#advice #selfimprovement #careerchoices #overcomingobstacles
Hey there, it sounds like you’re going through a tough time but kudos to you for reaching out for advice and wanting to make some positive changes in your life. First and foremost, it’s important to remember that you are not a loser, and it’s never too late to turn things around.
Let’s start by addressing some of the challenges you’ve mentioned and how you can work on overcoming them:
1. Education and Career Choices:
It’s understandable that pursuing higher education may not be feasible at the moment, given the financial constraints, but that doesn’t mean that you’re stuck in a dead-end job forever. You’ve shown dedication and competency in your current job as a front desk agent, and it’s great that you’re being recognized for your hard work. Consider exploring options for career advancement within the hospitality industry, possibly pursuing certifications or training that can open up new opportunities for you.
If you’re interested in becoming a paramedic or firefighter, don’t let past setbacks hold you back. While it may have been challenging in the past, it doesn’t mean that you can’t work on improving your skills and abilities. Look into local programs or training courses that can help you build the necessary skills and knowledge to pursue these career paths.
2. Self-improvement and Personal Growth:
It’s clear that you’ve been feeling discouraged and lacking motivation to make positive changes in your life. Self-improvement doesn’t happen overnight and it’s okay to take small steps towards making progress. Start by setting achievable goals for yourself, whether it’s improving a specific skill, working on your physical fitness, or learning something new. Breaking down your goals into manageable steps can make it feel less overwhelming.
Consider seeking support from a mentor or trusted friend who can provide encouragement and guidance as you work towards self-improvement. It’s also worth exploring self-help resources, such as books, podcasts, or online communities, that can offer valuable insights and strategies for personal growth.
3. Mental Health and Well-being:
While accessing therapy may be challenging due to the limited resources in your area, don’t give up on seeking support for your mental health. In addition to exploring public health options, consider looking into online counseling services or support groups that may provide more accessible alternatives for therapy. Taking care of your mental well-being is crucial as you navigate through these challenges.
4. Embracing Change and Resilience:
It’s important to remember that failure and setbacks are a natural part of life, and they don’t define your worth or potential. Embracing change and cultivating resilience can help you navigate through tough times. Reflect on the lessons you’ve learned from past experiences and use them as stepping stones towards a brighter future. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the progress you’ve made, no matter how small it may seem.
In Conclusion:
As for whether you should stay in your current job or pursue new opportunities, it ultimately comes down to what brings you a sense of fulfillment and purpose. While staying in a familiar and comfortable environment may offer a sense of security, don’t be afraid to explore new paths and take calculated risks. You have the potential to grow and succeed, and it’s okay to strive for more than what you have now.
Keep in mind that success looks different for everyone, and it’s about finding a path that aligns with your values and aspirations. You may not have all the answers right now, and that’s okay. Take each day as it comes, and remember that you have the strength and resilience to create a meaningful and fulfilling life for yourself.
You’ve already taken the first step by reaching out for advice and showing a willingness to make positive changes. Believe in yourself and don’t be afraid to seek support from those around you. You’re capable of much more than you realize, and with the right mindset and determination, you can steer your life in a direction that brings you joy and satisfaction.
Keep pushing forward, and never underestimate the power of your own potential. You’ve got this! 🌟
Wow! That’s a lot of self hatred for one’s self. I mean seriously. You’re not stupid, you’re not an idiot, and you’re not a loser. You just learn differently, and you haven’t learned what way that is. You have such low self esteem and are so self insecure about everything about yourself and everything you do, you fail miserably, because you already convinced yourself way before you did it- that you already failed. I mean, I could be wrong here?
” I’m 23. Still living at home. I am employed, cook, clean, do my own laundry, pay rent, and help cover any bills/expenses my mom can’t. I’m typically responsible for buying most of the food for us both “.
Dude, you are definitely NOT A LOSER, trust me. I am almost 23 and I can barely do half of the thing you said and still, I AM DEFINITELY NOT A LOSER.
Put some credit on yourself bro.
Brother I would suggest to get right with God. That will solve all your problems. Go with God
Being smart enough to admit you don’t know everything or may have some weaknesses doesn’t make you a loser.
What about like a carer for elderly type job? All the help you do around the house isn’t typical for 23yo
Sales. As long as you’re not an introvert and can push through a lot of no’s and rejection, you’ll do well
I have a couple questions: what kind of treatment did you get from your parents and peers growing up? Did they constantly berate you or talk down to you? Were you treated as if you were dumb and helpless from a very young age? Because your writing here shows considerable intelligence and it seems your main issue might be a faulty *self-perception* that you are dumb, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Next, do you have any addictions? Even something as “simple” as regular porn use, “self-love”, and weed can reduce your cognitive capacity considerably. The overstimulation from these habits can actually shrink the grey matter in your frontal cortex, leading to reduced executive function. It will not be easy, but achieving full sobriety will give you a fuller picture as to what you’re actually capable of. And do it now while you are still in your early 20s. You will not appreciate how valuable this time is until it’s gone, so don’t waste it on addictions and self-limiting beliefs.
From what you wrote you dont seem to be a loser at all.
Maybe you have ADHD or something else
See if you can get tested for a learning disability. I did. I was diagnosed with adhd at 48. There is no need 4 u 2 suffer I felt like you have described yourself. I am 62. I had adhd. I took adderal . There are certain diagnosea and tools that can help you.
Fwiw you have better spelling, grammar and writing voice than half the people I went to college with at my state university. And I was in the journalism department.
You’ll never amount to anything as long as you tell yourself you’ll never amount to anything. Some how you need to fix that part.
FAIL = First Attempt In Learning.
Michael Jordan missed many game winning shots and said that motivated him to succeed.
You are totally capable of making things work. You are young and not a loser. My cousin is 33 and at home still. He may be considered a loser by a few but is he really? Sure his career has sputtered but he has been helping his parents with issues. He wants to move forward and that is all you need to do.
If you know you need to move forward and be productive I assure you that you are not a loser! A loser is a 23 year old who never enlisted in the Army, never volunteered for the firefighters, never does anything but play video games all day. Shit, I was that at 23! I was working a full time job (wore a tie and dress clothes everyday) but I didn’t clean, do laundry or pay rent. You are well on your way.
Move to Alberta and work the in the oil fields, it’s physically demanding, but people make good money, and Alberta it’s pretty much the only affordable province left in the country (I’m moving there myself after I finish up my school)
Hey there, thanks for sharing your story. It takes guts to open up like that. You’ve got a lot on your plate and you’ve handled it pretty darn well, especially in your current job.
Feeling stuck or doubting yourself is tough. Have you ever thought about trying [a life score test](https://sensitivestrength.com/life-alignment-1-1)? It’s not about brains, more about life’s quality, meaning, and fulfillment. Sometimes, it gives new insights or ideas you haven’t considered.You’re not a loser, trust me. It might be worth exploring different interests or hobbies to see what clicks. And about therapy, I get the wait times and distance are a headache, but maybe there are online options that could help in the meantime.
You sound like you lacked parental support and wasn’t “raised” with the necessary tools required to grow.
You simply don’t know what you’re capable of. Intelligence is measured a few ways, just because you didn’t do well in school doesn’t mean you aren’t intelligent. Just because you are a weak person right now doesn’t mean you inherently are, you just haven’t found what drives you.
My suggestion is to work on yourself first. Start with the physical, and you’ll be amazed at what else will follow.
1) start training and eating clean like now. Lift, run, box. Learn to embrace suffering
2) find a tribe of dudes. Boxing gym, BJJ.. guys need a community of other guys who want to be better tomorrow than today
3) challenge yourself to read a book per week.
Listen to this podcast episode with bedros keullian https://open.spotify.com/episode/2YzCGVXphXKB37ZKVG7obq?si=UNudzUY0SzG_ldwlUOSlYw
Once you’re in a rhythm and starting to gain some fucking confidence, do some real thinking about what your inherent skills are and what you enjoy. Overlap both and figure out how to make money doing it.
So much can be changed if you change your mindset, basically your life will never get better and you will never find your path unless you change your view of yourself , and your view of everything .
How can you ever win if you’ve already declared that you’re a loser?
Ouch. It sounds like you need to get out of your own way and start advocating for yourself. :/ Being a bad test taker doesn’t mean you’re a stupid loser, but it sounds like you’ve gotten into the habit of talking yourself out of leaving your comfort zone.
Look into online therapy providers. In the US, at least, they’re often much cheaper and more accessible than in-office providers.
Start here, maybe?
[https://www.cbc.ca/life/wellness/virtual-therapy-how-to-find-the-online-mental-health-care-provider-that-s-right-for-you-1.5551424](https://www.cbc.ca/life/wellness/virtual-therapy-how-to-find-the-online-mental-health-care-provider-that-s-right-for-you-1.5551424)
For someone so dumb you sure do a great job of writing.
What I would suggest is not ignoring the mental health. The best way to turn your live around is to want to do that, and then committing to working out your issues honestly with a professional.
I turned my life around like this. I was headed for a miserable lonely life, and now I am happily married, no longer lonely, I feel alive.
>Main advice I’m looking for is if I should stay at my dead end job or even bother trying.
This is such an unimportant thing given the rest of your life. Get well, and then the job will follow. When you have some self confidence and stop selling yourself short good work will follow, because you desire it and have confidence to go for it.
The one thing that is holding you back more than anything is your attitude about yourself. Give yourself a hug, let all the self doubt and sad emotions go, cry them out, find that love for yourself, and get some support to change that attitude.
I’m from the UK, I got a C in math at highschool. I am a software engineer. So if I can do that and not even be able to do basic mental arithmetic so can you.
Set a goal, be tenacious to get there. I promise you, if you want it bad enough and are willing to do everything you can do to get it, you will succeed.
Honestly you sound like your doing pretty well, your only issue seems to be low self confidence. Try to start thinking better of yourself, maybe just stay with what you’re doing and upskill over time
Hey, I’m a fellow Canadian.
You might try an online therapy course. They are about $500 and self paced. Much to my surprise, they actually work for some folks. I liked it better than talking to a therapist.
Also if you managed to get 89% in science and have a job you are progressing at by age 23, you are doing ok. I job jumped so much in my 20s!
Depending on your interests, look into technical college. In B.C., I’d check out BCIT and see what diplomas and certificates they have. The provincial government is also offering all B.C. residents a $2500 microcredencial grant. A lot of the community colleges and smaller universities also offer part time programs. So it’s only you holding yourself back. If you upgraded once, you can definitely handle more classes – as long as it is in something that interests you.
In the meantime, yes, keeping doing your best to learn and grow. It saves your own dignity
You’re excelling at your current position, and even if that place is a dead end, the experience and skills you’re learning are very readily transferable to another company with more growth potential.
Start making a list of all of the duties you’ve learned since starting, and also the differences between your first position there and the management position you now hold.
We all have our limitations and we can’t all be good at the things we’re interested in. I wanted to be a marine biologist and spend my life swimming in the oceans with sea life, but at age 12 I went on my first whale watch and learned I get heinously seasick. I’ve never wanted another job more than that one in my whole life, but its just not in the cards for me. And that’s ok.
Many of the jobs you are interested not only require job specific training, but also necessitate being able to recall that information under distress (firefighting and emt work especially). Don’t beat yourself up over not excelling at those things, they’re hard for *anyone*.
You are employed and gaining skills. So focus on learning some hobbies and building yourself up a bit man. Life is here to enjoy. You have a stable living situation at the time being, so take advantage of what you have going on for you in the moment and take some time to delve into what you’d just like to spend some time learning and doing, just for yourself with no end goal in mind. I think it will be almost as helpful as therapy.
So I definitely would not consider you a loser. In fact, the idea that you don’t want to stagnate and want to develop yourself and move forward in your life, the mere fact that you are being vulnerable and asking for help, shows a desire for self-improvement.
But, if we’re going by your terms, from loser to loser, then here’s my advice:
Look for things that build your resume. It doesn’t have to be education. It can be work experience or volunteering (being a volunteer fire fighter should help with that, but continue building). Maybe look for local (or local enough) programs for career certifications that aren’t a degree program. From my experience employers value commitment, so the longer you’re involved in these resume building activities the better.
Like I said, this post shows me a desire for self-improvement. Latch on to that, make it your focus, in whatever way works best for you. I do really wish you luck. Just remember, people have climbed out of much bigger holes and wound up on top. You got this.
I mean, you can write in complete coherent paragraphs without any text-speak, so you’re nowhere *near* as stupid as you seem to think you are. Also, you’re only 23 and holding down a steady job? Then you’re doing so much better than a LOT of others in your age group so you don’t really qualify as a loser either. (Do you have child support payments you haven’t told us about or something?)
Because otherwise… You’re really doing just fine? Slow down, enjoy life a little bit, tread water for a while. You’ve got plenty of time to figure all the big stuff out as you go. And quit beating yourself up so much- in fact, that’s really the one thing you should do tonight; try to summarize your life thus far in two or three really positive sentences. You’ll feel better about yourself, and best of all it’s all true.
If you were in the US, you could have a good career in law enforcement.
Your problem isn’t that you’re a loser, it’s that you think you’re a loser. You have a lot going for you but unfortunately, you don’t realize it. That’s something you definitely need to work on if you’re ever going to get over this perception you have about yourself and your life. I can tell you that someone like me could help you and for much less than that ridiculous cost you mentioned per session. You need someone to help you shine light on the darkness you have going on inside of you and make changes in your life little by little so you can start to gain more confidence. Once you get the ball rolling with more confidence, you’ll be able to do more and more. Believe it or not… you can do way more than you think. You just need someone to help you see that.
You’re employed and pay your bills so you aren’t a loser. As for the lack of intelligence, if there’s one thing I know about stupid people, it’s they don’t know they’re stupid. It sounds more like a learning disability and lack of confidence rather than stupidity on your part. See if you can get tested for learning disabilities. It might help you find better ways to self teach that have better results than you’re getting. Keep in mind there’s nothing wrong with a dead end job. If you enjoy what you do and you pay your bills, you’re doing pretty good.
I think you lack more confidence than ability. Hitting the gym helped me gain confidence and benefitted every aspect of my life. Maybe it can help you too.
I understand how you feel brother. I’m also dumb as fuck
Hey man, just looked through some of your posts and replies and.. fuck, I’m so sorry about all this shit.
I know I’m just an internet stranger – but I want to tell you that I’m proud of you.
I have met more people than I can count who couldn’t do half the things you do now – or never bothered to even try.
And you know what? Trying itself is already a huge thing – because it shows that you are doig whatever you can afford to at the moment. But that doesn’t mean you wont be able to do better when you have more resources (time, mental capacity, you name it).
We don’t know each other – but my DMs are open if you ever need to ramble or vent or simply talk to someone. I’m not the best at communication, but I’ll gladly listen.
Take care man – and again, I’m proud of you.
the student loan system in canada is pretty good. No interest accrues on provincial/federal loans and you don’t need to pay it off until after you are done your studies. I’m living 100% off student loans right now with no savings, although how much they give you depends in large part on how much money you made preceding school. You will also qualify for bursaries.
you don’t sound stupid. 90% in highschool science is very good. Not everyone can get that. Canadian grade 10-12 math is just following steps and practice not much intelligence is needed imo.
Maybe something like an archive worker or a secretary might be something for you? Since you’re good to being a front desk manager? You seem to have people skills and can organize well, so it might be something. You can work at different places and from there find another career that might suit you. Reading and writing skills are easy to fix by reading and writing more. Don’t start with classical literature; instead, start with YA books and gradually switch to more contemporary literature once you feel more confident in your skills. You can keep a reading journal to write a short essay of what you’ve read and, at the same time, work on your writing. If you have problems with spelling and grammar, look on YouTube for some helpful classes to work on those and keep a notebook to help you practice.
Um excuse me, why do you speak to yourself like that? You act like yo’ure the worst person in the world and yet you have a job history with no gaps, try no matter what, and even found something you feel you’re pretty good at and have praise from your higher ups and still find a way to beat yourself into a pulp? Makes no sense to me.
The first thing you need to change is your inner dialogue that’s what.
Maybe there is someone in your life who is talking to you like that and if there is you should really consider how often you talk with said person. Someone who tries to constantly cut you down isn’t someone you need to be talking to. They’re probably a major reason you feel this mental barrier to doing things. You might even benefit from talking with a therapist about that.
Bro stop with the bullshit, you’re telling yourself these stories about yourself it’s all made of bullshit. Who you think you are you become. You can become anything/ anyone.
You’re not a loser bro, we’re both young and with effort anything Is possible. Get a therapist and learn more of a growth mindset. You’re not helping yourself talking to yourself like that
Adhd … you probably have adhd. This post is well written and is a very clear indication you aren’t stupid.
Your self talk is so defeating. I really recommend working on changing the way you view and talk about yourself. It’s amazing who we can become when we allow ourselves to.
I can immediately tell by the way in which you write that you are not stupid and actually express yourself very well.
ADHD