Are You Wrong for Wanting to Throw Away a Gift from a Fallen Soldier? #AITA
Have you ever faced a moral dilemma about a gift you received and what to do with it? Let’s dive into a compelling story that addresses this very issue.
#Background: A Meaningful Gift from a Military Medic
In middle school, one individual won an essay contest about “heroes” and was gifted a framed flag flown over a military base by a family friend who was a medic in the military. Fast-forward to adulthood, feelings about the military have shifted, leading to discomfort with displaying the flag due to its nationalistic connotations.
#The Conflict: To Keep or to Dispose?
During a move, the individual decided to throw away the framed flag, causing upset among family members who viewed the gift as a cherished memento of their deceased friend. Despite efforts to offer the flag back, the family insisted it should be kept.
#The Question: AITA for Trying to Discard the Gift?
So, what’s your take on this situation? Should sentimental value trump personal beliefs? Share your thoughts on whether disposing of such a meaningful gift is morally justifiable or disrespectful.
#Let‘s Discuss!
Join the conversation and weigh in on the debate. What would you do in this scenario? Let’s have a respectful dialogue about the complexities of balancing personal convictions and honoring the memory of fallen heroes.
In the US, things like that should be donated to the nearest VFW hall, if there is one, or VA.
It does seem disrespectful to me to just throw it out.
Yes YTA, instead of throwing it out, you could donate it to someplace like the Legion (which is a place that retired soldiers go to honour they’re fallen comrades in Canada, I know there are places similar to that in the US and everywhere else in the world, but I’m not sure what they are called), who can actually use and put it on display to show respect to that fallen soldier, or give it to someone who will show respect, plus you are being disrespectful towards a soldier who died.
Look, I understand you don’t respect the military that much, but at least show some respect to a fallen soldier, you can donate the flag to someone or an organization that will honour that soldier.
Donate it to your local VFW,Elks lodge, Veterans office etc
Let’s remove all aspects that he was in the military.
You put something a family friend gave you, that would have meant a lot to him, in the garbage. Without offering it to anyone in your family.
YTA
You should sell it. I’m sure some collector out there would buy it
Maybe the right place would be a local chapter over Vietnam veterans against the war. They probably agree with you.
Yes YTA even if you don’t support it, he gifted it to you out of love and at one point it meant a lot to you. More importantly it, and him, meant a lot to your parents. Cold move
It’s yours….you have every right to do what you want with it. I mean, you could have donated it and most people will tell you you “should have” but it’s your life and your stuff. Besides, this person is gone…I sincerely doubt they give a shit about their earthly possessions anymore.
If it’s a matter of your family wanting to honor the legacy or whatever, then they can take it. But you are NTA for wanting to part with it.
People LOVE to cherry pick. “You can’t disrespect the flag.” You’re also not supposed to wear it on tshirts, or print it on napkins, or make a snazzy Fourth of July suit….but all that’s fine right?
Everyone is an asshole to someone so live your truth. Just remember that in America you’ll be labeled the asshole by majority of it speaks out against religion or the military. Those crazy Yankees!
NAH tossing it in the garbage is kind of a waste but it’s ultimately your choice. If you’re trying to get rid of it without pissing off your parents I’d suggest giving it to the friends family. Or asking your local legion to take it.
NTA. I’m not a supporter of the military either, and I totally get it. Your parents shouldn’t have forced you to keep it. EDIT: I’m sorry but why does everyone in this comment section care so much about disrespecting the flag 😭😭
NAH. It’s junk to you which means you are not an asshole if you throw it away, but if you need to absolve yourself of guilt maybe try to give it to anyone from his family or contact his old base. Make a reasonable attempt to find someone who wants it for your peace of mind and if all else fails, Goodwill time.
Do whatever tf you want man. Coming from a veteran, you’re not required to keep anything you don’t want. Your parents don’t control you anymore man, if throwing that flag away is what you want then throw it away. You get to take control of your own life and don’t need to ask anyone’s permission anymore.
You’re not the asshole.
NTA. The fact that someone once gave you a gift *does not* obligate you to keep the gift forever. That would quickly become unwieldy and give others a ridiculous degree of control over how people wish to live their own lives.
*However,* because it was a family friend, and perhaps because you’re aware that in ‘murica people get a bit fanatical about the national flag, if you wanted to just throw it away you could have easily done that in a manner that didn’t simply leave the flag at the top of the bag of garbage when your parents were there.
Also, whether or not you worship the military, as others have mentioned it’s worth considering whether a place that supports veterans would like to take it in, which I’m sure they would. I mean, separate issue, but whether or not you support the US military-industrial complex writ large, the military’s still full of lots of individual humans who work there for their jobs, many of whom are there because it’s really the only option they have to make a decent living and support their families. So maybe you’d just be respecting those individual fellow souls and not The Military by looking for a place to donate it.
NTA
As others have said, you can always donate the flag to an organization.
My father was a medic for a MASH unit during WWII and even though he loved to watch war movies, I figured out at one point, he wasn’t supportive of the Vietnam War (he actually offered ways my brother, who was worried about college deferments being taken away, could get a medical exemption…I didn’t think deeply about this until many, many years later). After his passing, I was given a cigar box filled with his memorabilia from his time in the army, including his trip across the International Date Line). Even though I’m not pro-war, I will keep these items forever. (I didn’t ask for his other belongings and actually donated clothing he left behind at the VA hospital in his final days).
absolutely NTA. everyone here trying to say that “oh, even if u dont like the military, u *have* to *respect the flag*” and that “disrespecting the flag” makes u an asshole are brainwashed bootlickers.
Maybe it would have been a dick move if your parents actually wanted to keep it. But since they revealed that their reaction was just nationalism tinged hypocrisy, you are NTA.
NTA. A gift is for you to do with as you please.
You shouldnt have to keep something in YOUR house that you don’t even support.
Although instead of trash, maybe try to give it to someone who will appreciate it.
NTA. The asshole move is insisting you keep it.
Now I do think throwing it out before offering it to people is a little bit of a jerk move but like a very small one. Try to give it away maybe. You don’t have to keep shit just because it was a gift.
NTA. Your place your life. Do as you like
NTA. Don’t listen to the sentimentals or bootlickers here. You don’t want, get rid of it. Your parents give you crap for it tell them they had the chance to keep it. Do what you want, you don’t respect a piece of cloth enough to donate it that’s your business no one else’s.
NTA. A gift is nobody’s business but your own after you’ve received it. The only reason why this is a moral dilemma is because it’s a flag, and people get really fired up about anything America, assuming the flag is American. Nobody would care if it was anything else that was gifted to you.
I personally would have donated it because it does seem unnecessarily wasteful to just throw away something that is undamaged, within reason of what someone would buy/accept secondhand. Removing the context of the military and the social and political climate that the flag represents, assuming you are from the USA, it would be better just donated or given to someone who would appreciate it.
NTA – parents can keep it. But you dont have to keep highschool achievements.
Going against the grain here, NTA. It’s not your job to hang onto it, or pass it along. I am anti-military was well, I wouldn’t want that taking up space in my house and I wouldn’t want to pass it along to anyone else.
Group…
If this had been a comic book, would you all feel the same? It’s entirely normal to get rid of things you don’t like or no longer want. OP offered it to the people who DID care…and they didn’t care enough to take it, so how is OP the AH for ALSO not wanting it?
NTA. It’s just an item that was presented as an award, not a heartfelt gift from someone you care about.
NTA You were indoctrinated as a child.
NTA. Dispose of your property however you wish. If your parents are so devoted to preserving it, they need to store it themselves.
That said, yes, there are ways to get it out of your house that wouldn’t upset people. But you certainly don’t have to go that route.
NTA
NTA for not wanting. Your parents didn’t even want it. They could of done all these suggestions of “finding a home for it”
It’s not like it’s someone’s burial flag I might feel different about that.
NTA. Maybe just donate it appropriately to a military org or someone who might appreciate it?
NTA – people get weirdly sentimental over shit like this and expect you to put it a box and carry it around for the rest of your life until it goes to your next of kin who will be similarly guilted into keeping it.
Just take it to goodwill (who will almost certainly throw it in the garbage the second you leave) so you can say you donated it, which is more emotionally palatable than just chucking it
I don’t have the storage space for things I need let alone things I couldn’t care less about
NTA. If you don’t want to keep it just get rid of it when your parents aren’t there to shame you. However you want to do that is up to you. It’s literally just a symbol, if it means nothing to you then that’s fine
NTA.
You aren’t obligated to keep a gift. It doesn’t matter how much it meant to the giver or other people that aren’t you. It doesn’t matter if the giver is alive or dead. If the item doesn’t hold meaning to you and you don’t want it, then get rid of it. Donate it, give it to someone else who might want it, sell it, or if all else fails and no one else wants it, throw it away.
In your specific situation, if the item held such deep meaning, you parents would have wanted it when you offered to give it to them. The fact that they didn’t suggests they don’t want it either, but since the person who gave it to you is dead, they have some kind of guilt/magical thinking/combo issue that makes them shy away from the idea of disposing of it. That’s their problem, not yours.
We all have only so much room in our homes for stuff and stuff only holds the value you, the owner of the stuff, give it. Keep the stuff that matters to you and divest yourself of the rest of it.
Jesus fucking Christ NTA
Coming from a military family, with a retired army medic boyfriend, NTA if you truly can’t find anyone else close to this guy to give it to. Your parents be damned if they’re mad. You can choose to leave it with them anyways, but if they insist that you keep it then they can’t be mad when you choose to do what you wish with their belongings. I’m sure their friend didn’t fight in the military just so they could force his memory down your throat, or force you to keep something that is against your morals.
To people suggesting that OP give it to a VFW or military museum—that does not guarantee it won’t be thrown away, or stuffed in a backroom to never be seen again anyways. Military museums and VFWs receive this stuff *all the time*. There is a reason VFW walls are almost always already covered in regalia, pictures, awards etc—they have received all these pieces from people whose family members have died. Both almost always have backrooms and/or warehouses filled with memorabilia that the facilities simply have no more room to display. What may seem valuable to some (or many) is common fodder for many museums and other places that display this stuff. I’m not saying *don’t* try to donate it, but people who are suggesting this seem to think it’s the end all be all solution and that it won’t end up in a landfill that way either. It’s the same with civilian museums as well, some people have no idea how many donated specimens don’t actually see the light of day.
I have *so much* of my mom’s military stuff that I simply don’t know what to do with. I don’t blame you for wanting to get rid of it.
Vet here.
NTA
You’re free to do with it as you please.
I’d say to donate it, but truly, it’s up to you.
This isn’t the last remnant of this person, or the base.
If your parents want to keep it, they can keep it.
As someone who served in the military (just for a short time), I say the flag is yours to do with what you want. If, as some suggest, you wish to donate to a VFW group,.go for it. If you wish to throw it away, go for it. The nationistic crap has led our country down the wrong path.
NTA
I’m a military veteran. If you don’t want it, you don’t want it. However, I would have donated it rather than trash it.
Also, not supporting the military is fine but very 1 dimensional. The military is made up of people who enlisted for various reasons. Some to avoid jail time, some for college money, some for a steady paycheck. It’s not all hard-core patriotism for everyone.
Maybe you can support the individual person.
It can be donated to the V.F.W.(Veterans of Foreign Wars) it will be displayed proudly on the wall of heroes, I’m a granddaughter of a veteran and I’ve seen it. OP donate that award please.
Donate this item to either an American legion or Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW). If they won’t accept it, an ELKs club or Moose Lodge may. If no one wants to accept this donation offer this heart felt thanks to the friends family. If no one wants it, ask a VFW to PROPERLY dispose of it. This veteran put a lot of effort into thanking you – put some effort in finding a proper home or a decent burial for the gift.
Throwing it out is very disrespectful. I’m sure you could donate or find someone from the same base who would love it. YTA, not because you don’t want to hang it up but for just throwing it out.
ESH. I don’t blame you for not wanting it. You suck for dumping it in the trash. Your parents suck for not taking it with them. The person was their friend after all. A local veterans group would probably want to take the flag. Ask around.
There’s so many better things you could’ve done with it even if you’re some military hater. YTA.
Take it to the nearest VFW or American Legion. Sad that the symbol of your nation means so little to you.
It’s a framed flag so I would avoid throwing it in the trash. Try donating it to somewhere military based(you could call around) if all else fails you could probably donate to any thrift store. They’ll be less likely to trash it since I’m assuming it’s a country flag(like the American flag or whatever country). You could ask around on social media where the best place to donate it would be.
NTA for getting rid of it BUT YTA to just throw it out in the trash. You can donate it to the VA and they’ll take it. I may have this view due to having a lot of military family and my fiancé is a vet. But also why won’t your parents just keep it if they’re telling you YTA ?
Yes OP, you’re an asshole.
Even if you don’t respect the military throwing away something like that isn’t great for the environment either. Just call local military organizations to donate or better yet someone who actually cares about your parents dead friend and see if they want it. If all that fails donate it to a local charity knowing you did what you could and didn’t throw it away and hopefully someone else will find it that will cherish it. Soft ESH