#FamilyDrama #SiblingConflict #HospitalVisits
Hey there! Dealing with family drama can be tough, especially when emotions are running high. In the situation you described, it’s understandable that you would feel overwhelmed and frustrated with your sister’s actions. Let’s break down the scenario and explore whether you were in the wrong or not.
## The Hospital Visit Dilemma
During Leo’s hospitalization, your sister asked you to step in and help while she and her husband had conflicting appointments. This put you in a tough spot, especially when Leo asked about his siblings not coming to visit him. Here are some key points to consider:
### Your Sister’s Expectations
– Your sister set the expectation for Leo that his siblings would visit him daily.
– She relied on you to provide an answer to Leo about his siblings’ absence.
– Your sister’s emotional state during this challenging time may have influenced her choices and actions.
### Your Reaction
– You were upset with your sister for putting you in a difficult position.
– You confronted your sister and expressed your frustration.
– Your sister felt overwhelmed and was going through a lot of emotional stress.
## Evaluating Your Actions
Now, let’s dive into whether your actions were justified or if you might need to reconsider your approach in similar situations in the future.
### Possible Perspectives:
– **Your Point of View:** You felt blindsided and overwhelmed by your sister’s expectations.
– **Your Sister’s Perspective:** She was going through a difficult time with Leo’s hospitalization and may have acted out of desperation.
### Understanding the Emotions Involved:
– **Your Emotions:** Frustration, anger, and feeling cornered.
– **Your Sister’s Emotions:** Stress, worry, and possibly guilt for not being able to fulfill Leo’s expectations.
## Communicating and Moving Forward
Now that we’ve explored the situation from different angles, let’s discuss how you can navigate this sensitive issue with your sister moving forward:
### Communication Tips:
– **Express Your Feelings:** Share your perspective with your sister calmly and respectfully.
– **Listen to Her Side:** Understand her struggles and challenges during Leo’s hospitalization.
– **Find a Middle Ground:** Work together to find a solution that benefits Leo and eases the tension between you and your sister.
### Moving Forward Positively:
– **Offer Support:** Show your willingness to help out in ways that align with your comfort level.
– **Set Boundaries:** Communicate your boundaries and limitations clearly to avoid future misunderstandings.
– **Seek Resolution:** Aim for a peaceful resolution that prioritizes Leo’s well-being and strengthens your relationship with your sister.
In conclusion, while your reaction may have been fueled by understandable frustration, it’s essential to approach sensitive family matters with empathy and open communication. Taking the time to understand each other’s perspectives and feelings can lead to a deeper connection and smoother resolution in challenging situations. Remember, family dynamics are complex, but with patience and understanding, conflicts can be resolved and relationships can grow stronger. Good luck! 💫🌟
NTA….there is no excuse for her not talking to her son about his half siblings or his father doing the talk. She was wrong for putting that on you. I would not apologize for yelling at her, but I would say hey, “let’s talk together about ways that you might be se to handle this situation and talk with son”.
Nta
nta
NTA
NTA with a touch of ESH
You should have kept your temper; yelling at just about anyone while their kid is in the hospital is crappy. And if you yelled loud enough, Leo probably heard you unless you walked VERY far away
That said, your sister passed the buck to you because she was too cowardly to tell her child the truth. She has built up a sibling relationship that does not exist to that poor little boy, and now she wants to be angry at you for calling her out? Nu-uh.
Apologize ONLY for yelling, but stay firm that what she did was low, and cowardly, and shameful, and she needs to step the hell up as a parent and explain herself to her son and fix this BEFORE it gets worse
nta
NTA. Yes, you shouldn’t have yelled at her, but it’s not your responsibility to explain to her child what’s going on with his relationship with his step siblings. I get that she was under a lot of stress but at the end of the day, Leo is her son, not yours, and to put that on you was not ok.
NTA. Your sister was a bad mother and a bad stepmother when she promised the other kids would visit Leo and made it your job to deal with it.
Hopefully your sister realizes that her blended family dreams won’t happen and will start to be the mother Leo needs to navigate the fact his half siblings don’t care that he exists.
As blended families continue to become more common, parents need to stop this fantasy of happy family and start dealing with the ugly emotions of kids that dont see new additions as part of their family.
NTA. If parents don’t want to deal with disappointed children, they shouldn’t fabricate lies about who does / doesn’t care about them.
NTA. You should not have been dragged into that messy situation. If anything, Ned should be answering those questions as it’s *his kids* neglecting one of their siblings.
ESH – no question it was a rough set-up to put you in. She should have talked to you about it *first,* and made sure you were okay with it and prepared for the question. Putting you on the spot was very crappy for everyone – what if you had said something that made it worse?
However, it’s pretty obvious she wasn’t thinking clearly when she suggested it to him; the crappiness of the plan itself is good evidence of this. She must be beyond stressed and worried and exhausted – if she had thought about it for a few more moments, she would have realized it was a terrible plan all around. To me, this says it wasn’t a thought out devious strategy, but a impulse decision made by a distraught and exhausted mother – give her a break. You could have said, “I’m sorry sweetie, I don’t know,” and then calmly talked to your sister about ways to approach the difficult situation.
Reacting the way you did makes you the bigger AH, but setting you up without a warning was still shitty enough to warrant ESH – (except Leo, obviously).
nta, you seem to actually care about others which is a good sign
Going to say ESH because you were so enraged over this you couldn’t control yourself? No it wasn’t a fair situation to be put in but seriously, get a grip on yourself as well.
Can’t you tell Ned to ask the boys if they could go and see him.
ESA. Why do people always yell at the drop of a hat in these stories? I understand being upset with her but why did you have to yell instead of talking normally? Especially as yelling would mean there a good chance Leo would hear.
Your sister shouldn’t have said that to Leo, if she really did and he didn’t get confused, but she is dealing with a lot. Not least apparently very bratty step kids. Her husband needs to talk to them about their behaviour, it’s appalling.
Edit: apparently I can’t read this early on a Sunday. Your sister told him to ask you, wtf who does that?! NTA
I’m going with N A H. I don’t think your sister could anticipate that Leo would ask you this question tbh; and I’m pretty sure she feels stuck between a rock and a hard place with her AH stepkids. Plus honestly having a kid so sick that they need to stay 3 weeks in a hospital is definitely a hell for a parent to go through. But I also understand your emotions in this situation.
ESH – she shouldn’t have put you in that position but yelling at her when she is already at her breaking point is terrible. As a parent who had their son in the hospital – I was an absolute train wreck. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. A child in the hospital is absolutely the most stressful and heartbreaking experience. You need to check your emotions and control your outbursts.
NTA
Soft ESH. Going against the grain but you went from 0 to 60 in an already terrifying situation. Your sister’s son was in the hospital for WEEKS. She must have been emotionally wrecked and you immediately turned to screaming at her for making a bad judgement call. There definitely should have been a conversation where you explain to her that it wasn’t okay for her to do that and how it made you uncomfortable to be put in that position but screaming was not needed. People calling your sister a bad mom are insane
NTA! She chose to lie and signed you up without your permission…you have a right to be pissed!
NTA your sister was wrong for putting u on the spot w a situation you have no control over
NTA.
You did nothing wrong.
No one gets to drop sh@t on any one else just because they are going through a stressful time and then complain about being called out on it.
ESH. She sucks for what she did, but you didn’t need to yell at her.
NTA
It seems like the sister expects her son’s illness to excuse her bad behavior. She is not putting that boy first and should be ashamed of herself for using the child and his illness in such a way. She is just mad that someone finally called her out for it.
Perhaps the kindest thing would have been to gently explain the situation to the child. I mean she set you up to do her job. Also OP, you’re the only one likely to do it. He should not continue to be hurt by his mom and dad’s false reality.
NTA, but your sister is cruel for lying like that to her son. She can state she’d do her best for them to visit, she and/or her husband could confront those older kids, but flat out lying? That poor boy. He must feel lonely in a house full of strangers.
Nta but your sister is a big one. I would have just ripped the bandaid off for Leo and told him his half siblings don’t love him like that.
If your sister helped break up his first marriage then the kids resent Leo. It is sad for him but it was not your responsibility to fix things. If they have been used by their mother for resentment it is still not your responsibility.
You are NTA. You are a good person put into a problem you could not fix.
NTA
Your sister is an idiot for thinking her son is blind and can’t see how his step-siblings treat him. NExt time she says anything to you, inform her that you will be telling your nephew the truth because he deserves one adult with a backbone to be honest with him.
Oh no! Consequences!
NTA, that was a seriously horrendous thing to do to you. That poor child.
yes
NTA. She wanted to avoid the confrontation. She used you. What the actual eff.
NTA – It sounds like she promised her son something that wasn’t ever going to happen in order to save her own face with her son and not have a difficult conversation.
NTA. You don’t know why they won’t speak with him really. Yes, their father remarrying can be the reason why. But it isn’t your job, it’s your sister’s job to be upfront about it
NTA
I’m gonna go NTA. It wasn’t the best time, and probably would have been better to do this more calmly once Leo was home, but it’s easy to see emotions were running high here, and you *did* make sure Leo couldn’t hear the argument.
I get that your sister was very emotional, extremely worried about her son. But she put you in a very tight spot, trying to force you to come up with a reason the half-siblings hadn’t visited, even though you have very little to do with them and don’t actually know the answer. This was a conversation that *needed* to be handled by the parents, preferably the dad since it’s his kids that have caused the issue. It was an A H move to put the responsibility on you, especially as they gave you no clue the question would be asked or advice on how to handle it.
Now that Leo’s home, emotions should be a lot calmer. I think it might be a good idea to sit down with your sister and discuss the issue properly. Tell her how putting you in that position made you feel, and remind her that you had no way of answering the question properly. Then listen to her reasons for doing this. Don’t let her speak over you, and don’t speak over her, give both of you a chance to say your piece. It might be good for the talk to include possible solutions on how to deal with the distance between Leo and his half-siblings, how to explain that to Leo going forward and help him deal with it. It’s not unusual for half-siblings to be distant if the older kids aren’t happy with the new marriage, and there’s also a pretty big age gap here, adding to that. 17 and 19 year olds aren’t going to want much to do with an 8 year old, even when they have a good relationship.
I think what your sister needs is support. Her son has an ongoing medical condition, which is going to impact everything and make other stresses much worse. I’m hoping it’s just distance between the kids, and the older ones aren’t causing issues for Leo, but they’ve probably made their feelings very clear to your sister. This is an ongoing stress on top of Leo’s illness. Throw in the fact Leo wants a relationship with his siblings and doesn’t understand the distance, and everything’s much worse, especially when he’s so ill that he needs to be in hospital.
Perhaps you can try talking to the kids, as well. Not to push being a family or anything, but to just get their feelings about all of it. They clearly don’t like the marriage or your sister, and they’re not close to Leo. But they’re probably getting a lot of pressure from at least their dad to ‘be a family’ with them, which always makes things worse in blended families. Maybe having someone in the new family that understands will help them, at least where Leo is concerned.
Nta your sister lied to her son and threw you to the wolves by telling her son you’d explain
Yeah I also go ESH.
I think you got worked up because of how stressful the situation was. That’s how she is feeling all the time and times 10.
What I also am not sure is: What did she really tell leo about you and the half siblings? Because taking the words of a kid as facts is often dangerous. Maybe she said something to him that he interpreted as “she will tell you all about this because she knows”.
Forgive each other.
NTA
In the futrure, make this your answer: “I don’t know why your mom lied to you. Let’s ask her together when she comes back.”
No, NTA. The child’s father should have addressed the 8 year olds question about HIS FATHERS OTHER children, which makes both he & your sister the AH’s.
NTA. She caused this situation and she owes you an apology for putting you in such an uncomfortable place. She is in a horrible place but that is no excuse for lying to your kid and putting the onus on you.