“Should I move in with my boyfriend rent-free after 8 months of dating? #relationshipadvice #rentfree #movingintogether
Hey there! So, my boyfriend recently proposed that I move in with him without having to pay rent, and I’m really torn about what to do. I mean, we’ve only been together for 8 months, so is it too soon to take this big step? Here are some factors to consider before making a decision:
Pros:
– Save money on rent
– More time together
– Grow closer as a couple
Cons:
– Relationship might not be ready
– Lose independence
– Pressure on the relationship
Ultimately, it’s important to weigh the pros and cons and have an open conversation with your boyfriend about your concerns. What do you think? Should I take him up on his offer or hold off for now? #relationshipdilemma #movingintogether“
The con would be if you break up and he kicks you out. Do you have a plan for what you would do if that happens?
I would absolutely not advise you moving in with him. If you are in an international program I will take the leap that you are also not a citizen of the US. If you break up which statistically a 20 year old with a 27 year old will have massive issues with lifestyle and goals and where you are in life. You won’t have a place to move back into because you will not be getting that dorm back and likely you might lose your education altogether depending upon the stipulations of your program. Also I know the international dorm in my college had limited space. Its a really really bad idea to make any decisions that will make your college years more unstable if you have the choice. He can wait until you graduate.
Pretty weird for a 27 year old to want to date a 20 year old. I’d avoid him
I would not do it. It is way too soon to be moving in with someone. Get an apartment with room mates. That’s usually cheaper than one on your own.
Nothing much in life is free. I would be concerned that he will expect you to do all the housework cooking etc as payment. Plus any time you have a disagreement he might use the fact that you live rent free as a reason to get his own way.
And he could kick you out at any time.
When you are studying you need security and stability. That means your own lease in your own place.
The pro is you don’t have to pay rent.
The cons are he can throw you out at any moment if you break up and there’s nothing you can do. It also might create an unhealthy power dynamic and he might hold it over your head that you’re living with him rent free. Even though he’s offering it, he might become resentful about it and feel like you’re taking advantage if there’s ever any issues or fights between you (which wouldn’t really be fair of him, but it’s a point to consider). He may also expect you to take on a larger share of chores, cooking, etc. if you aren’t paying rent.
I would not move in with him without some sort of contract in place or something in writing that you’re a tenant. That way you won’t be out on the streets if you break up. And if it’s necessary that you pay something to do that, you can agree to a cheaper or reduced rent if he doesn’t want you to pay.
Absolutely not. You only know eachother for 8 months. Do you trust him enough already? And what will happen if the relationship ends and you have no place to stay?
I always get red flags when a dude wants to date someone significantly younger than them. 7 years isn’t a huge difference but we are also talking about a fully grown man with significantly more life experience wanting a barely out of high school girl to live with him. You can’t even legally drink.
8 months but only 5 months in person. Red flag.
You’re an international student and probably don’t have a lot of family support nearby. Red flag.
He’s going to let you live rent free? Red flag. You become financially dependent on him.
Maybe he’s a perfectly wonderful man, but this looks like trouble to me.
NO
Don’t.
Context:
I’m 28. I might genuinely want a girlfriend to move in, and genuinely want it to be free. Feels warm and fuzzy to do something nice and also get to live with your girl.
However.
The reality is unless you’ve been together a long time and/or engaged/married, doing this puts you in a power dynamic you won’t enjoy if there’s ever a rocky patch. Even if he doesn’t intend to, it can become a silent resentment point if he ever thinks “wow she’s getting a free ride and still XYZ” in any context.
As long has you have get-out-quick money (enough to get a whole new apt without having to starve over it), then I’d say…
Better to find out now that you can’t live together than to find out five years down the line.
Do not do it. It’s a trap
Alright, there are some comments about your ages that I somewhat agree and somewhat disagree with.
At 20 and 27, you’re in different stages in your life, and that age gap has the possibility of leading to an unhealthy power dynamic. In order to avoid that, you should avoid getting into a situation where you are dependent on him, especially when you are still this early in a relationship.
Don’t move in with anyone at only 8 months and don’t move in with someone who could hold the fact that you’re living rent free over your head to get what he wants.
I personally wouldn’t do this just because if the worst happens you won’t have a place to go. Stay on campus, keep dating and after another year if everything is going well then consider moving in.
Eta paying for a dorm I PROMISE is less expensive emotionally and financially then if you got kicked out/he ended up being a bad match and you are stuck.
Anyone that has ever been in an abusive relationship will be frightened for you based on this post.
Does that mean he’s abusive? No.
But if he is, you’ll be trapped with nowhere to go and no local support.
Again, I’m not saying he’s going to end up abusive.
The red flags I see are:
-8 months, 3 of those long distance.
-He’s 7 years older at ages where that creates a power imbalance
– he’s being super nice and you’ve gotten along really well. Don’t move in with a partner until you’ve seen how they handle conflict
– he’d have financial and housing security to hold over you, another power imbalance
Try telling him no, you aren’t comfortable giving up your own space yet.
The only right answer to that statement is “ok” or something equally accepting.
This makes you too vulnerable. It has only been 8 months and if something gets bad, you wouldn’t have a safe place to go, particularly as an international student.
Don’t do it
I’m 38f. I definitely think you should not do this. You’re too young to be living with a man, especially when you have only been together a short time. You also need a contract to protect you, or he could throw you out and make you homeless at any time with no notice. I’m sure he’s just trying to be helpful, but you should hope for the best and plan for the worst, and only live in housing where you have some legal rights.
Would you move in with him if you could afford your own place? If not, don’t do it yet
Yeah no. In the process of reaching this big age I have learned… men only want the best for you if you’re theirs. Once the relationship breaks down they will leave you with nowhere to go after you’ve spent all your money paying the bills. Also 8 months is too fast. Gives major love bombing vibes.
He probably means well, but this isn’t a good idea.
Offer to pay some bills and maybe groceries maybe?
You’ve only known him for five months. I know that you’ll be reluctant to believe this, but talking online and the phone isn’t knowing someone.
When we’re young and bright-eyed, we think they’re the same thing. They’re not.
No one can tell you whether this is a good decision, especially given how little information you’ve written here.
Is he kind? Always?
Does he do anything repetitive that he has to apologize for, and hasn’t learned yet to just not do that thing?
How does he treat people who have nothing to offer him?
Does he have many vices?
Do you know how all of his past relationships ended?
What’s his relationship like with his parents? His family?
What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to him? The best?
Is he protective? How protective?
Does he respect boundaries, like not walking in to the bathroom when you’re showering, kind of little mundane things on a daily basis? (That’s something that wouldn’t bother me, but it bothers some people, and the people it doesn’t bother have a hard time understanding that.)
When you fight, what is it typically about?
When you disagree on something, (different from arguing) what is it generally about?
How does he deal with crises?
Have you ever traveled anywhere with him?
These aren’t a complete picture, but they’re contributors to one. You don’t need to answer them here, but I think if you’re really honest with yourself, these are the kinds of things that indicate similar or differing life views.
No. Don’t live with him yet.
If he’s wonderful and you two eventually get married, then you’ve only spent some money (on rent elsewhere) making sure you are compatible.
If he’s controlling and makes you unhappy you’ll be free to break up with him without being trapped in a bad living situation.
You are new to where you live. You need to make acquaintances and friends and expand your social and career network. You can’t do that if you spend too much time with only one person.
I know you get along well right now. But in a year, you never know. With my ex-fiancée, the first one, one and a half year, we got along famously that I was thinking we should definitely move in together. My ex was the one who insisted separate dwellings, now I’m glad that we never moved in together despite it all because year 2 until 6, it was NOT good and my study suffered a great deal due to that mess.
My point being, if you are insistent on moving in together, you need to have a backup plan just in case you break up for any reason (even just a ‘break’). Because it’ll put you in a vulnerable state.
Imo, do not move in together. Rent a room or something akin to that, but have your own space.
If you intend to do so, ensure that you have a back up plan in case things go wrong. Some people will tell you to find roommates but if you do that, you’ll end up living with strangers. At the very least you’ve known your boyfriend coming up on a year. I would say go for it. You’re already staying there nearly every night as it is. Have enough money set to the side to rent another place if things go bad.
this arrangement is far more common than you think. it seems like a lot of young women bounce around between their boyfriend’s place, their parent’s house and a friend’s couch.
but i think it would be better if you split rent on an apartment with one of your friends. or rented a room in a house with roommates.
Do not do this. 7 year age gap at your age is concerning btw and then having you move in in under a year? Red flag central as it gives him financial power over you. Stay in the relationship if you want and there aren’t other red flags but definitely do not move in with il until you are financially stable and able to equally contribute.
This makes you entirely dependent on him for housing. What if you break up and he kicks you out? If I were you, while you so spend most of your time there, I would still get your own place and explain to him you think it’s too early in the relationship to move in together. As the relationship progresses and more time passes, I’d recommend a year (the amount of time on your lease if you get a place) then if you’re still together and you are more comfortable with the idea, then move in with him, but keep enough money set aside just in case you have to move quickly. I’ve seen too many women get “trapped” in a relationship by becoming financially dependent on a boyfriend too early on. Keep yourself financially independent until you’re very secure and sure about this relationship
You don’t know him well enough to move in with him. “Rent free” means he has total control over you.
Forget this bad idea. Rent/lease your own place.
Anyone who advises you to become financially dependent on someone you’ve only known for 8 months is insane
Stay on your own. Keep room for just yourself.
that is such a bad choice and i think you know that
Communicate, tell him yes but I need to feel secure. What would happen if we get in a fight and ask what that might look.like
If he sounds convi then yes do it. However offer to buy food, also make sure you have a backup plan in case of emergency.
Free maid
I’ve moved in with someone in that time frame and don’t recommend it, if you can help it. Your independence is priceless.
My advice would be to take the offer but use the time to save money, do things that continue to keep your independence so you can continue to support yourself or if anything backlashes
Well if you are really going to take people’s comments under serious consideration… I will throw in my two cents.
I would not recommend you move in with him at this point. You would be much better off renting your own digs.
My thinking is it would put you at a huge disadvantage if you needed to breakup. Having your own place gives you the power to stand your ground if you need to. I would expect someone that much older might prey on younger women because they are easier to manipulate. Having your own pad gives you power
Smart girl. You did the right thing getting your own place.