#GenderStereotypes: Am I the jerk for telling a girl to ‘go back to the kitchen’? 🤔 So, I was making lasagna in MY kitchen (specialty, btw) when Jake’s sister Amelia made a snide remark about my cooking skills. She doesn’t even know how to cook! I suggested she should learn in a sarcastic way… and she got offended. 🤷♂️ Now, some friends are saying I should’ve handled it differently. But hey, am I the one in the wrong here? Let’s discuss! #KitchenBanter #GenderRoles #CookingDispute 🍴👩🍳
NTA. She was the one perpetuating gender stereotypes, not you. Wearing an apron is not inherently feminine, nor is cooking. She was just being rude.
NTA. The comment was clearly made in jest after her comment.
NTA. I find it hilarious that people that don’t cook think apron is just for looks 😀
NTA, your response was perfect. Who is the girl in the relationship is rude and deserves an appropriate response.
NTA
A perfect response actually. SHE perpetuated gender stereotypes and you threw her logic back at her to prove how ignorant she was being. You did nothing wrong here
NTA. She was being a turd 🤷🏽♀️
NTA.
Amelia brought this on herself.
The people who are upset with you today did NOT hear the full story about what happened. She completely left out her own homophobic and sexist comments, which means she knows herself that she was wrong.
NTA. She was trying to mock you using gender stereotypes. No issue with using the same gender stereotypes against her. Was it the best way to handle it? Probably not, but it doesn’t make you TA.
NTA. Making shitty comments opened her up to comments about her as well, she deserved it. FAFO
“Confusion” is an entirely appropriate reaction to Amelia. Who woulda thought she would have been so “uninformed”, shall we say. To put it politely.
And because I am petty AF, there would be no lazagna for Miss Amelia, or anything else from my kitchen. Ever, or at least till she apologized and updated all the people she whined and complained to about you about what reallly happened.
What a wretched girl. NTA
NTA. This was a case of not dishing it out if you can’t take it. She made a horribly sexist comment to try to tear you down. You turned it around, and she couldn’t take it.
There is one major plus to what you did that I don’t think anyone else has mentioned yet: Amelia will think twice before messing with you again.
NTA. I would also consider as relevant the age of the sister and the depth of your relationship with her. Not that your comment is wrong in any case, but I would usually avoid this kind of comments unless I know the person well.
NTA she opened up the door for insults by insulting you.
As an aside, what kind of *friends* do you have that would reach out to you to tell you their thoughts on this? Tell them to grow up and not act like this is middle school.
The most famous chefs in the world are men. She’s an idiot
You are NTA. Her behavior was rude, unfiltered — and if any hard proof of her being TA is needed, she dragged “quite a few of [your] friends” into it without telling them the context and making *you* out to be the sexist. No, this is not a person you can earnestly explain things to and then they will understand. This is a person whose attention you get by stopping them — and then they will go and try to set “quite a few” of your friends against you as punishment for telling them something they don’t want to hear. There is a simple, common term for such people, but the mods don’t like it.
NTA. It’s such an outdated stereotyoe as well, she could at least get some fresh material. And her trying to assign gender roles to your relationship just makes it worse.
NTA but how old is Amelia? Under age 9? You were a bit harsh. Younglings often have not opened their minds yet. Over age 13? You were on target. She needs to learn to cook. It is a life skill, and she shouldn’t be laughing at others, regardless of gender, who cook.
That girls is so damn stupid and childish. Also she telling the story skipping the part that makes her look bad is for a reason smh
NTA
Nta
The classic can dish it out but can’t take it. You said nothing wrong. She was trying to say you’re the girl in the relationship because you had a apron on him or cooking. So she was trying to make a homophobic stupid joke and it backfired.
She overreacted you said nothing wrong. You both just let it go and go on with normal.
You’re the AH only because I didn’t get any lasagna. Now to get real petty buy her a bunch of cook books written by men.
NTA
She started with the gender stereotypes. Who dishes out should also be able to take it
NTA. She said something really stupid and got what was coming to her. Now, about that lasagna. Is there any left?
NTA
She sounds like an idiot and she’s the only one here being sexist, as well as expressing homophobic ideas, like there’s always a femme and a masc in lgbtqia+ relationships.
You should have said very slowly, like she’s stupid, something like…”Um you know your brother is gay, right? A gay relationship is where two men love each other…there’s no ‘girl of the relationship’…that’s kind of the point of being gay? Do you understand?”
Also Amelia needs to learn to cook, it’s literally a normal life skill to be able to make food. What an absolute plank she is.
EDIT: I just saw in the comments she is 24. She’s absolutely pathetic I’d be so disappointed if she was my daughter.
How old is Amelia? If older than 10, NTA. Younger kids can have boldly honest questions that may be hurtful and misguided but we have to answer with kindness and correct them so they don’t grow up to be AHs. Amelia absolutely brought this on herself but if she was very young you have a responsibility to educate her. You also have to be aware those views originated from someone else and a child is just parroting up to a certain age.
My son has been taught that boys can cook and dance ballet and take care of babies, wear dresses and makeup if they want, from day 1. He is constantly telling me “so-and-so says boys can’t do xxxxx” and he needs reinforcement constantly against the world that tells him otherwise. And my kid is going to be himself no matter what I teach him, but he’s not going to grow up to be that kind of AH if I can help it.
Ahah, no, NTA. That was a “comeback” the her out of line and sexist statements. And she laughed at you. She can’t complain afterwards.
And she’s is very ignorant – almost any chef and cook wears an apron? Butchers, meat packing places, embalmers, surgeons, and other jobs with lots of mess.
NTA. It sounds like Amelia misrepresented your comment to other people so it would sound as if you were being sexist, whereas if your telling of the story is accurate, she was the one being sexist and insulting and you were defending yourself in what could’ve been an innocuous tete a tete.
NTA – you aren’t perpetuating gender stereotypes – by pointing it out to Amelia you were pointing out how ridiculous gender stereotypes are.
Also lots of world famous chefs are guys.
But also, even if there weren’t many male chefs, doesn’t make it any different!
Maybe she is just jealous she doesn’t have a boyfriend that cooks awesome lasagna for her like her brother does.. who knows
ETA – how many ridiculous chef aprons are there out there specifically targeted to men? obviously there is a market for it!
She’s 24?! Yikes, NTA
No fucking way.
>She then explained, as though I was a toddler, that cooking is for girls and the apron made me look like a 90s housewife.
This right here is sexist.
This
>I told her if cooking is for girls maybe she should go back to the kitchen so she could learn.
is funny and you used her own sexism against her.
NTA you didn’t actually tell her to go back to the kitchen, you told her to learn how to cook. Also, she should stop harassing you.
NTA, of course.
> I told her if cooking is for girls maybe she should go back to the kitchen so she could learn.
She set the conditional expectation (“if cooking is for girls”). You didn’t perpetuate gender stereotypes, you merely pointed out that she also does not meet them.
You need to ask Jake to step in. Amelia shouldn’t be shit talking about you to your friends. If she has a problem with you, then she comes to Jake and you.
Ah yes, Gordon Ramsey, the most female of all women
Ok um…. If this is real then all your friends are idiots or hypocrites, she was perpetuating gender stereotypes first AND being homophobic (I think that applies here, my bad if not). While as a woman it always makes me grimace to hear the kitchen line used in any context, I can’t say she didn’t have that one coming. Going with NTA, she shouldn’t have picked a fight if she couldn’t handle the consequences
NTA. Amelia is pathetic and small and you did the right thing calling her out.
NTA. And she’s 24? Lmao!
Anyway, in my family we always answer to nonsense like this with “then, according to you, you’re not a woman/man? Are you sure?”
NTA
You shut down a homophobe who was disrespecting you in your own home.
If I had heard someone make that comment to a friend she would be out of the friend group in a heartbeat. She’s gross
NTA. In a vacuum that comment would make YTA but def not in context. If she thinks only women cook and she can’t cook, she gotta go back and get to it.
A 90s housewife. Hilarious. In the 90’s, we called it a 50’s housewife.
Pretty sad someone who can’t cook dogging someone who can.
>like a 90s housewife
The 1890s? Do children believe the 90s was the 50s now?
I couldn’t imagine a context where you would not be the A H for saying this, and you proved me wrong!
NTA
She’s being rude, sexist, and kind of homophobic. It’s BS to even think about who is the “girl” in a relationship because it envisions acts of caretaking as acts of subservience, rather than a loving partnership. Her internalized misogyny is strong and I hope she can get the help she needs to work on that. It will mess up her future relationships. It’s hard to have empathy for people who attack you, but maybe you two are modeling a much healthier dynamic than what she has seen so far, and is experiencing cognitive dissonance about it?
Idk I’m trying to find the generous interpretation here. She’s being a little AH, but I’m wondering if there’s something deeper going on.
PS. I bet your apron was super cute
“look like a 90s housewife” I couldn’t read past this- that’s an archetype now???
NTA, and the fact that she deliberately hid the context of your comment when she told people what you said means she recognises that she was in the wrong