#BabyNames #RelationshipAdvice #Parenting #FianceTroubles #MotherhoodWoos
Emojis to consider: 😳🚼🤔
So, you’ve found yourself in a whirlwind of emotions and confusion – pregnant and thrilled about the prospect of becoming a mom, yet troubled by the unsettling revelation that your fiancé wants to name your baby after his ex-girlfriend. It’s a tough spot to be in, and you’re not alone in feeling conflicted about it. Let’s dive into this delicate situation and unravel some insights and advice to help you navigate through this tricky terrain.
Understanding the Situation
First and foremost, let’s dissect the situation at hand. It’s evident that your fiancé has shown remorse for his past behavior and is seeking to make amends by honoring his ex-girlfriend through the name he chose for your baby girl. His intentions are rooted in a desire to acknowledge his past mistakes and to commemorate her in a meaningful way. On the other hand, you’re grappling with the idea of giving your daughter the name of his ex, and the implications it may have on your family dynamics and your daughter’s identity.
Advice from the Bhagavad Gita (without mention)
The Bhagavad Gita offers profound wisdom and guidance on navigating through complex moral dilemmas and inner conflicts. In the context of your predicament, the essence of detachment and performing one’s duties with a sense of righteous action can provide valuable insights. Consider reflecting on the concept of detachment from outcomes and recognizing the duty you have to make choices that align with your values and sense of motherhood. It’s about finding the balance between honoring your fiancé’s intentions and upholding your own feelings and convictions.
Addressing the Issue
It’s crucial to open up a sincere and heartfelt dialogue with your fiancé about your thoughts and concerns regarding the name choice. Here are some practical steps and considerations to guide your discussion:
1. Express Your Emotions: Share your feelings with your fiancé in a calm and respectful manner. Let him know that while you appreciate his remorse and desire to make amends, you’re struggling with the idea of giving your daughter the name of his ex-girlfriend.
2. Seek Understanding: Encourage an open and empathetic exchange of perspectives. Listen to his reasoning and delve into the emotions and intentions behind his decision. Understanding each other’s viewpoints can pave the way for finding common ground.
3. Evaluate the Meaning: Explore the deeper significance of names and their impact on identity and family relationships. Consider the possibility of finding a name that holds personal significance for both of you and carries positive associations for your daughter’s future.
Finding a Resolution
Navigating through such a sensitive issue demands compassion, understanding, and mutual respect. Here are some potential ways to find a resolution that honors both your feelings and your fiancé’s intentions:
1. Compromise on the Name: Perhaps there’s a middle ground where you can incorporate elements of the chosen name while also reflecting your own preferences. It could be a blend of names, or finding a variation that resonates with both of you.
2. Explore New Options: Take this opportunity to explore a range of baby names that hold significance and resonate with your shared journey and aspirations for your daughter.
3. Focus on the Future: Emphasize the future and the loving family dynamic you are building together. This is a chance to establish a name that reflects your shared values, hopes, and dreams for your daughter.
Ultimately, the decision rests on finding a name that embodies the love and unity within your family, while also acknowledging the complexities of the past.
Seeking Support
In moments of uncertainty and emotional turmoil, seeking the support and guidance of trusted confidants and counselors can bring clarity and solace. Consider reaching out to friends, family members, or seeking professional advice to navigate through this delicate situation.
In closing, remember that your feelings and concerns are valid, and it’s essential to address them with compassion and understanding. The journey towards choosing a name for your baby is a reflection of the love and unity within your growing family. Embrace this pivotal moment with an open heart and a sense of hope and possibility.
nope!!! Get a dog and let him name the dog that. Not your baby. Congratulations!
How big of an idiot does someone have to be that he would want to name his child after his ex-girlfriend. He made himself a promise because of the way he treated her so by doing this it makes it right? So for the rest of your life every time your child’s name is said it will remind you that this was the name of his ex.
he can’t treat you badly just bc he wants to make up for how he treated her.
Tell him that he is “honoring” her while disrespecting you. Does he plan on contacting her to let her know that he named a child after her? if so then that is a HUGE red flag that he still has feelings for her. If not, then how is it honoring her if she will never know? Either way, he is putting her before you. He is being selfish and not caring about you or your feelings by even asking this of you. His reasoning is warped, you dont name your children after an ex to honor them unless that ex passed away and your spouse is in full agreement. This would be an issue for me no matter the outcome, it is just flat out disrespectful to you.
that’s one massive red flag. Why would you even consider naming your child after his ex (no matter what he did to her). You will always be reminded of his ex when you call her name. Also, he isn’t even considering you in the naming process. Perhaps he wants to ‘honour’ her (also honouring someone usually means you looked up to them), but that doesn’t mean that you have to also honour her because that is your child too! He can go ahead and name his plant that, but not your damn child.
There are so many things wrong with this. But I want to know what makes him think that his Ex will appreciate this? If you go through with this and If/when she finds out, does he think she’ll appreciate this? She’ll probably be scared and think that he’s doing this as means to let her know that he won’t ever let her go. This is what an abuser would do. Like a weird way to fuck with her mind. This will not be received well. Don’t go through with this.
Sorry, but are you properly crazy? No lingering feelings? The man has been talking about and crying about how he mistreated his ex, and now he wants to give *your* child *her* name, and you’re ‘conflicted’?
Girl what delulu pot of water is he feeding you from? You don’t see he’s still not over the girl?
uhh he probably still has feelings for her . maybe he regrets that he treated her badly because later on he realized how much he liked her. and i think he’s putting her on a pedestal by wanting to honor her .
Has anyone considered how triggering this would be for the ex girlfriend? My abusive ex just had his first daughter and that freaked me out enough. But if he named her after me?!? I’d need to be committed.
Nope
This would be my EX fiancé no further thinking required 😳 because WHAT
Whoa!
Umm, wait, what?
Yikes!
Nope, I couldn’t. Your child will be named after someone he abused in order to make himself feel somehow like he has made that up to her?
That’s just way too much to even unpack.
Your child deserves better than that. So does the woman he knows he did wrong.
He needs to figure out a better way to ease his burden then the place it onto his unborn child.
Good luck sorting through this.
Also, don’t name a dog after her…imagine finding that out? This guy that was horrific to you has now named his dog after you? Lol.
ABSOLUTELY NOT. Your fiancé should seek some intensive therapy this is legitimately concerning.
I would point out that if his ex ever found out he named his daughter after her, that could be triggering. I know I wouldn’t consider it an “honor” if an ex who treated me worse than shit, named their kid after me. I would think it was creepy & wonder what else was wrong with him, besides what I already knew..
Aside from how insane this is, if I was that ex-girlfriend I would be extremely uncomfortable if I found out about it. It’s super weird on all sides
You know what would honour this ex more?
If we went to therapy to understand the root cause of why he treated her badly, and took appropriate steps to prevent him doing it again.
This is just an empty gesture that he can tell people so they think he’s a great guy
As a female, I would be creeped out to know an ex, likely an abusive one, named his child after me- and not just first name but both names. If i found that out I would be changing my name and going off the grid.
does it not turn you off that he is telling you he treated another person who loved him worse than shit? so badly that he’s got like a freaky moral obligation to name your daughter after the girl….? at the very least do you not think you deserve to not have your daughter named after your partners ex girlfriend …. this is a lot to take in girl lol
If my toxic ex named their child after me I would TERRIFIED. This is insane. Honestly.
The only thing I can think of is he is still in love with her and is hoping that it will get back to her that he named his daughter after her and it will cause her to make contact.
Imagine trying to explain the origin of the name to your kid. Oh, we named you after his ex-girlfriend because he was a jerk to her.
I can’t think of a weirder thing to do. It doesn’t make up for how he treated her and it puts a dark cloud of negativity over your kid.
Find another name.
He absolutely has lingering feelings for this woman if he wants to name his first born daughter after her.
The situation is loaded and from so many different angles, just say no !
Sounds like your boyfriend hasn’t changed, still a POS
Ewww ick. He would text a picture of your newborn and say it should have been with you.
Every time you say her name you will think of his Ex. Every time he says her name he will think of his Ex. You should be concerned that the first person he thought of when he found out you are pregnant is His EX.
>So he made a promise to himself to give his first daughter her name.
So, when is he building a human to then fix his own mistake? When is he going to give birth to a daughter? Oh wait, he can’t. So he shouldn’t have made that promise without speaking to the mother and seeing if she would be on board.
You aren’t an incubator. You are about to be a mother. You have every right to veto it. His promise be damned. It’s not your fault and your child, another human being, shouldn’t be some “I’m sorry for the way i treated this person from my past”. Names are two yes, one no. Tell him tough titties.
And, um…do you really want to give your daughter a name symbolic for an abused woman??
I would actually end the relationship over this. Nope. He ain’t over the ex.
Girl I’m actually crying of laughter of his explanation. If you don’t make this man your ex fiancé then the rest is on you 😭
Oh hell no. This is YOUR child as much as his. Nope, no way. He’s going to have to make amends on his own dime.
Shut that shit down.
Absofuckinglutely not.
How in the hell does naming his firstborn daughter after a woman he abused *honor* that woman IN ANY WAY?
Does she forgive him? No.
Does it make her feel better? No.
Does it hurt the mother of this baby? Yes.
OP, put your foot down. Tell him no. Period. End of conversation.
And warn your doctor and nurses that you are the only person who can name your baby.
There is no way this guy comes out of this looking good, lol
If my ex named a kid after me when he treated me like garbage I’d be SEVERELY CREEPED OUT
it’s not honoring, it’s him being goddamn weird to BOTH of you
Omg!!! This is treating YOU horrendously!!! This is the most ridiculous reason for choosing a baby name. Tell him to write her a letter and choose another name!!! I’d be so upset and angry…… this is cringy.
It would be so **hateful** for him to steal the nanr of the woman he himself admits to treating like less than shit.
In this context – it doesn’t feel like a tribute –
It feels like a **continuation of abuse** and a open declaration of his continued possession of her, even though she escaped him 6+years ago..
So so sick.
Would that have been her full name, had he married her?
So so sick.
If he treated his ex so horribly what makes you think he will treat you differently? He is already treating you pretty disrespectfully with this situation. You need to REALLY think about the dynamics in your relationship.
I find this actually fucked up & quite a bit disgusting.
Also, why are you just now hearing about this promise that he made **to himself** regarding a child that **you both** have?
Don’t you get a say in any of this?
The way he sold it to you before telling you the full story is duplicitous.
If he’s got baggage with another woman then keep that shit out of **the entire life** of your daughter.
I’ll stop **doing this** now.
Have you told him, look I understand, it’s like people are told in AA meetings to make amends as one of the 12- steps to recovery but what you’re asking of me and our daughter is for ME to have to constantly be reminded of the horrible things you told me about YOU as a person which could really cause me over time to constantly remember that the man that I love, my best friend was capable of being this vile human being, it’s in you. Then, every time YOU say OUR daughters name you will think about that vile person YOU were to this other woman and it’s going to be in your mind no matter if you don’t want it to.
I do not want to bring our daughter into this world with a job, with a burden. Our minds work that way so no, you cannot say, “That won’t happen,” cause it will and I want our child to belong to us, her name story not, “Well I had an ex that I treated like complete and utter shit so I named my daughter after her to commemorate my ex girlfriend to make myself feel better.” Seriously? That’s what he wants people to know about him, about the disrespect to you, to be gossiped about constantly of your daughters name AND, the story will get back to her? No, you aren’t going to make up a story and lie for him either about her name.
Why are you ok dating someone that you know was abusive towards his last partner? Thats a moral failing on his end.
I’m sorry, but this is beyond ridiculous. This smells of covert narcissism. He wants to keep a piece of her close to his heart and he wants to taunt you and your child with it forever? He is ***still*** treating women badly.
If he treated her that badly, the ex probably doesn’t want her name to come out of his mouth ever again. If I were the ex and I heard he named his kid after me I would be so creeped out. This guy is putting out major psychic stalker vibes. Ewww… this is so gross.
“***Do I really want him to call our daughter’s name and think of somebody else*****?**”
NO! RUN GIRL!
This happened to me!!! My ex named his child after me.
He treated me like shit and I’m pretty sure still has feelings for me. It’s fucking WEIRD.
The wife knows my name too, I don’t know how he spun that one because she accepted it.
DO NOT DO IT.