Is it wrong to leave my brother behind if he can’t wake up for a road trip to see his son? 🤔
Hashtagged Keywords: #FamilyDrama #RoadTrip #ParentingStruggles #FamilyLove #BrotherlyIssues
So, here’s the tea. I (17) planned a trip with my family to visit my brother’s son, who was adopted by another couple. Unfortunately, my 21-year-old brother, who can be quite the handful, was being his usual self and didn’t wake up on time for the trip. This left my mom and I in a bit of a quandary. But let me explain the whole story before you make up your mind about who’s at fault here.
Situation at Hand: A Road Trip Gone Wrong
We were all set for our road trip to visit my nephew when we hit a major snag – my brother overslept, causing us to leave without him. Here’s how it all unfolded.
The Backstory: My Brother’s Emotional Maturity
My brother’s emotional immaturity has been a point of contention between us, especially after a recent fight that left me feeling indifferent towards him. But this trip was about setting our differences aside and coming together as a family to meet my nephew for the first time.
The Conflict: Dealing with a Nasty Breakup
One of the reasons I was hesitant about the trip was my brother’s ongoing conflict with his ex, the mother of his child. Their breakup was less than amicable, which created tension – something I wanted to avoid on our visit to the baby’s adoptive parents.
The Dilemma: Leave Him Behind or Turn Back?
When my brother failed to wake up on time and didn’t respond to our attempts to reach him, my mom was distraught and considering turning back to get him. But after moments of hesitation, I insisted that we leave him behind, and here’s why.
My Justification: Why Leaving Him Behind Was the Right Call
Yes, it may sound harsh, but let me explain why I felt that leaving my brother behind was the best decision:
I was worried about potential conflict with the adoptive parents due to my brother’s past behavior.
I felt that his irresponsibility could put a damper on what was supposed to be a joyous and meaningful trip for the family.
On the Road: Dealing with His Reaction
Despite feeling somewhat relieved to have avoided potential drama, his reaction to being left behind did stir up some guilt in me. But was I justified in my decision to prioritize the trip over my brother’s actions?
In Retrospect: Reflecting on the Situation
After the ordeal, my brother called, and while I felt bad for leaving him, I also found immense joy in spending time with just my mom, and my nephew and his adoptive parents. It was an eye-opening experience for me.
The Visit: A Heartwarming Reunion
Despite the rocky start, our visit was everything I had hoped for and more. I was able to bond with my nephew, and the adoptive parents made me feel welcome and cherished. It was a clear reminder of what truly matters.
Addressing Misconceptions: Setting the Record Straight
Before I wrap up, I want to clear up some misconceptions and offer a few insights into our family dynamic and the adoption situation:
The baby’s adoption is an open one, and the adoptive parents are open to having us involved in his life.
I was remiss in calling him “my brother’s son;” I understand his place as the child of his adoptive parents.
I have been given the privilege to be involved in his life and have earned the title of “uncle” in this beautiful journey.
Final Thoughts: A Day of Lessons and Love
As I close this chapter, I want to remind you that family dynamics are complex, and the journey of adoption brings its own set of challenges and blessings. Despite the initial hiccups, the trip was a beautiful reminder of love, family, and the joy of new beginnings.
In Conclusion: Moving Forward with Love and Understanding
What initially seemed like a potential disaster turned into a poignant day of love, bonding, and memories that I will cherish forever. I hope this experience offers some insights into the complexities of family dynamics and the journey of adoption.
Remember, at the heart of it all, it’s about love, understanding, and the willingness to navigate the complexities of family dynamics with empathy and grace. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me.
So, what’s your take on the situation? Let’s open up a conversation and explore the complexities of family relationships, adoption, and the power of enduring love. 💞
NTA. People show up for the things they want to participate in. Period.
NTA. He clearly didnt want to see the child. There was a reason the baby was adopted. Its probably best your brother doesnt have a relationship with the baby.
NTA
He had the date and time. He knew when he needed to be ready by to receive a lift. If he didn’t like the schedule he could have discussed before the day, or arranged his own way there. Making people wait way past the agreed time is rude, regardless of the reason for the trip. Though I do suspect he might actually just be too much of a coward to face his son, or in no way inclined to (not his problem anymore).
Probably best to keep the kid away from him anyway
NTA. I’m sorry you had to be the one to push some tough love towards your brother but kudos to you for doing it!
NTA. He knew what time he needed to be ready. If it was important to him, he would have done it.
NTA – If your brother wanted to see his child then he would have been ready to go at the planned time. If he wakes up later and wants to travel on his own to see his son then that’s on him.
NTA. OP, your brother gave that baby up for adoption so he is no longer the legal father. He should not be forced by his own mother to have contact or a relationship with the baby.
NTA. Your brother was well aware of the plans for the trip you had planned. He doesn’t need you to watch him and make sure he wakes up on time. It was the right thing to do to leave without him and hopefully this will teach him to be more responsible in the future.
Totally NTA.
If it was important to him he would’ve woken up & been ready. End of.
First off it isn’t his child anymore. It is the adoptive families child. Why are you trying to force him to be a Father to a kid he obviously didn’t want or could take care of. That is what adoption is for.
If he wanted to see the child, he’d have been ready at the time given.
I say the child because he’s not the father. Him and his ex gave the baby up, he’s the adoptive family’s son.
NTA and do not take any crap from him for “abandoning” him. Block his number for today at least so you can enjoy your day.
NTA it is quite obvious he doesn’t actually want to be there or see the boy at all. Probably for the best.
NTA. If your brother really wanted to go, he would have been ready on time. Plus, if this first meeting doesn’t go well, there won’t be another one.
NTA for wanting to leave without your brother. You were clear about your plans, told him when you had to leave and tried to wake him up. Even though this trip is very important to you, it’s not your job to make sure he wakes up on time. Your choice made sense and it’s important to put your own goals and obligations first. Your brother needs to take blame for being careless.
NTA. Your brother is an adult and had ample time to wake up and be ready for the road trip. It’s not your responsibility to babysit him or ensure he wakes up on time. If he misses the trip, it’s on him. It’s called taking responsibilty. Proceed with your plans as scheduled by all means! Your brother’s irresponsibility shouldn’t dictate the entire family’s schedule.
Don’t call yourself low class. This post shows me that you have more class than many millionaires. You are an amazing person!
Edited out word “aunt” in case I had it wrong
Seriously? NTA bro. Your brother sounds like a d-bag who needs to grow up.
Stop worrying about your brother. Don’t invite him or include him in your plans with your nephew again. The parents are willing and open to you and your family….. show them who to trust and who not to. Don’t tell them, show them.
Also? Don’t call yourself low class. You have a million times more class than a lot of people honey!
Also please realize that if your brother doesn’t want a relationship that’s ok too and not on you or your mom.
NTA.
When i read your post the part that made me want to comment was the part where you describe your family as “lower class”. Take away the addiction part of the description and I believe you meant financial status. From my point of view sweet person, whomever you are, are not lower class. You very much “high class”. You have a strong moral compass and hold to your convictions. You are most definitely NTA.
can’t believe the parents are allowing a visit and that it is the first one in 2 years? so very strange to me…..also he has no responsibility to this child if the couple adopted him
Not a popular opinion so I know that I will get upvotes lol.
But I would turn around and check on him befire starting the “road trip”, how can you be clearly sure that he was sleeping? I wouldn’t even make a post about this only one hour into driving without knowing his reasons.
So without that context I think you’re softly the AH.
If the child was adopted, then your brother has no child. His ex is not a mother. He is not your nephew.
Period.
ESH. Does/did your brother even want to go? It’s not his child anymore. This entire post has less to do with him, and more with you hating him.
YTA.
>(This is another issue that brings me and him to butt heads because he seems to forget his ex is still the mother to his child
• jsyk, bis ex is his childs BIRTH mother. he can feel however he wants to feel about her without you policing him
>Sometimes you choose things in your best interests.
•The only interests you should be thinking about in this situation is the child’s. You were selfish and immature.
As an adoptee, this is gross. If my aunts/uncles treated my birthparents this way to prioritize their relationship with me, i wouldnt have a relationship.
You assumed he must have slept in, rather than his phone was accidentally on silent while he was getting ready, or any other electronics mishap. Is him sleeping in a usual occurrence? I think it’s a bit weird that you wouldn’t have gone to be there at the agreed time just in case. It just happened that this time, he really did sleep in. You had already planned to go get him, so what does it matter how far away he lives? You let your grievances with him get in the way. You’re just lucky that this time really was his fault.
YTA
YTA Who cares that He lives 30 minutes in the other direction! I would’ve drove and knocked on the door. Imagine how he feels… He’s the one who’s the actual bio parent so I don’t get why you and your mom would go without him. Obviously your mom doesn’t care enough because a good parent would’ve went to his house and knocked on the door to try to get him up and then if he didn’t an answer leave.
Although I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re the one who put it in your mom’s ear about not going over there to check on him. What if something had happened to him because he wasn’t answering?
YTA – I wouldn’t have texted or called him. The agreement seemed to be that you would be at his house at 7, but you weren’t. I realize there is a bad history here so maybe you wanted to check first, but you didn’t do what you said you would.
I would have just gone to his house at the appointed time. He could have been in the shower, putting out the garbage, anything, and missed the calls/texts. If he wasn’t ready, he probably could have been in 10 minutes.
You admitted you were anxious about being in the car with him, so I think as soon as you had an excuse to leave him behind, you did. I get it. It’s human nature and we’ve all done it.
YTA. You could have just said “I hate my brother” and spared us 4 paragraphs of bitching about him.
Sounds like you revel in blaming him for absolutely everything in everybody’s lives.
YTA and the snooty tone isn’t fooling me.
You hate your brother. You can say that.
But frankly. This child has zero to do with you. This is your brothers child. Not yours. Yet you seem almost obsessive about inserting yourself into its life despite your resentment of your brother.
The adoption being open is primarily for the birth parents. Not you.
You using him not answering and assuming he’s lazy and a deadbeat as opposed to alarm not going off/silent .ect is scummy. And only serves to benefit you. Because YOU, the teenage ‘aunt’, don’t want to sit in the car with the bio dad.
Maybe uninvite yourself next time and step off your high horse.