#FriendshipStruggles #MoneyIssues #RespectingBoundaries
Hey there, it sounds like you’re dealing with a tough situation with your friend and I want to help guide you through it. Money can often be a touchy subject, especially when it involves friends. Let’s break down the scenario you’re in and figure out if you were in the wrong for telling your friend she can’t get her stuff until she pays you.
**The Scenario:**
You graciously offered to store your friend’s belongings at your place for a fraction of the cost of a storage unit. However, after months of delays in payment and your friend avoiding your calls, she suddenly reached out to retrieve her items without having paid you.
**Analyzing the Situation:**
1. Setting Boundaries: It’s important to establish boundaries in any relationship, including friendships. By setting clear expectations from the beginning, you’re demonstrating respect for your own time and resources.
2. Communication Breakdown: Your friend’s lack of communication and multiple delays in payment show a pattern of disregard for your agreement. It’s understandable that you would feel frustrated and taken advantage of in this situation.
3. Trust Issues: Given your friend’s history of lying and avoiding you, it’s reasonable to have concerns about her intentions and ability to follow through on her promises.
**Advice on How to Handle the Situation:**
1. Be Firm but Fair: It’s essential to stand your ground and uphold the boundaries you’ve set with your friend. Politely but assertively remind her of the agreement you had regarding payment for storing her belongings.
2. Express Your Feelings: Let your friend know how her actions have made you feel, without placing blame or escalating the situation. Honesty and open communication can help both parties understand each other’s perspectives.
3. Offer a Solution: If your friend is genuinely unable to pay at the moment due to financial constraints, consider discussing a payment plan or alternative arrangements that work for both of you. This shows empathy while still prioritizing your own needs.
4. Self-Care: Remember to prioritize your well-being in this situation. It’s okay to set boundaries and protect yourself from being taken advantage of, even by friends. Surround yourself with supportive people who respect your boundaries and value your time.
**Conclusion:**
In this scenario, it appears that you were justified in telling your friend she can’t retrieve her belongings until she pays you. By setting boundaries, communicating effectively, and prioritizing your own needs, you’re showing respect for yourself and your agreements. Trust your instincts and continue to advocate for yourself in challenging situations like this.
It’s essential to remember that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and clear communication. If your friend is willing to acknowledge her actions and work towards a resolution, there’s potential for growth and understanding in your friendship. However, if the pattern of disrespectful behavior continues, it may be necessary to evaluate the future of the relationship based on your well-being and boundaries.
I hope this advice helps you navigate this difficult situation with your friend. Remember to prioritize yourself and your needs, while also approaching the situation with empathy and understanding. You deserve to be treated with respect and have your boundaries respected. Good luck! 💪👏
(Keywords: friendship issues, financial boundaries, communication breakdown, setting boundaries with friends)
NTA: She promised to pay if you stored her things and she should be willing to give you some compensation
NTA – if she’d gone with the storage facility, they would have auctioned off her stuff. 🤷🏻♀️
INFO: Do you have this agreement for money in writing? Text? Anything besides a verbal agreement?
Nah, NTA.
If it were a storage facility they wouldn’t give her shit while she owed them. They would deny access and use her stuff as collateral till the debt was paid in full. Lookup local law to ensure you’re not breaking it, but I do not believe this to be an AH move
NTA
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> she’d avoid my calls or tell me she was at work and I could come by but when I’d get there she’d not be there.
>
>Keep in mind she’s got a history of lying to me and blatantly wasting my time as I drove around looking for her where she told me she was.
Hopefully a lesson learned. Don’t be friends with people like this. Certainly don’t trust people like this to pay you back for anything.
NTA. She shouldn’t get a free pass just because she’s your friend. If you let her take her stuff now what are the chances that she’ll even end up paying you?
NTA.
If you let her come pick up her stuff without paying you, you will never be paid.
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edit to correct a wrong word.
NTA..tell her she can buy back each item lol
NTA,
At this point you need to draw a hard date till when she needs to pay you or else she will be forfeiting her items and they will be yours to do as you please at the same time remind her everyday she doesn’t pay you and get her items the cost keeps increasing.
She has jerked you around for way too long and if she cannot pay the amount now, there is very little chance of her paying you weeks later with the additional per day fees.
Unless you are financially strapped, I would just let it go and let her go too. The emotional turmoil is not worth it. I am assuming it didn’t cost you anything? Just let it go and chalk it up to learning a lesson not to do stuff for folks who lie to you.
I get that most like the fight. I would rather live a life with calm in it.
NTA, dont give up the only leverage you have in the situation or she will ghost you and you will never see a dime.
NTA
After 30 days non payment in most places, it’s considered abandoned property. I’d give her a timeline at this point “You have until (date) to remit your past due payment for the storage of your property per our agreement of _____ per ____ that has not been paid since ____. As you are well over the timeframe of (Google your states abandoned property laws for timeframe) if payment is not made by this time the property will be considered abandoned and disposed of accordingly.”
>she’s got a history of lying to me
Get every penny up front. NTA.
NTA. She tried, she lost. Probably had no intention of paying you, but you weren’t supposed to find out until after she got her stuff
Give her the stuff back and end the friendship. For the low cost of nothing you never have to deal with her again.
NTA
She has ghosted you at pay time.
You will not see your money unless you have her stuff.
NTA. If you give her her stuff you’ll never get paid. She’s been ignoring your past attempts but now that she needs her stuff she’s communicating with you. You’re right to wait for your money.
Jesus christ… If she’s been struggling like that for so long, just be a good person and give her her belongings, you were paying for the unit regardless.
Yes. ESH. Both of you.
YTA because Friends don’t charge friends to store stuff. Friends help each other out during hard times. maybe you’re not friends?
She’s TA because she offered to pay but hasn’t.
Just let her get her stuff and end the relationship because it sure ain’t a friendship.
NTA. I had a friend in high school who owed me money and flat out started ignoring me when I would ask about it. He had left a car charger / radio thing in my car a couple weeks before. He hit me up to get it back and I said nah I need you to pay me back first. He had his MOM talk to me acting like it was hers so he could get it back. Told the same thing to his mom as I told him; Pay me and you’ll get it back. Well, I never got paid and they never get their charger back. Tit for tat.
Ah, nothing so sweet as profiting off of a friend in need and then collectively ruining the relationship over it (money). 🙄
She had every intention, not paying you, and figured she take advantage of you stand your ground. She was just playing games with you.
Kind of an asshole. I have a hard and fast rule: I don’t do loans and I don’t do “pay-me-back” favors for this very reason. People that are this desperate don’t need to transfer their desperation or debt from one party to the next. My rule is “if I have it to loan, I have it to give, everything else is just me being irresponsible”.
She was likely avoiding you out of shame and/or guilt and that is likely the source of the lying as well. That’s not a pass on her part, but hopefully some food for thought.
Give her all of her stuff and cut your losses (speaking of which, what did you REALLY lose)? Whether she’s right or wrong, she’s clearly in a low place and it’s not right to kick people when they’re down.
NTA
But probably easier just to give her back her stuff and be done with it. What exactly has it cost you in monetary terms? You’ve lost some space for the time that her stuff was stored but that’s likely it.
This is not your friend. Learn from this and step back from her. If you maintain contact, then offer her no support or do any favours because you know that she won’t fulfil her end of the bargain.
NTA, she doesn’t own it anymore. Over 30days and her stuff is now your stuff.
NTA.
But, I’m not sure that it’s legal for you to hold her stuff since there’s no official agreement spelling out the consequences of non-payment.
NTA that’s so inconsiderate of her
Give her a deadline for payment. After which time tell her you’ll dispose off it as you see fit.
No need to tell her you’ll be listing it on eBay, Amazon, FB Marketplace, and a friend’s yard sale (don’t do it at your place too much drama if she drives by). One way to try and recoup some of the debt.
She could either get the money or borrow the money from family or other friends. Cash withdrawal from her credit card. Small loan from the bank if they’ll give her the loan. She could have paid you $5 a week, something, but did nothing.
Questionable when she gets her money she’ll pay you. Not when she ghosts you and lies where she is for you to meet up.
NTA
>”she’s got me”
Oh hoh hoh, no no. She doesn’t got you, she owes you.
You’re doing fine having insurance, keep your head up, you’re fine. NTA
YTA Are you two even friends? Why are you charging her to store something in the first place? Regardless of other details, holding her stuff for ransom is a total asshole move.
Get legal advice, paper trail, and if it comes in front of a judge they make quick work of this.
ESH has it really cost you anything to store her stuff? You knew she was in a tough spot and took the opportunity to make money out of the situation when it’s usually the kind of thing you do for free to help a friend. She agreed to it and hasn’t been honest with you so she’s in the wrong too. Why are you holding her stuff hostage? It’s not costing you anything so why don’t you just cut your losses and move on? You seem like the kind of person who’s going to charge her extra for the extra days she’s stored your stuff because she can’t pay you to release it!
ESH. Depending on the country you are in, charging her is something you would need to claim as income and pay taxes on.
Info- In Iowa, property is considered abandoned if:
The tenant doesn’t respond to a notice within 30-33 days
The tenant doesn’t claim the property
The tenant has been absent for a long time while rent is unpaid
The tenant returns keys
The tenant has substantially removed their personal property
She was well beyond that .
I think you are shitty to ask money from someone who has financial difficulties.
You are in no shape, way or form a friend, you are trying to profit from a bad situation.
Shame on you
YTA for asking her to pay in the first place. Much of a “friend” you are.
What kind of an asshole charges a friend for a favor? You people suck.
ESH. Who charges a friend in a tight spot money to store stuff?? The friend is I guess an AH for dodging OP, but OP isn’t much of a friend.
NTA. It sounds as if she saved money for a place in lieu of paying you. Now…she has a place but no stuff to put in it until she does pay. If she’d had it in a regular storage, she either would have paid or lost it. You still have it, so she does need to pay to redeem it. She’s not a friend.
NTA
But honestly, you fuc*ed up too here.
>Keep in mind she’s got a history of lying to me
Why the hell would you do business with someone who has a history of lying to you? Troubles could have been expected, imo.
Make better decisions next time and safe you the trouble.
NTA
The storage company would normally padlock the space if it wasn’t paid. She can either pony up, or you should stop paying for it