#familydrama #communicationissues #biblicalrebeccah #churchyfamily
Are you caught in a tangled web of family drama and communication issues that seem impossible to unravel? 🤷♀️ Do you find yourself struggling to bridge the gap between your beliefs and your family’s expectations? You’re not alone. Many individuals face similar challenges when trying to navigate the delicate balance between personal expression and family dynamics.
## The Struggle of Balancing Individuality and Tradition
As a 19-year-old woman in college, you’re at a unique stage in life where you’re exploring your independence and identity. Coming from a churchy family, the clash between your personal choices and your family’s traditional beliefs can create a rift that’s hard to mend. The disagreement over your decision to get a septum piercing and nose ring is a clear example of this struggle. While you may not share the same religious fervor as your parents, you strive to find a middle ground that honors both your beliefs and your family’s values.
## Finding Strength in Biblical Examples
When faced with criticism from your parents about your piercings, you turned to the story of the Biblical Matriarch Rebeccah for validation. Drawing parallels between her acceptance of jewelry and your choice to adorn yourself with piercings, you sought to find common ground through shared beliefs. However, despite your efforts to justify your actions using biblical references, your parents remained firm in their disapproval. This disconnect highlighted the challenge of reconciling personal expression with familial expectations.
## Navigating Family Dynamics with Grace
In response to your parents’ attempts to reach out, you chose to respond by sending images of Rebeccah as a symbol of defiance. While this gesture may have been fueled by frustration and a desire to assert your individuality, it also perpetuated the cycle of conflict within your family. The recent intervention by your uncle serves as a reminder of the importance of approaching family dynamics with empathy and understanding. While it’s natural to feel hurt and resentful towards your parents’ lack of acceptance, finding common ground and fostering open communication is key to healing the rift between you.
## Moving Towards Reconciliation
As you reflect on the situation, it’s essential to consider the impact of your actions on your family relationships. While standing up for your beliefs is important, finding a balance between asserting your individuality and fostering familial harmony is crucial. Initiating a conversation with your parents to express your feelings and listen to their perspective can pave the way for reconciliation. Acknowledging their concerns and seeking common ground can help bridge the gap between your differing beliefs and pave the way for a more harmonious relationship.
## Embracing Growth and Resolution
While the road to reconciliation may be challenging, approaching the situation with an open heart and a willingness to find common ground can lead to healing and growth. By acknowledging the impact of your actions and working towards understanding and empathy, you can pave the way for meaningful conversations that strengthen your family bond. Remember, it’s okay to stand up for your beliefs while also seeking resolution and harmony within your family.
In conclusion, navigating the complexities of family dynamics requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to find common ground. By embracing empathy, open communication, and a willingness to listen, you can create a path towards reconciliation and healing within your family. Remember, it’s never too late to seek resolution and foster harmonious relationships with your loved ones. 💖🌟
Borderline asshole. I fully support what your uncle told you. He seems like a very wise man. It’s one thing to disagree with your parents, but you are just creating conflict instead of having an open and honest discussion about your differing beliefs.
YTA – Your uncle is right, you are behaving in a childish manner and need to either go no contact or make peace. This petty picture thing is just fuelling a fire that your parents started and that you claim to be annoyed by.
Your uncle is absolutely 100% right
Your uncle seems to have grasped the situation. We are in ESH (except him) territory here. You made your point clear, no need to keep at it.
A gentle ESH (except Uncle, he’s a unit here)
ES because it’s probably been long enough to actually respond to your family and give them a chance. The “Sorry we’ve created a rift between us” is likely as good as it’s going to get, as it does acknowledge that they were acting less like Jesus and more like the priests who constantly tried to entrap Jesus with their weak strawman arguments.
And it’s gentle because you do appear receptive to feedback and seem like you don’t want to spend the rest of your life being petty and estranged from your family over simple piercings. Granted, maybe they are just apologizing to pay lip service and will go right back to being Azelfs once you’re actually talking to them, but we can’t really know that unless they’re given that chance. And if they DO go that route, well you just go right back to doing what you do.
Of course, all this DOES also hinge on it being what you want. You forgiving them is something that YOU decide to do in YOUR timing, based on YOUR comfort. Is it probably better to meet them halfway and at least let there be a chance of reconciling? Absolutely. But doing so before you’re actually ready might mean you go in overly hostile and pessimistic, which wouldn’t likely end well for either party. Good luck, kiddo!
Also mad respect on the Rebecca piercing thing.
INFO:
are your parents paying for your schooling/supporting you financially currently?
>Still, my folks have reached out on several occasions, once every other month or so
when they have reached out, did they bring up the piercings, or were they just genuinely trying to see how you are doing?
because as it reads right now you’re being a bit of an edge-lord teenager and kinda YTA. grow up.
the parents were out of line for saying that bs, but unless they bring it up, I wouldn’t just send the pics when/if you respond, it’s only keeping that issue alive. try to have a talk about the situation, and if they can’t just move on and accept you’re different, I would just cut em out entirely.
The pastor of the church I attended as a child had a daughter who got a small nose piercing, she knew he’d be upset about despite her being 20+ so when she showed him, she simply said “body piercings saved us” referring to the nail holes on Jesus after the crucifixion. He never said anything about it again.
I do agree with your uncle, I myself can be passive aggressive but it’s best to pick a lane especially for your own mental health and peace.
tbh, I get why you send them the pics all the time. Your uncle is right that it’s a little immature but I don’t think it makes you an asshole. There’s nothing wrong with wanting healthy distance from your family for some time if they’re making you feel bad about yourself. Have you tried having an honest convo about the fact that you’re an adult now and don’t need their opinion on your jewelry? If they can’t respect your autonomy to make those decisions as an adult, it’s NOT childish to protect your boundaries. The text pics are probably overdone you could definitely make the point without them by just keeping your distance now!
ESH.
Ok, love the biblical knowledge, love the uno reverse, love the petty energy. But where are you going to go from here?
Do you want an apology? Do you want to have a relationship where, ok, your parents hate the piercings, but no one ever mentions it? Do you want to cut them out forever?
Uncle’s right – you should decide what you want, and then communicate that to them, properly. Then, however they react, you’ve been an adult about it, not a child.
Personally NTA a nose piercing doesn’t affect anything. I am not religious at all I would how ever just say to parents, that it doesn’t affect your religious beliefs and that you have followed the bible with what it is teaching you and your happy with how its going and leave it st that
He’s right. It is passive aggressive.
If someone is reaching out to you, then either respond with some version of “I need an apology to reconcile” or “I don’t want to reconcile please leave me alone”
Do you trust your uncle? Has he maintained healthy happy relationships in his life? I strongly suggest that you discuss the problem with him and take his advice.
I’m surprised at how helpful the sub has been so far, but remember – this sub is about placing blame. It doesn’t care if you are unhappy and estranged from your family forever – as long as you were “right to be angry”
You don’t know anyone here. For all you know the people posting here are friendless and have driven off everyone who loves them because they have such poor people skills. *Take advice from people in your life who you can judge their credentials.*
Try engaging in good faith. If you’re still angry then say you’re angry.
Info: How exactly do your parents reach out to you for your response to be a picture of Rebeccah?
No. Not at all. Piercings go back millenia. I think what you’re doing is pretty funny.
INFO
Have they ever apologised for what they said to you?
I think the most important question here is not who’s an asshole, but what you need to do to bring yourself peace about this. No parents should call their children whoreish, even indirectly; people cope with their parents being unfixably in the wrong in different ways.
Ask yourself this: can you forgive them if they don’t apologize for precisely what they did wrong here? In my case, I couldn’t; I consider it a betrayal of myself. I dislike my parents in part for arguments we had ten years ago. Crucially for my personal peace, however, they don’t know this; I make nice on phone calls and once a year on holidays, because they’re not such terrible people that they deserve to *know* how I feel about them, and the resulting blowup would be a huge headache for me. That’s the limit of my pride: I’ll harbor grudges, but I won’t keep fighting past the point when I realize that my parents simply do not have the ability to truly grasp what they did wrong. And they don’t! And it sounds like yours don’t either. It would be extreme, but I don’t think you’d be in the wrong to hold that against them forever. That would exact a pretty steep toll on you, though, and most people choose to cajole themselves into not doing that.
NTA for acting passive aggressive about this, because your parents started it and haven’t made an adequate apology. I take issue with your uncle calling you childish for this, but he’s right that just needling them won’t fix anything. You need to make a really important call here about what your pride is worth to you, what you can forgive, and how to handle it.
Clearly nobody here has been raised by zealots. I think it is funny and yes it is somewhat childish. But they still haven’t gotten the message. They haven’t apologized over something so trivial.
at some point, you should just have a conversation with them and make your boundaries clear. They are your parents and you should try to have an adult conversation about it.
NTA. I really struggle to conceptualise a world in which sending a picture of a Biblical figure to someone harms anyone and in any way qualifies as AH behaviour
Nah….NTA, because I hate religious people who try to control adults (own kids or not) with their own bullshit, why shouldn’t they be called out for it??
tell your uncle that when your parents realize you are you your own person who can do what she likes regardless of it fits their limited wrold view, then you’ll work on reconciliation. they began this mess, they can take the first steps to actually fix it. NTA
NTA. It’s not the first time you been judge by your religious parents. And it wont be the last. Religious people adore to act like they are god himself making the law. You just give them the shit they give you since your a kid. Is it petty, yes. Do they deserve it, yes.
Woman you are 19 years old. You have the right to do what you want with your body. NTAH by the way. Nor would you be if you told them you don’t have to be around them if it bothers them so much.
I actually read that passage last week or so. Very interesting.
Lmaoooo NTA
IFBs are pain to deal with. Begome Ludheran.
NTA. Of course mentioning Rebecca did not persuade them. Religious people have a knack for avoiding self-reflection and introspection like the plague, and if they’re your parents on top of that, they will always think they know better than you about everything.
In my place you’d be the kid tagged by the wildlife foundation …
Never trust the “kind uncle” … mine was playing the long game to get hold of my fathers estate
Solid NTA. Your parents called you a a whore for having, checks notes, jewelry they don’t like. Then they didn’t apologize for their cruel and degrading language. They aren’t sorry for what they said, they’re sorry there were consequences that negatively affected their lives. Next time send them a picture of Rebecca and note saying sincerely apologize for your bad behavior and I’ll consider it. But beware that they still think they did nothing wrong and any reconciliation will come with reprimands and excuses on why you were wrong
NTA. Look, if they aren’t paying for your studies housing food or insurance, and there’s this much of a gap already (over a septum piercing lmao 🤣), just go No contact and say Uncle recommended I pick one.
They will not let you rest until you are a perfect cookie cutter version of Christian they want you to be.
Your uncle is right.
YTA.
You should just stop sending them pictures.
NTA. Your nosy uncle should call your parents and tell them to act like grown ups and apologize to you for basically calling you whorish, trashy and an awful person.
Because that is what they did.
Your uncle is right. Either have it out with your folks or cut them off. The picture was poignant once, but you’ve overused it by now. ESH.