#BabyShowerDrama: AITA for kicking my best friend out my baby shower? π€°π
Hey there, mama-to-be! π If you’ve found yourself in a bit of baby shower drama like me, let’s talk it out. So, here’s the deal – I recently had my baby shower and things took a turn when my best friend, Sara, showed up with her boyfriend, Ted, even though I specifically asked for no partners except for one friend’s girlfriend. Let’s break it down and see if I was in the wrong for kicking them out.
The Background π©βπ€βπ©:
I’ve been friends with Sara since high school, and we’ve always had each other’s backs. But lately, she’s been prioritizing her new relationship with Ted over our plans, leaving me feeling a bit neglected, especially since I’m pregnant and had to travel quite a bit to attend the baby shower.
The Plan for the Baby Shower π:
Sara, who is an events planner, offered to help organize my baby shower as a way to make up for flaking on our previous plans. I made it clear to both her and my sister that only one friend’s partner was invited, as she’s gay and I wanted her girlfriend to be there.
The Baby Shower Dilemma π€:
Fast forward to the day of the baby shower, and Sara shows up with Ted, despite my request for no partners. When I confronted her about it, she insisted that Ted could share food from the same plate, which didn’t sit well with me. When my sister asked them both to leave, Sara threatened to leave too, so I made the difficult decision to ask them to go.
The Aftermath π:
After kicking Sara and Ted out, the baby shower continued, but I couldn’t help but miss having my best friend there. Sara later expressed her embarrassment and upset over the situation, and Ted even reached out to me, claiming that he thought he could come since another partner was invited.
So, am I the jerk in this situation? Or was I justified in asking them to leave? Let’s explore the verdict.
Final Verdict β
:
Ultimately, kicking Sara and Ted out of the baby shower might have seemed harsh, but considering the clear communication about only one partner being invited and the fact that Ted took it upon himself to assume he could attend, I believe I wasn’t in the wrong for standing my ground.
In any event, I hope this sheds some light on the situation and the struggle many expectant mothers may face when planning important events. Communication is key, especially when it comes to setting boundaries for special occasions like baby showers.
If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar baby shower dilemma, share your story in the comments below! And if you’re in need of some mama-to-be support and advice, feel free to reach out. We’re all in this together! ππΆ #BabyShower #FriendshipDrama #MamaToBeAdvice
NTA. They should have asked beforehand if Ted could come too, not just assuming.Β
Nta you said no partners at the shower and it was your day. It probably wouldnβt bother me but itβs what you decided.Β
NTA, in what world does someone think it’s a good idea to bring their boyfriend to a women-only baby shower.
NTA. That relationship is gonna end up in a disaster imho
NTA
Ted sounds very controlling. You can be sure that your friend flaked because of him.
NTA. I hope you still had fun.
NTA
NTA. And I strongly advise you asking other mutual friends if she has bailed on them too. If she has never done this with a partner before, it’s worrisome or at least to me. And her giving your number to a man you don’t know, to write how he ‘thought it would be ok’ when you say she was organizing the shower and has the list of invited people? Smells like a control freak.
NTA – ted doesnt seem to be the problem imo, sara is. you did right, just try to not hold it over ted or tell him directly next time – he is probably more understanding than sara
NTA
Sorry to say it but you may have to accept a lot more distance in/say bye to this friendship if Sara stays with Ted.
There are already red flags re him being controlling & she’s only been with him a month. Even if it is the honeymoon phase she blew off something that important to you for him.
Besides what guy goes to a baby shower??
NTA You didn’t invite Ted, so he was wrong in assuming he could stay.
But since you seems to care about Sara, let me say that I saw aΒ red flag in your post:
– Sara said that if Ted would leave, she would leave. Is this Sara’s normal behavior in a romantic relationship, or does it just happen with Ted?Β Because in the latter case, he sounds controlling.
– And also, how did he get your number from Sara?Β Did he go through her phone?Β Did he persist until Sara gave it to him?Β (which would be another big no no)
NTA. You didn’t kick her out. You didn’t invite Ted. He was craving the party. You asked him to leave. She chose to leave with him.
She made a call based on assumptions. That’s okay, many people do. But she isn’t accepting the consequences and that’s where she’s TA.
If Sarah is an event planner she must be an awful one.
First rule….do not bring an extra person to a sit down.
Second rule…do not bring your date if no plus one on invite.
Third rule…don’t bring a guy to a ladies event.
They both have no clue.
NTA
NTA.
So…
– Ted makes Sara flake on you multiple times, to have her spend time with him.
– He makes Sara to take him with her to your baby shower
– He somehow gets out of her the guest list and your phone numbers.
This dude is a control freak.
NTA but youβre going to have to get over missing Sara because sheβs made her decision and youβve already lost her. Donβt worry, sheβll come crawling back after they break up, at least until she gets another boyfriend.
NTA- first of all she’s an asshole for canceling on you to go do things with ted and then she’s an asshole for bringing ted to an all girl baby shower and just to make it even worse she’s an asshole for giving ted your number! My concern is ted is pushing her to do these things.
Is that a thing now? Do we invite men to baby showers? I canβt imagine men would want to go, I know my husband was adamant that baby showers are a βlady thingβ, and yes he used the quote fingersβ¦
Fuck Ted. You donβt invite yourself to anything. You ask if you can come. And the fact that they thought your friendβs female partner coming meant that Ted could come either means he is an idiot or a narcissist or both
Overall NTA,as you are allowed to say that you didn’t want Ted there as it was an all girls event, and then it was apparently Sara’s choice to leave.
However I would also suggest that this is possibly a bit of a warning sign that Sara may be in a coercive relationship (assuming that she hasn’t been like this with her previous boyfriends). In this scenario, then Sara may be frightened of the repercussions if she goes alone and allows you to exclude Ted. If so, then part of that is isolating Sara from her friends and support.
NTA you made it clear. I would tell Ted to never contact you at all. His assumption is not your problem and your partner was aware of how the invites were set. Your friend is into her new relationship more than the friendship so fall back and focus on yourself, your other friendship, your relationship and your child. You didn’t embarrass her she knew the rules and decided she was above it. My mother was like this with her bf to the point where she was no longer invited. When your best friend invites you to hang out and catch up she invited you not ya man. Unfortunately because of her actions my mother lost her best friend at 50 years old whom she had been friends with since 8th grade. My mother apparently had a bad habit of constantly doing this and it just came to a head when they were older.
NTA
You specifically said ladies only
Itβs YOUR baby shower and you get the last say on whoβs invited or not and should be comfortable in YOUR baby shower
Sara should have asked first.
She should not have give your number out like that
NTA 1 she shouldnβt have gave him you number 2 she def shouldnβt have brought him to a all womenβs baby shower 3 I get annoyed w ppl who canβt do anything w/o their partner
NTA – but check in on her – he sounds like he is a controller and a gas lighter. Keep checking in – it takes time to work this out
The new boyfriend flakiness is sort of to be expected, but unpleasant. But the fact that she brought him to the baby shower was really over the top. She knew it was a women-only shower, she knew that nobody else would have a partner except Amy as Amy’s partner is female.
Sara did not have the excuse that Ted offered that he thought partners were welcome because Amy’s partner was coming because she knew that was not the case. That is all bs.
Sara and Ted were the assholes in this situation. NTA
NTA but I would be concerned for Sara. Could be new relationship energy but could be that he is trying to isolate her from her friends. I would keep an eye out and make sure she knows youβre there for her (but not for him lol)
βDear Ted. This baby shower was for females only. Did you and Sara honestly think it was ok for YOU to be there when not even my babyβs father was included? Etiquette in situations like this is the people ON the invite are invited. Not anyone else. I donβt know if it was your idea to crash a female only baby shower. Or if it was Saraβs ignorance and clinginess that insisted you be there, but either way, better communication is probably necessary on both your parts.β
I did a lot for my SILS shower and I canβt imagine feeling entitled enough to bring my partner
NTA why canβt she do anything without himβ¦also, why did he want to go and be the only dude there? he sounds super controllingβ¦
of course your NTA. This was a private event and he wasnβt invited.
I had to double check your ages. That you werenβt teens or something because Saraβs behavior is very teen. She has a bf now so she has decided she canβt do a thing without him and all plans are cancellable if theyβre not with him. This is super toxic behavior that may leave her with no support system if they break up but thatβs her choice.
Hereβs what Iβd do. Text or call Sara. Tell her that she knew the shower was women only and that her behavior and prioritizing her boyfriend over your long relationship really hurt you. Youβre concerned about her behavior. Is Ted not allowing her to visit friends? Did he insist that she couldnβt come to a shower alone? If this is the case than she can always tell you and youβre always available to help her if sheβs in trouble but that you wonβt be treated badly by her. If she insists that itβs not Ted than inform her that you need to take a break from the relationship for a while but if she needs you she can always contact you (in case this is a toxic relationship and she finds her way out)
Ah, Sara is that fair weathered “friend” who ditches everyone when she has a boyfriend. I think this friendship has sailed its course. Congratulations on your baby op. NTA
NTA, I don’t understand why he would want to come to a baby shower in the first place.
NTA Teddy is a liar, and Sara is a selfish asshole. The only half excuse for her would be if he was totally controlling and trying to separate her from her friends by making her behave as she has been and did here. If that isn’t the case, you don’t need to take into account the feelings of someone who behaves as she does to you. That is: with total disregard for your feelings.
NTA.
One good friend of mine felt for an abusive guy. After one month, he was everywhere inserting himself into every social interaction she had and being an ass to her friends. Acting clueless about why he was not in his place during those event (think work related event where spouses did not join). Then after a certain point, throwing shade on her friends as a way to create distance.
When sharing concerns to my friend, I was met by « he is the one, I just know it » thanks to his love bombing (at first). 10 years later, a troubled child in the middle, bitter divorce and hours of therapy, my friend is still deeply scared.
Move carefully OP. Keep her at distance because you cannot set yourself on fire to keep her warm (and maybe your friend is acting like an ass and the guy is legit) but try to leave the door open for her to get the support she needs if she try to separate.
Their relationship reeks of either codependency or control, masked by the the “new relationship thrill”.
Ask your mutual friends if this happens with them as well. If so…
What I would do is to “make plans” knowing they’re going to get canceled *as much as possible*. To the point, if it is abuse/controlling, it will surface quickly.
Ask your mutual friends to do the same. *Bombard her with plans.*
You all need to plan so frequently, that it annoys your friend to “have to” keep changing plans/flaking at an alarming rate at his request. It’ll knock whatever rose-tinted glasses she has right off her face.
If she’s currently suffering from cognitive dissonance and making excuses for him, it’ll be difficult to do so at a high volume. The “something isn’t right about this” feeling will get to her.
Or maybe she’s the codependent one. Who knows?