#RoommateIssues #AloneTime #ApartmentStruggles #RoommateConflict
The Problem: Feeling Intruded Upon
Have you ever felt like your personal space was being invaded, even in the comfort of your own home? This is the dilemma that one Reddit user faced when her roommate constantly demanded “alone time” in the apartment. Despite initially agreeing to accommodate her roommate’s request for a brief period of solitude, the situation escalated as her roommate began to demand more and more time alone, even at inconvenient hours. The feeling of being unwelcome in her own living space led to a sense of frustration and discomfort.
The Emotional Rollercoaster:
- Frustration
- Discomfort
- Feeling Unwelcome
The Solution: Setting Boundaries and Self-Care
It’s essential to recognize that everyone deserves to feel comfortable and respected in their own home. Here are some practical solutions to address the issue of feeling intruded upon by a roommate:
1. Communicate Clearly
- Express your feelings and concerns to your roommate in a calm and respectful manner.
- Set boundaries regarding alone time and establish a compromise that works for both parties.
2. Prioritize Self-Care
- Ensure that you allocate time for yourself to relax and recharge, whether it’s through hobbies, exercise, or spending time with loved ones.
- Don’t compromise your well-being for the sake of accommodating others’ demands.
3. Seek Support
- Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist to gain perspective on the situation and receive emotional support.
- Surround yourself with individuals who uplift and validate your feelings.
Remember, it’s essential to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being in any living situation. By setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and seeking support, you can navigate roommate conflicts with confidence and assertiveness.
What are your thoughts on handling roommate conflicts involving personal space and alone time? Share your experiences and insights in the comments below!
NTA
Time for a new roommate and a new boyfriend
NTA. It’s beyond rude to expect you to leave your place.
NTA – I am also an introvert but it is your home as much as hers, on no reasonable basis can she evict you from the apartment on no notice whenever she feels like it. It’s already very accommodating of you to ensure you’re away for a window of time every day. If she needs alone time she can take a damn walk. What’s your boyfriend’s problem?
> around 8pm, she knocks on my door and tells me she needs alone time and that I need to leave for an hour
NTA – That’s just completely unreasonable. Find a new place and a new boyfriend. Not sure what he is smoking but it’s not the good stuff
Your roommate is not suited for sharing an apartment. An occasional request for “alone time” would be reasonable but a daily request or one that makes you leave your apartment after you are finally home and getting settled for the night is too much to ask for.
NTA
She doesn’t have the right to kick you out of your own apartment whenever she wants, you’ve already been more than accommodating. If she needs alone time so much she needed to not get a roommate.
Also, what’s wrong with your boyfriend, he should be supporting you not calling you a bitch.
NTA *at all*
Your roommate is unreasonable. Your boyfriend is dead wrong, as well as a disrespectful asshole. You’re a bitch bc you want to be in your apt? Nah, that ain’t it.
NGL, your boyfriend calling you a ‘bitch’ for this is more problematic to me than the problematic roommate. If your roommate wants alone time, tell her she is free to move out whenever she wants, providing she get a replacement until the lease ends.
NTA. Your roommate and boyfriend are nuts.
NTA . She is being unreasonable. Stop giving in OP. Tell her you both pay equal rent and SHE needs to leave if she needs alone time.
NTA, why did this woman get a roommate? Sounds like she really cannot handle it. I’d assume that working on your dissertation is a relatively quiet thing? She should not be bothered having someone in the other room. Your bf is a mega AH actually, he should be backing you up, not calling you a bitch. He is way off. Find another room and another boyfriend. In the meantime keep doing what you’re doing. Tell her to suck it up, you’ve been more than accommodating, she needs to stop pestering you.
Your boyfriend called you a bitch over this? That sounds like a bigger problem than the roommate thing…
Anyway, NTA, I think you are already being very generous by staying out from 5-6:30 and it’s totally unreasonable to demand you leave again from 8-9. (I’m also curious what it is that she wants to be getting up to without you seeing; it’s gotta be about more than just getting “alone time” to “recharge” at this point.)
NTA…what the what? Roommate can go to a coffee shop just as much as you can for alone time. She can take a walk. You were in your bedroom. She had to knock. She has a bedroom. Why must anyone leave the apartment to have alone time? If she wanted to live alone, then she should not have roomed with a roommate. I would tell her you pay just as much rent as she does. You will no longer be giving up your space. If she wants alone time, she has a bedroom to use that you will not be disturbing her unless the place is on fire. And if she feels you renting together is not working out, then when the lease is up she can look for other arrangements. Until then, she will be treated with the same respect she shows you. Your boyfriend is another matter altogether.
NTA. you pay rent don’t you? it’s just as much your apartment as it is hers. also respectfully, leave him.
You have a whole bedroom to yourself, with a door you are behind, and yet your roommate knocks on your door in the evening and asks you to vacate the entire apartment.
Oh, hell no.
If your roommate wants alone time, she can go to her room and hide or be angry, or decompress. But asking you to vacate the entire place is unreasonable, and nobody cares how flexible your work hours are. I roll
my eyes.
If she gets to be too overbearing, have her pay the penalties, (if any), so you can leave. But she has a roommate, and she has to share.
And your BF, wow, I would think he would be more supportive. In fact, I would insist on it, or I would make it so I no longer had to hear his opinion ever again. NTA
NTA
YOur bf is an AH. “nd I need to think of other people’s comfort” .. he should think about YOUR comfort.
So sTOP being a doormat, your roommate’s demands are ridiculous.
She knocks on your door? As in, you’re in your room with the door closed, and she still doesn’t feel “alone” enough and kicks you out? You need to lose her *and* the boyfriend.
NTA. You were being over accommodating, IMO, to adjust your schedule in the first place. I get it, though, it wasn’t difficult and you wanted to keep the peace. But to interrupt you and demand you leave when you’re in your own room with the door closed? What kind of alone time does she need? Sounds like she needs to get her own place.
Also—your boyfriend is a jerk. I don’t care what kind of disagreement you previously had, it’s not okay for him to call you a bitch. It sounds like he’s not ready for an adult relationship.
NTA and what is wrong with your boyfriend for taking her side? Are you sure she isn’t booking up with your boyfriend?
NTA – This is ridiculous. Roommates aren’t entitled to daily get-the-apartment-to-themselves time. And your boyfriend is taking *her* side?! You have about as good luck picking boyfriends as you do roommates.
Unless she somehow stipulated this before you moved in and you agreed to it, she doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Even if you were in some common areas in the apartment, it shouldn’t be an issue, but especially if you’re just quietly in your own room working. NTA and what is wrong with your bf, too? You’re paying rent. You have every right to be in your own home whenever you want.
If she needs alone time, why doesn’t she just go in her damn room? Sheesh. Talk about entitled asshole.
Stop being so accommodating immediately. You live and pay rent there.
NTA.
She’s so unreasonable. Would she leave the apartment if you needed alone time? No. She sounds entitled af. She shouldn’t have a roommate if she needs that much alone time. She can have alone time outside of the apartment as well. Why does she get to dictate everything? It seems as though you are a people pleaser and you need to start putting your foot down.
NTA. It sounds like you have separate rooms with doors. You were more than generous to vacate the entire flat by going to the gym, and she’s out of line to tell you to leave in the evenings. You’re paying for your share of the space. (Your boyfriend? Hmmm. No, you do NOT need to go to a coffee shop to work when you have a home you’re already paying for.)
NTA. It’s your home just as much as it is hers, so you have every right to spend time in YOUR OWN apartment. Everything she suggests you do, or you ‘boyfriend’ suggests you do, she could easily do herself. She can kick rocks and find somebody to take over her lease if she needs alone time that bad.
The boyfriend can kick rocks too for calling you a bitch. Others comfort??? What about yours????????? Icky of him to say that
NTA. It is your apartment, too, and your roommate is the one who is being inconsiderate. Frankly, I would be a bit suspicious of her need for alone time.
If roomie needs alone time on a daily basis, she needs to find her own flat.
WTF???? NTA – I would understand if you guys shared a room or something (even though that still is a bit rude) but in your OWN room???? tell her if she needs “alone time” she can leave.
NTA
People who need an apartment to themselves in order to have alone time don’t get roommates.
And if she’s knocking on your door to express her need for alone time, she has alone time. Idk how she thinks the world works, but you either pay for your own space or live around other people.
It’s called roommates , there’s no alone time unless it just happens that way . It’s completely ridiculous of her to come to your room and tell you you have to leave .
Wait till she is comfortable doing something one day then tell her you need the apartment to yourself for an hour and see how she likes it . If she wants alone time constantly then she needs to live alone . NTA
NTA.
So, according to your boyfriend, you should think of other people’s comfort, but they don’t have to do the same? Your roommate’s comfort is a priority, but not yours? Bullshit. You pay rent. If your roommate wants to be alone, she should go into her room and close the door.
Calculate how much that hour a day costs and have her pay that extra amount per month.
NTA. Literally at 8 PM she’s knocking on your door… That means you’re holed up in your own room minding your own business. She needs you to leave? After you’ve been home all of an hour and a half and you’re not even interacting with her.
Is her dealer coming over or a trick what’s the deal here because that’s totally unreasonable.
YIKES ON BIKES. If your roommate needs “alone time” when you’re in YOUR home then she is the one who needs to go to a coffee shop. Your BF is being and AH as well. Wanting to be in the home you pay for rather than being “uncomfortable” working in a coffee shop doesn’t make you an AH.
Try this. Tonight at 7:45 get the jump on her and tell her you’re working on your dis and need some “alone time” and ask her to leave for an hour or so. I’d love to hear how she reacts.
I’m assuming that you each have your own bedrooms?
NTA – She knocked on a closed door to ask for alone time? WTF. You pay rent. It is your home. Tell her to buy a quieter vibrator if she is embarrassed.