you to preserve the room, charge him rent. If his sisters moved out and you decided to downsize and move somewhere else, would he freak about that? It’s your house, obviously you’re NTA all before even considering this arrangement is to protect his abused sister.
NTA You pay for the house, not your son. You have the right to make decisions about the rooms. Your son is definitely in the wrong here. Hopefully he can calm down and see reason eventually. But that’s on him, not you.
NTA. Is he paying the mortgage on this house? He is a 32 year old man and does not have the right to tell you what to do with *your own house*. He doesn’t live there anymore.
Oh dear lord. Parent of adult children here. NTA. At 32, Brad is more than old enough to realize that he doesn’t get to keep a whole room in your house to himself just to come by a few times a year.
Using that room for your grandchild is entirely reasonable. Hopefully Brad can get himself together over all of this – but you absolutely should go ahead with your plans.
NTA. Brad moved out, it’s your house. Baby needs space, simple as that
NTA I actually had to read back through to make sure I’d got the age right. 32 and behaving like a 15 year old. You sound like a loving, caring mother, why would you not want to provide a lovely space for your daughter and grandchild? Who wants to keep a 4 bedroom house empty for the occasional visit when you can use the rooms for love and laughter with a little one? It’s your house, do what you like with it. Also congrats on the first grandchild, how exciting for you.
Brad is 32. Time for him to quit acting like a child. He doesn’t live there. It’s your house, and therefore. Your bedroom. Your can do what you want with your bedroom. If he gets his panties in a wad and doesn’t want to come home for the holidays because he doesn’t have a bedroom, so be it. There are hotels. NTA but you seem to have raised one.
It sounds like the real infant here is Brad. It’s not “his” room and it’s not “his” house. Life moves on and Brad needs to get off the pacifier.
NTA
>she’s not owed his childhood bedroom for her child.
FFS. He’s not a new adult off at college who needs a place to crash over the summers. He’s a grown man and he’s not owed his childhood bedroom either. Sounds like Brad is a brat and he can stay in a hotel the next time he visits.
NTA. He’s *thirty two years old* and lives *four hours away.* He’s not a college student who comes home every summer. He is not entitled to a permanent room at his mom’s house, especially not at the expense of people who actually *live there.*
NTA
Having a place to sleep without a hotel bill is more than enough kindness for any grown kids who lived far away from parents.
My highschool bedroom was turned into a guest room- then my grandma’s room – then my nieces room and is back to be in a guest room. But I have somewhere to sleep without paying a hotel bill so I don’t care it’s been repainted 4 times and redesigned 4 times.
My dad turned my room at his house to a guest room/ storage room. I don’t have to stay with him but if I had to at least he’d have a bed. I may have to move some junk but there is a decent mattress in there.
Your son’s entitlement is his own issue. You aren’t erasing him because you did include a bed in the room for guests. Which he is.
And if in a few years your daughter can move out with her baby you can change the room back to a more “masculine” guest room for him. But once he moved out it was no longer is room.
NTA, he is 32!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an earth is wrong with him…..
My parents called my old room at their house my room, even through the redecorating and the new wallpaper – it had been my room and was were I slept when I came to visit. Last time, mum called it “the girls room” because it’s also where my nieces/her grandkids sleep when they stay, which is a whole lot more often than me! (we live in different areas). I’m not erased from the family. But there is a more immediate need for someone else to have the space and I still have a bed to crash in any time. Your son needs to grow TF up. NTA.
This baffles me. “My” room has been a den for years. YEARS. It’s my parents house, i don’t live there. It’s theirs to do what they want.
NTA on any level.
NTA. Brad is 32, moved out 3 years ago, and left the room a mess. You might have been too lenient with Brad cause his actions don’t suggest he’s a grown man, much less 1 in his 30s. That said, maybe try to have a convo with him again and tell him that you expect some level of maturity so you won’t entertain his commentary about responsibility and deservedness because it’s childish. And he’s probably received a lot more than he deserves. The baby is coming and you want to find a solution that can help someone that you both love through this difficult time. Ask his opinion on what he thinks you should do and try to have a proactive convo, explaining it to him again. Either that or wait until he hits maturity around the age of 55 lol.
NTA. I’m sorry but when you move out you don’t have ‘your room’ any more. Your room is at your house.
I moved out at 26 and at my mums I do still have what might be considered ‘my room’. By that I mean a room that was mine, has now been totally redecorated and is mine due to the fact I’m their only child and the only person who normally visits. When I’m not there the cats have possession. The only reason it isn’t a guest room is the current lack of other guests.
At my dads there are three grown children. Non of us have ‘a room’. There are two guests rooms. One is the one I prefer and as I’m on my own and it’s the smaller room I do tend to stick to it, I have a couple of things in the bedside table that stay there. But my nephew is 4 and stays every week and that is also his room for practical purposes.
On occasions when we’re all there we have a juggling act of who gets the room, who gets the other room, nephew is on a blow up bed, sometimes someone ends up on a blow up bed in the lounge.
I would suggest making sure your son has a permanent drawer or cupboard or shelf or whatever if he wants to leave stuff at your house. I don’t care where I sleep but for me I do need to know that I have basics medication, contact lens solution, hair brush, bobbles etc if I end up there in a rush or for longer than expected. To me that’s what makes somewhere still partly my home, if I can unexpectedly end up there for a night or two and not have massive issues with lack of basics.
Congratulations on your new grandchild by the way 😀
NTA. Not even a little.
Your son is 32 ffs. And he’s acting like a 5 year old. He really should be embarrassed by how’s he acting.
No, you shouldn’t have asked him. He doesn’t live there. He’s a grown ass adult. He doesn’t get any say, whatsoever, in what you do with your own damn home.
Sentimental value of the room isn’t relevant here.
He needs to grow up. And if chooses not to visit, then so be it. That’s just him continuing his tantrum.
First and foremost NTA, however I’m wondering what Brad is thinking you are going to find or worrying about what you’ll find in his childhood bedroom. I raised a sneaky kid .
Seriously though, your son has moved on (at least for now) and your daughter requires support and extra room. While it may be difficult for all, I would suggest asking why Brad is having such an adverse reaction to sharing his childhood room with his nibbling and then go from there.
Edited to add the word asking
Lol! My son moved out and I immediately turned his room into a weight / workout room.
You don’t get to keep a dedicated bedroom in your childhood home unless you own it.
NTA
YTA for giving away a 3 year old’s room
What? You say he’s 32? NTA
Why is your son acting like a toddler?
Every child is different and the support they get from parents may be different. In your sons case, he clearly stayed in your home much longer than your middle. Your middle left earlier but is now the one that needs support for her and her baby. The selfish entitlement your son is displaying is very worrisome. He should want his sister and siblings supported during a tough time, and you’ve still ensured he has a place to stay when he does visit. NTA
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He said I should have asked him, not told him.
You don’t have to ask his permission regarding something you own.
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He said he’s not going to visit anymore or come home for holidays because he won’t feel welcome.
He feels I’m trying to erase him from the family and that **I’d rather have the baby than him.**
He’s sounding like one. **NTA**
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she’s not owed his childhood bedroom for her child.
Neither is he.
NTA. My son is around your son’s age. He helped me reorganise “his” room when he left so that it would work as a study for me and a spare room for visitors. I never had “my” room at my parents once I’d left home either. In neither instance did any of us feel that someone was being “erased” from the family. That’s a crazy level of entitlement going on with your son. In any case you are making plans to enable him to stay when he does come home for a short visit.
NTA at all.
I don’t know what kind of monster you’ve raised, but for him to say that she’s not entitled to HIS room, when it’s YOUR room and HE’S not entitled to it, is ridiculous. You are entitled to do whatever the hell you want to YOUR house. Tell Brad to grow up and also tell him that you are entitled to an apology for his childish tantrum.
Brad has lost it, what on earth???
My parents turned my bedroom into a den 2 weeks after I left for college. These were very loving parents too. Brad is being a spoiled brat. He does NOT need his own room at your home
NTA – tell your son to come home and talk to you and your daughter face to face. Then hand him a paint brush and tell him to get to work. If he wants to be a part of this family, he has to be a part of the family!
Oh, come ON. The man is 32!
NTA.
NTA. Brad is a 32 year old man having a hissy fit over his childhood bedroom in a home he doesn’t live in anymore. It isn’t like you’re Airbnb ing it to a rando. My god. Maybe you should offer to pay for some therapy for Brad.
He moved out , it’s not his room anymore