Is it possible to move past finding your ex’s initials carved on your partner’s body? #relationships #trustissues #movingon
Have you ever discovered something unsettling about your partner’s past that makes you question the future of your relationship? #exes #carvedinitials #reconciliation
What steps can you take to address a difficult situation and decide whether to move forward with your partner or not? #emotionalbaggage #communicationiskey #selfreflection
Yeah y’all moved way to fast again
“I said to her some regrettable things at this point because in my head I was thinking she allowed this sadistic behavior to be done to her.”
OP you victim blamed you ex, who was abused and she lost it.
She obviously is not the same girl you met and married young, you have to discover if the person she is now, with all her bagage is someone you will love.
But regardless of what happens, give her some grace, because it looks like she went throw a lot.
I hope she heals and you can male the best decision for yourself.
You do not make a healthy couple. You just got a preview of what every argument is going to be like. Get out now before you’re in too deep.
Yes she’s in therapy but she sounds like she shouldn’t be in any relationship right now, let alone with a former ex.
I know this isn’t the same thing but, I have a history of self harm, my ex would cry if he saw the scars because he knew that some of the scars were when we were still dating. He told me he can’t be in a relationship with me knowing that some of the scars are from our relationship and to be honest, i don’t understand what the problem exactly is. I know he doesn’t like seeing them, he would rather the lights be off than see the scaring. It was one of the reasons he broke up with me.
At the time, i wanted him to be with me to help me get through it instead of shaming me for something that i know isn’t exactly good or healthy. I just wanted someone to help me feel safe and loved instead of being disgusted at my body for something that happened in the past.
All that to say, if she is anything like me, she probably just wants you to support her and love her as she is. I know self harm is different than an ex’s initials. I’m not saying you should ignore your feelings and thoughts. If it is something that you simply can’t get past then i would consider maybe couples therapy or something. But i hope you dont feel an obligation to stay with her.
It really sucks that things happened to her in the past. I remember the first time my ex mentioned the scars i have, we ended up yelling at each other because we just didn’t understand each other. Hopefully you two can understand each other.
There’s nothing for you to “move past.” Clearly some horribly abusive things happened to your ex wife. You can choose to accept her as she is, and be there for her as she works thru it, or you can decide it’s too much for you and pass on the relationship. But nothing traumatic happened to you to “move past.” Either way please be kind to her. I can’t even imagine going thru what you’re describing happened to her, and the reactions she gets from people as they find out.
Therapy
If you stay with her, all the more reason to be the opposite of that monster. She likely downplayed them bc she was assaulted, abused and literally branded. She has a lot more scars than just those initials.
Decide if you will be part of helping her heal. You’ll have to walk thru a lot. You be overflowing with compassion, more patient than you’ve ever been. Don’t get angry. You never, ever, ever mention the scars again. (If she brings it up, follow her lead, and encourage the discussion to wait until you’re with a therapist.) mentally – love her scars and all. Mentally embrace the scars and don’t let that monster win by giving a response of disgust. That’s what he’d want – and only your wife loses if she feels shame for being abused. Best wishes
I dont think its a good idea. Some people will call it victim blaming but i dont believe for a minute that she was passed out when this was done to her unless there is a history of hard drug usage. She may have been manipulated but idk. Maybe if she were willing to get then covered up but still the anger issues and poor decisions all around
I’d go for a partner that doesn’t have her abusive ex’s name carved into her ass… but that’s just me.
Maybe suggest getting tatoos to cover them?
If you truly love her, stop all sexual contact and just BE THERE for her as she goes through this horrible period of coming to terms with the abuse/trauma she experienced. Be her partner in all ways except for sexually. Show her what it means to have someone that loves you, and you can trust no matter what. Be patient with her. Be kind to her. And recognize she is no longer the woman you had originally married, and if you want to have any hope of truly getting her back, you will need to get to know her all over again.
I wish her the best, and hope that you can support her properly through this time of healing.
You’re really making the abuse your ex suffered about YOU. Please let her go, she’s been through enough. She deserves better.
You should go back to being co-parents. It’s telling that your main focus is jealousy and how can you ever have sex with her again…not that she was horribly abused by her ex. It sounds like she was carved up like livestock in a slaughterhouse, and you’re more focused on her ex/jealousy than that she’s been traumatized. You do not sound at all mature, and she sounds like she needs to focus on her psychological recovery. Even with all she’s been through, if she can’t handle conflict without getting violent, she needs to prioritize her therapy. Maybe someday you guys will have a chance again, but right now you have some growing up to do and she has some healing to do.
You got to take this slow you kinda did rush into it to fast after being separated and not knowing what’s been going on in each other’s lives for a while and she is been through a lot of traumatizing things just be there for her
That’s awful. The poor woman
See if you can get into therapy with her as soon as possible. You two moved way too fast. It’s understandable, but cut the sex out now, and please be there for her. She is a victim.
When I first read this, I thought she just had them tattooed on her, but he inflicted deep violent pain against her. She is a _victim_ OP, and this man has traumatized her.
I know it’s not going to be easy, but please, please be there for her if you really love her. Work through this with her. I truly hope it works out for you two, especially for the sake of your child. If she wasn’t still in love with you the way you are her, she wouldn’t have texted you to say she was sorry and be so vulnerable about what she has suffered at the hands of this weirdo.
Please keep us updated.
Get corrective surgery. Hopefully there is a way to fix this. My wife has a tattoo from her shit bag abusive EX memorizing his death thanks to his manipulative also shit bag family and while not the same league as your deal I understand your feelings. I want to ask her to remove it and I know she would but I feel it would hurt her to bring up the past so I let it go. I hope you can get to the point that where you don’t see it anymore or at least not often. Good luck 🍀 internet stranger
Here’s a question – did you apologize and pay for any damages to your friends’ house that seemingly got trashed?
You’re asking how you can move past some absolutely vile abuser carving up your ex like a roast for his own sick satisfaction? But it isn’t the abuse she endured that’s hurting you, it’s the fact that’s she’s branded with some other guy’s initials? Not the non-consensual part? Dude. Like. Please get therapy man. I don’t even know what to say. Do you hear yourself? You need a professional to get your head sorted. Also please stay away from her because she deserves better.
His initials are BB, they you can ask her who’s Bob?
Sorry had to say it – my apologies to OP, this is terrible.
Here’s what you need to ask yourself. Do you love her? If so, are you strong enough to help her get through this? If so, DO you want to help her, and really think about this. She needs you, but it’s not going to be an easy road, and there likely WILL be some back and forth going on. Can YOU stay calm long enough to help her get through it all? Will you go with her to these therapy sessions, and will you and her be able to go to marriage counseling?
I mean, I hate to be that one, but sounds like you didn’t really change or mature a bit during the time apart. You need to understand brother, she divorced you and was not your wife or even friend during that time. You were just coparents for the sake of your son, nothing more. You cannot sit there and be jealous for something that happened when you were not her lover, not her friend and not her husband. To hold it against her, is as I said, immature. People also do things as part of their healing process from a serious relationship and sounds like she chose an asshole as her rebound and she got something she DIDNT want. So you said it yourself, she is easily manipulated so I can see an abuser doing whatever he wanted.
With that said, you either need to let it go or go to therapy yourself if you want to try and make it work a 2nd time
Ok… my opinion. You fucked up by sleeping with her. All your past emotions thoughts and feelings just vanished after sex? It usually doesn’t work like that… but this happens whatever . Good luck getting back to how things were during separation. If you choose to not continue your relationship with her, you’re going to have resentment for her times 2. If you choose to stay with her you need to be able to look at your wife naked with all her scars and not get angry at her. You need to accept her with all her flaws. You can’t be with her and not accept her as she is. Pick one. If you choose to end things, try to think less with your head below the waist.
Um. If I’m passed out and someone starts carving into me with a fucking knife I’m pretty sure I’d wake up. Did they do opiates together?
Let exes be exes. Rebuild your peace of mind away from her.
Nope. That’s enough. Good night folks
She’s not taking her abuse trauma out on you. She reacted to YOUR verbal assault. Poor you. You can’t see past HER having been abused. Leave her alone, she’s been through enough bullshit without you adding to it.
Maybe you two shouldn’t get back together…
What’s the probability that you made the right decision when you divorced her the first time?
breh literally sees proof that his ex has been brutally abused and puts ‘i didn’t even get to finish having sex with her’ in the TLDR. go to hell bruh. and SHE needs therapy. jesus
You are insanely immature, it’s terrifying that you have a 4-year-old child. First of all, somebody’s initials carved into your body is not the mark of a healthy or happy relationship, sounds like her ex was pretty abusive. So you go from “oh I love this person so much I want to be with them the rest of my life” to “I can never be with you because you have a scar from abuse on your body”. Think about it dude, if this was a black eye or maybe pushed her through a window and she had to have stitches with you feel the same way? Cuz that’s what knife marks on somebody’s body is. Marks of abuse. You don’t care about her whatsoever you see her as property in your mad that someone has defaced your property. You are honestly not mature enough to be in a relationship with ANYBODY. And yes saying that somebody ruined your ex by abusing her makes you a pretty terrible fucking person. Hope nobody abuses your child, and “ruins” them for you. Or maybe your child is a boy so you will actually see them as a human. And then he will grow up to be the kind of person to call someone ruined because they were abuse. Just garbage. Please don’t get back with her, for her sake. Encourage her to get into therapy so she can figure out why she keeps choosing horrible men (yes you included in that. anyone who calls someone ruined because they were abuse is included in that) and she can find herself an actual good human being to be partners with who will see her as a human in an equal and not an object they think they own. Seriously you don’t care that she was abused, or how you guys getting back together could affect your kid or your family all you care about is “hOw CaN I EvEr HaVe sEx wItH hEr AgAiN nOw sHeS rUiNeD. All you can think about is your dick and it’s pathetic
If you write fake and incendiary articles on here.. at least learn to write in paragraphs or something please, dear god. I just lost several minutes of my life for no apparently good reason.
“Now she has all this abuse trauma she’s taking out on me.”
What do you mean taking out on you? You some some horrible things to her because you assumed something and verbally attacked her over it.
You sound like you still haven’t matured therefore you are not ready for a relationship. Let her go find someone that can be understanding and give her proper love.
>She started hitting me and throwing anything around her at me.
She assaulted you.
>She yelled at me that I was just using her for sex and I don’t love her and I’m just here to hurt her like everyone else.
She gaslit you.
>She is easily manipulated and an innocent soul.
>I went to drop them off and she suggested we watch a movie together as a family.
You’re the one who’s easily manipulated.She attacked you and you’re feeling sorry for her?
Get the hell out of there. You’re 25 and have a whole lot of life ahead of you. You don’t need this shit in it. Look after yourself and your kid.
Let someone else deal with her. She lured you to have feelings for her again while hiding the scars, which is manipulative. Also, she is abusive and has anger issues, so it’s better to get full custody of the child, as soon as possible.