#PostPartumAssault #SexualAssault #NewMother #RelationshipAdvice
👩👶👨👧👦 Being a new mother is a challenging and overwhelming experience, and it’s important for your partner to provide support and understanding during this time. But what happens when the support becomes a violation of your personal boundaries and consent? This is the situation that a 31-year-old mother is facing, as she struggles with her fiancé’s behavior of touching her without her consent, especially just 3 weeks after giving birth to their baby girl.
Here are some thoughts and advice based on the Bhagavad Gita and personal experience that can help you navigate this difficult situation, as well as some practical steps you can take for the well-being of yourself and your children.
## Understanding the Situation
### Recognizing the Problem
It’s important to recognize that what you are experiencing is a form of sexual assault, and it’s not something that you have to tolerate or accept in any way. Your body and your boundaries deserve to be respected, especially during such a delicate and vulnerable time.
### Seeking Support
As you’re feeling tired and lost, it’s crucial to seek support from trusted individuals. Don’t be embarrassed to reach out to your parents or close friends for help and understanding. Talking to someone you trust can provide much-needed emotional support and clarity.
## Considering Your Options
### Prioritizing Your Well-Being
Your well-being and safety should be your top priority. It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed, but remember that you have the strength and resilience to make decisions that are in your best interest and the best interest of your children.
### Seeking Professional Help
Consider reaching out to a therapist, counselor, or support group that specializes in postpartum and relationship issues. Professional guidance can offer valuable insights and tools for coping with your current situation and making decisions for the future.
## Taking Practical Steps
### Setting Boundaries
Have a candid and firm conversation with your fiancé about the importance of consent and respect in your relationship. It’s essential to clearly communicate your boundaries and expectations, and to emphasize the seriousness of the situation.
### Exploring Options
Start exploring your options for temporary living arrangements if you feel that you need some space and time to make decisions. You deserve to feel safe and supported, and there are resources available to help you during this challenging time.
Remember, the Bhagavad Gita encourages self-reflection, strength, and taking righteous action in difficult times. It’s important to remember that you have the inner strength and wisdom to make the right decisions for yourself and your children.
## Conclusion
To the individual in this situation, it’s important to know that you are not alone and that there is support available to you. Trust yourself and your instincts as you navigate through these challenging times. Taking action for your well-being and the well-being of your children is a courageous and empowering choice. You have the strength to create a safe and nurturing environment for yourself and your family.
Remember, it’s okay to ask for help and take the steps needed to protect yourself and your children. You deserve to be respected, cherished, and supported during this significant phase in your life. Stay strong and trust in the power of your own inner guidance. You have the ability to create a future that is filled with love, respect, and peace.
May these words bring comfort and clarity as you move forward with courage and wisdom.
Oh hon…
“he’s a nice guy but he sexually assaults me in my sleep “
He R*PED you.
This is not a nice guy. This is a selfish bully who has you so emotionally skewed he somehow gets you thinking this is not abuse.
My heart is breaking for you.
The fact that you’ve had multiple conversations, and fights, about this and he is still doing this to you is a HUGE red flag. You’ve set clear boundaries and he doesn’t GAF. You are only 3 weeks postpartum, your body is still healing, and he is putting his self gratification above your health. That is vile. I truly don’t want to hurt your feelings when I say this so please know that if you were in front of me right now I’d give you a hug. He doesn’t respect you. Please get to a safe place.
Please. Get your child and yourself away from this guy, permanently, and then get some therapy.
He didn’t “touch” you. He raped you. Please get some help and escape him.
I’m sorry for being so blunt but his behavior is so sick I want to throw up.
Sexual intercourse without consent is rape. You are not safe with this man. It’s disgusting that he did this to you just 3 weeks after giving birth. He needs to move out.
That’s called a rape. Doesn’t matter if he’s your partner or not, this is rape
You aren’t trapped.
Don’t be ashamed.
You didn’t do anything wrong
Why have you been staying with a rapist and having his children? I don’t really understand. Were you abused as a child or are you a previous SA victim? There is no way for someone outside of your relationship to process or to understand why you would stay with a known rapist.
“He is what I would society would consider a nice guy…no bad habits, doesn’t physically hurt me… A nice guy. ”
You mean except for the ongoing rapes, right?
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[https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/jun/15/the-sexual-assault-of-sleeping-women-the-hidden-horrifying-crisis-in-britains-bedroom](https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/jun/15/the-sexual-assault-of-sleeping-women-the-hidden-horrifying-crisis-in-britains-bedrooms)
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“The sexual assault of sleeping women: the hidden, horrifying **rape** crisis in our bedrooms”
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He RAPES you.
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“We have had numerous fights about this. In each time that I confronted him, he begs for forgiveness, very apologetic, stops doing it for few weeks often months and then the cycle repeats.”
​
**HE RAPES YOU.**
Bluntly put he’s raping you. That’s enough to leave him. You shouldn’t be raising your children with someone who doesn’t think he needs consent to have sex with you. For the safety of your children and their future you need to leave. Do you want them growing up thinking this is okay?
If you wanna think about what will happen to the kids if you leave, this: they will not be living with a rapist.
That is all.
He is not a nice guy. He is a rapist. You know you need to leave. I’d file a police report and go for sole custody.
*’I feel he crossed the line,’*
He crossed the line the very first time he did this!
You’re too tied up and exhausted and full of looking through the lens of how you would like it to be rather than the lens of how it actually is. Your fiancé is a RAPIST.
The very first time he broke this secret boundary you should have walked. This is really really serious OP.
Get help. Tell someone you trust and get you and the children out of there until you work out what happens next.
Out of self resect to yourself, this relationship is now over.
So, he been raped you through all those years, even when you, loud and clear says “No” to him… That’s for me is beyond disgusting. You wish the same thing for ur daughter?. please leave that trash of a human
He’s not a nice guy or a good partner. He’s a rapist and you need to leave him.
Number one stop sleeping in that same bed or room as him. Start planing your escape.
It hurts that women (and men) feel they must defend their SO whilst simultaneously stating how they have been assaulted by them.
Being a “nice guy” on paper does not justify them being a rapist.
There is help out there, there are refuges and aid to help people escape marriages like this.
Honestly there isn’t a betrayal more hurtful than having someone you thought you could trust hurt you in this way, it’s hard to conceive the notion.
I wish we could end the idea that an SO “can’t” rape their other half. In most cases it is someone you know.
So, you are raped regularly and consider this a good relationship? Kick the guy out
this made me feel physically ill im so sorry you’re experiencing this i really hope you can find safety for yourself and your child(ren)
Your children will not benefit from you staying with a rapist.
LEAVE HIM… this man has been routinely raping you! You deserve so much better, and so do your kids. Even if this behavior never effects them directly, it will absolutely harm them indirectly because a violated, traumatized mother is bound to not perform at her best.
It may be one of the hardest conversations of your life but I’d go to your parents for help. They sound like a strong support system for you, and you will need that because this will of course be tough. They are your parents – they may be more than willing to help you do what you need to even if you don’t give them full details. If my responsible adult daughter whom I had every reason to trust came to me and told me they weren’t ready to talk about it but their husband crossed a line, not only as a spouse but frankly just as a human, and they needed my help to remove themselves and the kids asap – I’d help. It’d kill me not to know tbh but I’d help.
If you can’t talk to anyone in your life about it yet though- or honestly even if you can – you should probably seek out therapy if you can. I don’t say this to be doom and gloom, but I’d prepare yourself for an onslaught of really difficult emotions once you’ve extracted yourself. Your brain is still protecting itself right now because it needs to, but once you and your kids are safe and removed I think the full gravity of this situation is going to sink in for you
As others have said this is rape. He had s*x with you while you were sleeping so he didn’t have your permission to do so so that is rape. Don’t let him tell you it isn’t because it is. If any man did that to me I’d never trust him again and he would be out the door.
A nice guy does not rape you in your sleep.
To add to this, the reason they don’t let you have sex for six weeks after birth is because your uterus is healing from the trauma of pushing out a baby and the placenta. He’s actually putting you at risk and jeopardizing your health by doing this. He’s putting you at risk of some serious complications like infections or even hemorrhaging.
Yet another “he’s perfect BUT he sexually assaults me on the regular” post *sigh*
Go see a doctor because that shit is dangerous three weeks postpartum – you have gaping wound in your uterus from the placenta
Then go see the cops if you want because this is **rape**. Tell your parents and friends so you have support at this time and with the kids/a place to stay.
Finally, collect all the paperwork from the 2 previous points, get your ducks in a row and leave him. Consult a lawyer for custody and property issues even if not married.
If he keeps doing it, he’s not apologetic. He’s doing it on purpose repeatedly because he views you as subhuman and less deserving of respect than him. As Einstein said, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome is insanity. Stop forgiving him, he will do it again.
Your parents are there. If you have a good relationship with them, tell them and ask for their help to get out.
He rapes you on a consistent basis, and this last rape has escalated things even further. You and your children are not safe. Please put your safety and the safety of your children above all else.
It’s your family don’t be embarrassed— you need to leave. You have asked him multiple times to stop yet he continues. This is rape. Your friends and family love you and will want to help you please get out.
Having sex with you in your sleep is rape. Kick him out.
“He is a great husband, dad and man if you just ignore the fact that he rapes me constantly!”
“Sure he might rape me, but he is a great husband!”
Sweet heart you need to leave he is raping you.
My sisters husband did this to her their whole marriage when there was no need she gave him sex he just liked rapping her. He ended up turning her kids against her and kicked her out and him and the kids kept badgering her to kill herself so that my sister wouldn’t get half the assets all because she finally started telling family what he was doing to her while she slept. My sister lasted 6 months of them bombarding and gaslighting her and killed herself on mothersday last year.
You need to keep yourself safe and leave now…..
A lot of rape victims are often embarrassed and do not come forward
It’s often “gray” areas like these that aren’t reported, and that aren’t so gray now we have the resources and other women to say *that’s not right*
I’m extremely concerned now that you have a girl child.
Please, leave. He does not care about you or respect you. My heart broke reading this. You deserve better. I would leave, get myself stable and set up (organized, figure out childcare, etc.). I would get a good lawyer and fight for as much custody as possible and I would seek individual therapy. This is awful and you need to break free to protect yourself and care for your children.
It never fails to amaze me how many of these posts start with “my SO is a good/nice person, great partner” etc….and then proceed to describe some of the most fucked up behavior.
OP, _get out now_.
It’s scary how you say “don’t physically hurt me” as a good trait when he just did.
Tell your family, find a therapist asap and later a lawyer. His abuse goes further than this event and you know it in the bottom of your heart.
I hate to ask but were your children planned out are both of them results of him having sex with you while you were asleep? He’s not a nice guy, he’s your rapist and you need to leave him because he’s never going to respect your boundary of not fucking you in your sleep.
You should leave him, at least you can support yourself financially. Can you reach out to your family for help with the babies?
He’s not a nice guy. He’s a rapist. It’ll be tough, but leave.
**He is raping you in your sleep.** He acknowledges that what he does is wrong and he continues to do it. So he doesn’t care that what he’s doing is wrong, he doesn’t care that you’ve repeatedly told him not to do this, **he doesn’t care**. He wants what he wants and he is raping you to get it.
You need to leave him. Take your children and leave him. Move in with your parents if you can, they will help you. Find an attorney and TELL THE ATTORNEY what he does to you.
Go see your OB today and get an exam to make sure you’re physically okay. There is a real reason they say no sex after childbirth. Let them know that your husband sexually assaulted you in your sleep without your consent. It will be embarrassing, but you need this to be documented.
I know you’re tired. You don’t need to argue with him, wait until he’s at work at leave. Leave him a note that says “I’ve told you not to have sex with me when I’m asleep. You know I can’t have sex for another 3 weeks. You had sex with me anyways while I was asleep and without my consent. I can’t trust you. The kids and I are going to stay with my parents for a while.” And then have your parents run interference on visitors and phone calls.
He is not a nice guy. He is a rapist.
That’s RAPE !!!
He has been raping you. You need to speak to your parents and get out NOW! You DO NOT want this vile animal around your children.
I am so sorry for you OP, PLEASE leave and update us.
!Updateme
You are not trapped. You have a family, you have your own money, you can leave in no time. He puts you at risk of getting infected, injured and pregnant again. You may think it’s not a big deal and you can suck it up, but it is a big deal. He rapes you and neither your wishes, nor doctor’s restrictions matter to him. He doesn’t give a shit about you and both your physical and mental health. You are less than a sex doll to him, you don’t matter to him. His apologies mean nothing if he keeps doing it. And he will, because he has already done it so many times and you did nothing.
>I (31F) has been together with my partner (40M) for 9 years
Ughhhhhhh. Leave please. I’m sorry
You’re not going to like this, but you need to report this to the police, get a rape kit done and tell your OB that you’ve been assaulted.
You started dating when he was 31 and you were 22?
[why domestic violence victims don’t leave](https://go.ted.com/6ZDZ)
[why does he do that by Lundi Bancroft](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)