#WeddingDrama #ClownGate #FamilyFeud #WeddingEtiquette
Throwaway account b/c obvious reasons.
I (29F) married my hubby (31M) a few months ago. Neither of us were particularly interested in spending a boatload of money on a wedding no one would actually enjoy, so we were casual. The wedding was in the party room of a pizza place we love (it’s in a recently-renovated 19th-century factory, so it’s cool-looking) and decided to let our friends and family bring their army of small children b/c pizza. To entertain the kids, we decided to have a few carnival-themed games and snacks available and we hired a clown (M23) to do balloon animals.
I know this clown, he is a friend of my cousin’s who has good clown credentials. He was great with the kids. We had the bright idea to invite the clown to be in some of our wedding photos, as well.
Anyhow, I noticed MIL (F60s) had been kind of distant since the wedding but I didn’t realize that she was pissed at us until she came to dinner last night. We got the wedding photos and picked our favorite, which is the two of us looking at each other dramatically with the clown standing next to us holding a big fake squeaky hammer like he was about to bonk my husband’s head. We got it framed and put it up in the house.
When my MIL saw the photo, she lost it. She blamed me for embarrassing her and continuing to rub it in her face with the clown photos, and that I should’ve put my foot down and made sure her son had a classy wedding and not the “clown show you put on”. My husband told his mom to leave but I’m honestly kind of shaken.
The feedback from other family/friends has been positive and I’ve had a good relationship with my MIL thus far, so this was a surprise. I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple, which isn’t something I took seriously until now, and I’m wondering if I should’ve considered my MIL’s feelings more when putting together the party. So am I the asshole for my clown show wedding?
## Understanding the Issue
Considering the clash over the inclusion of a clown in your wedding photos, it’s crucial to empathize with your MIL’s perspective and emotions. She might have envisioned a more traditional and elegant affair, and your unconventional choice might have caught her off guard. Understanding her desire for a certain level of sophistication and classiness can shed light on her reaction.
## Communicate and Validate Feelings
Open communication is key in resolving conflicts with loved ones. Sit down with your MIL and express your genuine desire to understand her feelings and perspective. Validate her emotions and let her know that you appreciate her point of view, even if it differs from yours. By listening attentively and showing empathy towards her concerns, you can pave the way for a more constructive conversation.
## Compromise and Find Common Ground
Exploring options for compromise can help bridge the gap between differing expectations. While your wedding was a reflection of your personalities and preferences, finding a middle ground where both your MIL’s values and your vision are respected can foster harmony. Perhaps acknowledging her feelings and making amends by involving her in future significant decisions could help rebuild the relationship.
## Moving Forward
Remember that relationships are built on understanding, compromise, and mutual respect. While the fallout from the clown photo may have caused a rift, taking steps to address the issue proactively and with sensitivity can lead to reconciliation. Embrace the opportunity to grow closer with your MIL through honest conversations and a willingness to find common ground.
In conclusion, while the inclusion of a clown in your wedding photos stirred controversy, approaching the situation with compassion and a desire to mend fences can help navigate this challenging chapter. By fostering understanding, communication, and a spirit of compromise, you can work towards resolving the conflict and strengthening your relationships. Remember, weddings are just a day, but family bonds are enduring.
NTA it wasn’t her wedding
NTA.
A wedding is ultimately a celebration and how you choose to celebrate is really up to the couple. If you want a carnival for a wedding, then go nuts.
Now that being said…clowns are a divisive form of entertainment. They can make a lot of people uncomfortable and their style of entertainment can be invasive.
I think you and hubby just need to let the situation cool down a bit and then have a conversation about how this was what you (collectively) wanted for your day. She’s entitled to have not liked it, but it was special and fun for you two.
NTA – it was your wedding, as long s you and your spouse were happy then all is good. Regarding your MIL, I’m confused as to why *she* would be embarassed. If you had photos of *her* with the clown and she was uncomfortable with that, then it would be a kindness to not have those photos on display. Do you have more traditional photos that show you and your husband without the clown, and photos of the of you with MIL / other family without the clown? If so, then it might be nice to get some of those printed ofr her and sent to her so she can share them on her social media, if relevant, but unless the clown is in evey picture then even taking into account the idea that the wedding is for the families as well as the couple her reaction seems a bit odd.
NTA
The wedding is a celebration of the relationship between you and your husband. Sounds like you were on the same page about how it should be celebrated, so no problem there.
You didn’t do anything harmful or exceedingly offensive. You did something non-traditional, but as long as you’re on the same page, there’s no problem with that.
NTA
Sounds like you had a fun wedding where people enjoyed themselves. And YOU and your Husband liked it.
Those two things make for a great wedding.
MIL is an AH.
NTA sounds like your wedding was for the couple and for the guests. Nobody besides MIL has a problem with this awesome sounding event.
NTA, it sounds like a wedding even I would like to attend because it was just fun. Good for you and your husband.
NTA. Your wedding, so you should do what you want to do and celebrate how you want to celebrate. Though “clown show” was a pretty funny comment for your MIL to make.
NTA, easily. It’s your wedding, it’s your party, it’s your day, you and your husband can do as you please and shouldn’t have to consider how MIL will feel
nta. i mean, it was quite literally a clown show, which is fun, but people who say weddings are for the family and not the couple pay too much attention to appearances (iykwim) and too little attention to …people.
if you want to have an enjoyable or even solemn occasion where you speak at length and even cry while your whole family sits in silence… that is so great. i love that, i’ve been part of the family for that and it was beautiful. i wept.
if you want to elope and do something with just your partner and *maybe* a few friends to witness… amazing. i love it. how intimate, how perfect, what a great moment.
if you want to skip the ceremony entirely and just make sure the paperwork is done… fantastic. what a commitment, i’m so glad you were able to do this for each other and your relationship. i’m so happy for you.
if you want a big fun party, with your whole family, a whole lotta kids, good eats, and enough entertainment for the kids that everyone could enjoy it completely… i love it. that’s so great. what an amazing time.
i guess the point, for me, is that a wedding is only wrong when it’s wrong for the couple. it’s an occasion for the family sometimes, sure, but it’s an occasion to celebrate the couple and their life together. getting twisted up over how someone else’s pictures look is missing the point, imho. i hope this whole *thing* with mil doesn’t wreck the memory for you, because it sounds like it was perfect.
NTA. She has control issues. It wasn’t her wedding and obviously she doesn’t “get” you as a couple. I would make an effort to placate her but along the lines of, “Some of our lifestyle decisions may upset you. How can we make that easier for you?”
That sounds like a awesome wedding. But the weddings about the couple
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NTA
NTA.
Your wedding sounds awesome. congratulations!
I have an avid dislike of clowns and still your wedding sounds like so much fun! You had the day that you and your husband wanted. Shame on anyone who thinks your day was about anything other than your happiness!
NTA – I might understand why MIL might be upset if the clown was in every single one of your pictures so MIL didn’t get any pictures without a clown in it. Or if there were people there who were terrified of clowns and therefore couldn’t enjoy themselves. But it doesn’t sound like that was the case. It sounds like she’s upset you didn’t have the wedding SHE wanted (i.e. a “classy” wedding). But that’s too bad because it wasn’t her wedding!
This might be a case of “keeping up with the Joneses”. Like maybe your MIL is watching all her friends show off pictures of their kids’ “classy” weddings and is embarrassed that you didn’t do something similar she can show off. Again… too bad. You guys deserved to have the wedding you wanted, whether that’s a church wedding, an outdoor wedding, a destination wedding, or a pizza party wedding with a clown. Her suggesting that you had the wedding you did solely to embarrass her and that you put that picture up just to rub it in is delusional. I’m glad your husband put his foot down because if this is how she acts when she doesn’t get her way, you’re going to need a husband who isn’t afraid to put a hard stop on her BS.
NTA. You had me at “clown credentials”
NTA – Your boring ol biddy of a MIL needs to get over herself. I’d hire the clown a whole lot more after that, frankly… but I know that *I’m* an asshole.
NTA: There are two opinions that matter when it comes to a wedding. You are one of those people in this instance. If the other one agreed with the choice, then no one else matters. It was an event celebrating the two of you coming togther and finding happiness. Sounds like you found it, and also found a way to use it to express your joy in a unique way. All that should matter in a wedding is that you love eachother, and it sounds like that goal was met.
Good thing it wasn’t Pennywise
” I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple, which isn’t something I took seriously until now.” Nor should you, because these people are wrong. It’s *your* wedding. If MIL wants a wedding her way, she needs to go get married again.
” …and I’m wondering if I should’ve considered my MIL’s feelings more when putting together the party.”No, because it’s your party, not hers. What she wants is irrelevant, it’s your day and it’s about you.
NTA. Your wedding sounds like a riot. Good for you for having the day you wanted with all your friends, instead of some stuffy, poufy-dress stage-managed ceremony.
NTA at ALL! The pure beauty of this story brought tears to my eyes! You had a great wedding that reflects you and your husband’s personality and everyone had a good time. It seems like your MIL is taking it a little too personally. It was a joint decision and a wonderful one. It’s not like you held your husband hostage and made him invite a clown, so perhaps he should talk to his mother and defend you.
I do have to ask… what are the clown’s clown credentials? Does he have a clown egg? And if so has he gone to clown college?
Mil upset someone took her job. Lol
My favorite photo from my professional wedding photos is the one where my husband and I are sticking our tongues at one another. It’s so perfectly “us”, we’re very silly people.
I love that you had a clown at your wedding and in your photos, that is delightful. I love that you had it in a place that brought you joy.
I very much hope your mil is able to get the stick removed. It’s probably very uncomfortable.
NTA
NTA
“The wedding was in the party room of a pizza place we love (it’s in a recently-renovated 19th-century factory, so it’s cool-looking) and decided to let our friends and family bring their army of small children b/c pizza.”
if this wasnt thinking about a day for your family i don’t know what it. One person upset when everyone else is okay/happy/excited for you means its probably them, not you.
“Classy wedding” and “army of children” are pretty much mutually exclusive concepts. That said, even without the kids, the idea of a laid back celebration of the union of two people plus a clown is something that I’m fucking loving. Like, he could have been invited regardless of the clown apparel (given his clown credentials, I would assume he would want to rep with his professional regalia, at the very least his face paint), and just done party favors and I bet it would have been a blast.
Actually, if I ever get married, I think I’m going to legit suggest getting a clown and seeing if they’d be down to wear formal attire with their face paint. Weddings should be fun!
If you MIL wants a fancy, sombre, boring as hell wedding, maybe she should do a vow renewal ceremony of her own design. Otherwise I’d say she can go suck on a balloon dachshund, because trying to make the wedding about her is on the verge of absolute narcissism.
NTA. You had me at “good clown credentials” 😂 Yall made it kid friendly and fun and it’s your day. Fuck the haters
NTA but I can’t stop laughing about how this entire exchange with your MIL about your wedding being a “clown show” would have been beyond rude and aggressive, except that it was just a factual description of your wedding LOL
My uncle is a professional clown and we honestly considered letting him show up in full clown gear and doing balloon animals, but ultimately decided against it. A few people invited have coulrophobia so we decided it wasn’t worth freaking them TF out lmaoooo
A few years back there was a story circulating around of the guy who was a drunk clown at a friend’s wedding. They just… wanted a drunk clown there. He obligingly showed up (in street clothes), nipped off to the bathroom, got into clown makeup, got hammered (he wasn’t going to act drunk. No sir. He was legitimately shit-faced).
If it worked for them, I don’t see why a sober and serious clown can’t work for you.
(For those of you who missed this story, you’re welcome. Google “drunk clown wedding” and enjoy the show)
Your wedding sounds awesome.
We had our wedding at a petting farm that had an owl sanctuary on-site. People got to feed the deer and llamas, we had some wedding pictures taken with the owls and the wedding picture that I love the most, that I got printed to put up in our home, is my 6’4″ husband sitting on a tiny toddler’s toy tractor, legs stuck out every which way and looking the fool.
And I love it, because the lack of seriousness kind of sums up our marriage.
NTA